Meaning of life, existence

[Groovebox]

I started a thread about the results of my recent attempt to quit smoking in another forum topic, but I thought that the results of my experience might better be suited here. I apologize in advance for what might be a long post.

Before I go into that, I thought that a little background on on my experiences might the discussion. I've always had a deep interest in why we exist. I can remember even as a kid, I would be riding in a car, or in some random moment, and suddenly have an intense moment of awareness. During these moments of awareness it was as if my mind would try to make sense of everything that exists. During these moments, I would feel aware yet confused at the same time. These moments would lead to temporarily feeling a deep despair as I could sense the limits for understanding the true meaning behind my consciousness.

These moments were fleeting, and I continued through life doing the normal things that most people do; TV, movies, video games, school, and all of the various distractions and amusements that most people use to remain content in life. My first truly horrific experience was when I was around 18 years old and began smoking pot. At first it was simply something to do to have fun. I would smoke with my friends and we would enjoy music, food, and humorous conversation as these were all things that were enhanced by using pot. Unfortunately pot also tends to invoke a strong sense of reality, which led to more depressing and negative thought patterns after a while. Eventually I could no longer use it because I would have panic attacks every time. I would feel every beat that my heart would make, and I began to trivialize every action and thought by myself and the people around me.

To get the point, I recently attempted to quit smoking cigarettes and it had a very deep impact on me. I again began trivializing everything I see or think. I feel like I've been unplugged from the Matrix and desperately want to be plugged back in and live a normal life like everyone else, content with life and existence. Things that I enjoyed before all of this such as playing guitar, reading, talking to friends, and to an extent even my job, are no longer pleasurable. I can't understand why these types of thoughts have impacted me so greatly. I've always been interested in psychology and physics, two subjects that seem to trivialize existence, but always enjoyed the process of trying to learn more about the arena in which we live in. I feel as though I've been possessed by some sort of demon that is preventing me from getting any type of enjoyment from any aspect of life. While I've never been suicidal, right now I can only find comfort in the fact that if I did choose to no longer live, I do have that option.

I guess I'm hoping that someone has had similar thoughts before and overcome to live a normal life.

[Dan.Linehan]

Quitting smoking had a huge impact on me. It was the catalyst for all sorts of change. I had to re-examine every aspect of my life, from my job, to my relationships, to how I saw myself, my own identity.

It just depends on what kind of life one wants to live - what a person can do to be true to their own highest potentials, what someone can do to live to the best of one's own imagination.

What would that be for you?

[responsibility]

Perhaps you've come to a realization at inner levels that there is something more than the superficial life offered on Earth? It would explain why you've lost interest in your previous hobbies and everything else that is offered here.

I think I've gone through a similar stage like yours, where you would just feel how almost everyone or everything seems boring or uninteresting. And how you just don't feel like being involved in a society like this with the sense that there must be something more.

Perhaps you'd be interest in the scientific research on near death experiences here?

What are your beliefs? Are you a materialist? A Christian? Do you believe in reincarnation?

[Excellent Lodestar]

Originally Posted by Groovebox

I feel like I've been unplugged from the Matrix and desperately want to be plugged back in and live a normal life like everyone else, content with life and existence. Things that I enjoyed before all of this such as playing guitar, reading, talking to friends, and to an extent even my job, are no longer pleasurable.
I guess I'm hoping that someone has had similar thoughts before and overcome to live a normal life.

I think I understand...It's been about a year now for me feeling "unplugged" due to realizations of a non dual nature( I know that's not about quitting smoking; still...)For me, I feel like the old Matrix quote: Neo: "I can't go back can I? Morpheus: No, but if you could, would you really want to?"

...For me the answer is "no". I may not understand all I'm experiencing now, but the fact that i'm OK with that points to being on the right track. You express not being "happy" with what you're experiencing.Why?
BTW, I'm not sure how "content with life and existence" everyone out there is...
I can relate to old activities not bringing "pleasure". It's important to realize that whatever you are experiencing is perfect for you.that's not some New Age shtick, examine for yourself. I don't think when it comes to true realizations in life that we can "de-evolve", or "go back" to who we were.nor can we fast foward our "evolution". It's just happens, i Think.

Good Luck

[fellowtraveler]

Ya think maybe this all has mostly to do with brain chemistry?

[Rockchick26]

The way i see it,we can strive for something more or have a feeling that we dont belong here but we will ALL die someday,so we might as well enjoy our human existance while we can. It might not be the best kind of existance there is,but in the grand scheme of things,its only a blink of an eye. So why try to rush through it,end it,or question it? Just Enjoy it!

[Lucy]

Yes.

I know what you're talking about.... I sometimes completely end up on a different plane of thought and meaning. Not for long periods though.

(Laptop is about to die, I'll post more again!)

I'll have to evaluate what I find useful to bring me back to enjoying the little things again.

Lucy

[dendennz]

Well Groovebox: my first thoughts were these:

1. You SOUND like you are suffering from depression and you might get some help from some anti-depressants. (It's totally my opinion - I do not believe it's something you have to do - just resonated with me quite strongly when I read your post). I have been where you've been, that nothing gives me pleasure anymore and I was depressed and anxious. I've been on medication for 3 years now and I'm slowly coming off it. I'm feeling more alive now than I did 5 years ago.

2. The meaning of life and existence question is a good one and I've just had the sheer pleasure of reading Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning and found that rather enlightening. I've also just watched Alain de Botton's Consolations of Philosophy: A Guide to Happiness on DVD. Having a bit of a philosophical "bender" at present and I find this very useful for opening up the mind for fresh thinking.

3. I've had odd occasions when I've been thinking on a different plane over the years. Sometimes it gets so real that I nearly throw up. It is like it completely questions all my values, beliefs and thought processes and puts them in a different place and replaces them all with something else. Maybe it's something more real: like I'm being told this is "my true destiny" if only I had the courage to go for it. It passes and I'm usually grateful as the feeling of nausea goes with it. Weird as.

I would suggest a change of scenery, and if the weather allows it spend some time outside and do some people watching! If you've not already read Frankl to do so for a varying point of view. Apologies if you've already read him.

Cheers,

Jenny.