Help! Please...I need advice!!

[Rum]

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years, together for over 11. We have had alot of hardships, but our love never went away. Our first born was critically ill and has chronic illnesses and hospitalizations since the day she was born. My father was also diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in 01 and in 02 I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 25. My mother went a little crazy after my father died, and my husband helped me thru everything. He is the only reason I made it thru. He was and still is my rock and one true love. We were blessed after all the drama with another baby girl in 05. In the summer of 06 the doctors told us that unless our oldest doesn't improve, she will need a large portion of her right lung removed. The docs had told us that she might need a humid climate. So, in Aug 06 my two daughters and I moved out to Texas, while my husband stayed in Arizona for work commitments. The next 8 months were hard, but we relearned who we were without eachother and we both noticed positive changes in eachother. We were both so excited when he moved out to Texas. Everything was renewed again! It was awesome. After a few weeks, my husband started to be angry about everything! Everything about Texas he hated, other than his family being here. Traffic, weather, his retail store, EVERYTHING! Then, the money got really tight. Before moving, I added up estimated costs and it was doable! Then after moving here, it wasn't so doable! We're on the verge of possibly losing our house! He keeps telling me that he doesn't blame me that he blames himself for not going over the estimated budget (I am horrible with numbers) and he has just gotten more and more stressed out at work and at home! A few nights ago he told me that he didn't want to be married anymore. He wasn't happy with life at all. He told me that through everything in the last five years, which were out of our control, he has lost himself. And he had started to find himself when we were apart for those 8 months. He did say he noticed that I found myself too and he was very excited to come "home" and be with his family, cuz everything was going to be different. But the toll of this new state and work and money has piled on top of him and he just wants out. He doesn't see himself being happy here. And here doesn't mean just Texas, it means with me and our daughters. I asked him about moving out of Texas and back to Arizona, becuz we don't have a chance in Texas due to his hatred for this state. He then told me to please give him some space and let him think it thru. I am trying so hard to do that. He doesn't say he loves me anymore. I did ask him if he loved me and he said yes. I then asked him if he was still IN love with me and without hesitation he said yes. I am so scared about losing the love of my life and i'm not sure how to go about functioning. I take care of both of our kids, but it's hard for me to do anything else. I'm not eating or sleeping in fear that he is going to say no, he doesn't want to be married anymore! I just need some advice from someone. Everyone I talk to just say dump him, he's a jerk and move on. I don't want to move on, but if I have to I will. I did tell him that if this is what he wants I will let him go cuz I love him so much! He started crying at that point which brought on my tears! SOMEONE! HELP ME PLEASE!!!

[SeriousKidding.com]

Well first off, you two need to get some therapy from a relationship/marriage counselor, BIG TIME! Only my humble opinion, but you need to find a new perspective. All your stresses have made both of you unable to deal with reality. If you split up, how is that going to help anything? What about the kids?! What about YOU TWO?! Running from the situation often sounds like the way out. It is not. It's just like deciding to become an alcoholic to solve your problems. Well, regardless, the problems are STILL there no matter what you do. So, how can you find a way to accept, handle, and enjoy your lot in life? That's what you must focus on. And, I think you need help to allow yourselves to do this. I know from experience (believe me!), or I wouldn't be weighing in on this immense crisis you're facing. BUT, I sure think you have a lot of guts to tell us about it. All I can say is: there IS a way out and a way BACK for you and your family. You just have to find it. And, that IS DOABLE! All the best. --Brad Gerver

[Love]

Your love for your husband comes through. It is equally clear from your husband's non-flinching answer, that he loves you too. And both of you love your daughters. I know this situation is tense. I will wish for peace for your whole family.

[Rum]

Thanks so much! I hope it works out how I really would love it to!