Long Distance Relationship

[InterfaceLeader]

Hello,

I went to the USA to study for a semester a couple of years ago. I loved it, and went back repeatedly. In December, I met someone that I fell in love with. I went to stay with him in March, and we got engaged. In June I had to return home, due to visa restrictions. I miss him so much.

The trouble is, getting a fiancee visa is very difficult, and requires a lot of money. We are working on saving it, but in the meantime I am going crazy not being able to be with him. We talk everyday, but it isn't the same thing at all.

I try and have live chat with too, but my internet connection sucks, so it tends to be laggy and annoying.

Essentially, I am looking for success stories from people who have made long distance relationships work, and advice on how to maintain my optimism and focus, despite the distance.

[alexinspire]

Hi Interfaceleader,

I can't really give you good comments or advice because I failed in long distance relationship. She didn't appreciate even I spent most of the time with her.

But I have a great success example from my friend I can share with you:

She is a beautiful thai woman. She has a boyfriend from USA as well. Both of them love each other very very much. They can only meet each other few times per year. And they are going to marry soon. These are what she shared with me:

1. Call him everyday.

2. Everytime she call, she don't expect him to tell her that he loves her. She is always the one who said it first. She told me one beautiful sentence:

"Love is not something you get from others. It's from yourself. When you start to love your ownself very much, you just share you love with others. You love because you love, not because you want to get love from others."

I felt her beauty immediately! She is like a beautiful flower sharing her love with everyone which make her very attractive.

3. Everytime she calls, she create a future with him, she don't talk just to talk. She express her love and create new futures for him and her own life.

That's what she told me. But I really like her sentence. She is the most beautiful person I've ever met!

[XeutonMojukai]

My girlfriend lives in Vancouver.

I live a thousand miles away in San Jose, CA.

We love each other very much, and we're waiting a year to meet each other.

I sometimes feel impatient, and honestly I've broken up a couple of times, but I've always come back, and she's always wanted me back.

The truth is, space and time are only perspectives, especially in this Internet age. Eventually, we'll be able to travel between planets instantaneously, in all likelihood. But until then, I'll bide my time and stay true to her. I have stayed faithful the whole time, despite us sometimes being broken up.

I know it will end well, because both of us love each other enough to do everything we can for each other and for the relationship as a whole.

If your commitment is not only assured, but *mutual* as well, then you'll be just fine, I think.

Good luck, friend.

~ David

[InterfaceLeader]

Alexinspire, your friend does sound wonderful I do speak to him everyday, and we say "I love you" to each other so many times... it doesn't matter who says it first! Planning a future is difficult when you don't know how long it will be, but we are always working towards being together.

XeutonMojukai - I'm glad you guys are still together! I think long distance can be one of the hardest stressors on a relationship, so if it survives it means you can withstand most things...

I couldn't stand being married to say a solider, and not be able to talk to the person or love, and be constantly worried he was in danger o.o I don't know how people do it!

[Amandaaa]

long distance relationships are the story of my life.
they're so bittersweet.

but sometimes i think it actually helps my relationship... because we're able to avoid the trap of familiarity. the excitement of a romance can quickly die out if you see each other all day, every day... but if you can only see each other once a month, then you're always going through those ups and downs and butterflies.... and the anticipation of seeing each other again keeps the "newness" alive.
every time you see each other, you get that lusty rush of dopamine that you felt the first time that you met. it's like falling in love over and over again.


plus, you can talk on the phone all the time.
late night phone conversations are what keeps me going.
just hearing his voice helps me sleep at night.
(i feel so cliche right now... )

seriously though...we use that phone time to talk about the future, and our dreams, and where we want to travel...and the psychology of people and the irony of life... and our crazy-intense connection... and all of that talking keeps our relationship from feeling mundane.

sooo, have lots of stimulating phone conversations, send each other sweet text messages, send him mail, talk on the computer, send each other pictures, stay optimistic, and plan a trip to go see him.

i know that it can be miserable when you can't see each other when you want to, but true love is able to surpass the boundaries of time and distance.
and longing for each other can help keep the spark alive.


good luck.

[Livgivare]

I have a long distance relationship and I've had it for more then 3 years. Soon I will have my boyfriend to move to my town. Because I am a student and my boyfriend is working from home, making it easier for him to live on another place for a while. Here is my few tips for making it work a bit better.

1) Make time for yourself when you are together. The hard way I've learned this, because when you are hanging on to each other practically you make it worse. The cosyness the first few days and weeks, fade and you become annoyed with each other. So if it just mean getting out and catching take-away-food or snail-mail for a few minutes and taking a small walk for yourself it actually makes the time when you are physically together so much more relaxing.

2) When appart. Try to stay in touch as much as possible, msn or something like that is great. You do it for free (almost) and it allow you to talk long talks without risking your economy. And if you need the best broadband connection there is just take it even if it cost a bit more. Try to call each other a few times (if that is the only way do it each day). Don't take fights and arguments over msn too seriously, it is almost always true that the lack of hearing the voice of the other one that makes the trouble. Be openminded and clear (when joking tell it is a joke).

3) If you need to work when being together, do not make it sound like the worse thing ever, try to make weekend hollidays and travel to some place or just make a few more days in the week more special, like going out in the park doing romatic things. Even if it means going to a tacky theater-show.

4) If time appart is too heavy on you, try to make silly appointments. Like renting the same movie and watch it simultainly and comment it on the phone or buy the same book and read it to each other (The Da Vinci Code could be a good one), or even eat the same food each Tuesday.

5) Never stop up totally in your life just to do the relationship good deeds, keep your life going even if it is hard. I've not managed this and know it is the part that makes the rest of the world a bad place for me, so now I do implement new habits that will last long because I do them my way.

By the way:
My boyfriend lives by the way near Oslo in Norway and I live on the eastcoast of Sweden in the middle of it, and it takes me 12 hours or so by train to travel to him, and on a good day it takes him 8-9 hours by car to travel to me.

Love Leelene

[cmvincent42]

I want to let you know it can work. I am a flight attendant so I don't live in the same state as my fiance and I am never home. We work it out because he is my soulmate and we have trust in each other. I hate to say it will get easier with time but it is very true. Stay strong, keep your goals and love in mind and you will make it. Have a blessed day.