Serious dating relationships

[charlottecharade]

What does it take to have a long-lasting dating relationship with someone? How fast/slow should it go, what are the typical stages, what are the red flags to be aware of? How can you judge if a relationship is going to last or not? Sure flings are fun, fast, and easy. But when you throw in the word commitment things fizzle fast. What would a serious dating relationship look like?

[John Hill]

Charlotte,

You have asked quite a few questions within your post that I believe would be very difficult to answer but I will take a shot at a few of them.

Firstly, to have a successful long lasting relationship you both you really need to be on the same wavelength so to speak. By this I mean, have a similar level of intelligence and equivalent social skills to one another, I don't mean you have to be the same, not at all, but you need to be both heading in a similar direction and have similarly matched life goals. If you want to be President and your partner seeks a very private life, I don't think this type of relationship will go the distance.

How fast either party moves is dependent on the motivations behind what each other wants in a relationship and perhaps other factors like age. If both people are 18, I'd say move rather slowly to learn a bit more about life and each other first. If she is 25 and he is 85 I'd say she better move quickly and he better just sit there and watch.

I don't think there are stages, I think relationships and life are both quite similar, sure make some plans but just take one day at a time.

The red flags are those intuitive feelings we all get, we should trust our intuition, we have it for a reason and that gut feeling means something. Just hanging in there because we are afraid of being alone or desperate is no reason to stay with someone but sadly many people do.

If you start to think whether your relationship will last it probably won't. If you never give it any thought, things are probably ok and maybe it will.

Just as many men crave commitment as women, it just depends on what you want. Playing the field is a perfectly natural and normal thing to do but if you are pretending to be in a commited relationship and still playing around. You will get what you deserve. Nobody can Cheat the Universe although some people think they can.

I think a serious dating relationship would be like a friendly game of equal give and take that both parties wanted to play together. When the game is no longer fun or satisfying, perhaps the relationship will no longer be fun either.

John

Attracting People.com

[Chet]

The best relationships are those that make both of you grow.

[engendertruth]

It all depends upon what you mean by "serious" and what you define as "dating".

The idea of a "serious" relationship is enough to put anybody off relationships can be fun...even when commitment is involved. My boyfriend is my best friend and we love to laugh together. If you cannot laugh at life then can you do?

Relax... every relationship is different.. I am tired of hearing the "shoulds" and "musts" in relationship advice. There are no rules for relationships except those you define yourself. Any other advice I give would be false, as I am like anyone else, still trying to figure it all out!

[Ak47]

Originally Posted by Chet

The best relationships are those that make both of you grow.

I agree with this. It's awesome when two people both always have something to learn from the other. For instance, i'm overly outspoken and opinionative. My girlfriend is shy and timid. Together we make a nice equilibrium as a couple as we're both accepting of the other persons views and values.

In my opinion, what makes long lasting relationships so difficult is the fact that people change over time. It can be hard to prevent two people from changing in ways that they will eventually be less comfortable with eachother in one way or another. As a matter of fact, it may well be impossible to do- but perhaps just realizing this fact can help prevent it.

The first step in any relationships is probably a mixture of respect and obviously interest. If you both give eachother plenty of both, and continue to, you should be well on your way to a good relationship.

A nice trick i read about via the internet, which has worked for myself and i think would in most occasions for most people is to give eachother each a day. For instance, this weekend Saturday will be my day, and Sunday will be her day (days should be weekly to be most effective). So, this Saturday, we get to do anything and everything i want to do. Sunday, we do anything and everything she wants to do. We personally switch every weekend since there's obviously more to do on Saturdays than Sundays. This is a great trick, it makes it so nobody gets pure dominence over the relationship and both parties get to do the things they enjoy with the other. This is definitely something for months and months into a relationships i'd say though.

As far as how fast/slow to go. Observe how quickly your mate wants to go, and how fast you're comfortable going. Try to find a nice medium. As a guy however, i can't suggest enough using the tactic "leave her wanting more when you say goodbye." Give her a taste now and then perhaps, but then deny her for the whole next week so long as she doesn't start to believe you've become disinterested in her.

I chew tobacco from time to time, own guns, and am completely unpopular; as well as a computer nerd. If i can get a girl to be infatuated with me for a long period, you can too.