Made the decision to keep my distance from friends.

[Peleke4]

Unfortunately, my circle of friends are negative. I grew up with them, known them for years... just like all friendships, we've had our good times and bad. There's no tension or **** going on between me or any of them. We're all cool.

I'm not one to burn bridges, but I recently made a firm decision to keep my distance from them. Ever since day one, they've always been negative and it's unlikely they'll change: shadiness, untrustworthy, overly-critical/judgemental, always talking **** about each other and others, some constantly play immature "mind games," etc.

In retrospect, that negative energy had a bad affect on me. I don't blame them though. I take full responsiblity. After all, it wasn't like someone had a gun to my head screaming, "Kick it w/ us or else!" I chose to hang out with them through the years. The thought of distancing myself from them did cross my mind before, but at the time I was still young and immature. I feared being alone.

Ever since immersing myself in PD/self-help, I am much more self-reliant. I see things differently. I want to surround myself with positive people. Although at my age I realize it'll be hard to find new positive friends, my decision remains firm. I've spent the last so many years surrounded by negativity and I refuse to continue. And if I don't find new friends, I'm surely not going back. I'd rather be by myself.

Has anyone ever made a firm decision to distance yourself from negative friends you've been hanging out with for years? Did your journey into PD/self-help influence you to make that decision? How was the transition like? Did you make new friends immediately? Make new friends at all? I'm just curious how your experiences went. Thanks!

[deepfried]

Hi!

I made a similar commitment this year as I got into PD/Spirituality/CM, and while I havn't made any new friends as yet the more positive energies I'm giving off are getting much more positive reactions from people I already know. I would say this is an alpha reflection for the intention of making new friends

Like attracts like after all, and I realised that my "old self" used to vibrate best with other negative people, so that is who I hung around with. Now my energies are a lot different I seem to be attracting likeminded positive folks... we will see what comes of it :-). Ideally though, I would like my current friends to let me help them become more positive

Hope this helps you!

[JimOfferman]

I have burned quite a few bridges when I moved to a home closer to work two years ago.

My old circle of friends was comprised mostly of people who were in the same year of the university course that I attended, so those friendships existed first and foremost because of that shared interest. Which was fine, until I dropped out of university to pursue other interests. Over time, as our interests drifted further and further apart, I felt less and less connected to this group of people, yet somehow unable to completely disentangle myself from the group and meet new friends.

Just before I was going to move to my new house, the long-time crush I had on one of my fellow student friends came out in a rather painful way... at the time I felt very ashamed of how I had behaved in the situation (I was so caught up in my own feelings, I had too little regard for hers). Moving to the new house felt like the ideal opportunity to leave all that mess behind and start anew.

I still miss one or two of those old friends on occasion. On the whole, however, my new circle of friends is a far better fit for my person.

[Peter S C]

Yes I have made this decision. It wasn't always easy - I didn't make new friends right away but I did overtime.

May favorite quote re this situation: “You can’t fly with the eagles if you continue to scratch with the turkeys.” - Zig Ziglar

[Dan.Linehan]

My circle got way better after leaving a couple negative people behind.

There are no hard feelings, it was just better for everyone. They rely on themselves more instead of expecting me to build them up all the time and understand that I had to move on.

[deathwing9]

Originally Posted by Peleke4

Has anyone ever made a firm decision to distance yourself from negative friends you've been hanging out with for years? Did your journey into PD/self-help influence you to make that decision? How was the transition like? Did you make new friends immediately? Make new friends at all? I'm just curious how your experiences went. Thanks!

I knew my friends for 8 years and completely left them in the dust after high school. You see I never wanted to have close friends my intention was to get over with school and be done with it, Im kinda a lonewolf I love being alone plus my friends were kinda boring. It was easy for me I told them I was going on vacation and Id be right back ,I never went back. Na I didnt want to make friends in college I just want to do the work and go home. my experiences went great college is awsome and life is starting to fit in to place.

[LAVegan]

Peter S C - the Zig Ziglar quote is dead on! I have friends from the old days that I keep in contact with, but to keep myself moving forward with PD I have to make sure my daily contacts are positive people with the same goals. You can't learn and grow if your 'friends' are cutting you down or pulling you in a direction that isn't where you want to go. But, letting go can be really difficult, even when you know it's ultimately in your best interest.

[Rose of Cairo]

I'm in a similar situation. Have burnt many bridges in the last months, but there are still people left who are too negative. I know I have to distance myself from them and move on. But it really hurts, so I'm losing time thinking about it and being sad instead of doing it

[Ree]

I've had the same experience twice. Once in the past, I had developed a circle of friends who were the mothers of the friends of my small children. These women basically got together to drink, trash their husbands and gossip about everyone else. The negativity in this group was palpable and it really affected my outlook and my attitude. I was able to distance myself from them and not disrupt the friendships my children had formed. When I did so, what a relief!

More recently, having begun a spiritual journey and my quest for personal development, I've really become somewhat of a loner. I'm just not interested in normal topics of conversation anymore, like wallpaper or the latest movie. I feel like I'm wasting my time and it's time I could put to good use. My inspiration and my affirmation comes from inside myself now. From the tone of the other posts in this thread, I think it's a fairly common phenomenon.

[Peleke4]

Originally Posted by Ree

I've had the same experience twice. Once in the past, I had developed a circle of friends who were the mothers of the friends of my small children. These women basically got together to drink, trash their husbands and gossip about everyone else. The negativity in this group was palpable and it really affected my outlook and my attitude. I was able to distance myself from them and not disrupt the friendships my children had formed. When I did so, what a relief!

More recently, having begun a spiritual journey and my quest for personal development, I've really become somewhat of a loner. I'm just not interested in normal topics of conversation anymore, like wallpaper or the latest movie. I feel like I'm wasting my time and it's time I could put to good use. My inspiration and my affirmation comes from inside myself now. From the tone of the other posts in this thread, I think it's a fairly common phenomenon.

Your second paragraph really hits home w/ me.

[quoteguy]

Hello Friend,

Hope all is well. I am very interested in quotes. I like trying to find out the true meanings behind them. I like quotes deal with the Law of Attraction and our ability to atrract whatever you desire. You can intend friend ins into your life. I think it's important to remeber to truly love yourself and ithers will love you as well.

This quote was sent to me by sister. (Thanks Sis) By the way, if you have any good quotes, I love receiving them. feel free to tell me what you think it means, "in your own words."

"When the character of a man is not clear, look at his friends." (Abraham Lincoln)

My parents always taught me to be careful how I presented myself. Before I woukd leave the house my parents would always say, "Remember what your last name is." I still think about it every time I leave the house. They were very careful with who I was allowed to associate with.

Society tends to clump us into groups. Once you are labeled, it is hard to shake it, especially if it is negative. You could be the best person in the whole world for your whole life and then you mess up once, everyone forgets about the person you were and now you're reputation is tainted.

My parents concern was that I could be doing everything right, but because I may be hanging with a "bad crowd", I too would be look at in the same way. I was taught to always befriend people that have goals and are trying to do the right thing. This does two things. First, if you associate with good people, like we said before, you get labeled a good person. Second, you are able to share ideas and attract good opportunities to you. If you are with the wrong crowd, you definitely attract negative situations.

It is very hard to change how peolpe view you once you've established a reputation. In an extreme case, we can look at convicted felons. Even if an inmate finish his time and maintains a good track record, upon release, they have a hard time readapting to society. Everytime they fiil out a job application they have to disclose that they had served time. Very few people are willing to ignore the fact that they were in jail, and give them a second chance.

Having good friends keeps you focus. You talk about positive things. Help each other out in need. It's a mazing how fast fake friends disappear when times get tough. Good friends stick with you no matter what. You will attract more good peolple into your life which will make your experiences more enjoyable. So make sure your friends are a reflection of how you want to be percieved.

Thanks for listening.

[absvan]

Ah.....same thing happened to me. Here is the thread I had started months ago...hope that helps.

What do you do when you no longer think the same as your friends?

[Enlightenment]

Yes, I did the same thing. To keep positive, you must surround yourself with positive people. However, we're brought up thinking we have to be popular and the more friends you have the better, so when things get rough, as they have for me, and no-one is around you start wondering.
But a funny thing happens when your old friends dissipate, you start seeing the good friends more clearly.
A good friend, who is very positive, said to me, 'If someone does something or says something that I feel is damaging to me or my life, I downgrade them from friend to acquaintance.' When my friend told me that, I thought that is a great idea, because that way you're not totally rejecting them and booting them out. It seems like a more natural way to do things.
In fact, 12 step programs point out that sometimes you have to quit 'the crowd' to quit the habit.
Birds of a feather flock together and all that jazz.
I also read that if you take the income of the 5 people you are most close to, and average it out, you'll get your own income within something like $10K.
E

[C33]

Not very long ago, I broke up with 2 wonderful friends. I felt like a huge b*tch because they were supposed to be my best friends in the world and had been there for me in rough times.

HOWEVER, they were dragging me down and their energy was very negative and damaging. It was like my soul was telling me something, but my logical mind wouldn't want to process it.

My feelings were right...in time, I learned that their behavior towards me, confirmed my intuition that they were damaging to my emotional wellbeing.

One of them, after I distanced myself from her, called all of my friends ( that she met through me) and started to befriend them, in an attempt to rally all of them away from me.The other friend, that was like a sister, said very petty things about me, that were in line with how I felt around her when I decided to take time off from the friendship.

The truth is: I didn't like who I was with them. The person I had to be in order to get along with them was a small, uninteresting person, who had to silence her achievements and never talk about her lifestyle in order to fit in and be accepted.

Loneliness is better than being surrounded by people that do not support your higher self and higher goals.