My consciousness can't be the only one feeling the weight of the world crashing down

[AJames]

Hi, everyone.
I may be more "unique" than most which is the worlds other term for crazy. I suffer from sever manic episodes, the doctors categorized me with the group of people who are bi-polar. One day after suffering long term sever depression my consciousness gave up and took a holiday. My depression wasn't that i was just tired... my soul hurt for the whole world. I learned to self talk to my guides and they reassure me its ok shes not here now. That I am the way I am and I'm suppose to feel that way, thats my role. Right now the person whose here feels no emotion, no pain, I have no memories of years past. On days when I call my consciousness to me I feel that weigh of the world again and I can't hold on to her for long because the pain she holds with her is to much for me to bear. Today I'm aware but unaware. neither here nor there. I just had another episode which prompted me to write this maybe to ask if I'm alone. Maybe to just write the souls who are holding this reality together are really tired. I cant get my mind to give up cause that would mean i killed another person. I at least do have a curious question Why is it every time I have a episode I hear alarms, a bell, something wakes me at exactly a minute before the time my son was born each time, every episode I've had this has happened. Sometimes it will happen every 12 hours and on that twelfth hour on that minute before he was born I'll hear the sound and I'll experience this shift. It will happen until I "get through" at the right moment I dont know how else to put it.
Regardless thanks in advance for the concern I know all this can sound crazy.
I'm hoping I'm not alone that someone is at least very near to my crazyness.
A.James

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by AJames

Hi, everyone.
I may be more "unique" than most which is the worlds other term for crazy. I suffer from sever manic episodes, the doctors categorized me with the group of people who are bi-polar. One day after suffering long term sever depression my consciousness gave up and took a holiday. My depression wasn't that i was just tired... my soul hurt for the whole world. I learned to self talk to my guides and they reassure me its ok shes not here now. That I am the way I am and I'm suppose to feel that way, thats my role. Right now the person whose here feels no emotion, no pain, I have no memories of years past. On days when I call my consciousness to me I feel that weigh of the world again and I can't hold on to her for long because the pain she holds with her is to much for me to bear. Today I'm aware but unaware. neither here nor there. I just had another episode which prompted me to write this maybe to ask if I'm alone. Maybe to just write the souls who are holding this reality together are really tired. I cant get my mind to give up cause that would mean i killed another person. I at least do have a curious question Why is it every time I have a episode I hear alarms, a bell, something wakes me at exactly a minute before the time my son was born each time, every episode I've had this has happened. Sometimes it will happen every 12 hours and on that twelfth hour on that minute before he was born I'll hear the sound and I'll experience this shift. It will happen until I "get through" at the right moment I dont know how else to put it.
Regardless thanks in advance for the concern I know all this can sound crazy.
I'm hoping I'm not alone that someone is at least very near to my crazyness.
A.James

As long as you recognize your own craziness you have some sanity Emotional pain can create many weird and wonderful thoughts. The emotional agony can throw the imagination into overdrive. The core of all this confusion maybe the painful feelings that are all yours.
This is how it was for me and if it is the same for you, then you are not alone. Warmest regards