You're supposed to be unhappy.

[The Cloud]

When I hear or read about enlightenment, it's always good things. You're one with all the puppies and kitties and stars and trees and babies in the world. It's always made out to be profoundly positive and awesome.

What never is mentioned is that you're also one with death and decay, misery and starvation. That stick-figure child in Africa with the pot-belly? That's you. That corporate executive that snorts coke and pays women for sex so that he can cheat on his wife and ignore his children? That's you.

But these things are all very abstract to most of us. There are miseries that hit much closer to home. Your miserable job, your miserable family, your miserable life? That's you, too. The schizophrenic cousin, the verbally abusive step-father, the worthless boss, the bank that took your house. This is your life.

But that's not the saddest thing. The saddest thing is that you're taught that you're not supposed to be this way. You're not supposed to be miserable, you're not supposed to hate your job or your wive or your life in general. So you spend all of your life wondering why you're so miserable, going on only because happiness is supposedly right around the corner. Sometimes you think you're happy, but then find that it was just sick desperate hope and that you're now even less happy than you were before you thought you had it. That girl that might just be interested in you, or that promotion that might just be what you needed. It was supposed to be great, but as it turns out it's just another disappointment in a life that seems to have little else.

I know I'm not speaking to all of you with this. Some of you have figured it out already. But I also know that I'm speaking to the vast blinded miserable majority of you. Your life sucks because it's supposed to suck. Happiness isn't just around the corner, and you're never going to catch up to it. You can stop pretending that you're supposed to be better or more; you won't be. You'll always be miserable, pathetic, and powerless. Hope is an illusion, a rose-scented compost heap. Your life is a tragedy, and hope is the poison you use to wash it all down.

[dave marshall]

Well that's helpful!

Hopefully you will lookback at this post and realise you are making HUGE genralisations. I am gald that my journey has led me to the opposite conculsion and my life experience reflects that optimism and positivity.

You get what you focus on and unfortunately are obviously focusing into one area. If you look at the world with open eyes you will see far more positivity than you are expressing, thankfully,

dave

[Acting Like Godot]

The generalisations ARE huge.

"Your life is a tragedy" ... ?

Please. My life has had its ups and downs; some sad moments, some fearful ones, some unhappy times. However, to call it a "tragedy" is really highly exaggerated melodrama.

[Elrond]

Aren't you a little old to be emo?

If ones life is never going to be better anyway, than there is no use in whining about it. One might as well sedate oneself with "hope". It's the best option.

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

You were delusional. It's not your fault, it's a deception that's been foisted on generation upon generation for time without end. You will never be more successful than you are right now, you will never be happier than you are right now, you will never be less unhappy than you are right now, and you will never be smarter than you are right now. You've been lied to, told that there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But the rainbow never ends. You can keep on chasing it, though, if you want to. Or you could accept that what you are, bad as it may seem, is what you are. Because the illusion, often called hope, is that you can be something other than that.

*cries*

[Buttercat Apocalypse]

Seeing as everyone's being so NEGATIVE (yes YOU - you are negative - two wrongs don't make a right, NEGATIVE!!!) I'd just like to say I love your post. It's not the whole of reality but it's a facet which people need to be able to see. Heartbreak is inevitable on earth; so long as we are human we are fragile. Better meet pain on your own terms rather than cover your eyes.

[Acting Like Godot]

LOL, but a lot of the post isn't even logical. For example:

You can stop pretending that you're supposed to be better or more; you won't be.

I mean, how can it be logically possibly that you definitely WON'T be better?

You either will be better, or you will be worse. To say that you will DEFINITELY be worse, is as illogical as saying that you will DEFINITELY be better.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Your miserable job, your miserable family, your miserable life? That's you, too. The schizophrenic cousin, the verbally abusive step-father, the worthless boss, the bank that took your house. This is your life.

Rather than say that you're supposed to be unhappy, it makes more sense to say that you're not supposed to be happy or unhappy.

Life is not a drama with you as its star, with everything arranged for your comfort and pleasure. Not only are there not any guarantees that things will go as you wish; there are not even guarantees that things will ultimately work out to your satisfaction. But, neither are there any guarantees that it will ultimately work out to your dissatisfaction.

It just is what it is.

In practice, it's a mix of pleasure and pain and, if you so choose, suffering.

You are probably reacting against a naive, irresponsible or overly Pollyanna-ish view of life, still grieving the loss of your perfect world.

♥♥♥♥ happens. So do embarrassments of riches. Make the best of both. Be flexible.

Right now I have been bereaved of my wife who died in a spectacularly painful and slow way, have lost my faith, and have given up on love. However, I am also making $100 an hour doing work that is so easy for me I could do it in my sleep; work that I enjoy and for which I totally set the hours -- including to a large extent, the number of hours. I work at home and have no commute. I am debt free except for a mortgage I'm on track to pay off 6 years early. I have exactly the people in my life that I choose to, no more and no less. I have achieved my dreams in terms of my avocation. I expect to retire early and travel. My health is good.

So it goes. You know how they say, "I can't complain"? The implication being, I'm tempted to, perhaps would even like to, but I recognize that it could be much, much worse? Well that's where the expression comes from. Everyone has heartaches and things they didn't choose and don't like. I could easily become a hermit and be mad at god and the world, if I so choose. I don't really find it difficult to choose otherwise. It's certainly more pleasant.

Now my brother's life took a somewhat different tack; his marriage and his personal fortunes went to ♥♥♥♥ simultaneously, and twenty years later, he's still not fully recovered. My guess is, he may never recover. But he does manage even so to take pleasure in little things and remain hopeful.

Hope springs eternal in the human breast. It appears to be both a blessing and a curse. So it goes.

--Bob

[Angela]

Originally Posted by SonoranBob

Rather than say that you're supposed to be unhappy, it makes more sense to say that you're not supposed to be happy or unhappy.

Exactly! Supposed by whom?!? I don't suppose you're happy or unhappy, and what anyone else supposes about my happiness or unhappiness is none of my business.

It's no accident that "suppose" and "suppository" both come from the same root origin.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by Angela

Exactly! Supposed by whom?!? I don't suppose you're happy or unhappy, and what anyone else supposes about my happiness or unhappiness is none of my business.

It's no accident that "suppose" and "suppository" both come from the same root origin.

I understand and enjoyed your wry repartee with words here, but in this context, "supposed to" means "most people assume this is the way it should go and therefore this outcome becomes their supposition".

The truth is, suppositions, defaults, and assumptions start out as a shorthand for understanding life but unless you're willing to drop them and pick up new ones as the situation develops and new information becomes available, they become straight jackets instead.

Much suffering comes from an internal dialog that is some variation on, "this isn't the deal I signed on for!" The truth is your understanding of the deal has suddenly become more complete. Now you have to adjust.

To me, suffering is nothing but rejecting new information and clinging to obsolete information. Or put another way, suffering is just life's way of telling you that you are rejecting reality in some way or other.

The OP's insight is that life isn't supposed to make you happy. He has turned that on its ear and said that life is supposed to make you miserable. That is a common overcorrection. They'll figure it out eventually.

--Bob

[fellowtraveler]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

When I hear or read about enlightenment, it's always good things....What never is mentioned is that you're also one with death and decay, misery and starvation...I know I'm not speaking to all of you with this. Some of you have figured it out already.

You're damn right some of us have.

What I've also figured out is that nothing happens for nothing. If the lesson isn't seen in it, it will repeat...over, and over, and over...

Hope you get to feelin' better, Cloudie. Hope it's just somebody pissed in your Wheaties this morning. Do like I do...check the obituaries, and if yer name ain't there, it's a good day.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by SonoranBob

I understand and enjoyed your wry repartee with words here, but in this context, "supposed to" means "most people assume this is the way it should go and therefore this outcome becomes their supposition".

Yes, same thing I was saying, Bob. Who are these "most people"? How am I to know what their assumptions are, and why are their assumptions about the way it *should* go my business? Most people, schmost schmeople. "Most people assume" is itself an assumption.

If it's The Truth that "most people" assume it should go that everyone is happy, that doesn't affect The Truth about whether or not I am happy.

And if it's NOT The Truth that "most people" assume it should go that everyone is happy, well... ditto.

Maybe it's god or the universe that does the supposing (or the assuming that this is the way it should go.) God, the universe, most people, everybody, no one, me.... all the same thing.

Looks like we agree, though: I'm happy or I'm unhappy; either way, that's the way I *should* be.

[The Cloud]

Just to clarify; I never said that the positive doesn't exist. Your life is a tragedy, but it's also a comedy. You can't have white without black. I'm pointing out that all the people out there trying to whitewash their black are destined to failure, because they are as much black as they are white. There's no point in trying to fill your valley if you have to raze your mountains to do it.

I was intentionally as negative as I could be, because the deception is that it's wrong. The deception is that we shouldn't suffer, and that this unhappiness in our lives should not be. Look at all the unhappy people on this forum and in this world. They're all trying to be happy, full steam ahead and getting nowhere. When they read about positive outlooks and successful lives, their thought is that they are missing something essential. "Why isn't this my life? What are they doing right that I'm not? What do I need to become, who do I need to be to have that?" This was and is me, and I have no doubt that it is most other people too.

The positive just becomes a poison; not because it's wrong, but because it's being misinterpreted by people who have no idea how to experience it. Many people read about happiness. Do they become happy? No. They become hopeful. They now have another excuse to avoid the fact that they will never be better, and that they will never be more happy than they can be right now. They never understand that enlightened people are just as miserable as the rest of us, they just know what it is and how to deal with it. The enlightened understand that heads is the other side of tails, while the rest of us try to scour one side of our coin from existence.

And if the positive can be a poison, maybe the negative can be an elixir.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Buttercat Apocalypse

Seeing as everyone's being so NEGATIVE (yes YOU - you are negative - two wrongs don't make a right, NEGATIVE!!!) I'd just like to say I love your post. It's not the whole of reality but it's a facet which people need to be able to see. Heartbreak is inevitable on earth; so long as we are human we are fragile. Better meet pain on your own terms rather than cover your eyes.

Thank you for understanding .

[Plato]

I agree with you The Cloud, simply because I believe in evolution and it's implications: that we're emotionally and mentally wired to be successful at S&R. In other words not neccessarily to experience pleasure or success according to our zeitgeist. The best we can do is to know how to push our buttons in the most enjoyable way.

[Anagogy]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

The deception is that we shouldn't suffer, and that this unhappiness in our lives should not be. Look at all the unhappy people on this forum and in this world. They're all trying to be happy, full steam ahead and getting nowhere. When they read about positive outlooks and successful lives, their thought is that they are missing something essential. "Why isn't this my life? What are they doing right that I'm not? What do I need to become, who do I need to be to have that?" This was and is me, and I have no doubt that it is most other people too.

The positive just becomes a poison; not because it's wrong, but because it's being misinterpreted by people who have no idea how to experience it. Many people read about happiness. Do they become happy? No. They become hopeful. They now have another excuse to avoid the fact that they will never be better, and that they will never be more happy than they can be right now. They never understand that enlightened people are just as miserable as the rest of us, they just know what it is and how to deal with it. The enlightened understand that heads is the other side of tails, while the rest of us try to scour one side of our coin from existence.

And if the positive can be a poison, maybe the negative can be an elixir.

I can't even begin to describe how self defeating your belief system comes across as. And as other posters have said, VERY broad generalizations.

Are you advocating just giving up? Don't you think everybody should strive for higher plateaus of fulfillment? Pain only serves one purpose -- to highlight that which you DO want. It is the catalyst for choice.

What makes you so positive that "enlightened" people are "just as miserable as the rest of us"? How do you know that? Is it because you believe you are enlightened, but are simultaneously miserable?

This is just my opinion of course, but if life has taught me anything, it's that "misery" is the result of ignorance. It isn't that negativity doesn't exist, because obviously it does at the human level; it's that its function has been grossly misunderstood by most people. Pain is not just a condition of life, its a universal message to your consciousness that you are heading in the direction you DON'T want to go. FEELING GOOD is "connection" -- FEELING BAD is "dis-connection".

Reality is a system. The system is composed of information. The flow of information is important for any system to function, whether it be your brain, the economy, the world, or the universe. When disconnection occurs in that system, dysfunction is the result. Suffering is how consciousness interprets separation.

And if the positive is poison, its not positive. And if negativity is elixir, its not negative. If we use the catalyst of pain to improve ourselves, and our life situation, the catalyst has served a useful purpose. If you mean elixir in that sense, I agree with you. But if the pain is not serving to point the way to improvement, it is no elixir, I assure you.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Anagogy

Are you advocating just giving up?

Yes.

Originally Posted by Anagogy

Pain only serves one purpose -- to highlight that which you DO want. It is the catalyst for choice.

Pain serves no purpose. It just is.

Originally Posted by Anagogy

What makes you so positive that "enlightened" people are "just as miserable as the rest of us"? How do you know that? Is it because you believe you are enlightened, but are simultaneously miserable?

I am most assuredly not enlightened. I am positive because I am unhappy, and I am real. Maybe I is just a concept to conveniently delineate a separation between what's inside my skin and what's outside it, but whether or not there is an I there is most definitely suffering happening in this place where I is defined to be. Because it is there, it is the same reality that every enlightened person is.

Originally Posted by Anagogy

And if the positive is poison, its not positive.

What does that say about your words if I use them to reinforce the negative?

[fellowtraveler]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

What does that say about your words if I use them to reinforce the negative?

That somebody really pissed in your Wheaties?

Just askin'...

[Angela]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Pain serves no purpose. It just is.

Really? I think the parents of Roberto Salazar would strongly disagree with you. Roberto has a congenital insensitivity to pain, and his life is in danger every moment of every day -- like when he was teething and he gnawed his lips, tongue and fingers to the point of mutilation. He could be ill or walking around with a broken limb but not know it, because he doesn't get the signals that pain transmits. No pain = Hell.

Emotional pain works the same way. It's there to signal you so that you may thrive. If you consistently feel bad, there's a signal you're not heeding.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Angela

Emotional pain works the same way. It's there to signal you so that you may thrive. If you consistently feel bad, there's a signal you're not heeding.

And to what end do we thrive? What purpose does life serve?

[The David]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

And to what end do we thrive? What purpose does life serve?

Sounds like you need a good dose of Existentialism.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

And to what end do we thrive? What purpose does life serve?

To expand more and more into the infinite joy, abundance, love and creative power that is who we humans are.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Angela

To expand more and more into the infinite joy, abundance, love and creative power that is who we humans are.

Why?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Why?

Cuz it's a fun game!

[Eisho]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

When I hear or read about enlightenment, it's always good things. You're one with all the puppies and kitties and stars and trees and babies in the world. It's always made out to be profoundly positive and awesome.

What never is mentioned is that you're also one with death and decay, misery and starvation. That stick-figure child in Africa with the pot-belly? That's you. That corporate executive that snorts coke and pays women for sex so that he can cheat on his wife and ignore his children? That's you.

But you are also at one with life, health, abundance,happiness and other such positive things. Understanding that you are not separated from that which is around you just means exactly that. It doesn't mean you can walk on water or summon up a gorgeous lover or not die.

I applaud what you say but you are only saying half of it. There's the positive side to things as well.

Cheers,

Eisho

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Angela

Cuz it's a fun game!

The logic is circular. I'm alive because I'm alive. Life is fun because it's fun. You can go in circles forever, but in the end logic is fatally flawed. The truth is that there is no reason, and that there is every reason. I'm telling the truth that I never wanted to hear. The truth that my life is never going to get better. There is no savior to die for me, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, there is no way to escape the fact that to live is to die. If I'm miserable, then I'm miserable. Denying it won't change anything, fighting it won't change anything, and regretting it certainly won't change anything.

I'm supposed to be happy. Why? Why, if I'm a creature that has the purpose of being happy, am I so utterly uninspired? Why, if I have a choice, am I so miserable? Why, if there is something I can do to stop being unhappy, is my every attempt to do what I want to do met with enough resistance to make it not worth the effort? The only possible answer is that I'm not necessarily meant to be happy; the only conclusion can be that I don't have a choice; the only thing that makes sense is that there isn't anything I can do about it. You can talk about infinite possibility all that you want, and I'm not saying that you're wrong. But you can't limit infinite possibility to just the positive.

Angela, you yourself have mentioned that you have to deal with your little "gremlin" of unhappiness. You yourself have said that he will never be truly gone. You may be an angel, but you are also The Beast. The fact that I've gotten such a magnificent response to this thread highlights that, contrary to popular opinion, we as a group are ignoring and devaluing the negative that is a part of us.

Most people don't really want to see it, and look at their response when I throw it in their face. Look at the aggression when I tell people that their hopes and dreams are lies and deceptions. I've never gotten even close to this kind of response to a thread that I've started before. When I tell people that I'm unhappy, I get some of consolation and maybe a bit of wisdom or good advice. When I tell people that they are unhappy, whoo-ee! Then I get a real response! It reminds me of Steve's blog post on Bear Bombing.

Frankly, I think that the response stems from the taboo on being unhappy. It's like sex, only even more unmentionable. You can do it, but you aren't supposed acknowledge it. If you do talk about it, you aren't allowed to be serious. Being miserable has become an evil that has to be expunged at all costs; but since it can't truly be gotten rid of, it is instead assiduously ignored and downplayed. You can say you're unhappy, you can maybe even act unhappy, but you aren't allowed to be connected to your unhappiness. It's always just a monkey on your back, a cross you must bear, not an integral and necessary part of yourself.

I told people that they are miserable. Why? Because they are. They are miserable, and they have no obligation to be otherwise. They don't even have an obligation to want to be otherwise.

Originally Posted by fellowtraveler

That somebody really pissed in your Wheaties?

Just askin'...

Haha I've just realized that my Wheaties have had piss in them my whole life, and that I've been trying to eat them as if they didn't.

As for my quote, the reverse is also true. What does it say about my negative words if I use them to accentuate the positive?

Originally Posted by Eisho

There's the positive side to things as well.

I think that it's been said so many times that it's lost any truthful meaning to most people. It's become a shield to protect them from worse rather than to spur them on to better.

This is personal. I am confronting my greatest (known) fear; the fear that there is no hope for the future.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

When I hear or read about enlightenment, it's always good things. You're one with all the puppies and kitties and stars and trees and babies in the world. It's always made out to be profoundly positive and awesome.

What never is mentioned is that you're also one with death and decay, misery and starvation. That stick-figure child in Africa with the pot-belly? That's you. That corporate executive that snorts coke and pays women for sex so that he can cheat on his wife and ignore his children? That's you.

But these things are all very abstract to most of us. There are miseries that hit much closer to home. Your miserable job, your miserable family, your miserable life? That's you, too. The schizophrenic cousin, the verbally abusive step-father, the worthless boss, the bank that took your house. This is your life.

But that's not the saddest thing. The saddest thing is that you're taught that you're not supposed to be this way. You're not supposed to be miserable, you're not supposed to hate your job or your wive or your life in general. So you spend all of your life wondering why you're so miserable, going on only because happiness is supposedly right around the corner. Sometimes you think you're happy, but then find that it was just sick desperate hope and that you're now even less happy than you were before you thought you had it. That girl that might just be interested in you, or that promotion that might just be what you needed. It was supposed to be great, but as it turns out it's just another disappointment in a life that seems to have little else.

I know I'm not speaking to all of you with this. Some of you have figured it out already. But I also know that I'm speaking to the vast blinded miserable majority of you. Your life sucks because it's supposed to suck. Happiness isn't just around the corner, and you're never going to catch up to it. You can stop pretending that you're supposed to be better or more; you won't be. You'll always be miserable, pathetic, and powerless. Hope is an illusion, a rose-scented compost heap. Your life is a tragedy, and hope is the poison you use to wash it all down.

This whole post resonated far blow me, and made me confused, until I read the very last paragraph and it all kind of clicked.

Everything's going to be a-okay. You don't have to be happy. You can be okay with being miserable and that's totally fine. There's nothing wrong with a **** life, it's just the reality of it all and delusion isn't going to help.

On the flip side though, yeah, I am the puppies and kitties and sunshine and lollipops and starving children and cheating hunsbands and failing depressed bankers and hateful parents and everyone inbetween. And we're all fine just the way we are. My loves goes out to all the other individuals, who are all reflections of myself. I'm just me, and you can be you, but I love you regardless. Cheat on your wife, have a **** life, cry and whine as much as you want, and I still wish you the best. I love you for being human, and for being spirit. I love you because you don't know better, and I love you because you want more, but don't know how to get it. I also love those of you who have seen the light and do know better, and I especially love those that help others to be better and achieve. In fact, in the end, I love the world.

The world isn't perfect and never will be. People can be arseholes and wankers. But in the end, you can love them all.

That's probably why I was confused. You can tell me that I can be miserable, and I completely agree, but what would you say if I said you could love the miserable world and everything in it just the same, and it would all be okay?

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Just to clarify; I never said that the positive doesn't exist. Your life is a tragedy, but it's also a comedy. You can't have white without black. I'm pointing out that all the people out there trying to whitewash their black are destined to failure, because they are as much black as they are white. There's no point in trying to fill your valley if you have to raze your mountains to do it.

I was intentionally as negative as I could be, because the deception is that it's wrong. The deception is that we shouldn't suffer, and that this unhappiness in our lives should not be. Look at all the unhappy people on this forum and in this world. They're all trying to be happy, full steam ahead and getting nowhere. When they read about positive outlooks and successful lives, their thought is that they are missing something essential. "Why isn't this my life? What are they doing right that I'm not? What do I need to become, who do I need to be to have that?" This was and is me, and I have no doubt that it is most other people too.

The positive just becomes a poison; not because it's wrong, but because it's being misinterpreted by people who have no idea how to experience it. Many people read about happiness. Do they become happy? No. They become hopeful. They now have another excuse to avoid the fact that they will never be better, and that they will never be more happy than they can be right now. They never understand that enlightened people are just as miserable as the rest of us, they just know what it is and how to deal with it. The enlightened understand that heads is the other side of tails, while the rest of us try to scour one side of our coin from existence.

And if the positive can be a poison, maybe the negative can be an elixir.

You are dead on. Both happiness and misery are all sides of the same coin. Did you know that America is probably the only country that has "pursuit of happiness" in their constitution, and ends up as one of the most unhappy nations in the world in polls...




"I am the mayfly metamorphosing
on the surface of the river.
And I am the bird
that swoops down to swallow the mayfly.

I am the frog swimming happily
in the clear water of a pond.
And I am the grass-snake
that silently feeds itself on the frog.

I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
my legs as thin as bamboo sticks.
And I am the arms merchant,
selling deadly weapons to Uganda.

I am the twelve-year-old girl,
refugee on a small boat,
who throws herself into the ocean
after being raped by a sea pirate.
And I am the pirate,
my heart not yet capable
of seeing and loving.

I am a member of the politburo,
with plenty of power in my hands.
And I am the man who has to pay
his "debt of blood" to my people
dying slowly in a forced-labor camp.

My joy is like Spring, so warm
it makes flowers bloom all over the Earth.
My pain is like a river of tears,
so vast it fills the four oceans.

Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and my laughter at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.

Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up,
and so the door of my heart
can be left open,
the door of compassion"

~Thich Nhat Hanh

[Ecce Homo]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Why?

Why not? Because you say I'm supposed to be unhappy? Hasn't it occurred to you that you are doing the same thing you have accused others of doing, only on the negative side?

I think I like Bob and Angela's take on this. It seems to me that reality includes both positive and negative (and neither) and that there is no reason to "be" either other than your own choice. Yes, you say that kind of thinking is circular and it probably is, but so what?

But on the flip side, good for you for writing a provactive and interesting post. These kinds of posts can be very helpful, if for no other reason than to expand our thinking. Thanks!!!

[ZHereford]

Interesting post!

As Shakespeare said (Hamlet): "There is nothing either good or bad - but thinking makes it so".