The Painful Birth of Awareness

[spacecadetglow]

Hi friend, how is everything? Today is day 2 of quitting cigs for me. Going to phase out the weed more slowly, maybe do it every other day, then every 2 days, etc... we'll see how it goes.

[allis1]

Originally Posted by DominicJackson

I am thinking smoking weed is not very helpfull to me particularly with the physical problems I have. Do you have any experience with this? Your view on weed? I guess its a dumb question considering everyone is different, but I have smoked pretty much every day for 10 years and the doctors cannot find anything wrong with me. I am not sure if it is physical products of the transition I am giong through or if its directly because of my reliance on weed and smoking tobbacco.

yes. much experience with the weed. the biggest pitfall is going deeper into the illusion. it seems that the weed is offering a higher state of consciousness when it is actually offering a better illusion, but an illusion nonetheless.

[DominicJackson]

Originally Posted by allis1

yes. much experience with the weed. the biggest pitfall is going deeper into the illusion. it seems that the weed is offering a higher state of consciousness when it is actually offering a better illusion, but an illusion nonetheless.

Wow yeah I can totally see that man!
It blankets things and keeps us from finding fulfilling experiences in life because we find them sitting in a bedroom on our own. Love, exitment, adventure, these things life is made of are easily accessible after a toke or two without leaving the house. The amount of lost opportunities in my life meh. wont bother thinking like that.

[DominicJackson]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

Hi friend, how is everything? Today is day 2 of quitting cigs for me. Going to phase out the weed more slowly, maybe do it every other day, then every 2 days, etc... we'll see how it goes.

Hey!! Good to hear from you :-)
Thats awsome I think as we grow spiritually the urges for fags and weed will go as we start to see the truth more and find that magic in ourselves these things will fall away. They are just replicas of real human emotions found through experience! Good luck and I am on the same boat just keep tricking my self to thimnk I want to do it: SMOKE.
When I was 16 I cut into my arm with a scalpal, I wrote: "Dont smoke". I thought it would make me stop having a constant reminder there, obviously not I am 27, ten years of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. And a stupid looking scar. It was that important to me and I could see how it was effecting my life on every level, I feel like I would have grown more if I hadn't been baked of my tits through my crucial years (15-20) of development. Also I know it has effected my mind, I remember the transition and my vocabulary diminishing, thi8ngs becoming fogged. Now I look at my dad who cannot remember my name for minutes sometimes and think that will be me if I smoke everyday for 40 years.

Sorry for rant.

Just remember what you WANT to do not what you feel like doing or think will make you feel better (in regards to addiction) anyway you sound more sorted than me in that respect (understanding internal emotions and conflict).

Love Peace and blueberries.

[spacecadetglow]

Originally Posted by DominicJackson

Hey!! Good to hear from you :-)
Thats awsome I think as we grow spiritually the urges for fags and weed will go as we start to see the truth more and find that magic in ourselves these things will fall away. They are just replicas of real human emotions found through experience! Good luck and I am on the same boat just keep tricking my self to thimnk I want to do it: SMOKE.
When I was 16 I cut into my arm with a scalpal, I wrote: "Dont smoke". I thought it would make me stop having a constant reminder there, obviously not I am 27, ten years of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. And a stupid looking scar. It was that important to me and I could see how it was effecting my life on every level, I feel like I would have grown more if I hadn't been baked of my tits through my crucial years (15-20) of development. Also I know it has effected my mind, I remember the transition and my vocabulary diminishing, thi8ngs becoming fogged. Now I look at my dad who cannot remember my name for minutes sometimes and think that will be me if I smoke everyday for 40 years.

Sorry for rant.

Just remember what you WANT to do not what you feel like doing or think will make you feel better (in regards to addiction) anyway you sound more sorted than me in that respect (understanding internal emotions and conflict).

Love Peace and blueberries.

Dom! Your post was oddly synchronistic for me. My dad has also smoked regularly for 40 years.

I really liked the point you made about remembering what you want, and differentiating that from what you feel like. I feel like that switched a light bulb on in my head that had been waiting for probably years to be turned on. I often can't tell the difference, you know?

I think what you're saying about these urges naturally falling away is true, too. That's what I was getting at awhile back in the thread. I was thinking on the way to work this morning, too, that weed for me is becoming a tool that's outgrown its use. It's definitely served a purpose in my life for all these years, and I'll probably continue to do it somewhat frequently recreationally, but I do see myself using it less. When I'm high, it takes me WAY longer to settle into a meditative state, and I'm much more interested in exploring the modes of consciousness that yoga and meditation can bring about these days. I think it'll be a whole new way of existing for me (it's already starting to be). Lots of luck to you! You still off the fags, right?

[DominicJackson]

Glad that helped we need to share this stuff. I always think I will never smoke again and before I know it I have fallen into my urges and forgotten the master plan. I am not still off the fags unfortunately but kinda gave up again today but wanna smoke later already! :-(
We need to remember that those urges are not us and it is only the complex relationship between our mind made ego's and bodies. Thinkgs are a lot simpler and less destructive to our bodies. Why do we need to inhale burnt plant matter to feel peace and happy? Why can we not just be happy with ourselve? Maybe we are not happy and thats why we smoke? Maybe if we did more that we really wanted to do and were happier then we would be less prone to smoking? Grrr I just want it to be easy!! Why do I want to smoke? My body is telling me to stop in so many ways and I am still doing it? I def will not smoke weed though, it seems some of my symptoms get worse when i do and I get all confused and wierd, it makes me feel stupid about the way I look and I just dont want to do anything. Just need to feel like I am good at something again find that spark of creativity.

Stupid Fags.

Stupid weed.

Leave me alone both of you I dont need you in my life.

[DominicJackson]

Its funny but I am actually feeling pretty godd the last few days.
Not feeling bad about my ex, not texting all the time (lost my phone), just looking inside me at what I want. Waht I wish for and what I love. What i do not want and what is special. Making things, being an artist. Moved my room around so I feel comfortable working in their. Cleaned things, get rid of old stuff I dont want. Just need to sort out my Phone contract that i hate so much and I will feel completely free!!!

I think a lot of it is giving up wee for over a week now and i am not doing it again. A weight has been lifted, I do not judge so much and aactually feel connected to other people instead of always looking down on them. Weed effects me in a very negative way and I see it in my father I think its genetic. I will be happy and free from it now and create things. Just need to get rid of the fags next.