Is It Okay For Women To Have Issues With Their Men Going To Hooters?!?!?!

[VetTechJess]

I ask this because I am a woman.

The other day my bf's little sister started a fight with me online about some petty crap. She then said that my bf should be allowed to go to hooters since it is a "family restaurant" (!!)

Here's some history on the little sister, who I will call "susan"(not her real name):

Susan is 22, single, has two different children by two different fathers. Her oldest child's father is in prison for 1-10 years for doing heroin and other drugs, while the father of her second child (who is due in November this year) left her to go back to his drug addict ex gf. She has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that she cannot keep a steady relationship with a man who would actually be a ROLE MODEL FATHER FIGURE FOR HER CHILDREN ever since I met her back in 2001. The rest of her family says this about her, albiet not to her face. They also say she doesnt take care of her children, which she doesn't...all she does is dump her children to be cared for by her mother and her currently 3rd husband.

that being said, she had the galls to try to lecture me about how I am too controling and dont trust my bf. (she's one to lecture about 'trust' and how to keep a steady relationship!!!...)

My bf and me will have been together, thru thick and thin, for three years this October 16. We are still very much in love now as we were then, though the love has now deepened.

Besides its not my bf I don't trust going to hooters....ITS THE OTHER WOMEN WHO WORK AT HOOTERS AS WELL AS HIS LITTLE SISTER THAT I DON'T TRUST!!! My breasts are relatively small for me, although I am not flat chested. Why would I want my bf to go to a place where the women there are flirting and flaunting their big breasts (however scantily clad they may happen to be) in and near him.

His little sister doesn't like me, so I can just see her ordering a lap dance or some other kind of thing for my bf that would try to sabotage our relationship. I'm not worried about his sister not liking me, she can go f u c k herself and every other guy on the planet as far as I am concerned. Shes even hinted at the fact that she will only be happy if my bf and I are no longer together...So I am not looking to please her, as I am good to my bf. Besides if I tried to bend over backwards to try to please everyone, especially that white trash ♥♥♥♥♥, then I would eventually lose my ass, which I refuse to do.

NOTE: the only ppl who don't like me that well is mainly little sister Susan. She also has manipulated her mother, my future MIL into not liking me well neither. I dont think my future MIL even knows her daughter is manipulating and lying to her about me...THE REST OF THE FAMILY LOVES ME, JUST THOSE TWO PPL I MENTIONED DON'T LIKE ME...

So I am wanting everyone's opinion on this. Should women be okay with their men going to hooters? I know men for the most part think its harmless, but women are different...I appreciate opinions from both sexes...

Also I need advice on how to deal with this little thieving caniving lying white trash ♥♥♥♥♥ named "Susan".......

[Erki]

Is it of a significance that the little trashy Susan is white?

I didn't notice though whether your boyfriend then goes to Hooters or not? As I understand, you don't allow him to go there then? But would he want to go there at all in the first place?

[VetTechJess]

Originally Posted by Erki

Is it of a significance that the little trashy Susan is white?

I didn't notice though whether your boyfriend then goes to Hooters or not? As I understand, you don't allow him to go there then? But would he want to go there at all in the first place?

lol it can be of great significance as far as susan is concerned.

my bf doesnt have an opinion about it either way about it...I mean he went there when he was single, but they are opening up one nearby where we live, so I am asking about that.....

[Matthew Shea]

For the record, the women at Hooters, in my experience, represent the same range of breast size that you'd see in any other situation (some are quite skinny). There's really no need for additional worry in that regard. Also, the tops, while tight, cover pretty well. You don't see much skin between the neck and legs. To be quite honest, the uniforms are not really that flattering overall. If a girl has ANY midsection fat, it'll stick out like a sore thumb.

Having said that, if you don't want your boyfriend going there, Jess, he should respect that. I would draw the line if you tried to impose that view on other people, as recently happened near me with the exact same restaurant chain, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

I also think you're giving "Susan" WAAAAAAY to much credence. Someone with her track record doesn't deserve the attention you're giving her. Furthermore, by getting into arguments with her, you essentially validate her and provoke her further. This is a private issue between you and your boyfriend and should not concern her, especially if her brother is willing to play by your rules, so you have no obligation to even discuss the issue with her, nor should you. You're basically dealing with a control issue here. She's probably a little jealous that her brother has found another girl and has a good relationship. My sister does the same thing, although not in such an overt way. The best thing is to discuss the issue with your boyfriend so he'll support you, but with the understanding that he's to keep the conversation with you private. You don't want to feed her jealousy, which will happen if you breach the subject with her in any way.

Finally, I think you're much, much too concerned about the behavior of the waitresses there. While they're very friendly to the customers, I've never seen it border on anything inappropriate. Consider that most, if not all of those girls probably have boyfriends themselves and your boyfriend would be one of hundreds of people they'd be waiting on that day and one of thousands they'd see come through the restaurant. He's not likely to be anywhere near as special to them as he is to you, so they're not likely to hit on him except to be friendly enough to ensure a good tip. Besides, if his behavior indicates that he's interested in nothing more than friendly chit chat, they'll nearly always respect that. I would also argue that the responsibility for remaining faithful should rest ENTIRELY on your boyfriend. If he can't behave himself properly around other women no matter how they're dressed, something bad is bound to happen sooner or later. You need to be able to trust him and he should deserve that trust.

[VetTechJess]

Originally Posted by Matthew Shea

I also think you're giving "Susan" WAAAAAAY to much credence. Someone with her track record doesn't deserve the attention you're giving her. Furthermore, by getting into arguments with her, you essentially validate her and provoke her further. This is a private issue between you and your boyfriend and should not concern her, especially if her brother is willing to play by your rules, so you have no obligation to even discuss the issue with her, nor should you. You're basically dealing with a control issue here. She's probably a little jealous that her brother has found another girl and has a good relationship. My sister does the same thing, although not in such an overt way. The best thing is to discuss the issue with your boyfriend so he'll support you, but with the understanding that he's to keep the conversation with you private. You don't want to feed her jealousy, which will happen if you breach the subject with her in any way.

well said...

her picking arguments with everyone especially me is like repeatedly squishing a roach that just refuses to squish gracefully (for lack of a better word...)

I just wish she would grow up, but hell im not holding my breath for that. I'll just be damned if she tries that childish **** shes been getting away with the rest of her family with for years on me....My theory and principle being that I don't want to start an argument, but if someone else starts an argument with me, for any reason, I will be the one to finish it, even tho they started it...

[Angela]

Matthew is right on, as usual! Are you using Law of Attraction principles in your life? I ask because the things you're thinking about are creating more of the same.

I've got to ask: the profanity, name-calling, blame, and hostility you aim at your prospective sister-in-law, among others in your boyfriend's family -- do you think those things are serving you well in your personal development efforts? Not to mention what you are creating as your family dynamic. You hope to marry the guy, right? It might not ever be easy when challenging personalities are involved, but why not use your power to generate a family dynamic that's beneficial? If you don't, you're sentencing yourself to a lifetime of rancor, estrangement, and split-loyalties. Do you want that?

p.s., I don't think they do lap dances at Hooters.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Jess, I want to preface my comment by saying that I know how you feel because I used to be the same way. I was dead set against my boyfriend going to Hooters or strip clubs or even to some bars that were known to be pick-up joints. It was all out of fear.

So, I understand why you might feel like he "shouldn't" go to places such as those. However, Matthew made a good point: if you have to prevent him from going certain places in order to ensure his fidelity, well, that's not really fidelity. Either he's a faithful guy or he isn't. A faithful guy can go into Hooters and enjoy the food (I hear the wings are to die for lol) and maybe even enjoy the look of some of the ladies there and never give a second thought to anything more. An unfaithful guy could go into Hooters and arrange to meet a server after work for a little fun. The point here is it has nothing to do with Hooters or the women who work there. It has everything to do with you and how you feel about yourself and how much you trust your boyfriend (which is a combination of how trustworthy he's been and how your own insecurities color the situation).

Speaking as a very small chested girl who has had issues over it at various points, I know how it feels to be a little scared you won't measure up. But I have known people of various sizes and shapes in all types of relationships. There has been no correlation I can distinguish between what a person looks like and the happiness of their relationship or the faithfulness of their partner.

I have come to the conclusion that (especially with guys) the more freedom they feel they have, the less likely they are to even pursue going to places like that. Also, the more secure you are in yourself, the less likely you will be to feel some need to prevent an imaginary scenario from taking place by controlling the actions of others.

In short, don't worry about something until/unless it happens.

Your vitrol for his sister is only going to cause more problems. Step out of that cycle now. You can't change her. But you can take the high road yourself.

[VetTechJess]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Jess, I want to preface my comment by saying that I know how you feel because I used to be the same way. I was dead set against my boyfriend going to Hooters or strip clubs or even to some bars that were known to be pick-up joints. It was all out of fear.

So, I understand why you might feel like he "shouldn't" go to places such as those. However, Matthew made a good point: if you have to prevent him from going certain places in order to ensure his fidelity, well, that's not really fidelity. Either he's a faithful guy or he isn't. A faithful guy can go into Hooters and enjoy the food (I hear the wings are to die for lol) and maybe even enjoy the look of some of the ladies there and never give a second thought to anything more. An unfaithful guy could go into Hooters and arrange to meet a server after work for a little fun. The point here is it has nothing to do with Hooters or the women who work there. It has everything to do with you and how you feel about yourself and how much you trust your boyfriend (which is a combination of how trustworthy he's been and how your own insecurities color the situation).

Speaking as a very small chested girl who has had issues over it at various points, I know how it feels to be a little scared you won't measure up. But I have known people of various sizes and shapes in all types of relationships. There has been no correlation I can distinguish between what a person looks like and the happiness of their relationship or the faithfulness of their partner.

I have come to the conclusion that (especially with guys) the more freedom they feel they have, the less likely they are to even pursue going to places like that. Also, the more secure you are in yourself, the less likely you will be to feel some need to prevent an imaginary scenario from taking place by controlling the actions of others.

In short, don't worry about something until/unless it happens.

Your vitrol for his sister is only going to cause more problems. Step out of that cycle now. You can't change her. But you can take the high road yourself.

oh i hear you there. My bf, thankfully, hasnt shown any inklings of someone who is a womanizer, so that being said I began to look in my own life past to try to figure it out...

I have come to the conclusion that it was my father, and still is my father, that makes me feel this way. My father was a womanizer like no other, and my mother never trusted him and he did cheat on her--WITH HIS COUSIN WHILE THEY WERE BOTH DRUNK!!! talk about embarrassing....

Now while Im not saying my bf would do a thing like that ever---especially with family members---I did hafta go thru the trauma of my parents divorcing within weeks of my graduation from high school---I went to live with my mother because as I saw it and still see it--I didnt want to be living with my father when he brought that homewrecking whore home to f u c k. (which he did and amazingly enough, 4 years later hes still with that same homewrecking whore--we're not talking about some pretty blonde 20something here--we're talking about a fat ugly woman with black hair whose face looks like that of a horse's ass...which surprised my mother because from what she told me, my father was all about how a woman should look....

Now that I was at my mothers apartment, I had to be forced to listen to her daily rant of "all men care cheaters and can go rot in hell and they are dumbasses never trust one!!" granted, thankfully I didnt listen to my mother but that doesnt mean some of her rants unfortuneately rubbed off a little...(you try listening to that **** day in day out for nearly two years!!!)

fast forward to now--my mother met a man who treats her wonderfully and theyre getting married this year sometime...she is over my father and wants nothing to do with him ever---she met this man in her life around the time I met my bf in 2004--only later than me.....

I think I am just insecure about it all, but I am working on that trust me...

Another thing, when my bf and I get married, my father will be invited to the wedding---but NOT his homewrecking whore---and why? the reason is quite simple really---and it makes some sense---WHY WOULD I INVITE SOMEONE WHOSE ALREADY WRECKED MY PARENTS THEN 23 YEAR MARRIAGE TO A PLACE WHERE A WEDDING IS GOING TO TAKE PLACE?!?! I mean how much of an oxymoron is that??

I know they say it takes two to tango, but I happen to be related to one of those tangoers (my father) which means I am forced to tolerate it albiet I do so very little.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

With what happened to your parents as a reference point, it's no wonder you feel the way you do. That said, it will be much better for you and your boyfriend in the long run if you continue to recognize the times when stuff that happened in your family of origin is threatening to muck up your current relationship and avoid making decisions based on the past at all costs.

You have the choice and the strength to take one giant step out of the mess between your parents and create a relationship that is all you would like it to be. It's easier when you remember that everything comes back to you. When you take everyone else and their crap out of the equation, I think you will find things become a lot clearer. At least that's been my experience. Also, when I recognize the fear-based script that's running in my head and begin to question it, I find I am not so terrified after all. And that's when things turn out better than I could have ever imagined.

Good luck.

[Angela]

Wow, Jess, it looks like everything in your life is someone else's fault, and you are a Victim with a capital V! Life would be so great if it weren't for other people, wouldn't it?

It's probably a good idea not to invite the HWW to your wedding. Clearly she has incredible seductive powers that transcend mere physical attraction; it would be foolish to expose your groom to that sort of peril. Since it seems like the rest of your family is equally iffy, maybe you should just elope? (oh, no; then you wouldn't get all those presents -- forget that!!)

Don't let the bastards get you down!

[Matthew Shea]

Originally Posted by VetTechJess

well said...

her picking arguments with everyone especially me is like repeatedly squishing a roach that just refuses to squish gracefully (for lack of a better word...)

I just wish she would grow up, but hell im not holding my breath for that. I'll just be damned if she tries that childish **** shes been getting away with the rest of her family with for years on me....My theory and principle being that I don't want to start an argument, but if someone else starts an argument with me, for any reason, I will be the one to finish it, even tho they started it...

Jess, why do I get the feeling that you read my words, but didn't understand the meaning? You need to let it go. And by "it", I mean the need to acknowledge and respond to any argument, no matter how ridiculous AND the hatred for your BF's sister AND the hatred for your father and his unfortunate choice of mate AND (most importantly) clinging onto stuff that happened years ago. What's done is done. You need to learn from it and let it all go.

[Scott]

Jess, as one of this forum's moderators (though I haven't been around much recently), I think I need to step in here. It sounds like you've got a lot of things to get off of your chest, which is completely understandable. However, I must ask you to tone down your insults and the anger you've expressed at these folks, even though (or perhaps especially because) they aren't members of this forum.

It does appear to me that you're listening to the responses, and this is definitely a valid topic, so I won't issue an infraction at this point. But I do feel that the insults are detrimental not only to the forum atmosphere, but most importantly, to your own well being. Your anger is understandable, but it really doesn't do anyone any favors.

[Old Soul]

Have you discussed your feelings to your partner in regards to how you feel about him going to Hooters?

this is an issue between you 2! and not an issue between you 2 and little sister, who needs to clean up some weeds in her own back yard and leave your back yard alone.....

I would not let what she says effect you, always consider your source, doesn't sound to me like she has her act together to be even considering* giving you advice period....

As for the Hooter issue , your feelings matter and you do need to talk to your sweety about this, as this is a concern to you...... for your "OWN" reasons not the sisters

:-) Good luck

[NotesMaeve]

Wow, Jess. I guess I'm pretty weird in the respect that it wouldn't bother me. Your beau can't be seduced unless he wants to be. Flirting is fun and harmless. Doesn't mean he loves you less. It's entertainment, nothing more.

[carenkh]

I'm wondering if the sister is a yogi in disguise? Helping you to not concentrate on outer appearances and actions... there may be wisdom in what she's saying. Can you look beyond her outer shell to the light within?

My two sons have different fathers, so I may be feeling a bit defensive... but you are coming across as incredibly judgemental. You do not live in her skin, you have not lived her life. I find it harsh to dismiss a person because she's made choices you might not make.

Look inside - she is offering you a gift.

[VetTechJess]

Originally Posted by carenkh

I'm wondering if the sister is a yogi in disguise? Helping you to not concentrate on outer appearances and actions... there may be wisdom in what she's saying. Can you look beyond her outer shell to the light within?

My two sons have different fathers, so I may be feeling a bit defensive... but you are coming across as incredibly judgemental. You do not live in her skin, you have not lived her life. I find it harsh to dismiss a person because she's made choices you might not make.

Look inside - she is offering you a gift.

my mother had two children by two different fathers--thats not necessarily the point I am making--the point I am making is all the ppl shes been going out with are drug addicts. Not good role model types...she has sex with them too easily, so they think shes easy and dont take it seriously.

Also if she is offering me a gift--please help me in finding what it may be

[JimOfferman]

For one thing, she is showing you that you find it very important what other people think of you (and your relationship with your boyfriend). What should matter, though, is what YOU think. You are living your life - not she.

Also, she brings up a lot of anger in you, which (given what you have written here) appears to be rooted in unresolved anger about what happened in the past with your father. You could (and in my humble opinion should) try to make peace with that past and move on. You don't necessarily have to forgive your father or his cousin, but you should accept what happened and look to the future - seems your mother has already done that.

Finally, you seem to be very concerned with others living their lives according to your standards. Does that even matter? There is absolutely no gain in that for you, only suffering and worry. Focus on your own life and your own happiness.

Good luck,
Jim.

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

For one thing, she is showing you that you find it very important what other people think of you (and your relationship with your boyfriend). What should matter, though, is what YOU think. You are living your life - not she.

Also, she brings up a lot of anger in you, which (given what you have written here) appears to be rooted in unresolved anger about what happened in the past with your father. You could (and in my humble opinion should) try to make peace with that past and move on. You don't necessarily have to forgive your father or his cousin, but you should accept what happened and look to the future - seems your mother has already done that.

Finally, you seem to be very concerned with others living their lives according to your standards. Does that even matter? There is absolutely no gain in that for you, only suffering and worry. Focus on your own life and your own happiness.

Good luck,
Jim.

Yep - what he said. Any time I have a *strong* reaction to a person or a situation, especially rooted in non-acceptance, I know I have a window to look inside myself, bring issues to light, and accept healing for them. I believe when I can look upon everyone with unconditional love, I am in a state of *self* acceptance. Still workin' on that with GWB, tho...

[VetTechJess]

yea it can get difficult tho...but ppl find ways to deal....

[kellyrued]

I gotta say this: Hooters does not equal strip club.

It's a family restaurant (seriously). There is no lap dance, no nudity, no stripping, no grinding, no pole-dancing... (no fun, now that you think about it...)

The odds that your bf will meet a sexy waitress at Hooters are not that much better than the odds he'll meet a sexy waitress at any other restaurant. Hooters does market it's waitress' looks as a selling point (but then they dress them in the ugliest shorts/t-shirts you'll ever see a pretty girl consent to wear in public). But they don't sell/allow "adult entertainment" or encourage the girls to flirt or go home with the customers. There is no Hooters "back room" and the hottest piece your bf will get there will tend to be a buffalo wing. Hooters is NOT a threat to anybody's relationship unless you let your insecurities get the best of you.

I've been at regular bars/diners and had super sexy waitresses flirt with my boyfriend right in front of me and I always find it amusing to see a) how foolish he acts in response and b) how good it feels when he leaves with me and doesn't give the other woman a second thought (hehe, at least not out loud). In the end, if your man comes back to you and isn't cheating, your monogamy is in tact, and everything is fine. But if you worry that he might be tempted into cheating or think less of your body after seeing someone sexier or bustier, then you have WAY bigger problems than Hooters (cuz obviously there are sexy women everywhere... more of them outside of Hooters than inside Hooters). So is Hooters really worth so much worry and trouble?

[Dan.Linehan]

This sounds like its way more about Susan than it is about Hooters...

What does your BF think about his sister?

[zpivat]

Originally Posted by VetTechJess

I ask this because I am a woman.

The other day my bf's little sister started a fight with me online about some petty crap. She then said that my bf should be allowed to go to hooters since it is a "family restaurant" (!!)

Here's some history on the little sister, who I will call "susan"(not her real name):

Susan is 22, single, has two different children by two different fathers. Her oldest child's father is in prison for 1-10 years for doing heroin and other drugs, while the father of her second child (who is due in November this year) left her to go back to his drug addict ex gf. She has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that she cannot keep a steady relationship with a man who would actually be a ROLE MODEL FATHER FIGURE FOR HER CHILDREN ever since I met her back in 2001. The rest of her family says this about her, albiet not to her face. They also say she doesnt take care of her children, which she doesn't...all she does is dump her children to be cared for by her mother and her currently 3rd husband.

that being said, she had the galls to try to lecture me about how I am too controling and dont trust my bf. (she's one to lecture about 'trust' and how to keep a steady relationship!!!...)

My bf and me will have been together, thru thick and thin, for three years this October 16. We are still very much in love now as we were then, though the love has now deepened.

Besides its not my bf I don't trust going to hooters....ITS THE OTHER WOMEN WHO WORK AT HOOTERS AS WELL AS HIS LITTLE SISTER THAT I DON'T TRUST!!! My breasts are relatively small for me, although I am not flat chested. Why would I want my bf to go to a place where the women there are flirting and flaunting their big breasts (however scantily clad they may happen to be) in and near him.

His little sister doesn't like me, so I can just see her ordering a lap dance or some other kind of thing for my bf that would try to sabotage our relationship. I'm not worried about his sister not liking me, she can go f u c k herself and every other guy on the planet as far as I am concerned. Shes even hinted at the fact that she will only be happy if my bf and I are no longer together...So I am not looking to please her, as I am good to my bf. Besides if I tried to bend over backwards to try to please everyone, especially that white trash ♥♥♥♥♥, then I would eventually lose my ass, which I refuse to do.

NOTE: the only ppl who don't like me that well is mainly little sister Susan. She also has manipulated her mother, my future MIL into not liking me well neither. I dont think my future MIL even knows her daughter is manipulating and lying to her about me...THE REST OF THE FAMILY LOVES ME, JUST THOSE TWO PPL I MENTIONED DON'T LIKE ME...

So I am wanting everyone's opinion on this. Should women be okay with their men going to hooters? I know men for the most part think its harmless, but women are different...I appreciate opinions from both sexes...

Also I need advice on how to deal with this little thieving caniving lying white trash ♥♥♥♥♥ named "Susan".......

If I were a girl/woman, I don't think I'd have any problems if my guy went to Hooters and just ate there.....BUT....!!! I WOULD, if he went there and had all the girls flirt and play with him. So the bottomline is....are you positively sure that the Hooters girls do that with him?

[ams24]

I'm going to say...yes.

Being a woman, I always wonder if my husband is looking whenever a pair of boobs are in view, or a short skirt, etc. And although I know that he does in fact look (because I've asked him), I also know that he's not sexually or emotionally attached to what he sees on other women (which is what he told me). It's easy to not understand that last part, but when I think about my own tendencies, I often size other men up when I see them--determining if they're buff enough, tall enough, attractive enough, etc.--but feel no sexual or emotional attachment to them.

If my husband told me he was going to Hooters with his friends, I would feel that little stabbing feeling I get when I'm a little hurt, afraid or jealous, but would still bite my lip and let him go.

[Asmoday]

Hey Jess....

I'm going to ask you a question, (I have followed your posts for quite some time), and I'm willing to bet my dark little soul on what the true, honest answer will be:

Do you generally spend energy and time trying not to be alone and undistracted in some way?

For you, I would definitely recommend putting your computer, tv, music players, and radios in storage, going temporarily single, withdrawing from friends and family, and moving into a studio if you have room-mates, for at least six months.

I sincerely believe you desperately need what this exercise will bring about, even if unpleasant at first.

[40hertz]

Hey, take a deep breath all the way into your diaphragm, hold it for three seconds, and let it go as you close your eyes.

I know I haven't seen a picture of you Jess, but I imagine that you are way too tensed up. Your posts here are very judgmental.

The world is your mirror.

Are you angry at these other people for "doing you wrong" or are you secretly just hurting inside from unable to relate to them?

Listen, you say you trust your boyfriend but you don't want him going to Hooters. Why?

I think it's because you're afraid to feel inadequate. But I think you already do feel inadequate you just don't want to be reminded of it.

Are you secure enough in yourself to let your man be a MAN and not some thing you try to control?

Look I'm telling you straight that if he is a self-aware and actualized person, what will turn him off quicker than anything is NOT another woman's looks or advances... but your own insecurities and projections.

I think you need to cry.

And you need to break down and let go, and then once you've completely released, at that point you can start to come back in.

Consider seeing a hypnotist to get to the root of all this stuff.

I wish you the best.

[Max0r]

ideagasms.net

Get back to me when you've digested the blogs, newsletters, videos, etc.

[Lychee]

A "family restaurant"? The standard of respect has gone so low it's pathetic. It's not just about trust, it's about decency and class.

I don't think it's wrong to have reasonable objections towards having a partner go into an environment which overtly throws out suggestions for sex. Why else do guys go there? Just for the food? Yeah right.

[medaille]

A "family restaurant"? The standard of respect has gone so low it's pathetic. It's not just about trust, it's about decency and class.

I don't think it's wrong to have reasonable objections towards having a partner go into an environment which overtly throws out suggestions for sex. Why else do guys go there? Just for the food? Yeah right.

You are making judgements and your standards are personal. There exist people with different judgements and standards of respect, decency, and class. There's a whole gradient of them.

Let's assume that the guys who go there are going there for the eye candy and to be flirted with. What makes it indecent, unclassy, and at a pathetic level of respect? Obviously, the people that participate in the hooters experience on both sides of the equation don't feel indecent, unclassy or pathetic.

[Shamou]

Hey girls... I've never been to Hooters... but, boys will be boys... and if boyfriend does not look at pretty girls he's either gay or dead...
.

[Velvet]

I just read through this whole thread, and the thing that strikes me about Jess's question is not the part about Hooters, or the sister-in-law (you guys covered all that eloquently), but the way the question is phrased: "Is It Okay For Women To Have Issues With Their Men Going To Hooters?"

VTJess, it's ok to feel anything--jealousy, anger, fear. You're allowed to feel whatever you want. You're allowed to have "issues." But the first step, before even discussing it with your b.f., is to figure out what you are actually feeling. Behind your issues and judgments and strategies for keeping your b.f. faithful are just simple human emotions.

It is helpful to clarify that, to yourself, before you make it a talking point with your guy. Because if your emotions around this issue are overwhelming and big, chances are this isn't really about Hooters, or your relationship, it's about some insecurity from your past that's being triggered. It's not helpful to muddy the waters of your current r'ship with old baggage from the past.

Once you've clarified what your issue actually is, it'll be easier to talk calmly with your fella about it.

I hope that makes sense.