Rant: When people just won't leave. (Long!)

[The David]

This is related to my 'Being the calm eye of the storm' thread. I'll warn you ahead of time that this is kind of a rant, although I would appreciate any advice and/or moral support.

A while back (maybe June), a girl from next door arrives at my doorstep. She had a fight with her boyfriend's parents and wanted to use the phone. I had no problem with this. Later on, her boyfriend arrives. I had no problem with this, either. By the way, she is a little pregnant.

Gradually, they began spending more and more time over here. Actually, they sort of lived here. They slept on the couch.

I didn't really mind this at first. Then it got a little annoying. I was very glad when they moved out. However, I was a bit offended that they vanished without leaving a note. A little time passes, and she is back in my house again, explaining that she moved in with her boyfriend's parents, that they're bitchy, blah blah blah, explaining everything except why she just vanished after using our apartment. I cut her some slack; maybe she planned on getting in touch later, maybe she told me and I just forgot---anything to get them off the hook. So they are back in my life again.

This time I was not happy, for reasons I will explain at the end of this rant. I resolved to confront them. When I got home that day, they were gone, with a note on the counter this time explaining why. I was happy that the problem had taken care of itself.

This morning, she comes into my bedroom at eight o'clock in the morning (without knocking) and explains why she is back: Her boyfriend's parents verbally abuse her and try to fight her (she is pregnant, remember). She goes on and on about how crazy they are, and how she knows my roommate will let her stay here, so she isn't going to put up with her family.

Let me tell you a little about the past few weeks:

1. The intrusions. First, the guy comes in my room at 6:00 AM to use my phone. Not once, but two days in a row. Then the girl comes in at 8:00 this morning without knocking, albeit a bit more respectfully.

2. These people are not needy. They just spent about $300 on groceries, with food stamps. The guy makes more money than my sister and I combined, and my sister could support both of us on part time minimum wage. Yes, she's pregnant, and maybe the guy's mom is a bitch, but that's not my problem.

3. They live in the living room and she is on my computer constantly. It's like having guests that won't leave, not roommates.

4. Before the guy even knew me, he was evangelizing me. Seriously, he is some kind of doomsday prophet. I did not ask to be drawn into an endless debate on the end of the world, and I would appreciate it if he would remember his place and show some respect for other religious backgrounds.

Thank you so much if you have read this far, even if you scanned. I guess I'm just wanting to vent a little. I know I'll have to take action (demand rent or kick them out, preferrably the latter), but when my roommate is so nice about them being here, it forces me to be the 'stingy Republican bastard', and that is really hard for me to do because I am a pushover and have some pretty screwed-up attitudes about money and needy people, or people who seem needy but spend about eight times as much on groceries as I do.

[Stray]

Change the freaking locks, this is !@#$% ridiculous.

Sorry to be so blunt, but it really is. Talk to your roommate and explain how fed up you are with their behavior, it shouldn't be too hard to get him/her to back you up, I hope. If that doesn't work, move out. There's no reason you should let these asshats take advantage of you like this.

[elainevdw]

They obviously need some kind of help... possibly with basic life skills, like not jumping from couch to couch because you're fighting with your parents who you still live with even though your girlfriend is pregnant?

If you decide to help them, certainly set up boundaries. My family has let hard-on-their-luck friends live with us for periods, and it always turned out just fine, but there were rules.

Make sure to discuss these rules with your roommate and make sure he's not going to waffle on enforcement. You can't be playing "good cop/bad cop" with these guys, or else they're going to walk all over both of you.

Rules related to length of stay: They may only stay as long as it takes for them to find an apartment and move out. This is a temporary situation! Make sure they understand that! (And I wouldn't suggest charging rent. I assume, since they're living on your couch, that you don't have a spare bedroom to rent them. Also, charging rent indicates that you're fine with them staying there as long as they contribute to the rent... which really isn't the issue here.) If they're not actively looking for an apartment and/or saving up money to afford the deposit and first/last months' rent, then kick 'em out. Make it clear that you will change the locks if you have to.

Rules for etiquette while they stay: No barging in and out of your room. No using your phone or computer except for apartment hunting purposes. Maybe they should contribute to the house utility and grocery bills... anything to make their stay easier to deal with.

However, since they're quite used to imposing on you, they might not be willing/able to follow through with their side of the bargain in a "stay here until you're back on your feet" deal. If you don't think they're capable of doing their part, kick 'em out. Change your locks. And tell your roommate that you'll replace his shampoo with mayonnaise if he even THINKS about letting them back in.

[The David]

It's very amusing to see all this in print. I hadn't realized how bad it had gotten until I read over my own writing.

I will talk to my roommate as soon as she gets back. Maybe sooner, since there is a chance she let them come back without my permission.