Making Friends in College

[awu]

How did you make most of your friends in College?

I am finding it difficult to make as many friends as I would like to have. What's worse, I'm now in my 4th year, not my first, so you'd think I'd be experienced by now.

I have never had enough patience to stay in a club for any length of time, so I rely mostly on meeting new friends in classes. There are 2 problems with that strategy.

1. Once you make 1 friend in a class, it's hard to make more. The 1 friend takes time and attention, which can't be use to scout out other friends.

2. It's hard to make friends with people who have other friends in the class (basically, the flip side of the first problem - people who already have friends are devoting their time and attention to them).

Plus, there's just a few minutes at the beginning and end of most classes when you really have a chance to mingle.

Should I be joining more clubs? I'm not in a situation where I have no friends at all, but I would like more. My college is known for its clubbing and excessive drinking, which are things I'd never do. If you ask me, a great way to spend Friday night is to go bowling ;-)

[micth]

well... i just finished my first year of uni, and when i first arrived i literally knew no one, and now i'd say i have about 10 close friends, and about 50 i can hang out with.

I think the best way to build is meeting people through new classes, which you've already started doing. But, rather than just talking to them in class, build a bit of a friendship, mayb go out for coffee or somethin. Just do something with them outside of class. After a while, they'll introduce you to their circle of friends, and you can become part of that group. So you only really have to create a good friendship with 1 person, and through them u'll be introduce to heaps of people.

Do this afew times, and you'll have a large, diverse group of friends

Oh, also, try and be an interesting person (i hope this isn't too offensive )... go traveling, take up some cool hobbies, be active, this will make it easier for you to have conversations because you have you can talk about. Also, people like hanging out with interesting people

[Hsiang-Lin]

I'd say a good mindset if you're looking to make many friends is to be willing to sacrifice your time and what you want to do.

Not to mean you should go do something you totally expect to suck, but there will be times where you will try out new things and get out of your comfort zone.

That is how I find I make friends at a faster pace although the natural/easygoing/luck way still works enough that I can build a decent social circle.

Finding true friendships that can bear the test of time will require much more work, but I think that comes with understanding yourself and meeting more people.

[micth]

great point Hsiang-Lin, i forgot to add that in my original post

When I first started making friends, I had a rule that if someone asked me to do something socially with them, that I had to do it unless I had something realllly important on. Even if someone who I didn't really like, asked me to do something that I thought would really suck, I still did it. This makes you more open to making friends, because you can't turn down their invitations. As I made more friends I relaxed these rules, because I had enough social outlets that I could pick and choose wat i did. So yeah... even if u meet someone you don't particularly like, and they invite you to go clubbing or wateva, i'd suggest doing it. I mean, at worst it'll be a learning experience for you, but at best you'll meet a ton of fun and exciting people.

Best of luck

[Hsiang-Lin]

Yup, I'd say I had a similar experience.

When I first started out, I just jumped at whatever opportunity I could to go socialize. But then you realize at some point that your original goal was to make more friends or something else and NOT making it your life purpose (although it could help with your life purpose).

You can always learn something unless it kills you. So yeah, I'd say go out and just go with your gut instinct. And with that, I'm gonna go with my gut instinct on studying for my upcoming exam!

[Scorpio]

I met people in classes and through clubs (Psychology association). I didn't have to meet that many people, just a couple of good ones and then I just ended up meeting all their friends and got absorbed into their social circles.

I also met a lot of people at a good job I had. I was a banquet waiter at a convention center near my school and there were dozens of other students working there.

Edit: Oh yeah, scroll down through the threads. The one called 'Good Social Skills Site' has a link to a site that focuses on what you're talking about (one of the articles is called How to get a Social Life).

[Wanderer]

After starting college I felt like a bit of an outcast, but like the other posters say, once you make one close friend, you can join their 'click' if you like and 'hang' with their friends, that way you can get to know others without been all alone again. I know you said you have little patience for clubs, but their must be a club you enjoy, which will have other people for you to hang out with. Another thought is try to make sure you have a diverse mix of male and female friends, as if all your friends are the same sex, it becomes harder to mingle with the other and a vicious circle can begin!

[Scorpio]

Originally Posted by Wanderer

I know you said you have little patience for clubs, but their must be a club you enjoy, which will have other people for you to hang out with.

Yeah, I second this. A lot of people when they think of 'clubs', form an image of bad trance music, corny flashing lights, guido looking guys, spoiled princess women, people packed in like sardines, ****** bouncers, and all that.

That's not the only choice. You can go to a chilled out little live music venue or a sports bar or something.

[RT Wolf]

Intend a friend.

Seriously though, for me, it's not just making friends, it's making the right friends. The kind of people you hang out with has a very large effect on the way you think and view life and so forth. Back in high school, I hung out with a group of very down and cynical people for three years and I became like that. In my last year, I broke out of that group and made friends with upbeat people and I've done more and had a lot more fun. So, my advice would be to not make friends for the sake of having friends, but try to get more quality relationships (quality vs quantity).

[Scott]

One word: Extracurriculars.

Seriously, I've met more people through these activities than I'll ever meet at clubs. Even better, you know that you'll have at least one interest in common with people you meet there. I've found community service groups (since you're working together on projects) and religious groups (since they're naturally trying to be open and inviting) to be especially great for meeting people.

[Michael Chui]

I'm an introvert, but I've also made a ton (and I really mean a ton) of friends at varying closeness in the past four years.

Because my introversion is less pronounced online, my first step usually means finding some way to talk to them online. The easiest way to do this is to be in a group with them for some project. It gives you a reason to meet outside of class time, and you additionally have a way to gain their respect and to size them up as well.

I've also learned to have the courage to talk to a random stranger. I just remind myself there's nothing to be afraid of, do it, and stay the course, however it turns out.

Then you talk to them about stuff that's not related to class. It builds up. You suggest doing something; they suggest doing something... whichever. Some more conversation happens, more activities, and suddenly you have to think a little harder to remember exactly how you met this person.

[Lychee]

Originally Posted by Michael Chui

I'm an introvert, but I've also made a ton (and I really mean a ton) of friends at varying closeness in the past four years.

Because my introversion is less pronounced online, my first step usually means finding some way to talk to them online. The easiest way to do this is to be in a group with them for some project. It gives you a reason to meet outside of class time, and you additionally have a way to gain their respect and to size them up as well.

I've also learned to have the courage to talk to a random stranger. I just remind myself there's nothing to be afraid of, do it, and stay the course, however it turns out.

Then you talk to them about stuff that's not related to class. It builds up. You suggest doing something; they suggest doing something... whichever. Some more conversation happens, more activities, and suddenly you have to think a little harder to remember exactly how you met this person.

I'm also introverted but I haven't many m(any) friends at all unfortunately. Talking online is easier, but you want to hit the right places to find the right people.

[ScottLee]

Originally Posted by awu

How did you make most of your friends in College?

I am finding it difficult to make as many friends as I would like to have. What's worse, I'm now in my 4th year, not my first, so you'd think I'd be experienced by now.

I have never had enough patience to stay in a club for any length of time, so I rely mostly on meeting new friends in classes. There are 2 problems with that strategy.

1. Once you make 1 friend in a class, it's hard to make more. The 1 friend takes time and attention, which can't be use to scout out other friends.

2. It's hard to make friends with people who have other friends in the class (basically, the flip side of the first problem - people who already have friends are devoting their time and attention to them).

Plus, there's just a few minutes at the beginning and end of most classes when you really have a chance to mingle.

Should I be joining more clubs? I'm not in a situation where I have no friends at all, but I would like more. My college is known for its clubbing and excessive drinking, which are things I'd never do. If you ask me, a great way to spend Friday night is to go bowling ;-)

I don't think joining clubs or just focusing on individual people in one class is the answer. It varies for some people, but for me, I don't really find a great deal of benefit from making friends in college classes. It pays to make searching for friends, girlfriends, and/or networking people in general in a number of places everywhere, not just any one particular place.

I'll search for friends not just in school, but even walking on the street, out in public, at the library. There was even one time my ex-girlfriend and I(still together at this time, though) were at the bookstore and we met a guy named Frank and had this long conversation about the meaning of life with him. He claimed his purpose, as well as everyone's general purpose, was happiness.

I think one key thing is to not let yourself be boxed in by the impression that you shouldn't say something - just be yourself, say what comes to mind, and allow the commonality that people may or may not have sort itself out.

Or at least, that's sort of how I've handled it, and it's worked quite well.