The Myth of a Happy Marriage

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Again, Matthew, all good points which I will have to think about a lot more before coming to a conclusion since I wasn't really looking at this from a biological/survival perspective to begin with.

Thanks for sharing your view on the church. I tend to feel the same way as you in that area. Morality in general is a sticky question, because people with no religious leaning can have the same moral principles as those you subscribe to a particular religion. Also, the origin of morality can be debated as from god or intrinsic inside humans or as a falshood (I don't think that's the right word, but the right one doesn't come to mind) depending on what worldview a person subscribes to.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Shamou

But, I cannot take credit for anything... I was just lucky enough to get the seventh wonder of the world as a better half...

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She made the new list?!!

JohnPlace, Matthew and Shamou...I am hoping your wives didn't snag the last of your kind...

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

JohnPlace, Matthew and Shamou...I am hoping your wives didn't snag the last of your kind...

Mine did not "snag" anything... I had to run and work like hell to get her...

.

[JohnPlace]

Originally Posted by Shamou

I can vouch for that also John... not only do I have a happy marriage... but my wife is my main reason to be... and, we will celebrate out 25th in two months...

But, I cannot take credit for anything... I was just lucky enough to get the seventh wonder of the world as a better half...

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More often that not, I have found that one's attitudes about marriage reflect more upon the arguer than upon the institution of marriage itself. Although, I suppose I could say the same thing about lots of other topics (and I guess I have).

My experience with relationships has been both good and bad. But my experience with marriage has been off-the-charts fantastic.

And like you, Shamou, I attribute my marital bliss to the person I married. But the beautiful thing is that she would say the same thing about me.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Shamou

Mine did not "snag" anything... I had to run and work like hell to get her...

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Ah, so I have to make it a little harder to separate the wheat from the chaff? I will keep that in mind.

I would like to enjoy a relationship where we can speak about eachother in the manner you guys have done here.

[Angela]

Matthew, are you saying that you value monogamy and marriage because it protects us from our natural tendencies?

In other words, it's not a matter of morality, but really practicality? (the morality would be wrapped up in agreeing to do what's right for society by cooperating, but that's not what we usually are talking about regarding morality.)

(p.s., Matthew, I'm not trying to be argumentative; I just realized I may be coming across that way. I really want to know what you think, as I trust your opinions to be very well-thought out and insightful. )

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by Matthew Shea

Survival is one of the most fundamental instincts we have and humans are going to fight for it tooth and nail if necessary. If you eliminate a social structure that greatly reduces (and ideally eliminates) sexual competition between males, you've effectively deconstructed civilization by exactly that same amount.

To add to my previous post, if you increase sexual competition between males, you're also going to make females much more protective and defensive (especially of their kids), which would have the effect of breaking down communication, especially between opposite sexes.

Interesting. I came from high school not that many years ago...

And looking back... I take it this is why you have to be a certain age to be accepted as an adult in society.

[Matthew Shea]

Originally Posted by Angela

Matthew, are you saying that you value monogamy and marriage because it protects us from our natural tendencies?

In other words, it's not a matter of morality, but really practicality? (the morality would be wrapped up in agreeing to do what's right for society by cooperating, but that's not what we usually are talking about regarding morality.)

(p.s., Matthew, I'm not trying to be argumentative; I just realized I may be coming across that way. I really want to know what you think, as I trust your opinions to be very well-thought out and insightful. )

There's no need to qualify yourself, but thanks for the compliment.

I'd say that morality is inextricably tied to practicality and both of those are inextricably tied to what's ultimately best for society and the survival of the human race. As for monogamy, there are certainly practical reasons for it as I outlined above that establish it as what's arguably best for our survival as a species, not to mention the betterment of civilization. In other words, I don't think you can separate morals from the practical reasons behind them or the morals lose their authority.

I hope I'm being clear enough. Let me know if I should explain further.

[danas]

Wow!
Sounds like alot of soap opera material around you! This is why I think a happy marriage has to has some higher spiritual goal and understanding. Like some kind of "project" that both sides are aware and are will to play the rules (like monogamy) for the project to work, both sides must see this project as something benefitial for them as individuals (spiritual growth). If the two people are just looking for that "in love" feeling, once it passes, the marriage is doomed....