First Date EVER!

[WayToTwilight]

Hi all, haven't been here in a while, school has been a pain in the butt and i've got one more final...

A DATE!!!

Well this is the first date of my life... she said for me to call her after finals, which I will do in a couple days since finals aren't over for everyone until Saturday (even though I'm done)

I was just wondering what are some good first date topics. I'm planning to have coffee with her probably at a local starbucks.

What date topics should we talk about? I want to avoid a lot of big interview questions and try to keep it lively, and focused on more fun things like hobbies. I'm planning to try and listen more to her, focus less on me, be funny (well as I funny as I can be... without being offensive).

Also should I sit right next to her or across from her? And should I buy her coffee? I was planning to buy it for her, but let her buy it if she insists...

Also when I asked her out, I asked her out to lunch or coffee... she must know that I'm interested in her romantically right? I guess I can't always make that assumption, in other words, I'm afraid she might just think of this as just getting to know me, rather than a date... what should I do if that happens?

How long should I ask her out for, maybe an hour? And should I ask her to a second date afterwards (if it goes well) or wait to call her later?

[Erin Pavlina]

Oh first date, what fun!

Here is my advice but I'm sure everyone else will chime in with some good info.

Pay for her if you can. If she insists on going dutch, honor that. Don't argue or take offense.

I would sit across from her so you can see each other easily without having to keep your head turned the whole time.

Talk about current things like movies you've seen, hobbies you're interested in, people you both know (but not in a gossipy way), school subjects, future plans, maybe a little about growing up. Watch for signs of disinterest in a subject and if you see them switch topics.

If you're having a really good time together, suggest a walk or hanging at the mall or going to a movie. But if you can tell things aren't going well or you're not as interested as you thought you were, end the date 15 minutes or so after you're both done with your coffee (you don't want to "bolt" on the last sip cuz that's rude).

If you're loving the date and it seems like she's interested, ask her out for a second date while you're still on the first. "Hey, you wanna go check out Fantastic Four with me next weekend?" and the like.

Good luck. Have fun, be yourself. And report back so we know how it went.

[Shamou]

WayToTwilight... Erin just gave you some wonderful advice... I cannot add to that... but I would like to wish you Good Luck... and, may this be a beautiful and most memorable event for you...

.

[JohnPlace]

I agree with Shamou. It's hard to add anything meaningful after that wonderful response from Erin.

The only thing I will add (based on a question in the original post), is that you can rest assured the girl knows you are interested romantically.

If a man asks a woman out for coffee during the beginning stages of a relationship, I think most people understand that it's an invitation to see if you want to go on a more serious date -- so if she weren't interested in at least investigating further, it's likely she would have declined.

Of course, it's impossible to say for sure because we can't read her mind -- but I'm sure you will know what she thinks of you soon enough.

Good luck.

[insatiabl3]

lol, Erin Pavlina, Psychic Extraordinaire AND Dating Guru!!! who knew??

That was excellent advice! I think you have everything you need to know. And she's right, you'll be able to sense whether you two are clicking or not. If not.. that's too bad, but trust me..everyone has bad dates that you need to get through to get to the good ones. Good luck!

[Erin Pavlina]

I used to be a really good dater. Lots of experience there. Maybe I missed my true calling.

[silicon toad2000]

you were gifted with 2 ears and one mouth, use them proportionately.
everyone likes to talk about themselves, listen.
Maybe skim over a book on body language beforehand, a lot of communication is non verbal.

[Minishark]

Originally Posted by silicon toad2000

you were gifted with 2 ears and one mouth, use them proportionately.
everyone likes to talk about themselves, listen.
Maybe skim over a book on body language beforehand, a lot of communication is non verbal.

Agreed. Try to get her to do most of the talking. A lot of guys blow their first date because they get nervous and won't shut up. What you've got to do is "actively listen" to what she's saying, showing that you understand what she's saying, and asking her questions about herself. Girls love to talk about themselves. Believe it or not, you'll actually come off as a more interesting person to her, even though you're saying close to nothing.
Other than that, just be yourself. Try to relax. Maintain good eye contact. Try not to come off as creepy or desperate. Don't tell her weird things about yourself (but funny, embarrassing stories are usually okay). Don't complain, nobody likes a complainer. It's okay to poke fun at her a little bit, so as long as she knows you're just poking fun (it's called flirting). Smile. Make sure you take a shower and don't have bad breath. Don't overdress (it's only coffee, after all), but don't dress like a slob either. Try to have fun, because if you're not having fun then what's the point? Besides, girls like guys who know how to have fun.

[medaille]

Don't take this personally, but one of the things I don't like about coffee dates is that there's nothing to do but talk. I'm not naturally a gifted conversationalist, so I enjoy more physical dates better. Like taking a walk in an interesting part of town or in a park by a lake. Going window shopping in the eclectic part of town. Who doesn't like a casual game of mini golf? People watching is fun. It automatically gives you something to talk about and you don't have to be as focused on coming up with interesting topics because the date will have some interesting stuff happening by mere location which will be attributed to you. Pauses mean less when you are doing stuff and you can be more playful. You can also touch her more to create connection if you aren't sitting directly across from her with a table in between.

[WayToTwilight]

Hi all, thanks for all the advice, I'll put it to use. I haven't called her yet, will do so tomorrow.

Regarding medaille's concern, I totally understand, however, I know she likes coffee (when I asked her out she said, "Yeah I love coffee!").

On that note, I was thinking of asking her if she wanted to go to the beach with me for a second date possibly (I live in La Jolla, California, right next to the beach).

[RT Wolf]

She loves coffee? Perhaps get her to talk about coffee, obvious first date topic. Favourite coffees or whatever and maybe whatever else she likes about coffee.

There's no harm in asking what her interests are and then ask her about them. Be interested and ask genuinely interesting questions which signal your interest in her. Few things are as flattering as an open ear.

[JohnPlace]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

Few things are as flattering as an open ear.

Excellent advice.

[Gordon]

All great advice there, Way.

Now just relax and enjoy it too. There is nothing better than getting to know someone over a nice coffee.

And can I add, that at some point, you tell her, that you are really enjoying the opportunity to get to know her better outside of, school.

I am sure it will last a lot longer than an hour.

Enjoy it and keep us all informed about it

(Ah to be that young again....mmmmmm)

G

[Lallymac]

Love the two ears and a mouth.
Ask open ended questions like;
What are favourite things to do..
Where do you go to have fun..
So what do you think about...
How do feel about..
Use her responses to guide you.
Though it sounds like you've already got that part sussed.
We're all cheering you on.. no pressure or anything :-)..
Lally

[Akashic_Librarian]

Ohh I am going on a date this monday lol. with a girl whos 14...but I am 16 so don't get any ideas lol.

I suck at dates, especially first ones. I get nervous, I either speak too much, or not enough....

[WayToTwilight]

Good luck Akashic_Librarian! I hope you have fun, it's normal to feel jittery. One thing I use to calm myself down is to tell myself not to be too attached to the outcome. Whether or not she is for me, I just think of it as a great experience, to get more familiar with girls and dating. There are plenty of other attractive women out there.

Unfortunately I called her today and she didn't pick up, I just left a message. I'm crossing my fingers.

[Gordon]

Originally Posted by WayToTwilight

Good luck Akashic_Librarian! I hope you have fun, it's normal to feel jittery. One thing I use to calm myself down is to tell myself not to be too attached to the outcome. Whether or not she is for me, I just think of it as a great experience, to get more familiar with girls and dating. There are plenty of other attractive women out there.

Unfortunately I called her today and she didn't pick up, I just left a message. I'm crossing my fingers.

Way, stop that thinking now.....we all told you to enjoy it, and there you are talking about other women already!!

And what do you mean unfortunately you called her.....what are you like.

Go forth young man, be bold and stop thinking these negative thoughts now....think about what make you want to have coffee and get to know this girl.....remember, yes there are lots of women out there, but this is the one you want to spend time with,.....it will help you appreciate her and your coffee time together.

G

[Gordon]

Originally Posted by Akashic_Librarian

Ohh I am going on a date this monday lol. with a girl whos 14...but I am 16 so don't get any ideas lol.

I suck at dates, especially first ones. I get nervous, I either speak too much, or not enough....

Akashic,

Good luck with your date, please try not to be yourself, so relax and enjoy it too.

By the way I have underwear that is older that your date!!!!! Scarey

G

[Maso]

Waytotwilight,

you are miles ahead already because you care about the date....

alot of pricks out there dont give a damn. you already won man

[Lallymac]

Gordon,
These young men are jittery enough as it is without you scaring them with visions of your underwear.

Lally

[theknightwhosaysni-NI]

Originally Posted by WayToTwilight

Good luck Akashic_Librarian! I hope you have fun, it's normal to feel jittery. One thing I use to calm myself down is to tell myself not to be too attached to the outcome. Whether or not she is for me, I just think of it as a great experience, to get more familiar with girls and dating. There are plenty of other attractive women out there.

Unfortunately I called her today and she didn't pick up, I just left a message. I'm crossing my fingers.

Originally Posted by Gordon

Way, stop that thinking now.....we all told you to enjoy it, and there you are talking about other women already!!

And what do you mean unfortunately you called her.....what are you like.

Go forth young man, be bold and stop thinking these negative thoughts now....think about what make you want to have coffee and get to know this girl.....remember, yes there are lots of women out there, but this is the one you want to spend time with,.....it will help you appreciate her and your coffee time together.

G

I disagree with Gordon. I don't think these are negative thoughts.
I think you have a good frame there, not being attached to the outcome and enjoy the experience. Keep it fun.
In my experience, not being attached to the outcome, having fun and enjoying it as a great experience is the best way to...have a good outcome and have a great time for both of you.

[somaziro]

not to sound the complete opposite, I agree with most people in this thread about trying to listen more than talk... but don't take that as the holy grail. It is totally situational, and it may backfire on you if the girl you are going out with is shy. If her answers are short or you get that 'ackward' silence feeling - change your tactics!

topics to talk about:
where she grew up - anything you know about that place, maybe some stupid stereotypical thing you can turn into a joke.

what she does for a living/what she wants to do - if she doesn't really like what she does, find out what she majored in in college, and why she decided to study that.

music/movies - the complete equalizer, everyone has some favorite bands or movies.

longer date?
you might want to have a backup plan if the date goes really well, think of something you can do after the coffee date, for instance is there a park nearby - suggest it towards the end of the date and see if you can extend the date.

good luck

[Brutha]

Originally Posted by somaziro

not to sound the complete opposite, I agree with most people in this thread about trying to listen more than talk...
[...]
what she does for a living/what she wants to do - if she doesn't really like what she does, find out what she majored in in college, and why she decided to study that.

How about reading more than writing?

The guy and his girlfriend are both depended on school finals.
People at School generally don't have majored in college.

That leads you to your main question: What will she do after finals? (bonus tip: be interested in her answers)
Be prepared to answer the same question.

longer date?
you might want to have a backup plan if the date goes really well, think of something you can do after the coffee date, for instance is there a park nearby - suggest it towards the end of the date and see if you can extend the date.

I don't think that this is effective. After a good date he should give her the time to think about him.
That leads to a better second date.

[Erock]

This probably stems from the fact that I'm currently reading the memoirs of Casanova, but I would say go in with the attitude that you want to make her feel beautiful.

People say that women don't like to be "hit on," and that you shouldn't compliment them, but in reality the only time women are "hit on" is by drunk guys, and a confident man giving a geniune compliment is extremely rare.

I sense that you are a nice guy, and I am too, but I must warn you that putting all your eggs in one basket and having too much emmotional attachment to the outcome of this date could be a recipe for heartbreak.

Give her the gift of your love for the evening, but remember that there are a lot of other women out there.

Tell us how it goes. I'd like to hear.

Erock

[WayToTwilight]

Thanks again for the advice... unfortunately she hasn't returned my phone call, I called her Saturday afternoon and left a message. I'm going by a 3 day phone call rule and gonna call her again tomorrow, Tuesday. I'm tempted to call it off if she doesn't return my phone call again.

Well it is Monday... and Akashic_Librarian mentioned he was going on a date today... I'd like to hear how that's going!

[somaziro]

Originally Posted by Brutha

How about reading more than writing?

The guy and his girlfriend are both depended on school finals.
People at School generally don't have majored in college.

That leads you to your main question: What will she do after finals? (bonus tip: be interested in her answers)
Be prepared to answer the same question.

I don't think that this is effective. After a good date he should give her the time to think about him.
That leads to a better second date.

I happened to read it as the girl asking him to call her when he got done with finals. Sorry for the misread - but you can still use the basic idea as you pointed out to ask about school and what plans are for after school.

As far as continuing a date, like I said - have a backup plan just in case; it never hurts to be prepared, but it is a judgment call.

Twilight - even if she doesn't respond, don't get discouraged and use it as a springboard to asking someone else out for coffee =)