Motivations to get a girlfriend beside sex

[songwriter]

this could be one of the silliest question ever, or one of the smartest ones, we'll see...

What are the motivations of getting a girlfriend besides sex?

Really, I don't find any woman attracting in herself. I'm not gay, they turn me on, you know what I mean. I like them sexually, but I'm not "attracted for them"... I don't have crushes... you know. It's been a whole lot of time since the last one. I don't find them interesting. Well... I find them as interesting as any man but that doesn't mean I want to spent many time with the same male friend... either. I don't see much the difference between a male/female friend and what is called a girlfriend besides sex.

Yes, falling in love!, but ain't that has something to do with having sex? so...
it's one of my special doubts...

[jsot]

I'm not exactly an expert when it come to stuff like this, but maybe you haven't met the right person yet?

[Christian223]

Hey, i identify with you, i have this same "problem" for many years in the past, i was sexually attracted, but i didnt like women i met... thats a problem.

Anyway, getting back to your questions that i am also interested in seeing other answers, here are a couple of nice things to think about:

Women can make you feel powerfull, great, loved, cherished, funny, awesome.

Women can make you feel as if they needed you, you feel important.

You may feel understood and deeply connected.

Besides beign sexy, women are also cute, you get to enjoy that cuteness more closely and intimately.

You get to be playfull in a romantic relatioship, wich is great...

I cant think of anything else right now.

Eventually everything is linked to sex i guess, because we humans are sexual beigns... mmhhhhh, a final thought would be that you must love yourself before you can love someone else, and that you still didnt find someone who matches the traits that you look for in a woman. But i am in the same spot than you, so, i would like to see more replys

[NotesMaeve]

Wow! Hm. Here's the stuff I do for my sweetie:

Post coitus, I rub his wrists because he has a disease that causes joint probs. Also rub them after he drums.

In general, I am supportive of him overcoming his challenges and will put my life on hold for his problems.

He's got my constant admiration. I looove bragging about him! He's sexy, in great shape, brave, clever, and I'll talk your ear off about this if you let me. Love boosting his self-esteem too!

When he has a bad night and I'm over, I love rubbing his back until he falls asleep.

I love cooking for him.

I love that he "gets" my jokes.

We can talk Eco and Fuco.

Outside of sex, there's admiration for one other's physical form. <3

My friends would never tell me how they want to rip all my clothes off or carry me. (Squee!) My friends would never grab me and kiss me in public because they can't contain themselves. (Double squee!) It's this whole "courtship" process that makes it so great. Anyone can have sex with me. Not everyone can make me so insane.

[Shamou]

Sounds like a bad case of machoism... women are different... and if you take the time to discover who and what they truly are... you'll be amazed...

They have more guts in their little finger than most guys will ever dream of having... and, not only do they have guts... but they also have courage and determination... they are bright, and they can bring an entire new perspective in your life...

You just have to make the necessary effort to find out what they "really" are all about... you'll be amazed... and probably feel a little foolish also for ever having had to ask such a question...
.

[stayfly]

women are some of the coolest creatures on the planet!

some of the reasons for having a girlfriend include;
- fun: most chicks I've been with or been around are extremely fun to be around
- companionship: sharing the ups and downs of life with someone you love is special
- contribution: look at how you can contibute to creating a great relationshup and helping you partner grow
- status: somewhat egotistical, but walking around with a hot babe by my side is fun
- learning: chicks are smart, especialy socially and emotionally. I've learnt a lot from women.

there's heaps more too

[Christian223]

Nice replys so far.
What you say about that this is somewhat a bad case of beign Macho is so true for me, i have been raised to be that way by family and culture, and i belive that society in general pushes us to only think in sex about women, they teach us that companionship, contribution, connection and love are values that only women and gays have, we true men dont have those traits... its very sad, very un-realistic and stupid... even childish...

Its good to share this stuff, getting new perspectives helps for self growth, so even if i feel stupid for asking such questions, i can see the door for improvement in me, if i am stupid in some way, i wont be stupid for too long

You just have to make the necessary effort to find out what they "really" are all about... you'll be amazed

What you say in here is awesome, great motivation for real rapport and connection, thanks everyone, you taught me good stuff.

[alexinspire]

This is the reason and suggestion to it:

It's the past!

When you are a little boy, you might fall into 2 incidents!

1. Influence by your mother. Your mother is the closest woman when you are young. Childhood influence is very very huge. Maybe you mother did something really bad or you don't like something about her. And you decided in a very young age that woman is bad or I'm not going to like woman. After for awhile, you forget about it but it's influencing your subconscious about all woman are like that.

2. You might be hurt by a girl when you are young. And you tell yourself something bad about girl that influence you the rest of your life.

Don't blame them!

You know why you should not blame them? BECAUSE IT'S YOUR LIFE!

Blaming will only make this situation happens- "THEY MAKE ME BE LIKE THIS! i CAN'T HELP IT!" You let the past control you and not yourself controlling your life. So...

Just be responsible and start practice to like woman. Tell yourself that you won't let your experience of your childhood to influence you. Nothing you say when you are a child is true(hey! you are still young and don't know anything yet!).

When you know it's untrue, you really can start to like woman!

[realignedliving]

Influence by your mother...

That's been debunked and disproved for decades.

[MadHyeNa]

Originally Posted by realignedliving

Influence by your mother...

That's been debunked and disproved for decades.

The mother, just as well as his father, plays a major role in a child's programming and conditioning during the growing up time. The first few years, especially 0-8 are crucial. The patterns that are developed and reinforced during that time are very hard to overcome and/or replace them. Also, that's when the child's personality and character is formed. Therefore, you cannot say that the parents do not play a role in the development and programming of their childs, even though, this happens mostly in an unconscious manner.

That being said, motivations to get a girlfriend beside sex? One word: affection. I am not a believer of love at first sight because that's attraction, and I am know the process how love happens, gets initiated and ultimately why and how it feels the way it feels, therefore, I am conscious of its whole process. Furthermore, in my opinion, affection is the emotion that makes the world and merry-go-round.

I think that you do not know or haven't had the chance to differentiate these emotions. You have pretty much experienced lust and desire. Sexual desire, getting the turn-on, everything that you mentioned but that is temporary. Think of it like what would happen after. Sex is temporary ecstasy. Huge dosage of dopamine release and other feel good hormones. Achieving orgasm and it's all over. Is that all, you ask? Definitely no. The act of being together, the very act of spending the night together has the underlying "affection" and that's what really matter.

Having a woman around to share the beauties and passions of life; experience together the rollercoaster of emotions; to have a girl around when you need somebody to back you up, motivate and help you striving through the obstacles during your endeavors; growing together, truly enjoying life, and having a woman around to share your joy and success with. All of these are by far more valuable than sex. High class sex can be bought on a frequent basis. But you cannot buy affection, respect and admiration.

With whom would you share your success and wealth when you are a multi-millionaire; beautiful condo on the Hollywood beach, South Florida; enough diversified assets that you need not to worry or work anymore for the rest of your lifestyle. You could have dozens of girls around you on a daily basis to get away of your grumpy loneliness. Does it brings true satisfaction and genuine fulfillment? Hardly.

That's not what life is all about. You must have somebody around to share the ultimate success and joyness that life has to offer. Complete each other, expand the boundaries of the two of you, merging and becoming one person. Getting through the positive and not-so-positive times, always looking at the bright side of the life, and knowing that you have a girl that would live in a box down the river just to be with you. Is that enough for you? Is it because of sex? We are social species. We need affection. Period.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by MadHyeNa

Sexual desire, getting the turn-on, everything that you mentioned but that is temporary.

I have agreed with almost everything that you have said here... except for the above quote... I have been with my wife for very close to twenty five years... and the flame is as strong as ever... maybe it is due to the fact that she is as beautiful and sexy as she was at 22... but still... she's still being chased around the house just as enthusiastically as she was was when I first met her...
.

[songwriter]

NotesMaeve, seeing your post it looks there are 2 kind of things:

-Things related to sex, like I imagined
-Things related to "mother" him or so... support, cooking, you know...

Sex and a mother figure? maybe that is more correct...

I'm tired of loving myself. If there's a too much, I love myself too much.

[songwriter]

Hey Christian223 I know those feelings. But that doesn't happen to me since the 20th Century. And I'm only 29. Now I look at it as a teenage thing or so, not waiting for it to happen again. At least, no woman had made me feel that way since years.

[stayfly]

do you have many male friends? do you have many female friends?

also, do u have any very close friends, people you would consider "best friends" and that you are totally open with and totally comfortable being around?

[Christian223]

Hey Songwritter, i understand you, i dont feel like that since im 14 or so, now im 24. An important questions would be: do you actively and proactively look and search for that kind of woman?. Is the problem that you dont know why to get in a relationship or you didnt find love again or that special someone?.

[openeyes]

Affection, having someone support you in your goals, to share good and bad times, these are the most important things in a relationship for me. Luckily I can have that with friends, and thus I generally feel little need for a girlfriend. Also, one can more easily have several friends, and they're more apt to be in your life a year or two from now than a girlfriend.

The main advantages to having a girlfriend are that having one makes other women more interested/comfortable with you (not always a good thing if your girl doesn't like to share), and the girl will generally give more of herself to you in every way, spending more time and energy on/with you than most any opposite gender friend usually would.

The latter, the deeper sharing, is the one thing that makes me occasionally consider giving dating another chance.

[dktang]

Watch penelope cruz in vanilla sky and tell me you are not attracted to females other than sex...

[Erock]

Girls are just like guys only different. They are more focused on feelings, they are easier to talk to, a blast to just do regular things with, and they are far sexier. It's really important for me to have female friends. Try getting some, and not the tom-boy type (no offense to them), but the type of girls that you really just don't understand yet, and do your best to understand them. Make sure to communicate very quickly though that you just want to be friends, like really just want to be friends. A lot of idiot guys try to sneak in under the radar, and if she thinks you are like that she will push you out of her life.

Erock

[Sam988]

I have the same "problem" you do.. but i dont see it as a problem, last and only time i had a crush on a girl was when i was 15 and never again.. i'm 19 now.


I just enjoy it the way it is, and when i meet another girl and i have a crush on her, fine, but i dont look for it, because its not my priority right now to "be in love".

[jsot]

Originally Posted by Erock

Girls are just like guys only different. They are more focused on feelings, they are easier to talk to, a blast to just do regular things with, and they are far sexier. It's really important for me to have female friends. Try getting some, and not the tom-boy type (no offense to them), but the type of girls that you really just don't understand yet, and do your best to understand them. Make sure to communicate very quickly though that you just want to be friends, like really just want to be friends. A lot of idiot guys try to sneak in under the radar, and if she thinks you are like that she will push you out of her life.

Erock

This.
Female friends are awesome.

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by stayfly

do you have many male friends? do you have many female friends?

also, do u have any very close friends, people you would consider "best friends" and that you are totally open with and totally comfortable being around?

lots of male friends. Some close friends, almost totally open an comfortable.
I have had some female friends sometimes, only Friends you know.
I was even more comfortable with females friends that with male friends, because they reminded to me what I miss (girlfriend or whatever the name).

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by Christian223

Hey Songwritter, i understand you, i dont feel like that since im 14 or so, now im 24. An important questions would be: do you actively and proactively look and search for that kind of woman?. Is the problem that you dont know why to get in a relationship or you didnt find love again or that special someone?.

I did but Now I don't search. That's why I'm looking for "motivation". I guess I would be better in a relationship, but that's not always true, you know... but as my eternal problem is how to enter in one... I don't find the point in so much effort for me for nothing but hard times and rejections, is it really worth so much? I don't think it would be for me. Because I'm not at good at it, as you see.

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by dktang

Watch penelope cruz in vanilla sky and tell me you are not attracted to females other than sex...

Man that's a movie, not reality. Life is not like movies. All the women fall in love with actors in movies, but not even that actors are like that in real life.

[stayfly]

Originally Posted by songwriter

lots of male friends. Some close friends, almost totally open an comfortable.
I have had some female friends sometimes, only Friends you know.
I was even more comfortable with females friends that with male friends, because they reminded to me what I miss (girlfriend or whatever the name).

that's great to hear that you have a lot of friends.

what do you personally think is the purpose for having friends? is it to have fun, share experiences, contribute, grow and learn OR is it just to satisfy your basic social needs? or is something else entirely?

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by stayfly

that's great to hear that you have a lot of friends.

what do you personally think is the purpose for having friends? is it to have fun, share experiences, contribute, grow and learn OR is it just to satisfy your basic social needs? or is something else entirely?

To while away the time mainly, like everything,... To socialize, to have a laugh, kind of what you say. To influence the world and being influenced... so not being isolated.

All I know is that I prefer to have them than not to have them, and I don't think there is a single cause for it.

But let me tell you, I rarely would want to spent a long time living with any of my friends. The more you stay together, the more apart you are, the more differences shows, etc. And that's kind of what a girlfriend would be... or maybe not, I'm really ignorant in this, just guessing.

(I'm a weird one, don't feel "pity" or so for me, it's the opposite of what I want, I'm very used to my state... well, I came to this web searching for "social skills" and I've learn about a lot of things but getting a girlfriend. :-)

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by songwriter

NotesMaeve, seeing your post it looks there are 2 kind of things:

-Things related to sex, like I imagined
-Things related to "mother" him or so... support, cooking, you know...

Sex and a mother figure? maybe that is more correct...

I'm tired of loving myself. If there's a too much, I love myself too much.

There's a difference between mothering, sex, and a partnership. I can call my boys from work if I need the marble top table moved. I can put on the tangerine lip gloss and chat up any number of nice little college boys in my town eager to please women. If I want to mother something, I'll overwhelm the cat as per my method. :-)

But in romance, there's this unique desire to really give yourself to a person, to give aid and succor (forgive me, Stephen King), and to truly intimately KNOW a person.

Look, I love me some girlfriends and guy friends, and no one connects the way my girls and I do, but there's a deep emotional difference and comfort in a real partner's body and mind.

[Holistic Star]

Songwriter:

Perhaps you should ask yourself: "What are the motivations of a woman getting a boyfriend besides sex?"

or even more pertinently: "What are the motivations of a woman getting me as a boyfriend besides sex?"

(and by the way it isn't things like mowing the lawn and changing car tyres).




Stayfly "women are some of the coolest creatures on the planet!"
it might be just me, but wow does that read as patronising. Might want to have a rethink about what you are expressing there.


Guys - Women are not a different species. Just a different gender. Please try to bear that in mind.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

@ Holistic Star - I didn't find it patronizing at all (am a woman). It's colloquial I think (probably not the right word, but just that people in different areas have different terms that hold different meanings/levels of acceptability), not a dig at an entire gender. He may say his male friends are cool creatures as well.

What is is you are expressing by getting defensive about his word choice? (This is not meant to be inflamatory at all. It's a sincere question.)

I know that guys feel like a different species to me sometimes, but I don't think it in a degrading way.

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

Might want to have a rethink about what you are expressing there.

To be bookish about it, one could look to the 7th definition provided by the online Merriam Webster:

"7. slang a: very good : excellent; also : all right b: fashionable, hip <not happy with the new shoes…because they were not cool — Celestine Sibley>"

Definition of cool - Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

doesn't seem so bad

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I think it was the creature part she was talking about...but maybe you are just being facetious so I will stop talking now...