lets try to save this one

[lesreg]

I have been married for 11 years, 3 kids, tough, tough, tough. I seen my parents still married for 29 years and still ask HOW? this is a lot. We spent our 20's together and we are in our early 30's, we went through rough patches, like everyone but recently, I dont like him. I see him as a boulder I carry on my shoulder. I had dreams, goals, and many aspirations to do things with my life and now they can still be achieved but with harder work and sacrifice with him and that makes me dislike him. GOD blessed me with a wonderful family that if you are doing or wanting to do good in your life they are 110% behind you so I have a sitter or money or anything I need to make my dreams come true. I am reading, self-help, want to go back to school and feel like I have to carry him through everything. I tried the secret but he seems to hate seeing me coming up or even happy. When he sees that I am happy, he mentions something to make me sad, or he does something that he knows will get me mad. He knows he is a semi-father, he knows he cannot compete with my organization or intelligence, so when I say, hey I think i want to go back to school and return to the working world, he brings up excuses to make sure I cant do it, or he says well call your mom to come live with us because who is going to cook. My mom has her own household. He works, he comes home and lays in front of the tv on the couch, while I talk homework, baths, plan trips, PTA meetings, BAnd Boosters, etc. and I take care of them all day, he is out of it. He doesnt even know my sons school. I created this, I know but when I let some of my responsibilities onto him, he fails big. Maybe on purpose, maybe because he isnt thinking. I am very prepared and know what and when, he has to call me and say was that meeting today? At work he has no problem managing 150 employees but one meeting with a teacher and he is all thumbs. It sounds like Im dogging him and Im telling you Im trying not to, thats just him, he knows it. The secret says imagine, picture it, where you can be in your future and Im sorry to say I cant see a good future with him. I close my eyes and see my life soaring, with wealth success, love, independance, and not him. I tried adding him, and he is on the couch while I'm soaring (LOL). We both are the same age, Ive told him to come on lets do this together, he says maybe tomorrow and tomorrow never comes. Its true men dont mature as fast, but we arent teens now, so how long do I wait for him to GET IT? What NOW?

[Interpreneur]

Looks like your mind's made up. Good luck to you, but remember that it takes much more than just watching The Secret.

[ZHereford]

lesreg, it sounds like you and your husband have been out of sync and in a rut for a while. You want to develop and he wants to sit around like a lump.

You didn't mention whether you love him or not, but you say you don't like him. If you're waiting for him to change don't hold your breath. On the other hand I wouldn't let him stop you from achieving your goals. Set up a plan for yourself and follow it. It might be harder with him trying to drag you down, but if you ignore his comments he might give up and let you go about your business.

Maybe once he sees how personal development makes you happier with yourself he might give it a try himself. Be nice to him and give him positive feedback when he is accepting and helpful, but let him know when you need more help and encouragement.

[Nyx]

U guys need a romantic holiday together

[Keith]

An observation/suggestion/whatever:

It seems to me that if your husband is as you say then he's that way for a reason (no, I'm not blaming you). Noone just gives up on life for the heck of it. Maybe if you're big on Intention-Manifestation you could manifest him working through whatever's holding him back?

If you're not big on Intention-Manifestation maybe you could help him, not by trying to organise him, but by trying to help him through his blocks. That takes some delicacy, but it's worth consideration, IMO. It may even be that he's failed in your eyes so much that he just doesn't try anymore.

Also, from the sound of it, his work may be very draining. Perhaps that's a place to start? Make his work less draining? Make more energy available to him somehow (diet? exercise?) etc. etc.

By this stage you have to be deeply mired in this relationship. It might be worth taking a step back and looking at him from a big picture view and from his perspective.

[Alchemiss]

Have you seen the book Divine Prescriptions by Doreen Virtue? Some of the prescriptions seem relevant to your situation. I don't know if you believe in angels (this would have put me off until recently) but the information related to various relationship scenarios seemed both accurate and helpful. It might be worth checking out. You could check your library--ours had it.

Best of luck!

[John Hill]

If I was in your situation I would feel terribly frustrated as well and leaving your partner might be a step in the right direction although you need to get very clear on what the next step shoild be for you and the best way to do this sis with a calm mind. While you are all caught up in the situation and living around his laziness your mind will not be clear.

This article is something to think about Step Away from your Problems to Gain Perspective.

Moving on from your husband might be the best move you ever make but you need to get clear whether it is really your best choice.

John

Attracting People.com

[Ak47]

As a matter of fact..., i'm a third child and last child.

I'm also the son of a divorced couple.

Reason? My mom wanted to go back to college, regardless of the fact my dad made more than enough to support all of us. It was her dream to be a school teacher. Now she's remarried, an elementary teacher- but best of all happier than she ever would have been probably. This is great- i don't blame her for a minute. Sure, it had some costs for me, but now i believe (and truthfully always did) it's okay because my mother is happy.

Can't vouch all children would be the same- but it's interesting that our scenarios are similar to some extent. Maybe if you're lucky your first child will be happy with anything, your second will be a lawyer, and your third won't be a philosophical madman. hehe

Whatever happens, just do what you believe is right deep down. It's hard to go wrong with that.