My situation

[drama07]

Felt like telling someone rather than keeping it inside me. I understand that I'm not my ego, and that my ego is all about suffering.

Today, I was at college and began talking to this girl I liked. Because I'm so conditioned to put my happiness on the line for this girl to like me, I got very nervous and stuttered, mumbled, looked like a fool. She even looked turned off and wouldn't continue talking to me.

I tried not to react to the situation, but it was nearly impossible. I ended up feeling depressed. I tried convincing myself that it was experience and there were so much positives to the whole situation. But I stayed depressed and everytime I thought about it, it hurt.

I dont know what to do. I try every advice here and when those situations happen where the advice matters a great deal, I cant apply it. Judge says to not care, not react, but I still care and still react nonetheless. What do I do? I cant help wanting approval of others even if I know its my ego wanting it, and not me. *sigh*

[Susanna77]

I cant help wanting approval of others even if I know its my ego wanting it, and not me. *sigh*

One of my favourite author's Dr. Wayne Dyer likes to incorporate the following quote when people tell him that they care about other people's opinions "whatever you think of me is none of my business".

How could anyone function if we had to have everyone's approval? It's impossible. Why pursue a task that is not possible?

Do you read any books on self-development to help you out?

[drama07]

Originally Posted by Susanna77

One of my favourite author's Dr. Wayne Dyer likes to incorporate the following quote when people tell him that they care about other people's opinions "whatever you think of me is none of my business".

How could anyone function if we had to have everyone's approval? It's impossible. Why pursue a task that is not possible?

Do you read any books on self-development to help you out?

I been reading tons.

How could I function? hmmm. I do understand its impossible to please everyone. But I do admit I lack social skills and well every single person I talk to has this awkward view about me. I sometimes make no sense at all. I have a very quiet type during my childhood, so I hold all responsibilty.

I feel it'll be very difficult to improve my social skills when im desperate to be outgoing/social to make me happy. I cant find anything that makes me happier , than being social. But since i lack social skills, I avoid social situations in fear i'll make a fool of myself. I KNOW ITS MY EGO TALKING, BUT... I cant help put myself in it.

[Ontowhere]

You have to want to do it. I was the same, when I was younger, I am almost thirty now and I can tell you, it's not that hard. Another hump, before the next one.
Try to get a job somewhere, where you have to interact with people. If you can. Like a rerstaurant. Somewhere, where you have to talk a lot. And practice. Don't take yourself to seriously, either. Learn to laugh at yourself.

[Susanna77]

I know what you're talking about. I am (no where near as bad now but still not outogoing). I was the shyest person in any group I was in. I've always been terrified of speaking in class (so I never have). I found ways to escape doing presentations at school. I'd be terrified of speaking to boys.

I felt so low I can't even begin to tell you. Well, I can. You know what's like very well.

It'll get better. It's a bit painful but as you go through life you learn coping skills.

I hated going out with friends at night because I hated the crowds, the flirting games and all that. And dancing? I don't do dance. Still don't. I never believed when any guy approached me with a compliment, because it had to be a lie.

I married one of the many pen pals I had (yes before computer age);we built a good relationship as friends and when we met in person we took it to the next level. We liked the same rock band and we were in the same fan club (that happened to publish people's addresses in their newsletters) and that's how we got in touch (to exchange band material, etc).

Read more about Law of Attraction. I think it worked for me here. I remember writing down on paper people's names and then I picked three to be my pen pals. My husband's name came out 3 times and I kept throwing his name back on the pile because I thought he was too old (6 years older) and a guy. But 3 times was weird and I thought "oh well".

I'm telling you all this so you know you're not alone. You're allowed to be shy. Not everyone needs to be outgoing. The universe is working behind the scenes for you. Trust IT.

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by drama07

Felt like telling someone rather than keeping it inside me. I understand that I'm not my ego, and that my ego is all about suffering.

Today, I was at college and began talking to this girl I liked. Because I'm so conditioned to put my happiness on the line for this girl to like me, I got very nervous and stuttered, mumbled, looked like a fool. She even looked turned off and wouldn't continue talking to me.

I tried not to react to the situation, but it was nearly impossible. I ended up feeling depressed. I tried convincing myself that it was experience and there were so much positives to the whole situation. But I stayed depressed and everytime I thought about it, it hurt.

I dont know what to do. I try every advice here and when those situations happen where the advice matters a great deal, I cant apply it. Judge says to not care, not react, but I still care and still react nonetheless. What do I do? I cant help wanting approval of others even if I know its my ego wanting it, and not me. *sigh*

There seems to be an epidemic of opening up on this forum and it's helped me so much. I found that the answer lies not in what I am doing but in who I am being. Your being is there in your own words.

You don't approve of yourself and want others to. When you do approve of yourself, you won't need their approval.

Desiring to connect to others is a natural desire. Approve of yourself for that and see where it takes you. Warmest regards.

[Judge]

Originally Posted by drama07

Felt like telling someone rather than keeping it inside me. I understand that I'm not my ego, and that my ego is all about suffering.

Today, I was at college and began talking to this girl I liked. Because I'm so conditioned to put my happiness on the line for this girl to like me, I got very nervous and stuttered, mumbled, looked like a fool. She even looked turned off and wouldn't continue talking to me.

I tried not to react to the situation, but it was nearly impossible. I ended up feeling depressed. I tried convincing myself that it was experience and there were so much positives to the whole situation. But I stayed depressed and everytime I thought about it, it hurt.

I dont know what to do. I try every advice here and when those situations happen where the advice matters a great deal, I cant apply it. Judge says to not care, not react, but I still care and still react nonetheless. What do I do? I cant help wanting approval of others even if I know its my ego wanting it, and not me. *sigh*

You think there is a part missing in you, so you want to fill it with......this girl, this money, better health, more success. If life is perfect and complete, why is there lack?

In truth there is no lack, but we create lack on purpose so we can become whole again.

Personal development isn't actually about being a better person, or to fill the void in your life, it's about seeking why we are not complete, why we are not whole. You're perfect, but how can you know that unless you create lack and become imperfect?

You don't want to become a whole perfect person, you require lack to come into balance with what you are. Personal development isn't about developing your person, it's about becoming whole again and to achieve that while in the dream.

The girl, the house, the money, the love, the health can never fulfil you. You can have it all and that's nice, but it's not why you chose the lack. To fill the missing piece, you need to seek why it's missing in the first place.

Judge

[drama07]

Originally Posted by Judge

To fill the missing piece, you need to seek why it's missing in the first place.

How do I go about seeking it? I cant convince myself everything is perfect by re-aligning my ego. During extreme situations such as these, I'm unable to NOT react and observe - it's a burden to do. I do realize everything but it is not enough to decondition the sense of egoism from myself.

[Judge]

Originally Posted by drama07

How do I go about seeking it? I cant convince myself everything is perfect by re-aligning my ego. During extreme situations such as these, I'm unable to NOT react and observe - it's a burden to do. I do realize everything but it is not enough to decondition the sense of egoism from myself.

Then continue being an ego, continue getting upset, frustrated and react.

I can't save you, no one can.



Don't worry, it's not so bad

This bad thing is actually a good thing

You want answers, not mystical, spiritual fancypants words that make you feel like you have to sit on a mountain top to understand it all.

Can't quieten ego?
It won't let you?

Then let it run, instead of trying to subdue it, let it go berserk.

Use your ego to empower your situation.

Ever seen the film Mask with Jim Carrey?

Take the situation you find so painful, awkward, terror and go the complete opposite. Imagine the (girl) situation with your mask on. Your ego is a mask anyway, so put the berserk, fun, crazy mask on. It has to be better than the scared, stuttering, fearful ego mask you tried.

If you're not ready to accept your ego is a complete falsehood, then at least use the mask that is fun!

Try it, you can't make the situation worse and you'll feel better.

Judge

[SuavePlaya]

It's a burden to do because your ego hates it alot and it convinced you to believe it's such a burden to do(not react). The problem with the girl thing was you put this girl on a pedestal in your mind, how can you be comfortable when you put so much pressure on yourself. Why would you want to react with your mind when it's conditioned to think this way about every girl you like. If you want to react to your mind just remind yourself of all the nasty things women go through for example they go through pms, they have to use the bathroom like us guys 2, they might have bad breath(this might be hard for you to do since you are so conditioned). When you do not react to your mind she isn't the goddess your mind makes her out to be, shes just a normal girl.

[Johnny5]

Hi Drama07

Your story sound like me, when I was in my twenty's. I had very low self-esteem, and had trouble to find words to communicate with people; especially talk to girls.

I never thought I got an ego or something. I knew for sure, I had fear. When I grew up, my parents always criticize everything and every time I made mistake. They never show me the right ways or the way they wanted that should be done.

Other people say that I am a shy person. I don't see it that way. I see that I had fear of criticism and fear of rejection.

To overcome all those problems, I run, I jog, and I work out every day to build my self-confidence. I practiced meditation analyze the problems until I can see and understand the problems very well. I forgave all the people who criticized, blame, and hurt my feeling from childhood until present moment. When I did that, I have lesser and lesser of anger and fear of criticism. My mind becomes poise with self-composure. I can communicate with people better. It took me about two years to feel confident about myself. Right now, I am enjoy myself being in my own skin. When I have self-confidence, and with no fear of criticism....man people come to me....men and women. They want me to be their friends. Anywhere I go, I don't feel lonely anymore.

The girl that I loved, want to leave me; I said to her "go ahead leave, before you leave just let me know, and I will help you packing." For ten years, she never leave. It felt very good to have self-confidence and no fear of criticism.


Build Self-confidence and get rid of fear of criticism

Best Regards,

Johnny

[dancer]

Originally Posted by drama07

I tried not to react to the situation, but it was nearly impossible. I ended up feeling depressed. I tried convincing myself that it was experience and there were so much positives to the whole situation. But I stayed depressed and everytime I thought about it, it hurt.

Did you try accepting what you were feeling?

[SimonaRich]

You should understand that all people are different. Some will love you, some will hate you. And that is perfectly fine because without these opposites it would be boring to live.

I am sure you will meet someone that adores you. Just keep being positve, there are millions of nice girls around!