Making Friends in College

[awu]

How did you make most of your friends in College?

I am finding it difficult to make as many friends as I would like to have. What's worse, I'm now in my 4th year, not my first, so you'd think I'd be experienced by now.

I have never had enough patience to stay in a club for any length of time, so I rely mostly on meeting new friends in classes. There are 2 problems with that strategy.

1. Once you make 1 friend in a class, it's hard to make more. The 1 friend takes time and attention, which can't be use to scout out other friends.

2. It's hard to make friends with people who have other friends in the class (basically, the flip side of the first problem - people who already have friends are devoting their time and attention to them).

Plus, there's just a few minutes at the beginning and end of most classes when you really have a chance to mingle.

Should I be joining more clubs? I'm not in a situation where I have no friends at all, but I would like more. My college is known for its clubbing and excessive drinking, which are things I'd never do. If you ask me, a great way to spend Friday night is to go bowling ;-)

[micth]

well... i just finished my first year of uni, and when i first arrived i literally knew no one, and now i'd say i have about 10 close friends, and about 50 i can hang out with.

I think the best way to build is meeting people through new classes, which you've already started doing. But, rather than just talking to them in class, build a bit of a friendship, mayb go out for coffee or somethin. Just do something with them outside of class. After a while, they'll introduce you to their circle of friends, and you can become part of that group. So you only really have to create a good friendship with 1 person, and through them u'll be introduce to heaps of people.

Do this afew times, and you'll have a large, diverse group of friends

Oh, also, try and be an interesting person (i hope this isn't too offensive )... go traveling, take up some cool hobbies, be active, this will make it easier for you to have conversations because you have you can talk about. Also, people like hanging out with interesting people

[Hsiang-Lin]

I'd say a good mindset if you're looking to make many friends is to be willing to sacrifice your time and what you want to do.

Not to mean you should go do something you totally expect to suck, but there will be times where you will try out new things and get out of your comfort zone.

That is how I find I make friends at a faster pace although the natural/easygoing/luck way still works enough that I can build a decent social circle.

Finding true friendships that can bear the test of time will require much more work, but I think that comes with understanding yourself and meeting more people.

[micth]

great point Hsiang-Lin, i forgot to add that in my original post

When I first started making friends, I had a rule that if someone asked me to do something socially with them, that I had to do it unless I had something realllly important on. Even if someone who I didn't really like, asked me to do something that I thought would really suck, I still did it. This makes you more open to making friends, because you can't turn down their invitations. As I made more friends I relaxed these rules, because I had enough social outlets that I could pick and choose wat i did. So yeah... even if u meet someone you don't particularly like, and they invite you to go clubbing or wateva, i'd suggest doing it. I mean, at worst it'll be a learning experience for you, but at best you'll meet a ton of fun and exciting people.

Best of luck

[Hsiang-Lin]

Yup, I'd say I had a similar experience.

When I first started out, I just jumped at whatever opportunity I could to go socialize. But then you realize at some point that your original goal was to make more friends or something else and NOT making it your life purpose (although it could help with your life purpose).

You can always learn something unless it kills you. So yeah, I'd say go out and just go with your gut instinct. And with that, I'm gonna go with my gut instinct on studying for my upcoming exam!

[Scorpio]

I met people in classes and through clubs (Psychology association). I didn't have to meet that many people, just a couple of good ones and then I just ended up meeting all their friends and got absorbed into their social circles.

I also met a lot of people at a good job I had. I was a banquet waiter at a convention center near my school and there were dozens of other students working there.

Edit: Oh yeah, scroll down through the threads. The one called 'Good Social Skills Site' has a link to a site that focuses on what you're talking about (one of the articles is called How to get a Social Life).

[Wanderer]

After starting college I felt like a bit of an outcast, but like the other posters say, once you make one close friend, you can join their 'click' if you like and 'hang' with their friends, that way you can get to know others without been all alone again. I know you said you have little patience for clubs, but their must be a club you enjoy, which will have other people for you to hang out with. Another thought is try to make sure you have a diverse mix of male and female friends, as if all your friends are the same sex, it becomes harder to mingle with the other and a vicious circle can begin!

[Scorpio]

Originally Posted by Wanderer

I know you said you have little patience for clubs, but their must be a club you enjoy, which will have other people for you to hang out with.

Yeah, I second this. A lot of people when they think of 'clubs', form an image of bad trance music, corny flashing lights, guido looking guys, spoiled princess women, people packed in like sardines, ****** bouncers, and all that.

That's not the only choice. You can go to a chilled out little live music venue or a sports bar or something.

[RT Wolf]

Intend a friend.

Seriously though, for me, it's not just making friends, it's making the right friends. The kind of people you hang out with has a very large effect on the way you think and view life and so forth. Back in high school, I hung out with a group of very down and cynical people for three years and I became like that. In my last year, I broke out of that group and made friends with upbeat people and I've done more and had a lot more fun. So, my advice would be to not make friends for the sake of having friends, but try to get more quality relationships (quality vs quantity).

[Scott]

One word: Extracurriculars.

Seriously, I've met more people through these activities than I'll ever meet at clubs. Even better, you know that you'll have at least one interest in common with people you meet there. I've found community service groups (since you're working together on projects) and religious groups (since they're naturally trying to be open and inviting) to be especially great for meeting people.

[Michael Chui]

I'm an introvert, but I've also made a ton (and I really mean a ton) of friends at varying closeness in the past four years.

Because my introversion is less pronounced online, my first step usually means finding some way to talk to them online. The easiest way to do this is to be in a group with them for some project. It gives you a reason to meet outside of class time, and you additionally have a way to gain their respect and to size them up as well.

I've also learned to have the courage to talk to a random stranger. I just remind myself there's nothing to be afraid of, do it, and stay the course, however it turns out.

Then you talk to them about stuff that's not related to class. It builds up. You suggest doing something; they suggest doing something... whichever. Some more conversation happens, more activities, and suddenly you have to think a little harder to remember exactly how you met this person.

[Lychee]

Originally Posted by Michael Chui

I'm an introvert, but I've also made a ton (and I really mean a ton) of friends at varying closeness in the past four years.

Because my introversion is less pronounced online, my first step usually means finding some way to talk to them online. The easiest way to do this is to be in a group with them for some project. It gives you a reason to meet outside of class time, and you additionally have a way to gain their respect and to size them up as well.

I've also learned to have the courage to talk to a random stranger. I just remind myself there's nothing to be afraid of, do it, and stay the course, however it turns out.

Then you talk to them about stuff that's not related to class. It builds up. You suggest doing something; they suggest doing something... whichever. Some more conversation happens, more activities, and suddenly you have to think a little harder to remember exactly how you met this person.

I'm also introverted but I haven't many m(any) friends at all unfortunately. Talking online is easier, but you want to hit the right places to find the right people.

[ScottLee]

Originally Posted by awu

How did you make most of your friends in College?

I am finding it difficult to make as many friends as I would like to have. What's worse, I'm now in my 4th year, not my first, so you'd think I'd be experienced by now.

I have never had enough patience to stay in a club for any length of time, so I rely mostly on meeting new friends in classes. There are 2 problems with that strategy.

1. Once you make 1 friend in a class, it's hard to make more. The 1 friend takes time and attention, which can't be use to scout out other friends.

2. It's hard to make friends with people who have other friends in the class (basically, the flip side of the first problem - people who already have friends are devoting their time and attention to them).

Plus, there's just a few minutes at the beginning and end of most classes when you really have a chance to mingle.

Should I be joining more clubs? I'm not in a situation where I have no friends at all, but I would like more. My college is known for its clubbing and excessive drinking, which are things I'd never do. If you ask me, a great way to spend Friday night is to go bowling ;-)

I don't think joining clubs or just focusing on individual people in one class is the answer. It varies for some people, but for me, I don't really find a great deal of benefit from making friends in college classes. It pays to make searching for friends, girlfriends, and/or networking people in general in a number of places everywhere, not just any one particular place.

I'll search for friends not just in school, but even walking on the street, out in public, at the library. There was even one time my ex-girlfriend and I(still together at this time, though) were at the bookstore and we met a guy named Frank and had this long conversation about the meaning of life with him. He claimed his purpose, as well as everyone's general purpose, was happiness.

I think one key thing is to not let yourself be boxed in by the impression that you shouldn't say something - just be yourself, say what comes to mind, and allow the commonality that people may or may not have sort itself out.

Or at least, that's sort of how I've handled it, and it's worked quite well.

[smdesimon]

I'm having problems making friends in college. It wasn't always like this though! Im in my second semester of my freshman year, and let me tell you the first semester was great. I think my biggest mistake though was making one best girl friend and becoming attached at the hip. Around the first week of school I met this girl through random circumstances and we became best friends pretty quickly. It started when I went to her home for her birthday, and thats when I met her brother. Me and him started dating and I would go home with her on the weekends, I got attached to her and her family! We did everything together, went to many parties and new a ton of people. She was a little more outgoing then me, just a tad bit, but she always had the job of finding stuff for her to do. Well now that im in the second semester and she's left due to bad grades, im finding myself completely and utterly alone. I'm a very attractive, nice girl I think, I'm just as friendly as anyone else I think, but i still feel so alone. The only people that I know in school are guys, no girls, im finding it almost impossible to make friends that are girls, it seems like they have no desire to meet new people what should I do. I've never joined a club, and am not planning on it, and I do go to a lot a parties but its not like you can really meet other girls there who want to be your friend, half the time I wont even remember who the heck i met at a party. So ya any advice would be helpfull

[floslib]

Well, I found the best place to make friends was in the dorms, rather than in classes. However, I lived in a very social dorm, so your mileage may vary with that advice.

For me, the easiest way to meet people was to hang out in the lounges. We had a bunch of couches in ours, as well as a TV and some video games. This meant there was already some form of entertainment for us if we were the only one there. Once one person was there though, it snowballed and soon there was quite a social gathering. From there, conversation followed, and soon we were all becoming friends quite quickly.

Of course, if you don't have those luxuries in your lounges, or you don't like TV and video games, there are other things you can do while you're there. Reading and homework are options, and if you have a laptop, anything you'd do on your computer in your room can be done in a lounge. Well, at least if your dorm has wireless access, otherwise it will have to be non-internet stuff.
You could also break out a game of some kind (Pictionary is good because people can come and go as needed), but you'll need at least one other like-minded person to help you out with that one.

If all that fails, then clubs are probably your best bet. People are usually focused on class during class time, rather than meeting new people. At least, that was my experience. People at clubs are looking to have fun, and are probably more open to meeting people then. This has the added benefit of pairing you with people who have at least one common interest with you.

[thedudejo]

Yeah it can be hard to make friends in college. It has been for me. I have a few good friends, most of them are outside of my college though. I've moved around a little bit in HS (moved across the country) and i've kind of developed a social disorder from it. It was a culture shock and i think it somehow made me more introverted (although I wasn't like that always). Its not that i'm not social at all, it's just i'm not that good at keeping a conversation going. I tell myself i'm tired sometimes and use it as an excuse not to talk when i feel i should. Sometimes i'm afraid of revealing too much about myself for whatever. I'm a relatively big and good looking guy so I think sometimes people may take my quiteness for smugness or something...

[Trezker]

I found friends primarily in my classmates, since we were are gaming nerds it was pretty easy to get new friends just by playing games. But also in the project courses, working in a team really builds relationships.

Outside regular school hours I went to the pub, joined a board game and role playing club, helped form a Go club and spent some time chatting with students on IRC.

I could also have joined certain organizations working with student issues, the student internet group, worked at the pub... But I was too shy.

I found it hard not to make friends...

[bhuff85]

Honestly, you can meet people wherever. It's all about putting yourself out there.

I would strongly encourage you to join up with clubs or organizations that fit what you're looking for. Heck, even take up some campus activities that you'd think you would like to be involved in. Either way, you just need to get the confidence to speak up and just casually talk to people. Practice on striking up conversations with random people, as this will help you work on your people skills even more.

Before you know it, you'll have tons of friends. It just takes some time.

[caseyg]

I know this is old, but to anyone experiencing the same issue; I would also encourage you to check out meetup.org and search for groups in your area - it's not college-specific, but it's a good way to make friends, and there might be a group comprised of students that attend your same school.

Good luck!