Lost and need help with Spirit Guides

[Allison James]

Hi, i'm new to the forom. Somehow I've found myself here. Spiritualy speaking - i've a catholic background but all thats changed. On my personal spritual path I'm a begainer. I've been depressed for a number of years, I've never dreamed before. Everyday i find myself so tired of everything that i think in my mind i don't want to play anymore. Now finally on medication and i think im going crazy. I read alot and this might have some bearance. This period of depression was really bad and before i was holding on to strings of hope. This time i have nothing. I have no hope for tomorrow, everything would hurt so much physically, emotionally, mentally. just thinking would hurt. So i occupied myself with reading everything the bible, poems analzying movies, finally Dark materials by Pullman.
I found myself dreaming of snakes biting me; being in a garden in seach of a beautiful flower and the snakes
all around me.
Dreaming of a painting of mt. rushmore and the forest but then one tree is singled out - so i guess the meaning is im part of a whole and want to see the whole picture but cant...
i dreamt of something like a long journey with no specifics ending in something so beatiful - whole light. it ws fleeting and then gone
i started seaching the web on animal spirit guides, in the past people told me mine was a bird (1/4 cherokee any relevance?);
Finally got to spirit guides and found a technice to speak with them.
My mom is highly intuitive she knowns things, has "visons". so i thought i could try.
I did the cleasing as best i could never done one before, did the white room technice never done one of those before. I got confusing answers and pretty sure i didn't do it right. i asked them to be known to me and felt a clicking in my head or mouth. i started out asking how many there were in yes or no answers. one there was the click.i read most people have 5-7. the clickes kept going 10 maybe 15. i asked if there were others with them that wasn't my personal guides they said yes. i said i was only speaking of/to my personal guides - how many of my guide were there still the same answer.
ok i just have it wrong i asked if it was my imagination all this it /they clicked again.
i asked for ids only from my guides and got more than seven sensations. i asked if i was just not ready to know and they said yes. i told them i needed understanding because i don't think i'm gonna make it much longer they said yes. i asked if they were helping me through my dreams and the anwer is yes. I still feel like i lost every thing in me. I have nothing left to give, traces of feelings of love - hurt actually overwhelms me and hurts so much. I just don't understand any of this. Maybe its the medication. If you could help me understand better or tell me how communicatie with my guides better; tell me i'm not crazy thanks. Allison

[Rosie]

In regards to your depression, please know that life WILL get better. Just keep holding on, and one day you'll wake up and realize that all that sadness has disapeared.

[Allison James]

Thanks...at least for a little bit there i thought i was enlightened or crazy. Allison

[estrella]

Originally Posted by Allison James

I have nothing left to give, traces of feelings of love - hurt actually overwhelms me and hurts so much.

medication? because of depressions?
Can't help you with you last sentence, sorry. But the one I quoted: see that these are conditions created in your early childhood and afterwards, kind of vicious cycle: we get hurt in our premium period, are vulnerable and defend us with layers around our true self.. which becomes hidden more and more, and we only feel and see our ego (which is nothing but the "clothes" around the real self, ego's real and only task is only to let us function in material world; one of the ego's aspect is our native language, personality traits etc...).
But all this does not matter, what really matters is our real self, which is hidden behind all those things you got caught into.

The first steps out of it are really well explained here:

Meditation - Overcoming Stress & Illness

scroll a bit down until you see on the right side "LISTEN TO PODCASTS"; then you may listen to these three:

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
LISTEN TO PODCASTS
Part 1: The Introduction

PLAY:

Part 2: The Free Guided Meditation

PLAY:

Part 3: The Commentary

PLAY:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

All in all, the three together last a bit more than half an hour. Part 2 lasts around 10 minutes.
All of this is worthwhile.
Try.
I think this is worthwhile before all other attempts of meditation-exercises etc etc.

Further down on the same site there are other podcasts, which may be interesting, too.
Hope this helps, really.

[dave marshall]

Hi Estrella,

You will overcome your depression, remember these are just ideas that you have and you can change any idea!

With regard to your dream you need to understand that the experience was symbolic to you and no-one else so to understand your dream you would need to sit down and see what each of the aspects of the dream mean for you. for instance fear can be seen as a snake biting you, the journey to wellness as a journey on a road or in a car, you se what I mean.

Just as our lives are symbolic our dreamsa are also. Working in your dreams might help you get better, you could decide to resolve these issues in your dreams by telling yourself to do so just before you go to bed. Remember though that any dream is unique to your own sybolism. There is no reason that you have to experience depression and working in your dreams may help.

cheers

Dave

[estrella]

Originally Posted by dave marshall

Hi Estrella,
..
...
Dave

I suppose this was a post to Allison............

estrella

[Allison James]

Thanks for writing back I'd written back sooner but on the 4th I finally had a nervous breakdown. I meant I felt like I lost my soul and was trying to find it. I felt empty, dead inside. I blacked out to find myself in the hospital - or the hall with doors. Maybe I am crazy, I 'm still not sure what's happening. I found myself surrounded by people who reminded me of myself or sisters of mine, even a guy whose name matched that of my dead brother - talking about something i did with my son recently. I keep thinking i have split personalitys, maybe Im that delusional...I finally "got out" because i have a loving supportive huband. I found myself and he guided me to the light. Before I kept thinking I'm afriad to die, but I found him and was "released" I see him as my soul mate. I see clearly now like everythings in 3d, I hear people say things before they say it "in my mind"...its like I'm reawakened. I still don't know whats happening maybe I'm still crazy. If you have anymore input that'd be great. Maybe you can confrim I'm crazy to. Thanks again for your responds. Maybe by writing this it will help others know there not alone.
The 4th also happened to be my birthday.What happened was...
I had the 12 Symptons of Awakening Divinity, at least i think
I still am on number 6. I wake about every hour from 1am till about 4 or 5am I just feel as if I can't wait or can't sleep. I passed through 7 and 8, and 12 in the hospital. One morning I woke up and felt calm, wanting to leave - I couldn't wait to get out. I have a scar on my arm and it tingles when I read something, realize something - like little pin pricks type like here I am. But I feel as if I'm still journeying. I want to believe also. I had passed through 1,2,3,4,5,7,10 and 11 during my depression. Thank you so much. for your responses.

[dave marshall]

Yes sorry estrella,

will focus better next time

dave

[bellemeadows]

Dear Alison -- God loves you. The dark night of the soul you described sounds biochemical. If they help you, I humbly suggest you stay on your meds (that said, please do what you believe is right).

That waking up, waking up, waking up. I was doing that after I had a severe auto accident in 2007, and I had to go on anti-anziety drugs for a month or two (valium, which isn't as addictive as zanex), there was no chance of an authentic spiritual experience or transformation when I was in that state.

God will not make you anxious; God loves you as you are, perfectly, and unreservedly. You need a chance to come down to earth and enjoy the here and now; and if you are waking up over and over again, and unable to gain rest from your sleep, you cannot function properly, nevermind heal from whatever has triggered you to be so upset.

God can only be found in the here and now. When I could not sleep, I couldn't manage to hear that still small voice of love and care. Pure and simple, I couldn't function.

What I did do was set my intention for healing, and ask God for help. And God helped me.

That list of 12 signs, well, some of that is the ego giving one problems because the ego doesn't want you to find God. If you find the Love of God in your heart, you won't need an ego. The ego knows that and can get particularly vicious with you if it thinks you are making spiritual progress. The thing is, when you fight your ego, you only lose. Your ego is part of your experience in this manifestation of reality. The only way to deal with your ego is to love it. It is like a child that wants to be in control, and it is trying to control your experience by setting all of these hurdles for you to cross so that you can be spiritual. The ego says you need to do such and such to be spiritual, but I don't believe it.

Heck, you are a spiritual being by nature. Nothing can ever change that. God loves you as you are, and will never leave you or forsake you.

Don't forsake yourself. If the meds help you feel better, and operate effectively in this manifestation, consider the option of taking them.

Here is an easy way to know if it is your ego speaking to you, or God. If you feel peace, a deep peace that cannot be disturbed, the guidance comes from God or the Holy Spirit. If not, the ego is telling you what to do, and you are listening.

I'm worried about you. Please take care of yourself; mother yourself. You need care now, not to worry about how spiritual you are or are not. That is judgment. The ego is great with judgment; while God loves you unreservedly, pure and simple. Love yourself, don't judge yourself. Self-care, self-tending, these can be your watchwords. Loving yourself is critically important; God loves you -- there are no tests to pass to receive God's love, you are worthy of God's love and your own love and care. Being kind to yourself, and gentle is critically important right now.

If you went to Mother Theresa right now, she would love you and care for you. Give that same care to yourself that she would if she were here.

These are just my thoughts -- please follow your heart.

I'm keeping you in my prayers. Blessings from Belle