Trouble connecting with people of lower a consciousness/frequencies of energy

[seo1]

Having trouble connecting with one person in particular though... my mother.

It seems I have to strain just to be around her. She doesn't pick up on anything and I have to explain everything to her. Then she doesn't understand what it is I'm trying to say (ex. energy, feeling, sensing). It drains me just to be around her. It also seems that the life force eminating from her is inherently negative. She tries to mask her negative energy but it always appears fake.

I know she tries but she's just a really difficult person to be around. She's so closed off she can't feel a thing. I know I can't change her but how do you deal with these types of people if you have to interact with them on a daily basis?

I can't talk to her about problems of a psychic nature because she's so spiritually unconscious. She has no context to understand the way things are connected and that is core aspect of my being. Therefore, it is almost impossible for us to connect to one another.

She exists purely within the physical can see anything beyond what's right in front of her face.

Has anyone else faced similar problems?

[dave marshall]

Hi,

i think this is fairly common, and luckily my parents were open to this before I was born, however others I have know have had this issue. May I ask, what is it that you want from your relationship, I mean if you hade to place into one sentence what you want from her, or from the relationship, what would it be?

dave

[Jarrod]

Focus on listening to her.

Understand her needs and then let compassion guide your actions.

If she does not want to change then just lead by example.

[seo1]

I think what I want most from our relationship is a sense of understanding and acceptance on both of our parts.

I've paid attention and understand the manner in which she operates but I feel like she wants to understand the person I am but just can't comprehend most of what I say or my actions.

She's very emotionally sensitive but has trouble understanding anything beyond the physical.

It's like bashing my head into a brick wall everytime I talk to her because I have to explain everything. I have to break every little detail down about my actions or my personality that she says she wants to understand. However, we just can't seem to connect.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by seo1

I can't talk to her about problems of a psychic nature because she's so spiritually unconscious. She has no context to understand the way things are connected and that is core aspect of my being. Therefore, it is almost impossible for us to connect to one another.

If you want to resolve this powerfully for yourself and for your mother, take 100% responsibility, and stop blaming your mom. This is 100% about you, and 0% about her.

Right now, your conversations are all about how wrong she is and how right you are. It's not her that's making it so hard to connect -- it's you. If you truly want connection (not to mention consciousness!) and not just Being Right, try accepting her exactly as she is and exactly as she isn't, and let go of your judgements and making her wrong.

Explain to her what you are thinking and feeling, if you must, but take 100% responsibility for it, and recognize that if it bugs you that she doesn't get what you're saying, that's your responsibility, not hers. You have 100% power to generate connection and being related; you just haven't chosen it so far.

[seo1]

I don't want to be right, I just want a sense of peace and understanding between us.

our energies just don't mix.

I've tried for years to connect with her but it just drains me trying to reach out that far and strong to her all the time.

I don't have a need to be right. That is an ego-based action. I want our interactions to flow freely instead of being a struggle everytime we attempt to communicate.

[Kwimper]

Ram Dass once said "You think you are so enlightened? Go spend a weekend with your parents!"

I know the feeling!

If a person is really at a high level of consciousness then trivial things like this would not bother them at all.

Unfortunately, higher consciousness is just another mental concept most people have added to their lives for an identity.

I say just accept her as she is. If you cant, and she still pisses you off,just leave her presence and go have a wine! You can give her some but make her sit in another room.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by seo1

I don't have a need to be right. That is an ego-based action. I want our interactions to flow freely instead of being a struggle everytime we attempt to communicate.

If you are true to yourself and your own energy, and true in pursuing your own path in life, you have to understand that not everyone will want to be a part of the journey with you.

Just like you don't want to be a part of your Mom's journey.

[dave marshall]

hi,

why is it important that she cannot see beyond the physical, can't you just accept that in her life she has not been able to wanted to explore more, is that so wrong with that? can't you simply accept her as she is and respect her life experience?

dave

[seo1]

The lack of understanding between us makes me feel disconnected from her. I think I reach out to her so far and strong because she is my mom and I love her.

That is why I seek peace and understanding between us. I know that she isn't willing to travel this path with me. I have put my faith in God and he has led me to extraordinary people/ psychic experiences. When I let go and let everything be and flow through me that is when life exists in its purest form.

However, she is so mixed up that she thinks that psychic things are bad, when they are the purest and most natural experiences ever.

I feel like these experiences have helped me to develop into a happier, healthier, more connected person and I want to share that same thing with her because I want her to feel that same inner peace. I'm trying to give but she isn't open to receiving it.

It has nothing to do with arrogance, hate or any sort of negative attitude. I've let go of those emotions because they have so place in my life anymore.

So many people misinterpret my intentions in dealing with this frustrating situation.

I just want to give her a gift that is all.... because I love her and want more for her.

[Revolution]

Allow each to walk his/her own path. Don't try to to force your spiritualality onto the the one that is clearly unwilling/disinterested/not ready. That would only disempower them eventually.

Yes, I know its sad, but there is nothing you can do about it. She will wake up in her own time and that might not be any time soon.

Also, as usual, I have NO IDEA what Angela is talking about or alluding to!
...

You have 100% power to generate connection and being related; you just haven't chosen it so far.

This just doensn't seem realistic to me. Sorry for that.

I often wonder about what kind of life you really lead Angela...

[pianoperformer]

Then, talk about other things. If she thinks psychic abilities are wrong, that's her right, and perhaps you shouldn't discuss it with her. Surely you have other interests. Spirituality isn't the only important thing in life.

[seo1]

yes it is true. I like lots of other things... she's also not an athlete either, we don't have similar taste in music, and she's not really a thinker.

I pretty sure the only thing we have in common is that we are related haha.

I don't know maybe I'll think of something that we both like to do.

Do any of you have similar interests to your parents?

[Dan.Linehan]

It's seems pretty one sided to only talk about things on her terms. Does she make an effort to talk about things you are interested in as well?

[Angela]

Also, as usual, I have NO IDEA what Angela is talking about or alluding to!
...

This just doensn't seem realistic to me. Sorry for that.

I often wonder about what kind of life you really lead Angela...

Was there a question in there somewhere?

Yes, I can see where the perspective of being 100% responsible for generating connection and being related, as a matter of choice, would be incomprehensible -- strange and unrealistic -- to someone who isn't using that perspective.

And -- it's a great perspective to use if you want to be head over heels in love with your life.

What kind of life do I really lead? I am head over heels in love with my life.

I just returned this afternoon from an amazingly rich, gorgeous, delightful spur-of-the-moment 4-day adventure with Danger Man, traveling up and down the California coast. My head and heart are reeling, thinking about the wild stream of fun and synchronistic moments we have had over the past few days. When we arrived home, we threw ourselves into our own sea for a baptism, and now for the luxury of lounging around, eating soup, reading and writing, and going to bed ultra-early -- and tomorrow more fun plans.

That's the kind of life I really lead. And it's very easy for me to see that it's my consciousness creating all of this, that I am 100% responsible for generating what I'm generating. I think you would probably like it if you try it!

[seo1]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

It's seems pretty one sided to only talk about things on her terms. Does she make an effort to talk about things you are interested in as well?

Not really. She says she doesn't know anything or she doesn't enjoy the activities when I bring up subjects that interest me.

I know never to bring up psychic or metaphysical topics now because she says "they scare her" and "don't do that you know it might be evil".

We don't have any common interests I'm almost 100% sure. She wants me to be around her but she never wants to talk with me unless she leads the direction of the conversation.

If it's something that bothers her such as school-related financial matters or anything that requires her to go out of her comfort zone she just says "I don't want to talk about this with you" or "I'm going to bed".

She's also very moody. She has depression which she has taken medication for the past 10 years that she tried to put me on at one point and I think it has really fried her brain. She often accidently refers to herself in the plural form and acts out in anger.

She's tries to mask her true self by relying on the writings of self-help oprah book club-like authors. It's so fake and I think it's what makes me dislike not thinking for oneself. Too many people rely soley on what others tell them rather than drawing their own conclusions from their own experiences too.

My mom has a lot of issues and sometimes I have a hard time respecting her. It's sad and true but I still love her regardless.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by seo1

My mom has a lot of issues and sometimes I have a hard time respecting her.

Yup. It's hard to have interactions that flow freely instead of being a struggle every time you attempt to communicate, if you believe "she has a lot of issues and sometimes I have a hard time respecting her."

Change your chronic thinking, and you can change the relationship on a dime -- without it requiring anything at all on her part.

[eskimo]

seo1, it seems it might be time to cut the cord - not for her sake but for yours.

[coLLege kid07]

It sounds like you may need to change your values. In order to get what you want you may need to put inner peace/spirituality closer to the bottom and perhaps things like success ect. at the top. I'm still working on this, and I may be way off in my thinking..but I believe this may be where the conflict is at. (look up steve's article on Living your values) You might try "The work" by Bryon katie to help you with some of the thoughts like I can't relate to my mom and ect.

[seo1]

I can change my thinking but will that change the reality of the situation? It may change how i perceive the reality but it will not change the reality itself. I feel like I will only be lying to myself and falling into that same pattern that has gotten my mom to the point she is now.

I don't want to live a life based on false information, especially false information that I have led myself to believe. It is dangerous enough to believe false information, but when you don't even know that you are lying to yourself that's where the real problem comes into play. You begin to lose the value of your internal compass because you are always trying to make yourself believe whatever it is that will get you through the day. Whatever keeps you from realizing the reality of the situation.

I want to resolve problems not keep them at bay.

My mother is not the only one with issues, my whole family is dysfunctional and I want to solve these problems so as not to perpetuate this seemingly endless cycle.

I don't want my future family to experience this same type of dysfunctional relationship.

[alsy]

You have brought yourself to the awareness and understanding of the disfunctions, and other aspects of your mother's behaviour, which perhaps she may not be aware of. You mention you love her. I leave the question for you to contemplate for yourself to answer; Can you love her, even in her faults, and her rejections, anger, and all the rest? It doesn't mean you agree with what she does, and it doesn't mean supporting any behaviours you understand to be detrimental to expanding oneself. More to the truth of it, if you understand what i am saying here, is more a matter of "will" you do so.

I too have no matching interests with my parents. They also both have different religions of which i do not relate to at all. Spirituality for me is perceiving essence or essential nature of things, people, myself or situations. To my father it is a combination of a book on a man that lived 2000 years ago, and also i have perceived him to be highly psychic or has a great awareness of psyche. My mother says he doesn't have a brain and he doesn't hear. But that is due to her predominant relating and processing of reality being left brain (reasoning, logical, sequential, past orientation and present, figurative/ calculative "figure it out"/ "understand") and also speech or what people say. My predominating senses have been visual, and feeling, which are more right brain. This has balanced itself out more in the past six to eighteen months, but that's how its been with me for a while. My mother will be giving me the details (left brain) to make up the explanation or story, but with my feeling of it, i already know and see the whole picture (Right brain= holisitic, musical, seeing, feeling, intuitive, future oriented and present). She keeps insisting in completing the sequential details, but i may be yawning, because the big picture is in my inner seeing about it. I don't think there is really any right or wrong except these different ways of perceiving, processing of all the data that comes through our sense by our mind can become a completely different reality, compared to another person. No one way is right for all people. We each have our own way. My father has tried to convince me of his beliefs that are tied in to his religious belief system, and i started to communicate mine. It is just completely different views. I realized that there was no point at all talking about it, and told him a few times that we disagree on that very topic, and there is no point in both of us continuing to push our personal beliefs, views towards each other, because we are not going anywhere with it. We differ on that, and that's that. He tried a few times, but i did not go into the discussion. I was respectful that he had a view that was different from mine. I reminded him that we differed on the topic and i am not going to go there. I did it as lovingly as i could, but was firm and very clear about it. End of story.

The word responsibility, i would break it down, to response ability. Responding ability, or rather the choice of response according to final processing of all the information coming through the senses. She chooses to to think in response to what has been, and what is.. She chooses to feel in response to what has been and what is. It is her choice. Can you really fire her neural pathways to be different? Can you really fire them for her. How is this possible. Do you realize how ludicrous that is? Hey, i am not having a go at you. I have been through this myself, and i am figuring could be way longer than you have, due to your mention of school and another factor.

I have vaguely been aware of this before, but my mother is sensitive to emotions too. It is only very recently that i recognized the depth of this when; i i started to change my views about her; after i started to feel differently about her; after i started to project differently about her; after i started to appreciate and say to myself what i liked about her, rather than what i didn't like in her expressions and views to me and other people in the family. I am not exaggerating at all. You have the perfect mirror in front of you. Change yourself and she will change. Albeit in her own way, which you may not recognize. Don't expect her to be as you understand things though. Each of us is unique in our way of relating. You think you know the truth, and you know it as you know it, but allow her in her way of knowing, even in what you understand that is not in her understanding.

While you focus on what is wrong with her, and expect her to change, you are missing out on the maximizing of your neural pathways connecting to the desired reality, which then remains as an ideal preference rather than a chosen one. That is due to the dedication to the issue with your mother in expectation of her to fire her neural pathways to be different than what she has fired them out of her own choice. You choose for yourself. live your own life, and dedicate to the functionality of YOUR inner relating. Sometimes human beings need to really experience themselves in their depths of despair, illness, loneliness, anger, or whatever the experience happens to be, that leads them to reach for such experiences as peace, love, joy, friendship. etc. They may not have taken those qualities for granted, and may not have been able to fully enter those experiences that they were led to out of the seeming negative experiences, that one may have seen or thought of as negative at the time. They led to the height of new experiences.

btw, the Byron Katie material that someone here has mentioned, has helped a lot of people, and it might be something worthwhile checking out. you might need to buy the book or borrow it from the library, and then you can also pair up with someone online for a month and do the exercises. It can be quite liberating if you were still experiencing issues with your mother.

End the story about your mother, or at least make an effort to improve it in ways that are true to your truths, to the best of your ability - this you can do. start with the tiniest piece you can find and do it daily. If you do so, it will grow and the tide will begin to turn. Your resistance and push against her push, then ceases and gives her the opportunity and the potential that lies in her situation in a way that is unique for her. Let her be, let her go, and end the story of and about your mother, and you can then begin the story of your own life, in how you understand to be right for you.

[evacorges]

Originally Posted by seo1

She's tries to mask her true self by relying on the writings of self-help oprah book club-like authors. It's so fake and I think it's what makes me dislike not thinking for oneself. Too many people rely soley on what others tell them rather than drawing their own conclusions from their own experiences too.
.

Hey! you are describing me 20 years ago!
Trust me, she is not doing any of this to plague you. She is not masking her true self, she has lost it! She has no idea where it is or what it looks like!
She is lost inside, and if she is like I was, she honestly has no idea of what she likes or what she wants. Only what she does not like. She probably makes choices on the basis of what she expects other people expect of her, because her own wants and needs are buried deep and far away.
She'll never say so, though, cause she is hiding all of that away as far as she possibly can. That she is reading self-help books is a good step. Doing anything is better than doing nothing about it at all.

You will find that you can only give useful advice if you can relate to where someone is in a spiritual, emotional etc. sense. If you can find a common ground, then a conversation that goes somewhere is possible.

[Revolution]

I'm sure I encountered an Angel today but I dare not elaborate on it.

Its just that it has an interesting syncronicity to ... well you Angela.

But I dare to challenge you again. Am I being unkind? I hope not. Its just that I CAN'T RESTIST IT ANY LONGER.

[By the way I am not thread-hyjacking - this stuff really does relate to Neo's post.]

You are an intelligent person Angela and I want to tell you about myself if I may.

I see you live the good life and you have mastered this "secret" thing to a T.
That is undoubtable. And I must say, that I know how to use thinking and visualisations to affect my reality.

However, I remember reading from an Author some years ago. "Lilian Too". You may have heard of her. Feng shui expert. Anyways, she started out on her jouney (of life) with all this "create your reality" "make a wish to the universe" stuff. And it really worked for her. She became rich, famous, she could get any material possesion she wanted and probably more. All from utililizing the "secret".
But here's the interesting part: she outgrew it. She decided that all this "stuff" was not really fullfilling her deepest desires. So now, she is no longer chasing the "high life" but living authentically according to her spirit.

I myself have tried the "secret" and I have found that it certainly works, but there is always a price to pay. (How do you know if what you fantasize is really in the best interests of your spiritual growth?)

My approach nowadays is to focus ONLY on positive feelings and ENLIGHTENMENT itself. I don't bother to imagine myself in great jobs or driving sweet cars or dating beautiful women. That stuff could distract me off the path. Over the years I have experienced many a hardship but I have learned alot also.

So, in a sense my path is surrender. Even though I am a conscious being and I could play other games - I don't - I just go with the flow and trust that life will show up in the best way for my enlightenment.

In a way it seems faithless to manipulate the universe. eg. If I have a major problem relating to my parents for instance I leave it as it is. I don't bother to choose/imagine/visualise getting along like best buddies with them because I fear there may be a terrible price to pay for that. And I don't want to interfere with their will either.

So, what do you say Angela? Am I a fool or a wise man?

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by seo1

I can change my thinking but will that change the reality of the situation? It may change how i perceive the reality but it will not change the reality itself. I feel like I will only be lying to myself and falling into that same pattern that has gotten my mom to the point she is now.

I don't want to live a life based on false information, especially false information that I have led myself to believe. It is dangerous enough to believe false information, but when you don't even know that you are lying to yourself that's where the real problem comes into play. You begin to lose the value of your internal compass because you are always trying to make yourself believe whatever it is that will get you through the day. Whatever keeps you from realizing the reality of the situation.

I want to resolve problems not keep them at bay.

My mother is not the only one with issues, my whole family is dysfunctional and I want to solve these problems so as not to perpetuate this seemingly endless cycle.

I don't want my future family to experience this same type of dysfunctional relationship.

Well that's what reality is...your sole perception of it. You can never get a perfect view of reality, why?...cause perfection is a concept of the mind. (yes you can get closer and closer to perfection...but never 100% accurate) This is what I've come to realise lately when I've explored my situation further. Lastly I think you should just go out there and join some groups or something. From when I've talked to you it sounds like you're in about my same situation....so if you want more friends and more connections..what a better way to do it by joining groups or finding people with your same values/interests. I'm sure you'll be fine, good luck.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Revolution

So, what do you say Angela?

I say: Great! It sounds like you are doing just fine. I had to get to nearly the end of your post before I realized you were not threadjacking, but rather, saying that my approach of choosing to be the source of what I want in relationship occurs for you like manipulation and interference with the "flow" and that there may be a terrible price to pay for that. I think seo1 could make a huge difference in his relationship with his mom, and you would rather see him "let it be." Why would that be a challenge or unkind of you? You just have a different approach, that's all.

Unless you are saying that you are right and I am wrong? That would be manipulation and interference, wouldn't it? And there may be a terrible price to pay for that.

I think seo1 had a major insight when he recognized that he'd like to resolve his relationship with his mom in a dynamic and positive way because he sees that if he doesn't, he's going to carry forth the issues into his future relationships. Sure, you can just "let it be" when there is a conflict or pain, and see if "enlightenment" floats your way. That's fine. But my game is to make a bold difference in my own life and the lives of others -- such that people feel good on purpose. For me, that means being dynamically willing to take 100% responsibility for how the relationship is occurring, and it has been my experience time and time again that if there is pain or conflict in the relationship, I have 100% power to generate something that works better, regardless of the thoughts, words, or actions of the other person. You may call generating something that works better "manipulation" or "interference," I call it: being the source of joy, love, abundance and power for myself and for the world.

By the way, I think you may be confusing me with someone, because I have never read "The Secret." I am usually seen around here asking folks to look deeper at their desire for the middle man of "stuff" and going straight for their hearts' desires: ways of being. For me, the high life means letting go of stuff, not getting more and more!

Am I a fool or a wise man?

Yup!

[Revolution]

Please don't put words into my mouth. You twisted words around for your convenience.

I had to get to nearly the end of your post before I realized you were not threadjacking, but rather, saying that my approach of choosing to be the source of what I want in relationship occurs for you like manipulation and interference with the "flow" and that there may be a terrible price to pay for that.

---Woops!!! I NEVER said anything of the sort!

Sure, you can just "let it be" when there is a conflict or pain, and see if "enlightenment" floats your way.

Sounds like your trying to take the piss there. I am talking about doing the will of God. Some will appreciate you and some wont.

Do you think I just sit around waiting for "enlightenment" to float my way? Are you kidding? Do you have ANY idea of what I have done with my life?
I have sacrificed EVERYTHING.

I am a REAL PLAYER. Some people are good for talking the talk. I on the other hand WALK THE WALK!!!!!

[seo1]

alsy,

Your post has resonated with me very strongly. I feel like this is what I have been struggling with all along. I will leave her to discover this in her own way. I have realized that no matter how much sense something makes to me, if another doesn't understand it or the impact it can have on one's life then they will need to walk that path alone.

Throughout my own struggles on this path I have felt so many different emotions and connections I can't even describe. But, I have forgotten that things began reaching their peak only when I just let everything exist in it's pure form. I let everything flow through me and aligned myself with Truth. There's was no resistance. One thing I've taken away from your post is that people must be approached in a similar way to these events. It's hard for me because I feel and sense things so strongly that I often feel as if I want to heal all the pain and dysfunction; not just in my famliy, but everywhere I go. I think these means that I need to ground and run energy more often. I'm soaking up too much and it's bringing me down.

I am glad though for these experiences. I know now that this is part of my path in this life and I embrace it.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Revolution

Please don't put words into my mouth. You twisted words around for your convenience.
---Woops!!! I NEVER said anything of the sort!

My convenience?? I have no agenda regarding what you said -- there's nothing for me to convenience myself about. You did say:

In a way it seems faithless to manipulate the universe. eg. If I have a major problem relating to my parents for instance I leave it as it is. I don't bother to choose/imagine/visualise getting along like best buddies with them because I fear there may be a terrible price to pay for that. And I don't want to interfere with their will either.

and

I just go with the flow and trust that life will show up in the best way for my enlightenment.

You seem to think I am judging you or "taking the piss" , but all I'm saying is: for you, it sounds like you feel it's best to let a major relationship problem lie, without manipulating or interfering by choosing/imagining/visualizing; and for me, making bold dynamic choices, and taking 100% responsibility for my relationships, is the way to go if you want to be in love with your life. I'm sure the OP is more than capable of listening to both approaches and taking the best action for himself. What's the problem?

Do you think I just sit around waiting for "enlightenment" to float my way? Are you kidding? Do you have ANY idea of what I have done with my life?
I have sacrificed EVERYTHING.
I am a REAL PLAYER. Some people are good for talking the talk. I on the other hand WALK THE WALK!!!!!

I think there is something about me and what I say that really pushes your buttons, and for some reason you seem to get very reactive about me and/or my words. That's great! It's a real opportunity, I think, when someone pushes your buttons, because then you get the chance to see something new about yourself that you didn't even know you didn't know. Big breakthroughs are available out of irritation. I congratulate you!