Should I give up on this relationship?

[Indigo Warrior of Light]

Ugh I feel embarrassed to even talk about this, but I need an outside opinion on a little problem Im having. Im just gonna go into a few details to give understanding.

Ive been with a girl for about 6 months now, we only seen each other twice, however, due to she lives in another city than I do. We have kept an online relationship really, but I fell in love with her. I remember the times we were together, in person, she seemed swooned, very shy she couldnt even meet me alone, she had to have her friend with her she was so nervous. It was, at one point, the ideal relationship, we joked around teased each other, yet would go into deep passionate conversations and expressions of love.

Anyways, I dont mean to toot my horn here, but I could be what you call "beautiful", meaning Im a guy who has beauty like a girl, I got hair and all that and have style, so attracting girls is not hard for me, despite the fact that Im kind 5'7''. This particular girl in topic was of course swooned by me everytime we met in person. Once we met, I knew right away I wanted to be with her, for no real reason, I just felt a great connection with her. Ive dated better looking, more self secure, more talented and balanced women than her, yet for some reason I felt a love for her I didnt feel with the others. I love that was unconditional, I had no real reason to love her but I do.

Anyways, these feelings developed over time, and I was pretty open about it. I make it a point to not hide my feelings, for I feel theres no shame at all in sharing your feelings with others. Most guys are scared to show feelings, for fear of being perceived as weak, but I never had that problem. I had no problem telling her I loved her, and one time I even left her flowers on her doorstep when I wanted to surprise her but she wasnt there, so I left some flowers. I didnt do it because I was needy, but because I wanted to let her know I had been around.

Anyways, recently weve been going through a period of not talking much, were both busy with our lives, shes in school, Im working, and we talked maybe once or twice a week. During this time, she tells me that she doesnt know whether shes ready for a relationship. She tells me she isnt sure of my intentions (she thought I was using her), and she wants to be friends for now and see what happens. I agree, and I give her her space, and it goes on. We dont talk much, when we do, its pretty cheerful. Its been on like that for a month now.

Well the other day, we were talking and I asked her if she was ready for a relationship yet. And she quickly responded, no relationships now, and I asked her if shed ever be ready, she said she didnt know. She then leaves for a while, and I write her an email, where I well, poured my heart out. Then she came back on, and she read my email, and I asked her if she still loves me? She tells me "You want the truth, I loved you, but I dont love you anymore" I was like well you never loved me then, cuz it real love doesnt die, and yada yada yada I was hurt. Maybe I was a little too emotional, I even had a few tears rolling down the cheek, and I told her too.

So she leaves again, and Im just sitting and thinking. Then, almost right away, she comes back and asks me whens the next time I can go see her, I said next weekend, and she said she wanted to see me. So yea Im supposed to go see her for the 3rd time this weekend.

My question is, is it even worth it? She already told me she didnt love me anymore, aka the feeling of attraction is gone aka I was only infatuated with you. You had flavour, you lost your flavour, so Im spitting you out, like gum. I find it so ridiculous shes even making a decision like this.

Again, not tooting my horn here, but Im exceptionally good looking, smart, intelligent, gifted both athletically and mentally, and yea. I think, personally, shes a little below my level, she has acne, shes cute but shes insecure, says how sometimes she wishes she was dead, she has been the victim of various forms of abuse so I can understand this. But I only desired to "be her hero" and be a shining light in her life, but it seems she had a different view in mind.

I really feel we can be together, I feel theres enough potential here. But, then again, were rather young, Im 18 shes 16, and I wonder is it even worth it to try? Should I even bother going to see her this weekend? She is either gonna tell me its over, or shes gonna tell me she wants to be with me. Either way, Im sick of being on this emotional rollercoaster, so Im wondering whether I should just forget about it and move on, or should try to make this work. What do you guys think?

I know this is pretty long and I apologize, but I know there are good people here who really want to help others out, so this is for your understanding of my situation.

[Interpreneur]

You lost me when you said what a beautiful man you are -- and then you actually said that she is "below your level". How can you say that about someone you supposedly love?

Pardon my reality check here, but if you've only seen her twice in six months, and you already think you're better than her, this must be just one of those online illusions that Dr. Drew Pinsky talks about.

I recommend you find someone that you can spend some quality time with (in real life), or as a secondary option, just look in the mirror and talk to yourself. You are so darn good looking that you shouldn't have any problems having a relationship with yourself!

[Indigo Warrior of Light]

Below my level of awareness, which she is, and I never said I was a better person than she is, she has more issues to work on with herself than I do, thats my point.

As for my beautiful comment, forgive me for showing an ounce of pride in myself, I guess I should just think myself low. I was only giving people a clear understanding of this situation.

So thanks for your help, too bad it didnt help me one bit

[Shamou]

Hello Indigo Warrior of Light...

You are 18... she's 16... it's time for you guys to explore... to fall in love... and fall out of it again... and, before both of you are mature enough to take a life long commitment... that process will have been repeated over and over again... and more likely than not... with different partners...

So, for the time being... just go with the flow... see what comes... and see what goes... and, don't worry to much about the future... enjoy the ride while it lasts... and, once it's over... chuck it up to experience... no big deal... most people who are older than you have gone through similar experiences...

The very best of luck to you... smell the flowers and listen to the grass grow... life goes on... and it's a wonderful adventure... enjoy it...

.

[ZHereford]

Hi Indigo Warrior of Light,

I can appreciate that this is puzzling situation for you.

I think this girl is intimidated by your looks and confidence. I think she can't handle a relationship with you right now. If she has low self-esteem (and it sounds like she does) your physical presence is difficult for her to be around because she probably feels she could never measure up. This would also explain why you got along so well on-line, and not as much in person.

I would back off for now if I were you. Maybe you should postpone seeing her for now. If you still want to e-mail her etc. to have her as a friend, then do it only if you're comfortable with the idea.

[medaille]

I had no problem telling her I loved her, and one time I even left her flowers on her doorstep when I wanted to surprise her but she wasnt there, so I left some flowers. I didnt do it because I was needy, but because I wanted to let her know I had been around.

These types of things seem shady to me. She's probably feeling like you are rushing the relationship. Those are the types of things people who use other people do. They try to assume that they are in a full blown relationship and it makes her feel like you are forcing her or guilting her into a relationship. If she's been used in the past, she's probably tying in the associations of those who abused her or used her with what you were doing. Since you are attractive, she probably thinks you are a player, in which she will associate all those attributes onto you (meaning you sleep with many women for short periods of time).

She's worried that you are going to hurt her, and she's had too much hurt already, so why risk it?

If I were you, I would seriously tone down the lovey-dovey, romantic stuff. She still like you, probably still loves you, but is afraid of being hurt. Establish that you don't need her, that you just savor time spent with her. Tell her that at the very least you'd still make great friends. Make her earn your affection. If she's of lower value than you, she needs to be contributing and doing stuff to make her feel like she actually is of equal value to you. Guys don't love girls of lower value, they just have sex with them. That probably contributes to why she feels like you are using her. Make her do random stuff for you, so that she has a chance to earn your affection.

So in short: Be a solid guy, stop acting like you love her so much, make her earn the affection you give her, appreciate her and reward her for her contributions, not just for being her, yet.

[AnnaC]

If I was in your position I would go and see her this weekend. As long as you can go expecting nothing from her (which may be difficult), you haven't lost anything. You may be able to gauge her real feelings about you and the reasons why she claims she doesn't love you but wants to see you.

If you really feel strongly about her, it's worth finding out. Another thing to take into account is that she is only 16. She might be less emotionally mature than you and on top of that she might not know her own feelings.

You seem very self-aware for someone so young. And good for you. I'm sure that once you see her, you'll know what to do about the situation.

Good luck!