Advice is appreciated...

[JJwTheCrew]

Hello, I am new here. Please bare with me, I am trying to think of ways I can ask the questions I have. My friends here, none of them really understand what I am talking about so all I get is a "i don't know."
Anyway, I have read several diff books, the most recent ones were by Sandra Ann Taylor. I have also read all the books by Esther and Jerry Hicks as well.
I have been learning this whole law of attraction for about 2-3 years.
I have used affirmations, and really felt optimistic and had that impulse feeling. Heard that voice in my head, that gut instinct and everything. Had faith and trusted. Still, it seems to me that when I am calm and have faith and don't worry about things, it goes sour. If I stress, and get panicked then it goes my way. This contradicts everything I have read.
I would like some advice...my biggest confusion I have right now is my last relationship. When i met him, I had that gut instinct, "voice" saying this is the man you will be with for the rest of your life. We were happy for a while, and then things started to become complicated. I stayed calm and visualized positive things, not giving energy to the negative. Things got worse and worse and worse. Now we are broken up. Haven't spoken to one another in over 2 weeks. We sent maybe an email back and forth and that was it. I am confused to why I ever heard that voice or felt that instinct.
I have been more and more calm each day, believing that if it's really meant to be then God/Universe/Source will work it out.
I almost feel bipolar, bc on one hand I feel really calm and good. I have been out doing things I like/love, and been optimistic about life in general. I have really been focusing on loving myself. (that was a problem for a while). I have been working on trust, bc yes in my childhood there were issues and it took me forever to trust anyone or anything.

When it comes to finances, I have noticed if that my sister and I wish the same thing it happens immediately. It's more than just a coincidence at this point. But its only with money...nothing else.
So i know that energy and law of attraction works...but I am still so confused with the other areas of my life. Since none of my friends really studies this I have no one to ask questions or talk to.
Half of me completely rejects my ex...on one hand I believe I deserve better, on the other hand, I miss him terribly. Then I feel guilt about what happened. And then I remember what he did, and then I don't feel guilty. I go back and forth with this and I want to release it.
I also meditate everyday, btw.
Any advice is appreciated. I guess what I really need is a mentor or something. Thanks in advance.

[AJames]

Hi. To be up front I don't deal with LoA or any of it because i got alot of other stuff to settle but maybe the answer lies with You have to want it with your whole self. I am supposed Bi-polar and so is my husband and its described just as you said half is here half is there. Your sometimes like this then other days your like that.
You said it your self half yourself wants this but your other half knows this is best...
or something to that anyway.. maybe you have to want something with all your being and your mind isn't putting forth the intention right because your wishy washy. Half your self puts forth intention but your being doesn't help follow through... I hope this helped alittle.
A.James

[fellowtraveler]

I dunno...sounds like you're still resisting. There are many contradictions in the world of spirituality but they can all be true at the same time.

I would work on digging even deeper into yourself - it's tricky separating what you know is true from what "you" want to be true.

I would advise you to just be open and accepting and trust the Universe. On the rare occasion when I've been allowed to peer into the real Reality, the dominate theme has been a quiet, calm "It's OK. Everything's going to be fine, child. Do your best and be happy."

I wish you peace.