Huge Breakthrough....So much makes sense to me now

[renie408]

I began my latest spurt of personal development a couple of months ago because I was struggling with depression and felt like if I didn't figure some things out, I wasn't going to make it. I started with The Secret and worked my way through a lot of books on the LOA and I/M. Through that process, I found this website and began to be exposed to different ideas on SR and other things. I began listening to Eckhart Tolle and much of what he says really resonates with me. I have had a really hard time with SR, Steve's polarity stuff, with certain public tragedies and other things. On a gut level I cannot buy some of the interpretations of SR that I have read here. I don't think you can think away scarves on women's heads. I don't think I created my husband and kids. But then I was reading another post on this forum and something Dharma said just went CLICK in my head. I realized that the 'I' I have been referring to and to which most people here refer is NOT the collective 'I'. This is a small semantic detail which totally changes the meaning of everything. Most people I read are using SR to actually REINFORCE their separateness, not to end it. The part of them which likes the idea of being totally in control of their reality is the ego, not the true 'them'. When I look at all of 'us' in quotation marks, things really start to make sense to me.

When 'I' think of the Big Bang as an event which separated a single thing into an infinite variety of smaller bits, that makes sense on a scientific level. When I think of the Big Bang as an event which separated a conciousness into an infinite variety of aspects of itself, that makes sense on a spiritual level. The I which creates my reality is not this separate 'I' who has a name and an address and two kids and a husband. That 'I' is one of the separate aspects, yet not truly any more separate than one cell in 'my' brain is separate from another. The 'I' who is the creator of my reality is the greater 'I'. I think the greater 'I' is looking for completion, to reintegrate its aspects. All of us are parts of that effort. It explains why 'we' are always striving so desperately for completion within our 'selves'. And why we can never attain it. Because we are struggling for a SEPARATE completeness, not an INTEGRATED completeness.

When I look at the world this way, it is as if I have never seen it before. It explains morality and do unto others and why random acts of kindness increase our happiness and that of people around us. We are ALL us. Whenever you are cruel to another, you are in actual fact cruel to yourself and working AGAINST your greater purpose of integration. It's why there is a god and we are it. It's why darkworking IS false. If you work selfishly, you work AGAINST your greater purpose of coming together. It explains the LOA and why you need to REALLY understand the why's of the things you want. If you want them for completion, that is a false wanting. It explains to me what Tolle means when he says EVERYTHING is your practice. Through ANYTHING you do, any relationship you have, your work...ANYTHING, you can find an opportunity for unity and for growth.

I have probably not expressed any of this well. It is all so FRESH in my brain and feels so strange to me right now. But of anything I have ever thought or felt, it feels so RIGHT.

[Andy]

Congrats Renie! Yes, so many things begin making sense after identifying with "everything" instead of believing to be just the body and that everything else is "not real."

[Angela]

You expressed it very well, Renie408. I love what you said: "We are all us."
We don't have to do anything to be related and connected; we already are. I look forward to reading about your further explorations of your breakthrough.

Love,
Angela

[Adam]

It gives new meaning to "the I of God" if you'll pardon the pun...

But, yes, I absolutely understand where you're coming from. It is a long journey to get to this point of understanding, and it opens up a view of an even longer journey... I'm glad the journey is so fun.

[renie408]

Originally Posted by Adam

It gives new meaning to "the I of God" if you'll pardon the pun...

But, yes, I absolutely understand where you're coming from. It is a long journey to get to this point of understanding, and it opens up a view of an even longer journey... I'm glad the journey is so fun.

I am not sure about 'fun'. It feels compelling to me, as if I am driven to understand these things. I feel like a bomb has detonated in my head.

And what was so hard just yesterday, suddenly feels easy. I have been struggling so hard with unconditional love. I have had a huge problem with ego and superiority. But after this morning, I feel like I want to hug everybody I meet. I went into the bank just now and I swear, I had to resist the urge to tell the teller I loved her. And I have wanted to cry all day. Not sad tears, I don't think. I just feel really raw. My mother came by and we have always had such an up and down relationship. But I feel so grateful to her now, but maybe that is not the best word. Appreciative? I looked at her with completely new eyes. I could see all the struggles she has been through. Her own problems with ego and with raising four kids and dealing with my father without the benefit of the personal development movement (she is 75). I am ashamed of the harsh feelings I have had for her in the past.

This is a huge thing that has happened to me, but Adam is right. I have just managed to FIND the path. Now I have to learn how to walk it. It almost feels overwhelming.

Do I sound like a geek? My ego is telling me I sound like a geek.

[Adam]

You don't sound like a geek... at least, not as much of a geek as I sound like sometimes. (When you work with computer code all day, it tends to slip into your normal speech patterns.)

Rather, you sound like someone who has just had a real revelation, and the thoughts are still very abstract and untried. Remember the feeling of the thoughts, rather than any words that you may try to put the thoughts into. Your feelings will serve you as well as your logic.

[Angela]

You sound like an inspired, inspiring, loving, joyful person, and I'm grateful to hear about what you're REALizing in your life, because it's my life, too.

Love,
Angela

p.s. you seem to have all the "A"s here pulling for you!

[renie408]

Originally Posted by Angela

You sound like an inspired, inspiring, loving, joyful person, and I'm grateful to hear about what you're REALizing in your life, because it's my life, too.

Love,
Angela

p.s. you seem to have all the "A"s here pulling for you!

No problem. I am glad I can produce for the home team, LOL.

And thanks to the A's, all of you, for the support. I reckon I will be working on getting the hang of this for the rest of my life. I 'feel' you are me and we are now pulling together, but I still need to work on separation, too. It is so multifaceted. Alone, it feels very simple. Blindingly simple. Interacting with other personalities, it feels abstract and strange.

This is so cool. I have either gone completely crazy or entirely sane.

[Yev]

Well done Renie. Things make much more sense when we work them out for ourselves rather than buying into (sometimes at considerable expense!) some guru's canned philosophy. The whole SR, I/M, LoA thing makes sense for people who grew up playing computer games and always using the cheat codes. They start to believe that life is like that and that they can short-circuit the hard work and pretend there is no reality. I find the concept of SR totally depressing. If I am all that there is, and everything else is a matrix-like simulation in my head and under my control, it actually makes the pursuit of achievements and relationships meaningless. It would just be one big ego trip of my relationship with me.

I prefer to accept that I am part of nature. Other beings are just as capable of self determination as I am. My relationship with them depends on both of us working towards a common goal. Some things (eg tsunami's) are random events over which I have no control, and for which I feel no responsibility. But that does not stop me feeling compassion for the victims or prevent me from helping them.

Welcome to the wonderful world of reality and love.

[renie408]

Originally Posted by Yev

Well done Renie. Things make much more sense when we work them out for ourselves rather than buying into (sometimes at considerable expense!) some guru's canned philosophy. The whole SR, I/M, LoA thing makes sense for people who grew up playing computer games and always using the cheat codes. They start to believe that life is like that and that they can short-circuit the hard work and pretend there is no reality. I find the concept of SR totally depressing. If I am all that there is, and everything else is a matrix-like simulation in my head and under my control, it actually makes the pursuit of achievements and relationships meaningless. It would just be one big ego trip of my relationship with me.

I prefer to accept that I am part of nature. Other beings are just as capable of self determination as I am. My relationship with them depends on both of us working towards a common goal. Some things (eg tsunami's) are random events over which I have no control, and for which I feel no responsibility. But that does not stop me feeling compassion for the victims or prevent me from helping them.

Welcome to the wonderful world of reality and love.

It seems to me that we are all struggling for completeness. Depending on our degree of ego control, we struggle in different ways. They struggle their way, I have struggled mine (and will continue to struggle, I imagine). The thing is for us to love each other while we are at it and give each other the room and help we need to grow. We need ALL the parts, they are all equally important. A baby that cannot walk is no less competent or valuable than an Olympic athlete. They are just at different stages of development.

[Dharma]

Wonderful renie.

[renie408]

Originally Posted by Dharma

Wonderful renie.

Thanks. I am very much a work in progress. I am telling you, it is funny how your own kids can REALLY test your ability to love unconditionally sometimes. I thought I was going to strangle my 11 year old tonight.

And I like to argue. I have a REALLY hard time backing off of an argument. But I feel more like I have a clue now. I can see it when I look around, how we are all interconnected. I don't have all the answers and never will, I imagine. But that doesn't seem like that big a deal any more.

[MyFutureSelf]

Originally Posted by renie408

My mother came by and we have always had such an up and down relationship. But I feel so grateful to her now, but maybe that is not the best word. Appreciative? I looked at her with completely new eyes. I could see all the struggles she has been through. Her own problems with ego and with raising four kids and dealing with my father without the benefit of the personal development movement (she is 75). I am ashamed of the harsh feelings I have had for her in the past.

I had the exact same experience, almost to a tee, with my own familly recently. It kind of feels like you're unlocking one of the many padlocks we've put on our own hearts. Its like it's easier to "breathe" now... but I don't quite know what to do with this extra breathe I have, I guess the solution is to keep breathing more and more deeply.

[renie408]

Originally Posted by MyFutureSelf

I had the exact same experience, almost to a tee, with my own familly recently. It kind of feels like you're unlocking one of the many padlocks we've put on our own hearts. Its like it's easier to "breathe" now... but I don't quite know what to do with this extra breathe I have, I guess the solution is to keep breathing more and more deeply.

That is such a good way of putting it. You mean it spiritually, but I literally thought I was going to hyperventilate at one point this morning when these thoughts started hitting me. I had read and heard of other people having those kinds of reactions and always thought they were kind of cheesy. But that was how it was for me.

[MyFutureSelf]

I actually meant spiritually and physically haha. It really does feel easier to breathe, like im using a part of myself I never had before, or shut out... both spiritually and physically . That's so awesome that we've shared similar experiences, I hope, nah... know your path will be as rewarding as mine has been this far.

Peace, Sam.

[renie408]

Originally Posted by MyFutureSelf

I actually meant spiritually and physically haha. It really does feel easier to breathe, like im using a part of myself I never had before, or shut out... both spiritually and physically . That's so awesome that we've shared similar experiences, I hope, nah... know your path will be as rewarding as mine has been this far.

Peace, Sam.

It is cool.

I think I am going to have to take a sabbatical from forums. I think I need some mental space to get my head around this stuff and to be...mentally alone (?) with these thoughts for awhile. My ego is too easily sucked into argument and wanting to prove it is right. I know that this could be powerful practice for me, but I don't think I am ready for it. I have already fallen off the unconditional love wagon because somebody made icky comments about Al Gore. That seems kind of crazy to me, so I think I need to get some space for a time.