To give or not to give

[mncz]

This post is about something I wanted to both share and also to gain some insight that I perhaps have been missing, so if you feel like answering to this, please do.

Last 6 months this year have been literally completely lifechanging. I have realised how far I was from being aligned with what is, love and my true purpose in life. I have been guided gently, but strongly to my true path. And part of this guidance is settling scores with my past.

About my past - for 6 years I have been walking further and further away from love. I was lost in fear and ego-centered living without even realising it. The negativity I held in my mind about how world is, attracted a lot of negative events in my life, including broken relationships, constant money loss and sense of utter and complete despair. I would see myself as a victim, unable to change or fight anything.

But recently I made a conscious choice to change it. I have realised that what I have to do is pursue a path of enlightement, explore the connection of body and mind, and share what I find with others.

I have been releasing myself from my past via the way of forgiving. I meditate or just think about forgiving people, events, feelings.

I had attracted two major negative events in my life, that I need to work on particularly to release. First was my last relationship that ended in an extremely bitter separation. This event was the one that finally basically forced me to rethink my beliefs, since I had reached the completely down end of the negativity spectrum, and it changed my life for good. So I see this event as a major life lesson and I am thankful for it. I was able to completely forgive the other person and our relationships are very good now, as incredible as it might sound.

The other event is older. It happened two years ago, and involved me doing a joint business venture with a person that has a habit of attracting money by basically cheating it out of people. Back then I was guided by fear, so when I understood what I had gotten myself into, I did two things: I took what I felt was mine and ran without even trying to talk (I was scared to the point of mindlessness), and then I tried to fight him with dirty means. What of course I did not realise, was that he is a lot better at dirty fighting than I could ever be. Skipping few months, I realised that I would be so much better off with not fighting this and just let everything go. Doing that involved signing an agreement that had underwater stones in it that I did not see at the time.

After a while everything sort of settled down, and I allowed myself the luxury of blindness to think that it was over. Well, it was not. A few weeks ago I received a letter that stated that due to the previously signed agreement I now owe my ex-business partner a huge sum of money and that he is going to sue me for that. Now that's what I call an eye-opener

I understood that I had been blind regarding this and that I have kept fear and hatred for this event in me all this time, and denied it. I took my time to try and to forgive him, and when I felt like I had achieved a state of peace and love regarding him, I wrote him a letter, where I said that I forgive him and that I ask his forgiveness for how badly our joint venture went.

A few days later, he called, and said that he feels ready to drop all charges for me, and I breathed a sigh of relief. He said that we should meet and talk about this. Of course, I agreed.

We met. It turned out that he had been working for two years to pull together both civil and criminal charges against me. (To make matters clear, in this country it is possible to do that due to the high amount of corruption, and my exit of our enterprise was not exactly right in legal understanding, so if one wanted to find wrong things with it, it would be easily doable) He said that he would drop all charges against me and sign a peace agreement.. with a condition that I pay him a huge amount of money (about 40 thousand dollars), because he has spent all this time and effort pursuing me, and he feels that I should compensate him for that.

Coincidentally, I will be able to pay him, because after six months of trying, I have finally manifested a buyer for office premises that I own, and the deal is two weeks away from conclusion. I had planned to use the money I receive from it very carefully, to allow me space and time for becoming aligned with my path, to learn, to meditate, to attend various classes and read books about yoga, spirituality and raise my awareness in general, and later as a tool to help to share what I have learned with other people. Even if I make this payment, there will be enough left for me to do it, if only on a smaller scale.

The question is, should I pay him? I feel like I have not forgiven him completely yet. I want to work on that. I also think that my relationship with money energy is very confused and I want to work more on that too. But I dont want to make the mistake of being "too good" or victimising myself. I know that his demand is unfair. Should I put my faith in universe and say - if you are sure that you want it, come and take it with my blessing, since you will not be made richer by it, nor I will be made poorer. Or should I concentrate on avoiding this from happening at all? I know that I will not fight him in court, because I do not believe in courts and fighting anymore. I believe in love, peace and mutual benefit. But I am not entirely sure how to apply it in this case.

[Angela]

Have you consulted an attorney? It sounds like this guy is really good at planting time bombs in his agreements. Whatever you do, I think you should have someone really skillful and experienced on your side.

Best wishes to you.

[mncz]

Some people might wonder why such a problem is even posted under this topic, when probably it would fall under the one related to business much better.

Thing is, I see this event as a way how Universe reminds me that I have not yet properly done my homework to start my new life. I am 100% convinced that all the negativity I attract in my life is brought there by myself and by changing my way of thinking I can change what is around me. I have seen some powerful changes already in my life, and they only assure me that I am walking the right path. So this event is a part of my rising to a new level of counsciousness, sort of Universe test if I can apply what I think I know consistently and in the right way.

Thinking this over once again, I have decided that I will not pay, since I owe nothing to this person, and giving would continue to build our negative bond. I dont want to be his creditor for next couple of lives . What I will do instead is keep finding lessons from this event and admit my mistakes and misconceptions about human nature and how business works. I can think of quite a few already.

Since all this case is basically one persons materialisation of greed and revenge against me, and has nothing to do with me owing him anything material in this life and now, I am absolutely sure that once I have fully worked out what brought it to me and released it, the problem will disappear. It is only his will pushing this case forward. It means that I am attracting his will to harm me. And evil simply does not stick to someone who is not evil himself or who does not need the lesson presented by it.

[mncz]

It has been two weeks since I posted this, and finally I have arrived at the true point of what this event came to teach me. It is fun to watch it from here:
First I would seek the solution outside me. I would ask people for opinions and advices. Weirdly enough, I received none. That pointed me to the direction of the true answer: I understood that it should be sought inside me.

Then I took a looong look inside me. I thought and gradually discovered all past experiences, stuck emotions and false beliefs that had contributed to this event appearing in my life. Oh my god, that was so revealing. I understood some fundamental truths about my life that I had not pulled in daylight before and made new, more empowering beliefs that have put me in a much better alignment with myself.

And finally, when I felt that I have understood myself good enough and felt ready to release this event, I asked for advice again.. and this time received it. It was valuable itself and, moreover, contained a clear pointer to read Tolle's book "The Power of Now" properly and till the end (I had touched it, but stopped reading after like 40 first pages, because my attention was drawn to something else).

And this book contained the final answer: acceptance. This event was brought in my life to teach me presence, acceptance and awareness of the present moment, whatever it is.

I am so thankful for this event. Now I know that whatever follows it, I will be able to solve it with presence and without creating pain or attaching myself to the outcome. Awesome. Just plain awesome.

<3 all

[fellowtraveler]

Congratulations - sounds like you are on the right track.

I would have paid him the $40k just to get rid of him.

BTW, you're not so bad off success-wise to this point, if you can play with 5-figure sums of money.

[mncz]

Originally Posted by fellowtraveler

BTW, you're not so bad off success-wise to this point, if you can play with 5-figure sums of money.

This was the part of this situation that clearly pointed me to the idea that this is all a clever pointer that there are things I need to learn from it.. as usual, if there is an obviously easy answer to a riddle, it is the wrong answer.