Teenage issue I need some help with.

[Erock]

I'm usually the one over in the spirituality and consciousness board asking theoretical questions, but in this case I have a very standard problem I need some advice on. I'm a senior and I only have 14 days left in high school, and up until this point I have avoided the party/drinking scene that a large portion of my class is involved in, but I see no way out of it this weekend as I'm going to prom with a group that definitely participates in this.

I have nothing morally against alcohol, but it doesn't really interest me that much. I actually think I would enjoy going to parties as I'm very extroverted, and can get a lot of energy from others. The problem is that my parents are very strict on this sort of thing, and this has been my main deterrent from even attending parties during the last four years.

So my question is, how can I go to parties or even just one this weekend, have a fun time (with no alcohol or very little), and get home safely? I'm not sure how much peer pressure I will face, but I'm guessing it might be a fair amount, so any advice on this would be great as well.

Thanks a ton
Erock

[torilink]

Well, the first thing that came to mind is for you to be the designated driver.

if that isn't possible - than be true to yourself, I know at your age the pressure to go along is tremendous, but in all honesty - after this summer you may never see, have another word or interaction with most of these people ever again for your entire life.

My son didn't believe me when I told him that while he was choosing his college during his senior year, and wanted to go where all his high school buddies were going, but after the first few months at school he called and said I was right, he'd met so many people with more common interests and attitudes than those "Friends" he went to high school with that he didn't even interact with those people anymore.

So consider that it isn't worth a few hours of feeling "Part of" this group that in all honesty probably won't be part of your life in the near future.

Don't just go along to go along - be yourself, that is never the wrong thing to do.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by torilink

Don't just go along to go along - be yourself, that is never the wrong thing to do.

Great advice torilink...

Erock... you wont get any better advice than that... hope you follow it... and the very best of luck to you... you seem like a very nice young person... don't blow that just to please anyone...

.

[Kamma]

Ditto on comments above. I have to ask though about these 'friends'. Surely they wouldn't force alcohol on you? I find that kind of hard to take on board. I remember the High School parties etc we had and although alcohol was consumed if someone didn't want to then there was no pressure.

Do what you want to do. Remember you are moving on with your life so don't buckle when you've got so far!
Enjoy your prom

[Love]

I don't drink alcohol, so when I'm with others that do, I order a Coke or something. If they enjoy you as a person, they won't really bug you about it. And if your friends get wasted, they probably won't be much fun at that point, and it'd be okay to leave.

[Peter S C]

As you say, you will probably face some peer pressure. Some quick practical tips are:

- Don't mention you are not drinking alcohol unless anyone asks so it doesn't become a big discussion topic. Beware those who wish to be heroes by slamming your choice.

- Drink coke. Many will just assume you are drinking coke mixed with alcohol and it won't even be an issue.

- Leave before people start getting too wasted.

- Remember how stupid some people look and sound when drunk. Be glad this isn't you.

Hope that helps.

Peter

[Erock]

Originally Posted by Peter S C

As you say, you will probably face some peer pressure. Some quick practical tips are:

- Don't mention you are not drinking alcohol unless anyone asks so it doesn't become a big discussion topic. Beware those who wish to be heroes by slamming your choice.

- Drink coke. Many will just assume you are drinking coke mixed with alcohol and it won't even be an issue.

- Leave before people start getting too wasted.

- Remember how stupid some people look and sound when drunk. Be glad this isn't you.

Hope that helps.

Peter

Thanks a lot for all the advice. I can handle peer pressure fairly well, but I was looking for little tidbits of advice that might make it easier (like drinking coke) or something like that. Like I said, I have never been to one, so I don't know how much pressure there is-it could be very little like some of you were saying-but I just want to be prepared.

Erock

[Erin Pavlina]

Make sure you watch your drink and try to pour it yourself. sometimes people think it's funny to put alcohol or even drugs in the drinks of people who are not drinking.

Do you have your own transportation? Make sure you have a sober way home from the party whether you are driving yourself or you take a cab or call a parent or friend.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[Mark Lapierre]

There's some good advice here, though I disagree that you should be the designated driver. Peer pressure doesn't just mean pressure to drink; it could be pressure to stay at a party longer than you want, which will happen if you're responsible for driving others home.

As Erin said, have a plan for leaving, an exit strategy. Decide when you'll leave, and under what conditions, and how, and stick to it (with some flexibility in case you're really enjoying yourself and want to stay longer, within whatever bounds your parents set).

[Matthew Shea]

I'd suggest to ride to the party with the group, so you're one of the gang, and do one of two things when you want to leave: have someone you can call whenever you need (your parents, a taxi cab, etc) or hitch a ride with someone else who's in the same boat as you. As the others have said, don't leave too late, keep a Coke in hand (and DON'T be ashamed of it!), and just stay laid back and have a good time. Don't feel too attached to those you came to the party with. If they're going in a direction you're not comfortable with, just head in your own direction. Don't look back and don't feel any need to explain yourself.

[Shamou]

Here is an excellent article on, "Beating Peer Pressure"

I think that you will find some very good advice there...

Best of luck to you...

.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Did you already go to the party? Keep us posted.

I was blessed in high school to have friends who partied and always invited me along, but who didn't bat an eyelash when I refused whatever they were partaking in...alcohol, weed, pills. I would say, "I don't drink" and they would say, "Oh, cool, we have soda and juice, can I get you something?"

The advice everyone here has given you is really good. I don't know that I can really add anything else. Just remember who you are. Have fun. Don't worry so much about the perceptions or pressure of others. Have a coke! If you've made it this far without giving in to "fitting in" I don't see any reason to start now. From all your other posts, I think you are well ahead of the game.

[coleflowers]

I don't know what the alcohol laws are in your state, but in my state (Utah) it's super strict. I know a lot of people who would go to parties and not drink, while others did. But, since they were still at a party where underage drinking occurred they got in a lot of trouble. In my opinion it's best to stay on the safe side and not hang out with those who are drinking and partying. You have plenty of time to do that once you turn 21 and won't be in any trouble.

And I apologize if this sounds preachy, I know when I was 18 (which was only 5 years ago) I hated when people gave me tons of advice on drinking and partying, so I learned it for myself the hard way. I hope you are smarter and can avoid that kind of trouble.

[Erock]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

I appreciate all the advice from everybody, but fortunately I didn't even need it. Two of the people in my group had to work the next day, so everybody just went home afterwards. I wasn't ready to go home so I went to my friend's house with a bunch of people and we played games and watched a movie.

I'm not really the type of guy that enjoys dances, and I was expecting a long awkward night, but it ended up being an absolute blast. We had a great vibe in our group, and everybody was kind and talkative. I couldn't have asked for a better evening.

Erock

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Erock

it ended up being an absolute blast. We had a great vibe in our group, and everybody was kind and talkative. I couldn't have asked for a better evening.

I am so happy for you Erock... hope you remember that evening for a long time...

Thank you for sharing that with us...

.

[Uplift]

Yeh, awesome erock. Being your true self is an important thing to learn, you are passing with flying colours, and are very inspirational. By being yourself you have every chance of meeting a partner that you truly are in tune with. So many young people act in ways that aren't their real nature, so that they can impress and get partners. Then later they often realise they are totally out of sync with each other, and problems start when they try to be who they really are. You and your story are impressive.

[Kamma]

So pleased to hear you had a great time. Thanks for telling us!