Close to release

[The Cloud]

I believe that I am close to a final release of the ego. More and more, I've been realizing that thoughts and feelings are all distractions from IT, IT being that unnameable unspeakable force of existence. I've been experiencing a nearly continuous dull sense of frightened anticipation, similar to the feeling that I get right before I give a public speech, but I have nothing concrete to be nervous about.

There are times when I am feeling/doing/experiencing a sense releasing, only to become distracted by what I can only describe as panic. I get a tremendous sense of foreboding, my breathing becomes quick and shallow, and I get a hot prickly sensation that I discovered after a little research is associated with panic attacks. The novelty of this sensation becomes distracting at the time, but I'm convinced that when I finally become able to let go of it that there will be something final behind it. After these episodes, things become clearer. Sights and sounds somehow become more real, more pure. Relationships become more meaningful and I just get a sense of what I can only call love from the smallest things.

I'm writing this asking for guidance, if any can be given. I have a feeling that I am beyond advice at this point, and have to make the final leap as myself, but I am willing to listen to anything anyone has to add that could be helpful.

[mark7]

have you been consciously trying to let go of ego, or is it something you feel is just happening to you ?

also do you have a strange sense that something is coming, or going to happen but dont know what it is ?

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by mark7

have you been consciously trying to let go of ego, or is it something you feel is just happening to you ?

also do you have a strange sense that something is coming, or going to happen but dont know what it is ?

I've been consciously trying, which is when I get the sensations of panic that distract me. It gets kind of hard to concentrate when I'm experiencing weird physical reactions that I've never had before.

I get a sense that something is bending, and about to break.

[fellowtraveler]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

I've been consciously trying, which is when I get the sensations of panic that distract me. It gets kind of hard to concentrate when I'm experiencing weird physical reactions that I've never had before.

I get a sense that something is bending, and about to break.

Considering that you just finished telling me elsewhere that we can know nothing except through the glorious process of "scientific" investigation, I suggest you ask Mr. Wizard. He'll no doubt inform you of your impending nervous breakdown.

The tension is caused by your clinging to negativity while at the same time knowing there's more, but being too negative to accept it...'round and 'round...

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by fellowtraveler

clinging to negativity

Says the pot to the kettle.

[dancer]

Can't provide guidance, but have a question... Are you present to your resistance to the fear?

I wish you a gentle and peaceful journey.

Fellowtraveller: I'm not sure there is such a thing as a nervous breakdown or were you being sarcastic?

[fellowtraveler]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Says the pot to the kettle.

You couldn't be more wrong..actually I've been releasing it like crazy, myself. Which is why I hesitate to engage negativity any more than necessary - but in this case I thought I'd give a try helping you along.

No worries...it'll come to you.

[fellowtraveler]

Originally Posted by dancer

Fellowtraveller: I'm not sure there is such a thing as a nervous breakdown or were you being sarcastic?

It's just an antiquated broad term that covers a lot of what could happen.

When I'm being sarcastic I go like this:

[mark7]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

I've been consciously trying, which is when I get the sensations of panic that distract me. It gets kind of hard to concentrate when I'm experiencing weird physical reactions that I've never had before.

I get a sense that something is bending, and about to break.

hmmm, i think your having a problem trusting your own inner voice or conscious, and are reluctant to believe its telling you the right thing.

if this is the case the best thing to do really is just go with it, jst give it a week to see how it goes where you just go with or act on the new feelings, and not your old ways of doing things.

when nothing actually goes wrong over the space of a week, this may give you the kickstart to let go of all the rubbish that is holding you back, there really is nothing to fear except fear itself

what are the strange physical reactions you talk about ?

oh as for the feeling that something is about to break, ive had that for years, and it seems to get stronger every month, ive learned to live with it now, but what is coming i dont know, but something is, i can feel it, its for want of a better word like antisipation, but you dont fully understand what your in antisipation of lol

maybe the big kahuna is coming ??? i really dont know

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by fellowtraveler

You couldn't be more wrong..actually I've been releasing it like crazy, myself. Which is why I hesitate to engage negativity any more than necessary - but in this case I thought I'd give a try helping you along.

No worries...it'll come to you.

Thanks . I should have known better than to assume you were being negative for negativity's sake.

Originally Posted by mark7

hmmm, i think your having a problem trusting your own inner voice or conscious, and are reluctant to believe its telling you the right thing.

Well duh! You're right, of course. It really is a lack of trust, and I think the panic sensation is a symptom of that. It's not really me that is panicking, but rather panic is happening and I'm aware of it. That is the physical sensation that I was talking about. The hot prickly rush, the shallow breathing, the feeling of dread, the racing heart, all hallmarks of a traditional panic attack (I had to look it up, as I've never experienced anything like a genuine panic attack). But I don't feel like it's my panic attack, more like it's a panic attack that is happening somewhere. And it gets worse, the more I allow myself to let go, to the point where it's kind of like an itch that I've been trying to ignore but just have to scratch.

That, more than anything, convinces me that this is a final hurdle. The fact that my mind is physically rebelling against this can't just be hapstance. That and the fact that it doesn't really bother me that I'm having a minor panic attack (the hot prickly feeling convinces me that it is genuinely a panic attack, since a lot of individuals with Panic Disorder report just such a feeling and I have never felt it before in my life).

[mark7]

well if im right in thinking you feel this as a physical sensation, ie. its not just in your mind, have you tried focusing on this feeling and all its attributes one at a time in turn.

when i was first experimenting with meditation, for months i would get a heavy pulse feeling in my belly, sometimes it would un-nerve me, but most of the time it was just a downright distraction to letting my mind go.

then someone on another forum i used to frequent told me, the next few times it does it, just focus on that feeling with your mind, picture it, sense where it is coming from and so on, so i did and within a week the feeling went away
strange i know, and im still unsure how it worked but it did

[fellowtraveler]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

I get a sense that something is bending, and about to break.

As an explorer soul, it's my obligation to tell you what my dear old Pap (who jumped over Normandy to the lasting sorrow of a number of Nazi gentlemen) told me...just grab your balls and jump, boy!

Just be sure to pack your 'chute well - I believe there are people who post in here who actually do care about their brothers and sisters (including me) and can be more sincerely helpful than all the inane "intellectual" arguing would reveal.

[Pequod]

Originally Posted by mark7

have you been consciously trying to let go of ego, or is it something you feel is just happening to you ?

Cloud, this was a very good question and from your answer I get that you are trying to force this 'letting go of ego'. Now the important question (and main problem) is: "Who is trying to let go of the ego?"

The answer is that it is the ego itself! Part of the ego ("spiritual ego") sits on the throne for a while and decides that it is time to let go of the ego. This is impossible, and even if something happens, you're still left with some ego.

So it is always impossible to let go of the ego from motivation by the ego. Any movement of the mind to achieve a result like that is always doomed to failure. This is one of the paradoxes of the spiritual path of course.

About the negative feelings that arise, if you're feeling courageous, just let them be and feel them completely. Usually the feeling will go bye. Then the fog is gone and hopefully you'll enter the higher realms.

Let us know what happens!

[Plato]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

I believe that I am close to a final release.

Sounds like my Friday night.

[straysweeper]

I myself feel at times, maybe not that my ego is about to go, but that a pain that I carry is about to be healed.

If you are me, and I am you. I say let the walls down, release your wings and fly, feel the freedom. Be patient, for if it is happening, then it has already happened.

[Andrew Brunelle]

The War on Ego

That's all I have to say.

[bellemeadows]

This releasing is the hardest thing. This is where the dark night of the soul comes into play; and believe me, it can be much darker than you could ever imagine.

One thing that helped me was the Sedona Method. The whole method is about releasing. I got the cd set, and worked with it. It worked wonders.

I think Lester Levinson became enlightened through merely releasing. If you read some of his stuff, that is really what he is teaching. But the method itself stands on its own. You don't need to believe in enlightenment to use it and have it make a huge difference.

I have some other suggestions; think of your thoughts as furniture in the mind, and walk around them, or set them out on the streetcorner for someone else to take home. Don't sit in any of them, as it is time to let them go. You can expect them to come back again and again, but as you are less invested in your thoughts being of you, they become less and less important, while the space between them becomes broader, and wider and more expansive. Until then, just walk around them.

Let any attachment to emotions go too. You don't need them; why would a being that is all love need emotions. You don't.

There is a death that comes with enlightenment. It is the death of the old you, so that you might be reborn as your Self. If part of you claims you are killing it, or you are dying, or you find yourself grieving, agree with it, go with it. Let it go, too. Part of you is dying, but it is not the real part, it is just the part you believed was real. Its not real, and you will feel only relief in its passing. So let it go. This provides space for the real Self of you to enter in and dwell within your conscious awareness. It is fabulous; you are love, instead of a person expressing love.

I bless you for having the faith and courage to move forward. Blessings, and more blessings to you, Belle

[bellemeadows]

One more thing; you spoke of making this leap alone. It isn't so. The entire universe and beyond supports you in making this transition. You were alone before. Now you will never be alone, as you will be with your Self.

As odd as this sounds, your Self is the beloved you've longed for. Rest in that, and let the Self in. Its love is reflected from each pair of eyes you see, in the trees, in the water, in the dawn and the dusk, and the night. The universe would be empty without you, and now all holds its breath, hoping in any way possible to support you through this process so you can experience your Self fully.

This is one reason I love ACIM. This transition you are experiencing; whenever I am in that place of fear, I pick it up and the words now have a life to them for me. Immediately the charge is released, for me. It may not be so with you, but it has been so supportive to me in making this transition. The Sedona Method, too. . . . really huge blessings to me.

You are not alone; You now find your Beloved everywhere. Again, I bless you, and I hold you in the light! Belle,

[The Cloud]

Thank you all for your support and advice. I have been "different" lately. I put it in quotations because I haven't exactly been different; it's more like I've been the same, differently.

Specifically, there was a small episode of depression I was having over this Thanksgiving weekend. I was at home, and while I love most of the people there, there is one person there that is powerfully able and willing to put a damper on any festive occasion, and even more so for any other occasion. I was rather depressed due to residual negative feelings that I'd generated there in the past. So I was lieing down, and I thought to myself "Why am I depressed?" Then I just sort of realized that I wasn't really depressed, and I wasn't anymore. It wasn't like I found a reason to not be depressed, or otherwise manipulated the feeling or the beliefs behind it. I just stopped being what I wasn't. That seems to me like it should have been the strangest thing; anybody that has ever felt depressed would agree that it never just "isnt' there." But it seemed completely normal and natural, just like I wasn't doing anything different at all. If anything, I'm boggled by not being boggled. That wasn't the only thing, but it was the most definable.

[dhg]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

There are times when I am feeling/doing/experiencing a sense releasing, only to become distracted by what I can only describe as panic. I get a tremendous sense of foreboding, my breathing becomes quick and shallow, and I get a hot prickly sensation that I discovered after a little research is associated with panic attacks. The novelty of this sensation becomes distracting at the time, but I'm convinced that when I finally become able to let go of it that there will be something final behind it. After these episodes, things become clearer. Sights and sounds somehow become more real, more pure. Relationships become more meaningful and I just get a sense of what I can only call love from the smallest things.

This is so similar to what I've been experiencing! The situations in which it has happened to me, has also been ones in which I consciously try to let go. I've also had this strong sense of something breaking, of a tremendous energy building up to be released. However, I haven't yet had the courage to take the leap into this unknown, fully letting go of control.

I guess the one way to find out what it's all about, is to dive in, however scary.

[themaster]

I thought this was one of the better written explanations I've seen on here about the thoughts that go on in our heads..

How To Tell the Difference Between Your Ego, Logic, Spirit Guides and Intuition

[Wombels]

Hello,

I'm new here, and this is my first comment, hope it might be of use one way or another, :-)

Please know, I’m not sure what your understanding might be of a final leap, but from what I read, you shouldn’t focus on that either.

There are few reasons why you are dealing with panic attacks.

Whenever your conscious awareness expands while bringing you this feel of Oneness and unity, it is important to “await” the next level to present itself, to focus upon it like some kind of a goal is not advised.

In order to allow a shift in consciousness to manifest itself, it is important to understand one needs to let go of one in order to accept the other: REALITY

The fear is when you find yourself lingering in between both, the reality of your daily life and the unknown one knocking at your ego.

Your ego is not happy with this, therefore whenever you allow your ego to control your inner, mind and thoughts, to freak out will be following out of that.

So, when not letting go, your mind and ego will take over and fill you with this ice cold sensations of panic.

A way to deal with this fear is to drain yourself physically, not in terms of sports or labor, but rather by cutting down your sleep in order to become in need of rest, I assume you are not sleeping very well either.

To seek out solitude is another important need in order to get a smooth shift going.

In order to deal with the fear there is a need to explore were its rooted within YOU and confront it.

Each time you find yourself in between both, you need to (now) realize, there is no logic to be found in whatever you might be experiencing regardless of what manifestation might present itself upon the path you are walking.

So, it’s ok if sensations and thoughts of YOU becoming crazy are filling your thoughts!

You will have to trust yourself in understanding whenever you shift and expand in awareness, ALL you regarded as such craziness will become crystal clear while make all sense in the world, ONLY to you that is.

Why? Because you will for the first time in your life start to see were others remain blind!

So, there is no use to talk, share and express your emotions in your surroundings, because it will not be understood anyhow, and you will become subjected to ridicule when doing so.

Whenever you are near to shift, try to remain calm and let yourself go with the flow of what is taking place, don’t try to think of what is taking place, just become and let yourself glide by the feel of it!

From what I have written down here, only use what you are willing to accept.

Good luck,

Greetings Wombels

[mercuryrising]

I've been getting back into doing yoga after a long, long (long) break. I noticed that on many of the instruction videos I've seen, there isn't much teaching on what to do with your mind while you are in a certain pose. And they don't spend much time in any one pose; nothing longer than what it takes to get through understanding the mechanics.

Something I have found in just practicing is that the mind is part of doing the pose. Where there is tension, you massage it with the mind so that it can release. When the mind is separate from the body, the body tends to seize up as it attempts to match the ideal form in the mind.

Perhaps we could say that the ego is this tension, stress in its most common form. That might be a good definition because we all know what stress is and techniques to remove it. When I think about anyone whom I would consider ego-less, they are completely free of stress. They aren't worried about anything, they don't think they should be doing something besides what they are doing and they aren't starting any drama with anyone.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Wombels

Hello,

I'm new here, and this is my first comment, hope it might be of use one way or another, :-)

Please know, I’m not sure what your understanding might be of a final leap, but from what I read, you shouldn’t focus on that either.

There are few reasons why you are dealing with panic attacks.

Whenever your conscious awareness expands while bringing you this feel of Oneness and unity, it is important to “await” the next level to present itself, to focus upon it like some kind of a goal is not advised.

In order to allow a shift in consciousness to manifest itself, it is important to understand one needs to let go of one in order to accept the other: REALITY

The fear is when you find yourself lingering in between both, the reality of your daily life and the unknown one knocking at your ego.

Your ego is not happy with this, therefore whenever you allow your ego to control your inner, mind and thoughts, to freak out will be following out of that.

So, when not letting go, your mind and ego will take over and fill you with this ice cold sensations of panic.

A way to deal with this fear is to drain yourself physically, not in terms of sports or labor, but rather by cutting down your sleep in order to become in need of rest, I assume you are not sleeping very well either.

To seek out solitude is another important need in order to get a smooth shift going.

In order to deal with the fear there is a need to explore were its rooted within YOU and confront it.

Each time you find yourself in between both, you need to (now) realize, there is no logic to be found in whatever you might be experiencing regardless of what manifestation might present itself upon the path you are walking.

So, it’s ok if sensations and thoughts of YOU becoming crazy are filling your thoughts!

You will have to trust yourself in understanding whenever you shift and expand in awareness, ALL you regarded as such craziness will become crystal clear while make all sense in the world, ONLY to you that is.

Why? Because you will for the first time in your life start to see were others remain blind!

So, there is no use to talk, share and express your emotions in your surroundings, because it will not be understood anyhow, and you will become subjected to ridicule when doing so.

Whenever you are near to shift, try to remain calm and let yourself go with the flow of what is taking place, don’t try to think of what is taking place, just become and let yourself glide by the feel of it!

From what I have written down here, only use what you are willing to accept.

Good luck,

Greetings Wombels

My thoughts exactly . I was actually attempting polyphasic sleeping the first time I felt the warm pricklies.

[NexusOfCompletion]

You are creating a concept of a final release. You are therefore limiting yourself. Stop thinking about it. Just let go. These are only words, much like a boat used to cross a river. When the shore is reached, you must abandon the boat.