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Yukio · 06-27-2007, 04:13 AM

Any good strategy?
Some advices would be great ... Like things that could improve the relationship.
Some people after some time will be EXTREME defensive against most persons. Is there any good or real reason for this effect? Is the society that create those individuals for a self defence?

Nyx · 06-27-2007, 08:48 AM

Shouldn't both be avoided?

People get on defensive mode because they've been hurt/offended in some way in the past and its their way to avoid getting hurt passively. But imo, if the person is actively aware of it and want to do something about it to improve, he would find ways to deal with it instead of reacting to it. That's what I think anyway.

Old Soul · 07-02-2007, 12:45 PM

I think bullied children grow up to be defensive, it is sad really, but like NYX has pointed out, if as adults they are aware* of this he or she can get help and make changes

I think it is our problem socially, and we can help defuse , bring down the defenses by our dealings and aproaches

JimOfferman · 07-02-2007, 02:03 PM

Why would you need to be offensive or defensive?

In my experience, the need to be defensive often stems from the notion that many people have to maintain their "perfect person" image for the rest of the world. But here's the rub: if you only ever show your true colors, there's no need to be defensive - all people can do to you is say things that are true about you. Truth doesn't hurt.

Conversely, offensiveness often stems (in my opinion) from people's needs to prove that they are better than others. I.e. if you can bring someone else down with your offense, you'll feel better about yourself - for a little while at least. Forgo that need and you forgo the need to be offensive.

I've also found that the less defensive you are, the less offensive other people behave towards you. When there's no ammo people can attack with, there's little motivation to attack...

brandi · 07-02-2007, 02:58 PM

I think being defensive prepares the mind /body for fight.

it prepares you to think you're gonna be wronged and you need to defend yourself. then naturally being offensive would then come in naturally.

niether is a position of happiness.
one is looking for a perp and the other needs a victim.

i plan on being neither. and ponder peace and joy.

Love · 07-03-2007, 02:21 PM

Could you explain more about the context for this question, Yukio?

06-27-2007, 04:13 AM	#1 (permalink)
Yukio Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 248	Is there a good way to be less offensive and more defensive? Any good strategy? Some advices would be great ... Like things that could improve the relationship. Some people after some time will be EXTREME defensive against most persons. Is there any good or real reason for this effect? Is the society that create those individuals for a self defence?

06-27-2007, 08:48 AM	#2 (permalink)
Nyx Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 36	Shouldn't both be avoided? People get on defensive mode because they've been hurt/offended in some way in the past and its their way to avoid getting hurt passively. But imo, if the person is actively aware of it and want to do something about it to improve, he would find ways to deal with it instead of reacting to it. That's what I think anyway. Last edited by Nyx; 06-27-2007 at 08:51 AM.

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07-02-2007, 12:45 PM	#3 (permalink)
Old Soul Family Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,016	I think bullied children grow up to be defensive, it is sad really, but like NYX has pointed out, if as adults they are aware* of this he or she can get help and make changes I think it is our problem socially, and we can help defuse , bring down the defenses by our dealings and aproaches

07-02-2007, 02:03 PM	#4 (permalink)
JimOfferman Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 1,823	Why would you need to be offensive or defensive? In my experience, the need to be defensive often stems from the notion that many people have to maintain their "perfect person" image for the rest of the world. But here's the rub: if you only ever show your true colors, there's no need to be defensive - all people can do to you is say things that are true about you. Truth doesn't hurt. Conversely, offensiveness often stems (in my opinion) from people's needs to prove that they are better than others. I.e. if you can bring someone else down with your offense, you'll feel better about yourself - for a little while at least. Forgo that need and you forgo the need to be offensive. I've also found that the less defensive you are, the less offensive other people behave towards you. When there's no ammo people can attack with, there's little motivation to attack...

07-02-2007, 02:58 PM	#5 (permalink)
brandi Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 83	I think being defensive prepares the mind /body for fight. it prepares you to think you're gonna be wronged and you need to defend yourself. then naturally being offensive would then come in naturally. niether is a position of happiness. one is looking for a perp and the other needs a victim. i plan on being neither. and ponder peace and joy.

07-03-2007, 02:21 PM	#6 (permalink)
Love Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 513	Could you explain more about the context for this question, Yukio?

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

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