Cloud over my intention manifestation

[MM19]

Hello all! I am so grateful for this site and for all of you who read and respond to these threads. It really is a gift, and nice to know I have so many new friends, even if we should never "meet."

Regardless, I am struggling a bit right now with a relationship. My ex and I were together for 2 1/2 years. We broke up in May, but have maintained contact. At the end of the relationship, he said "if [he] thought this was forever [he was] not sure he could do this." I am in my 30s, and read to settle down. He is a mere 27, and seems to be in the death rattle stage of acceptance about marriage.

Since our breakup, he has "dated" several women casually. This has been hard for me, but I realize I really did manifest it. I spent months fearing he would end it and date other women, and was constantly jealous, even when it was inappropriate. I have been manifesting a change in myself and my approach, but it has been a tough go. I am trying very hard to manifest a stabilizing and return to our relationship.

I know, at first glance, this must all seem silly, and perhaps others reading this might think he is not good for me, but there is/was a lot of good. We have remained very helpful with one another since the break (and I still speak with his mother nearly every day; plus, he took me to see his grandmother (who I love) on the 29th and then told me how she would love it if we were ever to get married); we adore one another's families; we have similar morals, values, and goals (except for his recent "freak out" about getting married); we are in related fields, yet different fields, so there is much to discuss; we have lovely conversations, etc., and both have said at points, that we think we are a match/the one. In fact, he still won't say that he knows it will never work out, but this is all getting ugly for me.

I was startled yesterday by a call I had received from him. Mainly I was rattled because we had spent so much time together the last 2 weeks that I thought there was a sort of "moving toward" each other rather than a move toward other women. My intention manifestation has not at all incorporated other women, so I was a bit shocked by what he had said. In the last two weeks, he would often try to cuddle with me, note how compatible we were, etc., so I thought things were starting to manifest - a beta reflection of sorts.

However, yesterday, he called to tell me that he was going to Boston today for 5 days. He wanted to tell me bc/ he did not want me to stop by, call, etc. and then be shocked when he did not respond or when he answered only to tell me he was in Boston. Apparently, he is going on a "first date" with a woman who is flying him there. They are going to Martha's Vineyard together, and he has said it is "not a relationship. I am not looking for a relationship." He seemed upset that I was upset by him telling me this, and said he had hoped it would be helpful not harmful. In spite of his intentions, it sort of threw me off, and now, I am struggling to maintain my intention and manifest a different result. Instead, flashes of him there keep running through my head, and it is throwing me off. Can any of you help? I am really trying. Have watched "The Secret" twice already today, but the strength is just not as great as it was. I have been working on manifesting this intention since July 15th, but this latest "swirl" has me really rocked. Thank you all. I know this was a bit long!

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Speaking from experience, I think you need to forget about him. If I could tell you how to do that I would be a millionaire, I know. When I say that, I don't mean 'he sucks, forget him' but rather, focus solely on yourself. You are the only one you can change, the only one you can help or direct.

It sounds like he may just be having some fun not being in a committed relationship right now. Maybe he will take from it that he indeed does want to be with you with renewed committment. But he may find this life suits him better. Until you can accept either outcome, your actions and thoughts will sabotage any intentions you have because you are so invested in having things turn out a certain way.

If I were you I would take the time while he's away to turn back to yourself. Intend some things for you that don't involve him. Think about what kind of person you would like to be. Don't spend so much time dwelling on what he's doing or who he's with. That's just torture...I've been there too.

I wasn't able to stick to this myself, but I would suggest a clean break of no contact for a while. After being in a relationship for so long the lines are blurred as to what's acceptable and what things mean (physical affection, time with family).

Well, I don't know if that helped, but I am sending you lots of love and I hope all the best for you.

[MM19]

That was, indeed, helpful. I think you are right, and was sort of pleased to see your response bc/ it is exactly what I sort of came to today anyway. I know it sounds silly, but I do think he will come back, but only when I am focused on me. I think it is good and healthy to focus on that right now. You are right. I have many others to think about as well and to manifest for in the meantime. Thank you again. It is a real blessing.

[Angela]

How familiar does that sound, Aspiring?

[MM19]

You are right! Thank you again. A real gift!

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

The situation is all too familiar, and I've gotten pretty good at repeating your advice, huh, Angela? I am glad it helped, MM.

[Angela]

Aspiring, you're a lot sweeter with your advice than I am. We should go on the road with our Good Cop, Bad Cop act!

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Hehehe, different strokes for different folks. I for one needed what you had to say just the way you packaged it (otherwise it never would have gotten through).

Hey, MM, how's it going? What are you thinking about doing for yourself?

[carenkh]

Ever seen "High Fidelity"? Wonderful movie about an immature guy trying to step into his adulthood. Your post reminded me of that movie - and it may be that your guy is in that same in-between place. With a big plus of getting to watch cutie John Cusack!

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Love that movie...John. Cusack. Is. Awesome.

I was about to say I found it very apt...then I realized you already said that.

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

John. Cusack. Is. Awesome.

Sigh... I know! Lloyd Dobler.... sigh.....

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Double sigh!

Where are you MM? What's happenin'?

[MM19]

Sorry for the delay. Been a bit busy - my best friend had a baby that had to have heart surgery (turns out manifestation worked! He survived and is doing well!). Then, other good friend's dad had heart surgery (also doing well)! Have been a bit preoccupied with my family too - my brother just had brain surgery (doing really well and surgery was "textbook perfect" according to the doctor). Plus, my car is in the shop - apparently, the last time I had an oil change, they forgot to replace the oil plug, and now the engine needs a total overhaul. Am manifesting now that their company's insurance will pay for it all. Help me with that one?

On the man front, guess I have been so busy manifesting all of that for my life, I sort of got off track with something just for myself! Am really hoping, though, to manifest peace of mind, confidence in my worth as a woman and a partner, and that my home, studies, and friendships are blossoming!

Still admit, am also manifesting for him (not our relationship), that he is healed from this latest upheaval in his emotional life, and is able to settle down and focus on his book/work. How about you? Oh, and thanks for keeping up with this blog. It means a lot to have people like you on my side, cheering me along!

[MM19]

And by the way! I LOVE HIGH FIDELITY! Oh, and John Cusack! Actually, I was lucky enough to see him once - in Chicago at a restaurant with my mom! So cute, and strangely, in a yellow suit?!?

[MM19]

Just thought of one more thing! I did tell him - on the 7th - that we should not speak for a while. He was quite upset at first. Told me he thought we had been doing well and were very helpful with each other lately. I just told him - you asked to "be alone" for a while (back in June, when it first broke off), and I have not been giving that to you. So, now I am. This is not helpful for either of us.

Did I mention this came on the heels of him announcing to me (because we had been spending almost everyday together for over a week - cuddling, talking, etc.) that he was going to Boston for 5 days (the next day) and didn't want me to worry if he wasn't home or wasn't calling me back. Then, he proceeded to tell me it was a "first date" trip with a woman (a professor), who was paying for the trip, and they were going to Martha's Vineyard together. But, he couldn't understand why that would upset me?!? It was, afterall ONLY a first date, and he was not going to have a relationship with her! UGH. Men. Also, mentioned, if he were to have a relationship, it would have been with me. Couldn't understand why I thought this was so serious. Seriously!

[MM19]

HA! LOL! What a wacko I am lately. Been a long week! Sorry ladies!

[carenkh]

Hmmm.... I'm wondering if there's a connection with all the surgeries (TWO heart surgeries!), your car's ENGINE problem, and your emotional state. It's almost like... there's something not quite right deep inside, but they're all getting what they need to bring the problem to light and fix it. Does this ring true at all to your boyfriend/not boyfriend situation? Has it brought feelings/beliefs to light that would have otherwise remained hidden had you stayed together?

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by MM19

And by the way! I LOVE HIGH FIDELITY! Oh, and John Cusack! Actually, I was lucky enough to see him once - in Chicago at a restaurant with my mom! So cute, and strangely, in a yellow suit?!?

And, yes! I'll turn into a teen girl for a moment: *Squeeeeeal!* OMG!! John CUSACK?!! In *real* life??!!! Good heavens, I'm getting flushed just thinking about it!

[MM19]

I do think it has made me realize how the power of positive thought can bring out helpful change in any situation and heal such problems. I do see the connection, now that you mention it - with my brother's brain surgery (their was a massive amount of fluid on his brain), that perhaps tears can bog down right thinking; with the baby (that a miracle vein appeared to keep his heart and lungs functioning), that there is always a "vein" of hope when you believe your heart might not work again; and with her dad (he had calcifications around his arteries), that by scraping away that which is hardening your heart, you can open it again to health oxygen. With my car, I suppose that someone else can make it stop working, but someone can always put it back together. In all situations, that the only part I played was believing in myself and the power of my positive thoughts/strength within me to direct the situation to the end result I desired. Although, perhaps I am off here? I guess I realize I just need to believe in myself and the value of what I am/provide?

[MM19]

thanks so much for ALL of your continued support and help. You have no idea what it means to me. I am forever grateful to you and this site for this healing!

[MM19]

I know this may sound silly, but, if I think I have this all down, I am curious: If I manifest for myself that I am loving of myself, accepting of myself, and see my beauty and value, why is it then not possible to manifest a healing in him (this "breakthrough" that he keeps saying keeps us apart), that will allow our relationship to revive? Is it impossible to manifest a relationship with someone specifically? Is that what you have been saying to me about "being attached to an outcome?" I am so confused at this point. I am a new practitioner, both in the ways of yoga (Himalayan practice) and to intention manifestation. He too is a studier of yoga. I know that non-attachment, acceptance, and renunciation are a big part of that practice and this, so does that mean one must not be attached to the idea of a person, even if you hope to heal them as well as yourself? So feeling lost bc/ I really thought this manifestation thing was working for me and now I feel discouraged that the one thing I would like to manifest most (a return to the love and joy we felt/feel in our good moments - in a monogamous relationship) is not possible. Any help there? I guess what I mean is, if I am able to focus on myself and healing myself, why then, would it not also be possible to heal him and see our relationship healed as well? If I can "manifest" the healing of a friend's child, of a friend's father, and of my own brother, why not also heal him? SOOO confused! Thanks again, ladies. You are all a light that makes my days and my struggles not seem so dim! Blessings to you all!

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Well, there's a lot to think about! Thanks for the update (and may I say - jealous that you saw JC...even if he was wearing a yellow suit??).

What I will say to the manifestation question is that I think we each have our hands full manifesting for ourselves, working on ourselves. The main problem with attachment is that it implies you will be devastated if things don't work out as you hope. And that brings all sorts of negative energy into the equation which in turn hinders manifestation. The thought that kicks you out of heaven...when you are sitting in your chair perfectly content, then the thought pops up...I would be more comfortable with a pillow (from the book below). I don't think it's wrong to want good things (healing and breakthroughs) for other people. In the midst of my own relationship drama, I wanted the same things. You could almost be repeating the exact things I said really.

I don't see a problem intending good things for your ex as well as yourself, but your full energy should be focused on you. If you will trust me, stranger to you that I am, then I think you will realize in the end that you and everyone in your life benefit the most when you focus on yourself and the fabulous intentions you listed:

peace of mind, confidence in my worth as a woman and a partner, and that my home, studies, and friendships are blossoming!

The greatest moments in my relationship now come as beautiful surprises as I look to myself and stay in my own business. When I catch myself keeping tabs on him or wondering why he does certain things or wishing him away by hoping he'll change I find myself sinking back into that same drama filled, anxiety ridden state that totally demolished our relationship previously. I do currently do affirmations that include the people in my life and my wish for their love, peace and happiness for the greatest good of all, but I don't attach my own peace and happiness to the outcome.

The breakthrough for me came when I was intending good things for him EVEN IF THAT MEANT THEY CAME BY HIM BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

If I may, please read I Need Your Love - Is That True by Byron Katie. It really gave me a great perspective. Gem #1 that I took from it: If he's in his business and your in his business then who is looking after your business?

Hmmm, well I hope that I was able to explain my view a little better. I would be happy to try and clear it up if needed. Ultimately you need to find what feels right to you, but this process is what has worked for me.

[MM19]

Such amazing advice. Soooo clear, so sound, and so totally reasonable. Thank you. That is a real help. OK. Will do. Feel focused now and am hoping for the peace of mind you just gave me to continue - actually, I am manifesting it! THANK YOU!