The bar scene isn't for everyone

[Dan032]

Is there an alternative to the bar scene when it comes to meeting other singles? I’ve talked to a few friends and they are convinced that this is the best method.

The problem is that I don’t operate very well in places like that. I find it very competitive, and I have yet to actually meet anyone in a bar. I suppose I don’t have the right attitude or something.

Surely, that can’t be the only hope for a single person.

[Scipio]

Yes, take a class (like art, cooking, psychology, dance), volunteer at an event of your interest, go to a coffee shop, bookstore, mall, record store, gym, even a grocery store. Make sure you choose something you like though. I am in a yoga class and I expected to meet women, but it's mostly guys--which is okay, I joined primarily to improve my flexibility and relax. You will probably meet more quality women at these places anyway.

Most of the girls I've been dating lately I have met at college, because the activities I do are men-orientated.

[Scorpio]

If you have some game the bar scene is good in that you can potentially go out anytime, anywhere and meet someone. But it has a lot of hassles too.

I wouldn't pay for anything just to meet people unless you would want to do it even if you met no one.

I'd try the internet. Ignore anyone who says it's not cool. It's a really easy way to meet a lot of potential dates. Some of them won't pan out of course but ...it's easy.

[alexb5784]

Finding people in bars and in clubs is the worst thing to do. I don't think you can find a *quality* person this way. It's a great way to find someone to sleep with but not a lasting relationship. Ask yourself - "Where would my dream woman/man be found? Where would they be socializing? Where do the successful people in my area hang out?"

I think the best way to find the perfect person is to first become the type of person that you want to be with. For example, if you are overweight, unhappy with your job or broke, do you think you will attract someone who has their life together? No, you will attract someone who is also unhappy, unsuccessful and broke. If you are serious about meeting the right person, become the right person yourself first. Get your life together. Go to places where you believe the successful person would be found (like this forum!). Only then will you find your reflection in the opposite or same sex if you're gay. Please read the quote I put below.

"A soul mate is equal to who we are, so the first thing we have to do is fall in love with ourselves. We have to like who we are. Otherwise, if we don’t, we’re going to get frequency specific with people in our life that...reflect back to ourselves. So, first thing fall in love with yourself. Be to you what you would love to have in another person." - JZ Knight

This is a complicated issue for a lot of people and it used to be for me as well. But I've stopped searching for love because I'm working on becoming the type of woman that I've always wanted to be. I'm so involved with personal growth , that I'm intending/manifesting for the right person to come along later. Right now everything is about me and maybe you should try the same approach for yourself. It's not about being selfish, it's about caring for yourself and your well-being.

So center everything around improving your life. Make YOU the most important person in your life. Then after much effort and work, you'll have upgraded your standards for dating so high, that only the best mates will be attracted to you. Only then will you attract your dream person

Good luck in finding love. It's hard, but so is personal growth

PS: When you become who you really want to be, you won't have to go looking for love because people will just start popping into your life.

[Scorpio]

Originally Posted by alexb5784

Finding people in bars and in clubs is the worst thing to do. I don't think you can find a *quality* person this way. It's a great way to find someone to sleep with but not a lasting relationship. Ask yourself - "Where would my dream woman/man be found? Where would they be socializing? Where do the successful people in my area hang out?"

I met my girlfriend at a bar. We've been dating about a year and half now and things are great. She's a quality person and I'm sure she would say the same for me. I know other people who have met their partners at bars and have been dating them for a while.

Most people go out to bars with their friends to have fun, especially when they're younger. Most people are pretty normal and decent. I never really understand it when people portray bars as these dens of non-commital players and damaged whores. Bars are full of regular people. Most people are pretty 'quality'.

I met my girlfriend at a cheesy, mildly sketchy Top 40 club. We had both reluctently come along with our friends and would have preferred to go somewhere else. We got to talking, exhanged numbers, and started dating. I've met other decent girls at bars before too. I think you find what you expect to find.

[Shaden]

The majority of people who go to the bar scene do so because of social convention. And the majority of people who assign to social convention are usually not going to be attracted to those bizarre individuals who spend their days developing themselves and improving all aspects of their life.

Which means if you're looking for advice for this topic and you're a user of this personal development forum then I wouldn't advise the bar scene. But don't write it off completely of course!

[Dan032]

Originally Posted by alexb5784

So center everything around improving your life. Make YOU the most important person in your life. Then after much effort and work, you'll have upgraded your standards for dating so high, that only the best mates will be attracted to you. Only then will you attract your dream person

Yeah, I’m going through a lot of personal growth right now as we speak. It makes a lot of sense to have one’s own life in order before trying to meet someone else. And I can totally understand the “getting my own life together and everything else will follow naturally” philosophy. Thanks

[Scott H Young]

You can meet people anywhere. The bar scene can have advantages in that people are going to socialize, whereas the people you bump into in day-to-day life might be busy or unable to spend a few moments to make that connection. But this advantage doesn't mean you can only meet people at a bar.

You can meet singles wherever there are people! Whatever situations present themselves for meeting people are good. I can't attest from experience but I've heard self-help seminars are often a great place to meet women (as many have a disproportionate amount of female members looking for men with similar interests). If the bar scene isn't for you, find a different scene.

[alexb5784]

To Scorpio:

Ok, so it's possible to meet a great person in a bar, but most people don't. But if it worked for you, then great. But I think most singles find the bar scene to be frustrating and extremely competitive. But I'm glad it worked for you.
So maybe you can't completly write off the bar scene, but I would at least combine it with other ways to meet people. It wouldn't be my only source for potential dates.

[Radical]

Originally Posted by Dan032

Yeah, I’m going through a lot of personal growth right now as we speak. It makes a lot of sense to have one’s own life in order before trying to meet someone else. And I can totally understand the “getting my own life together and everything else will follow naturally” philosophy. Thanks

We don't live forever, so take the opportunities even if you haven't fully sorted out your own life.

[Lotus]

I met my soul mate in a mental hospital. Oddly enough. We've been together over a year now. Of all our circle of friends, we have the best "how we met" story; it never fails to make people start yelling, "that is so dangerous!" at us. And yes, it is a bit risky, but at the very least, we had nothing to hide when we first met, because hey, you know anybody you meet in a nut-house has some problems.

I don't recommend that anybody go to bars to meet people. It's a terrible place to meet people: the place usually has an overtone of sexuality, the booze makes people act uncharacteristically, and there are a lot of distractions to having a decent get-to-know-you conversation.

As has been mentioned, go somewhere where you have a vested personal interest. If you like literature, join a book club, hang out in bookstores. If you're into exercise, join a gym. If you align yourself with some religion, go to church or temple or whatever. Just hang out in places where you know you'll find people who have at least one shared interest with you.

I forsee hookups on these very forums.