I don't find people I like

[rikun]

Hi,

This is my first post here. Lately I've been puzzled why I don't find any people I like. I'm 25 years old and I have only had three friends in all my life, never dated, kissed a couple of times... I find it almost impossible to find people that interest me. However, I know it shouldn't be that hard. Could you give me some pointers?

I might also have a slight cause of social phobia, which of course could be a reason for all this. I will get it sorted. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's not the reason for not liking people. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate people and I "like" all people, but most of them I don't find interesting.

[Angela]

Welcome, rikun! I hope you have wonderful experiences here.

You are a big mirror for the world. So, try on: you are seeing something in yourself and projecting it out onto other people. What would it take to excite and interest and inspire you? Not from another person, I mean; what inside you would excite and interest and inspire you?

[Amadeus]

Well, the World is a reflection of yourself. You need to find out why you don't like yourself and are so critical of yourself to understand why don't like others. When you start loving yourself, you'll begin to love others.

[openeyes]

What activities interest you? Find activities you enjoy, and other people who do them may be more interesting.

[excusememeister]

>Well, the World is a reflection of yourself. You need to find out why you don't like yourself and are so critical of yourself to understand why don't like others. When you start loving yourself, you'll begin to love others.

The above advice is really good. Another thing you might need to change is where you live. I know personally that I have a very different life experience when I am in my hometown (and other smaller suburban areas) than when I am within a college town or an urban area.

[rikun]

I do like myself although I don't fully love myself yet. I'm getting there and would say I'm 85% there. Overall I'm pretty happy with myself and I'm one of the funniest people I've ever known

Well, I enjoy films and I'm currently in a film school. I think we have about 400 students and I've found a couple of guys I like somewhat. I don't have problem with anyone, it's just that I feel most people are too "lame" or too "normal" for me. The problem with school buddies is we don't hang out outside school at all. It seems to be common in our school. Everyone has their own friends who they like to hang out with. I do have my own, but I need bigger and more diverse social circle.

I like exciting personalities, someone with a wild side who gets excited easily and doesn't take life too seriously. In another words, somebody who's a bit like me I just have hard time finding anyone who even comes close.

You know, you just click with somebody and you know it the moment you meet them. I'd like to improve my clicking rate, currently I've maybe met less than ten persons who've I've clicked with in 25 years. It feels low to me.

Maybe the solution is apparent, I just need to meet more people and improve my odds.

[norbert]

I feel totally the same.

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by Amadeus

Well, the World is a reflection of yourself. You need to find out why you don't like yourself and are so critical of yourself to understand why don't like others. When you start loving yourself, you'll begin to love others.

Nah, I'm a jerk and I adore people. Must be somethin' else.

Edit: Kidding. He's right on this count. Some people are ceaselessly negative, but only about 1/100.

[dktang]

To the original poster. I feel the exact same way. The friends that I do have, I feel that I have nothing in common with and believe that it is near impossible to find new people that would be any different. To be technical with the "nothing" would be silly though. I haven't worked that part out yet. I am real critical of people and feel that the mass majority (friends) are sheep-like. I know it's unfair to label and dismiss reason, but currently it is how I feel. The hippest and most socially accepted people are the ones that are congruent with the media culture. Even seeking originality has become a trend. Values are all messed up and things such as honesty and loyalty are foolish nowadays. Kindness is taken for granted.

Anyways, I do understand that these views are mirrors for myself and am the process of figuring it all out. It really helps to ask questions and write it all out. What I found out about myself at this point is that I am what I have been criticizing. What I fear people think and say about me is actually myself.

I am now trying to drop a lot of conditioned views and beliefs, as I believe that this is the way to higher consciousness. Be like water, my friend.

[alexinspire]

I would advice you to look at the mirror and ask yourself "Is this person attractive

If the answer is no, do something to be attractive. Read it right here. It's a great resource.

Look at yourself and ask again "Do you like to be with this person?" If not, start to be authentic with people. People don't like to be with people who always pretending. You don't need to tell them , they might already sense it!

Last advice, just have fun. If you don't have lots of friends and someone to date, so what? Just have fun in life and people will come to you.

You can always read the free tips in my website! Love Relationship: Romantic Ideas And Advice On Breakdowns In Relationship!

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by rikun

Hi,

This is my first post here. Lately I've been puzzled why I don't find any people I like. I'm 25 years old and I have only had three friends in all my life, never dated, kissed a couple of times... I find it almost impossible to find people that interest me. However, I know it shouldn't be that hard. Could you give me some pointers?

I might also have a slight cause of social phobia, which of course could be a reason for all this. I will get it sorted. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's not the reason for not liking people. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate people and I "like" all people, but most of them I don't find interesting.

Just wanted to say that I am 25 and feel the same way and that you are not alone. Several other people have also said this.

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by dktang

I am now trying to drop a lot of conditioned views and beliefs, as I believe that this is the way to higher consciousness. Be like water, my friend.

Great advice, to quote the Hsin Hsin Min:

Just let things be in their own way

and there will be neither coming nor going.

Obey the nature of things (your own nature)

and you will walk freely and undisturbed.

[Love]

Yup, I can understand this! I'm 23. It's search, but it's a doable search. They are out there...

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by rikun

I might also have a slight cause of social phobia, which of course could be a reason for all this.

Originally Posted by rikun

I like exciting personalities, someone with a wild side who gets excited easily and doesn't take life too seriously. In another words, somebody who's a bit like me I just have hard time finding anyone who even comes close.

You know, you just click with somebody and you know it the moment you meet them. I'd like to improve my clicking rate, currently I've maybe met less than ten persons who've I've clicked with in 25 years. It feels low to me.

Maybe the solution is apparent, I just need to meet more people and improve my odds.

That last line is on the money, but the previous statements also point out one possibility (which others also mentioned); maybe you're not giving people enough of a chance... Could you be dismissing people as "lame" or "normal" when they're just a little socially phobic too? I've known a few people who opened up immediately, but I've also known people who took some time to warm up, only because that's how they are with everyone. Yet after hanging out for a while we did click and our interactions were fun and engaging. There are plenty of worthwhile people out there who you won't click with immediately.

On the flip side I've met people who I clicked with instantly, talked for ages with, then had nothing to do with for a few months or more.

[rikun]

Thanks, some really valuable replies. I'm pretty authentic with people, sometimes they get shocked cause I say something someone might label as inappropriate. Honestly I don't care that much what people think of me. However, I feel that I can never be even 85% authentic with people, because I feel some anxiety whenever I'm around people. I also feel that the most real me comes out when I've been drinking. So I guess in a sense I care a little bit what others think of me. I always want to do the most crazy s*it, but usually the people I'm with hold me back mentally. I think meeting a guy that has no limitations would benefit me greatly. I somehow feed of the energy of other people around me.

My anxiety causes me to stiffen up and therefore I can't really be the hilarious me, that wants to get out. But I'm still more extreme and politically incorrect than most people! Maybe I'm afraid of what might happen when I'd free my real self in a public place around people

The problem for me with "mind like water" is that's it's just impossible. I think too much, I always want to improve everything, I want to do everything and generally I'm really bad at just "having fun, chilling, relaxing or taking it easy". I also have trouble sleeping cause and I can't "turn my head off". Now, I've done some reading and I'm going to see a psychiatric to check me out. I've always thought that thinking like this is normal, but I'm not so sure anymore. You could say that I'm almost neurotic about some things.

[Lychee]

Just let things be in their own way

and there will be neither coming nor going.

Obey the nature of things (your own nature)

and you will walk freely and undisturbed.

That's a nice saying.

Anyway, OP, I'm in the same boat. I see many people here who are in the same boat. You're not alone is all I can say.

[Amandaaa]

I don't have problem with anyone, it's just that I feel most people are too "lame" or too "normal" for me.

i know what you mean.
i've always felt a little bit "different" than all of my friends...
because a lot of the stuff that they talk about is shallow and meaningless.

but, believe it or not, there are a lot of abnormal people out there, too.
and a lot of them are more interesting than you think.

you just have to give people a chance to open up...

sometimes you don't "click" with someone until after you've been hanging out for a while.

I like exciting personalities, someone with a wild side who gets excited easily and doesn't take life too seriously.

i've met tons of people like that.
a lot of my friends are total "free spirits"... they're exactly like you described.


if you get out more often, you'll have a better chance of running into people like that.

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by rikun

I'm pretty authentic with people, sometimes they get shocked cause I say something someone might label as inappropriate. ...I feel some anxiety whenever I'm around people. ...I guess in a sense I care a little bit what others think of me. ...I somehow feed of the energy of other people around me.

My anxiety causes me to stiffen up and therefore I can't really be the hilarious me, that wants to get out. But I'm still more extreme and politically incorrect than most people! Maybe I'm afraid of what might happen when I'd free my real self in a public place around people

The problem for me with "mind like water" is that's it's just impossible. I think too much, I always want to improve everything, I want to do everything and generally I'm really bad at just "having fun, chilling, relaxing or taking it easy". I also have trouble sleeping cause and I can't "turn my head off". Now, I've done some reading and I'm going to see a psychiatric to check me out. I've always thought that thinking like this is normal, but I'm not so sure anymore. You could say that I'm almost neurotic about some things.

You sound very much like I was a decade ago. The anxiety, saying things that some see as inappropriate, being influenced by the emotional state of others, thoughts running wild, problems sleeping (constant colds too).

Those are common for people with shy, nervous or introverted tendencies. Lack of, or poor social interaction does lead to mental and physical health issues.

The good news is that you can do something about it. I'm sure the psychiatrist can help, but what worked for me was to just do the things I wanted to do, and keep meeting people while doing it till I found people I liked, and start doing things with them that I wanted to do. Many of them were far more politically incorrect than I'd ever dreamed, and while some found that annoying, most of the time it was hilarious. Good times. And good luck to you!

[rikun]

Well I did meet someone I really liked. And that was a problem. The minute you start to develop real deep feeling for someone, you start acting like a fool. And so I got broken for the first time. Now I don't even know whether I want to meet people I *really* like, it's just too emotional for me. But the good news is , there is at least one person in this world I really like/liked.

[slinky]

I feel the same way. I'm 26 years old, been on one date, been kissed once by a creepy stranger I was dancing with (ewww), and had very few close friends. I don't dislike people. In fact, I rather like them, and recently I've met a bunch through my hobbies, but most of them don't seem interested in a closer friendship. It's the same thing when it comes to dating. Most of the guys I meet show absolutely zero interest in dating me. They barely even treat me like a girl. Also, most of them aren't very attractive to me.

Maybe the people I meet can sense that I'm a loner absorbed in my own world. I worry about having to give up my freedom if I get into a real relationship. I want to live the way I want, do my own activities, and eat food that I enjoy, instead of having to bother with someone else's preferences.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by slinky

Also, most of them aren't very attractive to me.

How attractive other people think you are is very much a function of how attractive you yourself believe you are.

Just for kicks, try walking around while saying "look at me, I'm so pretty" with conviction to yourself all the time.

Also, if you want to feel more attractive, make sure there are plenty of mirrors and other reflective surfaces in your house. Make it a habit to check yourself out every once and a while and tell yourself how damn fine you look!

Maybe the people I meet can sense that I'm a loner absorbed in my own world. I worry about having to give up my freedom if I get into a real relationship. I want to live the way I want, do my own activities, and eat food that I enjoy, instead of having to bother with someone else's preferences.

Then let it be your choice to live that way. If someone comes along who naturally fits into your loner habits, then that's great, but know you are also perfectly happy if you don't cross paths with that person.

Be you. Be happy!

[DayInTheLife]

You know, you just click with somebody and you know it the moment you meet them. I'd like to improve my clicking rate, currently I've maybe met less than ten persons who've I've clicked with in 25 years. It feels low to me.

I don't think that's low.

People that you can click with instantly are VERY rare. I think the mistake you're making is assuming that somebody who doesn't 'click' has no potential to be an interesting friend.

I've met a lot of people whom I thought were completely boring at first, and I later find out that they're pretty cool. Often it's years after I meet them. If you dismiss somebody as 'lame' right off the bat, you will never know.

Throw out first impressions. They are deceptive. A first impression is just a snapshot out of that person's entire life. It's a drop in the bucket; it represents a miniscule amount of their whole personality. I'm thinking that you are being too judgemental with people. And it's your loss.

I also have trouble sleeping cause and I can't "turn my head off".

Aha... Too much thinking. You'll have to take my word for this at first, but you'll discover it later: most thinking is unneccesary and destructive. Most thinking consists of inaccurate judgements about people and situations. Luckily you can learn to empty your mind of most of these thoughts.

If you haven't already, experiment with meditation.

Here's an awesome guide: Mindfulness In Plain English

[Amadeus]

I use to be the same way until I realized that I didn't like myself. When we don't like ourselves we don't like others. Through religion and some counseling I started to love myself and accept myself a lot more, and suddenly I started to enjoy other people because I saw the good in them. I started to see the good in myself.
Also remember, you are they and they are you. I liken the Earth to an organizm and each of us are individual cells. But each of us are here to serve each other and greater world (the organizm). Everyone has their function and frankly some people are cancer. Just start thinking about others as yourself.