Social Commentary on PD

[Flyingwithoutwings]

Possibly different than expected, this post is about a simple observation about relating to friends and family whilst practicing personal development. My most recent experience is from beginning the everyman sleep cycle. The three hour core + 3 20 min naps as all the sleep one has/needs in a day, I can go over the benefits but thats not the subject of this post. The subject being my recieved reactions:

"People die without sleep you know?"
"This study shows going without REM sleep makes you psychotic"
"I think its great, I just don't like the extremeness/rate at which you're doing it"
"This isn't natural or healthy the way you're doing this."
"You're going to just have to make it all up/get right back down where you started"
And the more covert:
"I thought you might be interested in this website...(refuting all of the things you've told me about your little experient)"

The pattern is more general than one might think. Despite almost exhaustive study of various sides' "facts" and opinions, personal experience, etc. most people take your PD experience, as their chance to play expert. Whether its a raw food diet, sleep schedule, social life-revamp or sometimes even taking up a spiritual or meditation practice, all of which admitedly require a great deal of research to perform safetly & successfully, your closest friends and family, if informed, will first and foremost let you know why they wouldn't or you shouldn't do it. They provide more than enough fears and hangups to push back a revolution. There is mention of this in Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers, where she states that one's nearest and dearest will often resist the practicioner's overcoming of fears due to the nearest/dearest's own insecurity. They think (more often unconsciously), "This will undoubtly lead to Susie leaving me or not needing me". Its no more than a security issue: "Captain, susie is trying to change, activate mission: doubt and resistance". Unless they too are into PD...

Which brings me to a shorter and easily excepted point, the value of you guys. It can be invaliable to have close friends with which to speak about these things. A friend that has worked on him/her self enough to atleast not shove doubts down your throat, and quite possibly give support for whatever life-experiment you decide to experience. Some of the things I've been working on recently I would not have been able to push through the social doubt cloud without the guidance of real-life PD-minded friends (more accurately: friend that introduced me to the website).

Tips:
1) Get some P.D.-minded friends
2) Don't tell anyone about your P.D. conquests unless its a must
3) Important: For greater ease of dealing with the doubters you must tell-
(a)Give them the importance they crave, (b)patiently listen with eye contact and a face that says, "I'm listening", even if you've gotten to the point where you're (c) counting to ten repeatedly in your head (<-disguised tip), then (d) let them know that you'll take their advice/worries/doubts/disapproval into consideration and (e) really try to think of ways that you could possibly tweak in your experiment for the better (in your opinion) based on any of their better ideas (if they exist) - if you seem to subordinate your "overzealous" or "dangerous" plans to their anecdotes, there is an even greater chance they'll get off your back and try to forget about your plans (which is worth the cost as you're getting some great relationship skills while simultaneously getting a break from scrutiny).

[RT Wolf]

Agreed. A greed. Damned A's, so damn greedy.

That is when people are directly conversing with you, and I've also found that people just speaking in fear-based terms seeps into your subconscious, too. For example, I was at work and a random person gave me one of those oatmeal bars and I took it. Later when I told my coworkers about this stranger's kindness, they asked me whether my mother had ever taught me to not take anything strangers (who are, sometimes, nicer than people I know) and that he would violate the bar before giving it out. Talk about being afraid that the rest of the world is like you. Since then, I've started noticing the underlying emotions behind what people say (a very useful skill in communication--reading between the lines), even in regular conversation and a surprising amount of it is coming up as fear or egoic defense. Try doing that for a day.

However, I am grateful for the friends I do have who inspire and encourage me, and true encouragement, not the false kind that says, "You staying exactly where you are is essential for my self-worth."

Ah well, enough negative talk. I'm gonna go do work.

[openeyes]

Love it. I particularly follow "Don't tell anyone about your P.D. conquests unless its a must", at least so far as talking to people in person that may worry about my behavior. My parents may never know about my little "no house" experiment, unless not until significantly after the fact. Last night was the first time I mentioned it to a friend in person. She was fairly supportive, as she's gotten used to my extreme pursuits over the years and is no longer phased by much of it as I tend to come out fine. The only other people that know about it are on this forum, and I didn't even post about it here until I was a few days in.

In a sense, the reasons for not doing something that people come up with, are the justifications for why they're not doing it, for why they don't need to change. Nothing like staying in a nice, warm comfort zone. What many may not realize or care to know is that one's comfort zone can be greatly expanded, and change can become much easier and enjoyable. With a higher capacity for change and dealing with stress, for risk, suddenly one feels much more peaceful, the world is no longer so hectic, and one can go about doing things that to others seem unreasonably difficult/unsafe.

[Flyingwithoutwings]

RT wolf, thanks for the reminder, there was a section in "the seven habits of highly effective people" that talks about listening for the emotion exressed in context. It was really the best thing I got from the book but its difficult to remember it everyday. Really helps for someone like me who thinks understanding is a cure-all esp. in relationships.

[RT Wolf]

Whoops, I forgot the make the point that I started out to make. Which is that even when people around you are not specifically challenging you on your beliefs (heck, it'd be better if they did), their fear-based ideas start to seep into your mind. Someone once said that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, and it's true. It is not a conscious process, but you start to feel as others do and think as others do. It is an essential part of our survival, but it is important to be careful with it. This my extra reasoning behind supporting your wonderful suggestion of surrounding yourself with positive people, even if they're not into PD.

[John Wesley]

It's an unfortunate human quality that people enjoy seeing others fail. In nearly all my endeavors, I can tell my friends hope I end up disappointed. They tell me not to get my hopes up, etc. This is just something you have to deal with if you want to be exceptional.

[Shamou]

PD is largely based on faith... it cannot be proved with a mathematical equation... there are believers and there are non believers... no sense in discussing PD in front of a non believer... it will simply reinforce that person in its position...

You can take a horse to the river... but you can't make it drink...

.

[Flyingwithoutwings]

I guess the difficulty is it only seems self-evidently positive to its practitioners.

[Flyingwithoutwings]

Originally Posted by Shamou

no sense in discussing PD in front of a non believer... it will simply reinforce that person in its position...

I agree - It can only been seen as self-evidently positive by its practitioners...or those bound to be them, those silly ones with curiousity . Oh how I love the silly.