Relationships pulling you out of 'the moment'

[Serenity]

In my spiritual growth I have made loads of progress when it comes to dwelling 100% in each moment. It brings me a great deal of peace and serenity. However I've recently started a relationship with a nice young woman. I find that it makes it much harder for me to dwell in each moment 100%. My mind wants to wonder off to what we are gonna do later or what happened at an earlier time. I find this really is a bummer on my living in the moment. I've got better at not doing this with other things, but this relationship is the one area I struggle with still... Any suggestions, comments, ect?

[Dan.Linehan]

Best case scenario, your purposes align really well. Then you can enjoy quiet, peaceful moments together.

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by Serenity

In my spiritual growth I have made loads of progress when it comes to dwelling 100% in each moment. It brings me a great deal of peace and serenity. However I've recently started a relationship with a nice young woman. I find that it makes it much harder for me to dwell in each moment 100%. My mind wants to wonder off to what we are gonna do later or what happened at an earlier time. I find this really is a bummer on my living in the moment. I've got better at not doing this with other things, but this relationship is the one area I struggle with still... Any suggestions, comments, ect?

When you say 'dwelling in the moment', is that in meditation?
If thoughts are interupting your peace then I would suggest you have some powerful feelings going on.

[Lanya]

Keep trying?

Maybe this is happening because you're now involved in something less familiar.

In any case, might I suggest: If your mind is wandering, just be present with the wandering, as you would anything else.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Lanya

In any case, might I suggest: If you're mind is wandering, just be present with the wandering, as you would anything else.

I agree. Let go of the struggle, and don't make it a problem when your thoughts drift off. Just practice noticing when you do it, and gently bring yourself back to the moment without making yourself wrong.

Anyway, erotic reverie is part of the fun of romance, isn't it?

[Serenity]

What I mean is...

I use to always have a wandering mind. I would be in class or doing whatever and caught up in something that had happened earlier in the day, or something I had going on later that week. In the last few months I've got much, much better at being 100% present in whatever it is I'm doing if, its class or reading a book. I find that life is much more peaceful when I do that. But getting into this relationship I find that its cutting into that. Oh well I guess its not all bad, but something I have to find some balance and peace with.

[philm]

Serenity,

Even if you're weren't in a relationship and you sat still your thoughts and feeling will wander.

Its a well conditioned habit of ours. We're not 97% genetically identical to monkeys by accident ya know. lol

If we're expecting to 'dwell in the moment' or worst still depending on it for peace of mind of course we'll struggle and worry & wonder whats wrong here im not in the moment this moment ? Nothing's wrong actually.

Just let go and observe without judgement. : )

[eputkonen]

Originally Posted by Serenity

In my spiritual growth I have made loads of progress when it comes to dwelling 100% in each moment. It brings me a great deal of peace and serenity. However I've recently started a relationship with a nice young woman. I find that it makes it much harder for me to dwell in each moment 100%. My mind wants to wonder off to what we are gonna do later or what happened at an earlier time. I find this really is a bummer on my living in the moment. I've got better at not doing this with other things, but this relationship is the one area I struggle with still... Any suggestions, comments, ect?

Just let go of the past and future...and feel what is now (experience it fully).

It is the nature of the mind to wander...let it go. If you fight the mind and try to control it, that will stir the mind up and make it more active.

I find my relationship with my fiance does not pull me out of the present moment...but I have found not getting caught up in her story (detached even from her) is the trick. You can be in a very close and intimate relationship and still be completely detached.

[Serenity]

Thanks for the advise. I don't really try to fight it when I notice my mind wondering, but I do try to focus back in on the moment I'm in and what I'm doing fully.

[eputkonen]

"but I do try to focus back in on the moment I'm in and what I'm doing fully."

Why? Let the mind go. The mind only refers to past and future...thought is never about the now.

Let go of past and future...fully experience the now. It is more kinesthetic than mental...don't mentally observe the present...feel it.

Then the mind slows and stops.

If you just fully experience the moment, you are automatically mindful of the moment and what you're doing fully (...and possibly with no thought).

To try to do anything with the mind (try to focus back)...only strengthens the mind. To try and focus is fighting the mind.