My Social Life is Stuck in the Mud

[Kindred]

I've never been a very social person. Growing up I never had many friends. My family moved around quite a few times, each time I'd lose the few friends I had made. It's been one year since the last move, and I'm entering my last year in high school when September comes. I still haven't made any friends yet. If you're wondering, yeah, I tried.

I've talked to hundreds of people this past year, a lot of them won't talk to me anymore and ignore me. People I hanged out with this year ditched me over time. It makes me wonder if there is something terribly wrong with me... I haven't been able to find any local clubs I'm interested in (my main interests are pixel art, drawing, game design, and programming.)

People I talked to regularly at school never wanted to hang out. The closest time I ever got to hanging out with anyone I knew was near the end of the year. I asked my closest 'friend' if we could hang out sometime, then he invited me to a party that weekend to get wasted. I got better things to do then intoxicate my body, thank you very much.

Am I barking up the wrong trees? Is there something wrong with me? Is making friends in high school a bad idea? Where do I make positive friends who are driven to make something out of their life?

I'm lost on what to do. Last year of high school, and my social life is stuck in the mud.

[JimOfferman]

Hey Kindred,

I can relate to your troubles... I too have moved a couple of times and lost most of the few friends I had along the way. However, since I settled down at my current residence, I've built up a very nice new circle of friends.

Things that worked for me:

* Don't fret about finding new friends, just go out and do the things you like to do. Sooner or later, you are bound to meet new friends. Obviously, this works best with group activities. If you like solo activities, try to join a club that is dedicated to those activities - at the very least, you'll run into like minded people there.

* Find out what you are doing to keep you away from friend-finding opportunities and stop doing that. For me, it was watching television... I never enjoyed it, yet it still kept me alone and in my home when I could go
out instead.

* Be pro-active. Organize a party, ask a friend to go with you to a concert, have your own dvd-night... whatever floats your boat, really...

Jim.

[stayfly]

high school can be a very unusual social environment. don't let it effect you too much and realize that life is very different after school and you are very likely to meet some like minded people and make some great friends when you leave that environment. i have seen this happen MANY times.

some suggestions would be;

1. focus on creating a great life for yourself without friends. by making your life better and interesting, you will become better and interesting which will in turn increase your social skills and friendships

2. get a job or two. working will provide a different setting to meet new people and to meet different types of people.

3. study social skills, communication and friendship. read 10 books in each of these areas and make distinctions of how you can improve your situation and then practice and apply what you learn.

4. find an excellent role model / mentor and learn from them. find someone who has the social skills and friendships and study what they do to create this result. if possible, ask them to coach you.

5. set small goals and build on them. don't unload your newfound social skills on everyone at first. instead take gradual steps towards your goal. feel good about your achievements and build on them.

6. focus on being a giver (but don't overdo it). instead of looking at what you will gain by having more friends, look at how you can contribute to others being their friend. be a listener, be supportive, be funny (give laughter and joy), be positive, be inspirational (not drinking and smoking is a huge inspiration in my opinion. also, look out for people who might, like you previously, need a friend and make them your friend and in doing so creating great joy for them.

7. hang around girls / get a girlfriend. girls are some of the warmest and most socially skilled people on the planet. make friends with girls and bring joy and fun to them but also ask for their help in improving your life. girls rock!

I hope these suggestions help. let us know how it goes

[NotesMaeve]

Leap on opportunity! A vendor today gave me a gift card for Starbucks. Now recently I broke up with my boyfriend and am moving to another town, and don't know a lot of people. Since I'm looking at apts. tonight, but have a couple hour time gap, I'm going to just hang out and be receptive to seeing what kind of people hang out around town. Nothing will come of it, but maybe I'll remember a few faces if I go to the same Starbucks again.

[cela]

Just wanted to second stayfly's suggestion of getting a part-time job. So many benefits, just one of which is increasing your social circle.

I found that it helped my schoolwork as well, because I had to schedule better!

I bet there are heaps of online forums and groups based on your interests - why not post and see if there are any members near you?

I would never have guessed a site like Steve's had so many members so close to me in Australia - and we have had quite a few offline meetings now!

Best of luck!