Need help saving a friend

[Jimmeh]

Hello All!

I have a friend, and she is very dear to me. Lately she has become very depressed and thinks life isn't worth living (she's not suicidal) and that there is nothing to look forward too, etc. So she has pretty much given up. I think this has happened because she is nearing the end of her university degree and is not sure what she wants to do and is scared she will end up doing something she doesn't want to do, etc... and also she has had many boyfriends, but cant seem to find the one that excites her, inspires her, etc. There are quite a few more reasons, but I wont get in to everything.

I've tried on many occasions, to show her good qualities, her talents, how good she makes me feel, and so on... because she really is such a great person! But whatever i say, just doesn't seem to do the trick, and she doesn't seem to believe it or take it on board. Everything i have said to her, has been truly genuine and from my heart. So now I don't know what to do, and I refuse to give up.

Does anyone know what I should do? I really need to show her she is a great person and she does have so much to look forward to. I'm sorry if this is a big ask... but I'm hoping someone out there has experienced a similar situation with a friend/family member or someone. Oh and also, please don't suggest that she should see a professional.. as I would like to explore every other avenue first.

Thanks so very much.

Regards,
Jim

[Michelle]

What is wrong with seeing a professional?

You are certainly not able to solve her problems for her. And she doesn't seem to be doing a very good job either.

So, who would you rather see? An amateur? A junkie? The old lady next door?

Or someone competent?

Good grief.

[Jimmeh]

Sorry I didn't mean to offend anyone by that, I just didn't want anyone suggesting professional help straight away as the first and only option.

I'm her good friend, and I think friends should at least try and help each other out.

Jim

[Michelle]

Being a good friend does not mean you can take responsibility for someone else's life.

It sounds like you are doing everything you can already:

You are there for her.
You listen.
You encourage.
You support.

Beyond this you could perhaps give her some reading material. But really, there is no way you can give her a reason to live. She has to do it for herself.

Just be there for her. Encourage her to get help. Real, qualified, competent help.

[Gautam]

I suggest you try not to enforce her into anything. She is an adult and she has to learn to deal with her own life. Your job here is to be around when she needs help. You obviously are doing it, but I think you should let her be what she wants to be. If she wants to be depressed, then let her be. She has to make that call to wake up and take some responsibility.

I'm telling you this from my own experience. When I was very depressed for some reason, my best friend never ever tried too hard to get me out of it. She told me Its in my hands to be what I want to be and no matter what I do, she will always be my buddy. This is exactly what you should tell her.

You are a great friend, but in this life we all go it alone.

Hope I was of some help. All the best!

[Colm OReilly]

The hardest thing to do is see someone you care about self destruct. It pains me when I see my mother capitulate to her mother's every demand, which weakens her health and energy, damages her marriage, and puts a strain on her relationships with everyone in general. It really is terrible.

But, apart from being there for her as a source of excitement, relief and inspiration, I simply cannoot do any more for her. To make her suffering part of my suffering doesn't do anyone any good.

You might have to let them go. You might have to tell them that you cannot go on like this if they continue to spiral downwards. This isn't abandonment. You accept that that's the path they're going down and it's simply not yours. You still love them, but it's not right to try to walk another's path. Who knows, maybe the realisation of losing you will spurn them towards greater things?

Colm

[Mitalp]

Jim,

I just recently went through a similar situation. She was suicidal. Do this, it works. Right before you fall asleep at night, when your in that drowsy state, see your friend living a happy, joyful, fulfilled life. Do this first thing in the morning when u wake up too. If you want, do it several times a day. Get yourself in a relaxed, meditative state and vividly see this movie playing in your mind. Feel the happiness overwhelming you as you watch her living a joyful, fulfilled life. Let it put a smile your face. Trust that you doing this will work! It worked for me and it will work for you. I admire your heart. :-)

[Jimmeh]

I appreciate the responses! Very interesting and insightful. I will be taking everything you guys have said on board.
It certainly does make sense. I suppose it's pretty obvious too! It's funny how the most obvious or simple things can just stare at you in the face, and you still won't notice!

Cheers

Jim

[Drew]

I have suffered from social anxiety and depression all my life. Up until 2 years ago (I'm 35), I was convinced that nothing in this world would ever make a difference. Then I was referred to a psychologist by my family doctor.

That one decision has transformed my life. I'm not saying that it completely cured me, but it certainly got the ball rolling.