i just wanna be loved...

[Angela]

Originally Posted by toasterwater

Actually, I would really say that deep down inside i hate her.

Toasterwater, when you have sex with someone, you're exchanging something real with her, and you become more like one another. You are doing yourself and the woman a real disservice by having this kind of exchange with someone you hate. You are pouring your hatred into her, and you are accepting into yourself all of the things about her that you are complaining about.

I'm glad you've met this nice woman, but I feel you would be wise to resolve your feelings of hatred (which are of course you are 100% responsible for) so that you're free to enter this new relationship free of old pain. If you don't, you will only carry your baggage into all your new relationships.

[Boreas]

Just one bit of advice:

Try to get out of your skin, look at yourself from the perspective of an observer. Try not to love or hate your ex, notice what you see when you do.

Whether you hate or love your ex, you still feel passionately for her, and you will not heal. Your only way out is to focus on not loving or hating her. Just try get the thought and feeling in your mind and keep it there.