First Relationship, I'm Having Personal Problems

[Restrikted]

Okay, so the girl that I have liked for a little over a year now came over to my house yesterday to play some games (we're 18 and childish, I know), then we watched a movie afterwards. During the movie (we weren't really paying attention to it), she told me that she had a question, and asked me if I knew what it was, since she didn't want to say it. Long story short, we both started talking about how long we have liked each other and such. Later that day, I went over to her house, and we went for a walk, then we cuddled up and started watching another movie. It's all good right? No.
During the movie I began getting an erection, and since I was wearing basketball-like shorts, I think she noticed. Then I got another one once we were JUST hugging to say goodbye, and she might of noticed again. And I kind of have a history of getting them at seemingly random times. My question, what do I do? Do I tell her that this happens to me? I don't want her to get grossed out or anything. PLEASE HELP ME!

[Dharma]

What's happening is natural. You're getting into relationship, you're experiencing the sensual nature of being close and touching one another, and your sexual fire is on the loose! Boing! ;-)

Sure, talk to her about it. "Sometimes when I get close to you I get pretty hard. I'm not trying to be a perv or anything, but that's what happens when I feel you close to me. Does that bother you?"

Ok, my question for you is: is there some shame in getting an erection? It seems you're uncomfortable with it when you are around her. Are you afraid she'll think you're a pervert or something? Are you from a religious area where sexuality is a bit more taboo?

Jean shorts will help conceal you a bit better than b-ball shorts. ;-)

[Restrikted]

No, sexuality isn't taboo, far from it. In fact, we were discussing how neither of us were really religious. And I know the b-ball shorts were a bad choice, but I didn't even know she liked me until yesterday when everything happened, and I didn't have a chance to change. So, just tell her straight up next time I see her then?

[Dharma]

You really didn't answer the shame part of my question. How bout this:
You're both cuddling on the couch. You get an erection. You think she notices.
Ok, from what you wrote above, there's a reaction going on inside of you over something you THINK will happen next. What is that thought? she will storm out of the room? She'll think you're gross? etc.

[Restrikted]

Well, what's going through my head is that she will think it is gross and maybe not like me anymore. I'm pretty sure she won't stop liking me, actually, almost positive, since she has liked me for a couple years now. I just don't want to ruin what we have right now.

[medaille]

Imagine you are sitting next to her and you are having the most wonderful conversation. You can't help but notice that your eye's are locking together more often in a really good way. She's talking slower and she's breathing slower. It's almost like she's melting before your eyes. Her eyes slowly move down your body taking in every inch of you. She notices how hard you are. You can feel her smiling on the inside as she realizes that you like her and that you think she's sexy. She's a little nervous and it's not showing on her face a lot but you can definitely feel the warmth she's feeling. She's so excited, because the boy who's been doing naughty things with her in her dreams for months is sitting next to her and he thinks she's the sexiest woman in the world. She can see her dreams coming true. Is tonight the night when he's going to make her dreams come true? You can see her squirm as she's reliving the dreams right in front of you.

I hope that helps. If she noticed and she didn't turn cold on you, then you have nothing to worry about. Just let it unfold naturally and don't force it on her. Don't worry about ruining it. You are much more likely to ruin it by not living up to her expectations, then you are by expressing your natural sexual urges in front of her.

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by Restrikted

Well, what's going through my head is that she will think it is gross and maybe not like me anymore. I'm pretty sure she won't stop liking me, actually, almost positive, since she has liked me for a couple years now. I just don't want to ruin what we have right now.

I would say exactly that to her. (then keep quiet and let her respond)

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

It's a totally natural thing. If she's 18 I would think she knows that and probably doesn't think you're a perv. Perhaps she's flattered. If you've known her this long and you have both liked each other, I think having an honest talk with her about it is a good idea. I bet she will be understanding. And as you get older I think it becomes easier to deal with (but maybe I'm wrong...I'm a girl so I really don't know first hand).

I do know that I was really kind of happy that my boyfriend couldn't even sit next to me sometimes without getting turned on...sometimes he would just look at me. It's nice to ellicit that response in a person you're attracted to. There's a similar feeling that girls get too, I guess we're just lucky it's not as visible.

I think everything will be okay. Congratulations on your first relationship!

[Restrikted]

Originally Posted by medaille

Imagine you are sitting next to her and you are having the most wonderful conversation. You can't help but notice that your eye's are locking together more often in a really good way. She's talking slower and she's breathing slower. It's almost like she's melting before your eyes. Her eyes slowly move down your body taking in every inch of you. She notices how hard you are. You can feel her smiling on the inside as she realizes that you like her and that you think she's sexy. She's a little nervous and it's not showing on her face a lot but you can definitely feel the warmth she's feeling. She's so excited, because the boy who's been doing naughty things with her in her dreams for months is sitting next to her and he thinks she's the sexiest woman in the world. She can see her dreams coming true. Is tonight the night when he's going to make her dreams come true? You can see her squirm as she's reliving the dreams right in front of you.

Under normal circumstances, that would make sense, but I don't think neither of us are too interested in having sex quite yet, far from it in fact. She's not what you would consider a "naughty" girl, so I doubt that's really going through her mind. I'll just talk to her about it next time I see her, but I have to admit, it will be an interesting conversation.

[Red Willow]

I don't know, I think most heterosexual women think an erection on a guy they like is pretty sexy. Don't worry about it

[zpivat]

I think it's sweet that you worry about the relationship such that you're worrying about an erection, he he. Well first of all congratulations on your first relationship! May this be long lasting.
(By the way I think it's okay to play video games when you're 18. Even much older adults play it too).

I personally wouldn't worried about what happened. I mean, you both have been interacting for 1 year now, and have admitted to liking each other, and if she has a problem with your having erection (and by the way you're a normal human being/homo sapiens), then she probably isn't worth your time anyway. What happened to you is something totally natural, and I don't think you can prevent it. On the contrary, you would probably be considered abnormal if you didn't have it (erection) after having physical touches with a girl.

So don't worry!

[insatiabl3]

haha like everyone else says, it's absolutely nothing to worry about. and as i girl i can tell you that she's probably flattered that you find her sexy.

ahh i remember when me and my boyfriend were 17/18 and he'd get hard just from holding hands with me or hugging me goodbye. it was really hot and i always smile thinking about that time of our relationship. we've been together 4 years now so he's not as excitable... i say enjoy this phase while it lasts, while every sensation is new and exciting. cheers!

[Dharma]

Remember, this is not about the girl's reaction to his penis, this is about his reaction to his idea of the future when the girl notices he's really glad to see her.

Whether she's into his erection or not is not at issue.

[Peter S C]

She is probably flattered that she has that effect on you.

Relax and enjoy the experience.

[Kamma]

As a female I can reiterate that she probably feels flattered that you find her so attractive. Have the conversation with her but I would say that it's nothing to be concerned about.

[Kazeko]

Restrikted, it's your first relationship, and, I understand that you may be shy. I should tell, you have courage to ask in the forums, and it's great! My congratulations!

Do you have any expectations about your relationship? I can't see it's purpose, having too little information. So, what is it? Friendship? Romantic? Long-term-future-marriage? You don't have to answer, just think about it.

As I can see, you need to get closer to your girl. Spiritually, mentally, sexually - you decide. If you get closer, the "problem" disappears. That's what Steve names "to solve a problem at another level".

How to get closer? First advice is already given. Talk to her. Talk to her about your relationship, about her expectations and yours. Well, as for me, this part of advice is important, but quite dry and boring. So, I suggest, you should try more simple, warm, and less serious things.

Here is the list of suggestions, so you can choose:
Give her some flowers.
Ask her out for a slow dance or romantic dinner (candles, music etc.).
Watch together some movie like "American pie", then discuss it.
Just ask her what she thinks about that king of movies.
Talk about your "problem" less seriously, like "last time did you notice I was very very glad to see you, haha?"
Watch together some movie about romantic relationship.

Well, I hope that will do for today. If you need more suggestions, ask.

[AnnaC]

Unless it's really bothering you, do you really need to explain it to her? It's entirely natural that you should get turned on in that kind of situation and I bet if she did notice, she would have been flattered - it's definitely a sign that you're attracted to her! I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if I were you. I'm sure she felt turned on/attracted to you too, but for her it's less conspicuous.