You are the average of the five people you hang with most

[Angela]

I read that in Jack Canfield's wonderful new book about Success, and it really struck me. In other words, if you spend a lot of time with people you want to be more like, then they'll bring up your average, and if you hang out with Lower Companions, they'll bring down your average.

Do your five people raise or lower your average? What do you feel about this?

[norbert]

I believe it is true to some extent. However you surely have some values that are so strong that you'd never leave them. After losing my "Topmost" Companion I have to be around many Lower Companions temporarily but my values are still with me and I'm constantly looking for new people to overcome this.

[Shaden]

I think the idea has it's merits. But I also think it depends what value you place on friendship. If you're a very outgoing extrovert then you're likely to spend a lot of time with people and be influenced by their nature. But if you're a loner and an introvert, like myself, then I don't think you're going to be too affected by other people.

[BanditFlyer]

I like it. Very interesting idea, and it certainly seems to ring true.

[Rin]

Very interesting. My father used to tell me, "you are the company you keep" at a time when he didn't quite approve of my "company," and I was annoyed with his words at the time, but nowadays I quite see the merits of it.

But oh dear! I've just realised that my five best friends are middle-aged, middle-class ladies who lunch!

How did it come to this?

[Yukio]

This seems to be like some form of 'Descendant' IQ ...
Some people needs positive stimulus , others with a Ascendant IQ , maybe not need the things in the same 'scale'.

By the way, there could be a similar thing in the other mental abilities and aptitudes ...

[autumn]

Originally Posted by Shaden

I think the idea has it's merits. But I also think it depends what value you place on friendship. If you're a very outgoing extrovert then you're likely to spend a lot of time with people and be influenced by their nature. But if you're a loner and an introvert, like myself, then I don't think you're going to be too affected by other people.

I agree with Shaden. I'm such a loner, I'm not even in a situation were I have co-workers. The only time I'm really around my co-workers is during shift changes. It is nice to see them, & the only other people are my husband (he certainly brings up my average!) & customers at work (they kind of drive me crazy, but I'm learning to strengthen my heart center & feel more loving....so that's probably bringing up my average, I would think, despite the conditions that make me nuts).

But I'm pretty darn introverted & soooooo different then anyone I know!!! Most people would freak if they knew what was going on with me half the time (mostly 100% good stuff....just, really out there stuff...lol)

[Lychee]

Originally Posted by autumn

I agree with Shaden. I'm such a loner, I'm not even in a situation were I have co-workers. The only time I'm really around my co-workers is during shift changes. It is nice to see them, & the only other people are my husband (he certainly brings up my average!) & customers at work (they kind of drive me crazy, but I'm learning to strengthen my heart center & feel more loving....so that's probably bringing up my average, I would think, despite the conditions that make me nuts).

But I'm pretty darn introverted & soooooo different then anyone I know!!! Most people would freak if they knew what was going on with me half the time (mostly 100% good stuff....just, really out there stuff...lol)

*high five* I'm a loner too! Excuse my enthusiasm, it's just nice to see fellow loners around here. I'm pretty introverted too so not many people have that much influence over me.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Angela

I read that in Jack Canfield's wonderful new book about Success, and it really struck me. In other words, if you spend a lot of time with people you want to be more like, then they'll bring up your average, and if you hang out with Lower Companions, they'll bring down your average.

Do your five people raise or lower your average? What do you feel about this?

I am a most fervent believer that you tend to become like those you hang around with... however, what has not been mentioned here is the fact that you are not restricted to hang around successful people physically...

...you can also do it by reading biographies and mentally associating with those exceptional people... plus you can also use emulating techniques... and get to be a little more like them...

.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by BanditFlyer

I like it. Very interesting idea, and it certainly seems to ring true.

I did hang around you for a little over a year... and what did it get me...??? three to five years with possibility of early parole for good behavior... that's what...

.

[autumn]

Originally Posted by Shamou

...you can also do it by reading biographies and mentally associating with those exceptional people... plus you can also use emulating techniques... and get to be a little more like them...

.

Oh yes, books & such are probably where I get a lot of my association too! I also visit this forum a couple times a week, but even here I am a little careful about what I read. Sometimes on forums I've read scary stuff or critisism that has stayed with me for days, which isn't as fun sometimes, as being alone with my own fun little mind....LOL.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Rin

But oh dear! I've just realised that my five best friends are middle-aged, middle-class ladies who lunch!

Rin, on the outside, they appear to be middle-aged, middle-class ladies who lunch. But who are they really? Ask yourself about each lady, what do you learn from her, and what does she learn from you? Ask each lady herself: what do you want in life? what is important to you? what is missing in your life that would make a difference if you generated it?

Then you'll see the hidden influences she has on your life!

@Autumn and @Shaden: Even the most extreme introverts are still influenced by other people. Think of how much the authors you read have made a difference in your life. And for some introverts, the producers of television shows, video games, and movies have a tremendous impact on their lives.

Ah, Autumn, it looks like we were posting the same thing at the same time. Great minds, right?

[BanditFlyer]

Originally Posted by Shamou

I did hang around you for a little over a year... and what did it get me...??? three to five years with possibility of early parole for good behavior... that's what...

.

I'm a bad influence. I've been wondering why my friends all seem to lose their jobs, their hair and their front-teeth after having known me for a while. "Hey Buddy, don't complain, at least you have your health .... errrmmm ... nevermind. ..."

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by BanditFlyer

I'm a bad influence. I've been wondering why my friends all seem to lose their jobs, their hair and their front-teeth after having known me for a while. "Hey Buddy, don't complain, at least you have your health .... errrmmm ... nevermind. ..."

Still... I must say that you do a pretty good job as the local village priest...

.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by autumn

Sometimes on forums I've read scary stuff or critisism that has stayed with me for days, which isn't as fun sometimes,

You should welcome the Criticisms... it prepares you for the real world... I have faced so pretty bad wars in other forums and it has been a very beneficial experience...

What I do when faced with personal attack or criticism is something that I learned from Donald Trump... I just tell myself, "Nothing personal... it's just business..." and, it works every time...

.

[Yukio]

Persons with Descendant IQ.
Some agencies were intended into the selective process, trying to find those individuals.

One preoccupation is that those with a possible higher IQ would be "ruined" by the process in school and the neighborhood.

Probably this was one of the fear of the United States (amount others) govern.
The Gifted program was intended to help future bright children.

[Rin]

Originally Posted by Angela

Rin, on the outside, they appear to be middle-aged, middle-class ladies who lunch. But who are they really? Ask yourself about each lady, what do you learn from her, and what does she learn from you?

Well, off the bat I can tell you that despite being a little staid, they are dear, funny ladies who really know how to enjoy life. My own life is immeasurably better because of their kindness, and their humour. (Their husbands don't quite approve of me though ... think I'm a bad influence, and so I am! )

I could do with a bit more diversity in my life, though.

[Nelson]

The whole theory is BS. You are not the average of your 5 closest reationships. You are the apostle of the most charismatic people you can meet on a daily or near daily basis.

I learned this in high school after coming in from home school. During home school I had to force myself to go out and make friends without a premade social environment, so I became friendlier and more charismatic. At first I was walked all over and succumbed to peer ideas instantly. But eventually I learned the lesson that I am independent and my values are mine. Unless I want to change I'm not going to.

A lot of people have not learned to stick to their values - they just try and match the coolest person they know (to an extent of course, no one tries to be an exact clone) and end up as apostles.

When I went into high school knowing that my values were not going to be changed by others a funny thing happened. All my friends became my apostles. They copied my laugh, or my style of dress, or the slang I use, or my beliefs on controversial issues.

Suddenly, I realized that if you change just because you are around someone then you have a very weak character. If you meld into your surroundings then you aren't going to stand strong and be recognized, you're just another sheep. Being a sheep isn't a problem if you want to be a sheep - that is if you want to be average. But if you want to rise above and actually be somebody, be it rich, famous, deeply spiritual....whatever, then you need to establish a strong character.

Why be someone else when you can be you?

If you are still being changed by your peer group then take a day off from them and focus on yourself. Decide what values and goals you think are the best choices, come to your own conclusions based on what you think and feel is right. Once you start to form solid values that won't be changed then you are a strong character.

The point of having a strong character is that you don't waste time making decisions that aren't congruent with who you are. When you decide that one of your core values is "I am thin - now and forever - no matter what it takes," it doesn't matter if you hang out with Jabba the Hutt, you will become thin and stay thin. By having strong values you will have much greater willpower and clarity in life.

Jesus Christ is the prime example here. (you don't have to believe in Jesus to use this metaphor so christ-haters should take a Valium and chill out) Jesus was a strong character. Although he was surrounded by criminals, whores and greedy tax collectors on a daily basis, he remained morally pure and righteous. Righteousness was one of Jesus' core values and nothing/no one could change that.

So decide today that you are going to choose and develop a strong character and reap the benefits of rising above the average.

[BanditFlyer]

Originally Posted by Nelson

The whole theory is BS. You are not the average of your 5 closest reationships. You are the apostle of the most charismatic people you can meet on a daily or near daily basis.

Yeah, your post rings true also. First thing I'm thinking is " I am the apostle of the 5 closest relationships I have, which are mostly relationships with people I have a lot of respect for. I don't normally respect people for being "the most charismatic", so most of the people I have respect for(and therefore am an apostle of) are anything but charismatic."

Originally Posted by Nelson

I learned this in high school after coming in from home school. During home school I had to force myself to go out and make friends without a premade social environment, so I became friendlier and more charismatic. At first I was walked all over and succumbed to peer ideas instantly. But eventually I learned the lesson that I am independent and my values are mine. Unless I want to change I'm not going to.

A lot of people have not learned to stick to their values - they just try and match the coolest person they know (to an extent of course, no one tries to be an exact clone) and end up as apostles.

When I went into high school knowing that my values were not going to be changed by others a funny thing happened. All my friends became my apostles. They copied my laugh, or my style of dress, or the slang I use, or my beliefs on controversial issues.

That's a very good point. I can definitely see that happening.

Originally Posted by Nelson

Suddenly, I realized that if you change just because you are around someone then you have a very weak character. If you meld into your surroundings then you aren't going to stand strong and be recognized, you're just another sheep. Being a sheep isn't a problem if you want to be a sheep - that is if you want to be average. But if you want to rise above and actually be somebody, be it rich, famous, deeply spiritual....whatever, then you need to establish a strong character.

Would you still call a person a sheep if they if they are the apostles of stong ideas (regardless of the source(person) of those ideas) rather than strong characters?

Originally Posted by Nelson

Why be someone else when you can be you?

If you are still being changed by your peer group then take a day off from them and focus on yourself.

My peer group's not a bunch of idiots. They have ideas that I value and have respect for. Ideas that I have to critically analyze before deciding to NOT let them change me.

Originally Posted by Nelson

Decide what values and goals you think are the best choices, come to your own conclusions based on what you think and feel is right. Once you start to form solid values that won't be changed then you are a strong character.

The point of having a strong character is that you don't waste time making decisions that aren't congruent with who you are. When you decide that one of your core values is "I am thin - now and forever - no matter what it takes," it doesn't matter if you hang out with Jabba the Hutt, you will become thin and stay thin. By having strong values you will have much greater willpower and clarity in life.

Jesus Christ is the prime example here. (you don't have to believe in Jesus to use this metaphor so christ-haters should take a Valium and chill out) Jesus was a strong character. Although he was surrounded by criminals, whores and greedy tax collectors on a daily basis, he remained morally pure and righteous. Righteousness was one of Jesus' core values and nothing/no one could change that.

So decide today that you are going to choose and develop a strong character and reap the benefits of rising above the average.

Ironically(), your message changed me(for the reasons I mentioned before). Does that make me a sheep?

Great post!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Nelson

The whole theory is BS....Jesus Christ is the prime example here.

Nelson, I believe that christians consider Jesus to have been rather strongly influenced by at least one of his constant companions -- his father, who sacrificed his son so that etcetera etcetera. My understanding is that Jesus was not completely keen on this "dying for our sins" business, hence the "why hast thou forsaken me?" outcry, among other ineffectual protests against his fate.

[YouseffTheSheep]

Mathematically, that doesn't make too much sense.

Suppose you have six people isolated togethor, individually they would then have to be the average of five other people, and it would be a weird circle of cause is effect, effect is cause.

Aside from that smart-ass response; I disagree. People are very alike in anycase, give or take a few of the characteristics that contrast... Especially you are alike with the people you hang out with most, that's why you hang out.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by YouseffTheSheep

I disagree. People are very alike in anycase, give or take a few of the characteristics that contrast... Especially you are alike with the people you hang out with most, that's why you hang out.

What do you mean when you say that "people are very alike"... Do you mean that Jack The Ripper is like Mother Teresa...???

.

[Yukio]

It seems rater obvious that most people over here don't have any idea about what their are typing ...Biased (pre) concepts, why all this? Isn't easier to just type the correct answer !? Probably it would be cleaver if someone else knew about what the topic creator was asking for ...

In Christianity and other religions and believes if is considered a fair comparison.
Like asking what are your companions.
Spiritual gifts and Aura powers are rumored to be stimulate by external factor, including the average climate of the area ... Most person don't even knew how to stimulate Lucid Dreaming . (tip: has something to do with climate and RAM).

[Yukio]

IQ Scores.

[Cantando]

Originally Posted by Angela

In other words, if you spend a lot of time with people you want to be more like, then they'll bring up your average, and if you hang out with Lower Companions, they'll bring down your average.

It's just another gimmicky, sound byte that sounds hip. All it means is - you are influenced by the people you associate with. Any person who deliberately goes out to curry favour with certain people for personal gain and snobbishly avoids those who don't meet their criteria, is just being superficial and manipulative, and is basically pretty insecure.

[ken nubo]

Eh yeah it's somewhat true.

But I'm cooler then the high school girls I hang out with!

[openeyes]

A person can certainly be influenced by the people they spend time with, but also one is apt to be drawn to those who already share much of one's worldview, meaning the five people one spends the most time with are likely to be those one already had quite a bit in common with.

People that know my brother and I say we're nothing alike and can't believe we're related. We share a certain level of irreverance, strength, and intelligence, but our behavior is very different, particularly in that he can't control his temper, while it's virtually impossible to make me anything but calm and joyful (an intensely fun mix).

My behavior derives much more from books that I enjoy, and insights that I've gotten from observing the world around me. It's rare that I meet anyone quite like me. The closest would be my dad and my best friend, though as one becomes more advanced in development, a lot of variation comes up.

I'd be fine with being more like my friends though. All of them are excellent people, and wonderfully ticklish

[Yukio]

It is the crystallized Intellect.
When you find to much negative persons it probably will affect your confidence.
Stress and depression would cause a delay (retardant) in the reactions. This could influential IQ and Psychic tests ...
To much T.V. or low quality Mass Media could reflect into a bad personality too. Poor vocabulary and learning disabilities should be a (bad) side effect.

This seems to have a repercussion on the Bell Curve.