Anyone living alone? - What is it like?

[Gautam]

Hey Pavlinoids!

I'll be moving into a new place all alone for the first time in my life. I just wanted to see what its like. Is it good? Do you like the freedom? Does it get lonesome sometimes? I'd like to see what you all think, kindly list out the Pros and Cons for it. If you live alone or have at any point in your life, please share with us what its like.

Now let it rip!

[Michelle]

Congratulations!

I love living alone. It means peace and quiet and doing whatever one wants whenever one wants to do it.

It can get scary at night if you are alone, and hear noises. Just ask your angels to protect you.

[micth]

I live alone, got my own flat.

I think it's pretty cool, you can be alone when you want, and have people over when you want... works out good

[Gautam]

Originally Posted by Michelle

Congratulations!

It can get scary at night if you are alone, and hear noises. Just ask your angels to protect you.

If I hear any noises at night, that'd have to be my best friend snoring from 20 blocks away no angels can help that.... she is one herself!

[madgeylou]

i have lived alone for most of my adult life. then i lived with a boyfriend for about a year. now i live alone again.

the shock of being on my own again is wearing off, and i'm finding that i really enjoy having complete control of my personal surroundings. i can keep the place immaculately clean, blast music and cook until 2 am, watch/listen to whatever i want, talk obnoxiously on the phone with my girlfriends, try on 10 different outfits to find the one i want, etc. etc.

it is really quite nice to live completely according to your own rhythms. i bet you will enjoy it!

[WanderingOak]

Unless you count Mischeif the trouble-kitten, I live alone right now. It definitely beats living in a Navy Berthing with hordes of hollering drunks coming in and out at all hours of the evening. I haven't really had any problems whatsoever. A few years ago, the only heat I had was a woodstove, so unless I was home and stoking the fire, the house was COLD in the wintertime. While she is very bright (for a cat, that is) and an excellent mouser, Mischief is not much for conversation, so that is one thing that I miss. Where I am now, my nearest neighbor is a nest of Opossums, but then, I definitely enjoy the peace and quiet of the countryside.

[norbert]

I believe it's quite good to live alone until you are surrounded with friends and other people who you can meet occassionally. I live alone and currently have nobody to talk to (except for the weekends) so I'm about to move in a month, exactly because of this. Lived alone for 5 years, hasn't been a pleasant state to be in. But I had no choice. Now I do so I'm taking action.

[peter]

I live alone for maybe 2 years now... and I had mixed experiences... just as the rest of the crowd...
First it depends on how you manage your loneliness... if you enjoy being alone, if you like the freedom it brings, the silence that allows you to meditate undisturbed... then you will feel great...

If on the other hand you hate not having someone to talk to, someone to chase away the boredom of a lazy Saturday afternoon when it is raining outside and you have no where to go... than... you will start little by little to hate it...

I for example... danced in my underwear the first morning at this new apartment... the sense of freedom was sooooo sweet that I just cranked up the volume of my notebook's speakers (poor things)... and did a reincarnation of Tom Cruise in Risky business.

[Kristina]

A year ago I moved cities, out of my parents busy house and into an appartment of my own. Here's some things I've had trouble getting used to!

1)The dirty dishes in the sink really are your mess, and no one else is going to clean them - I really didn't realize I was so messy (thanks mom)
2)It get's really, really quiet! (thanks Pandora Internet Radio - Find New Music, Listen to Free Web Radio)
3)Don't lock yourself out!
4)What do I actually want to do? The hardest part was not having anybody to make suggestions or bounce ideas off of, for things like 'what to eat?, or what should we do?'

I survived by signing up for activities and meeting lots of new friends. When I was at home I kept myself busy, cooking, cleaning, exercising, organizing, reading etc. Now I have about one night a week at home alone, and it's a relief to be alone again, and to think I used to be an introvert too

Now that I've gotten used to my independence and freedom, I'm loving it. I've been forced to try new things, and be creative.

[Scorpio]

I've had my own place for about five years. I like it but it can get pretty boring. You have to have a lot of stuff around to keep you occupied or you'll start to feel a little lonely and down.

I like that I can invite my girlfriend over and not have to worry about tiptoeing around the roommates. I like that I can sit around in my underwear all day if I want to.

I miss having roommates sometimes, but for me the cons outweigh the pros. You can completely do your own thing and not have to worry about sharing food or chores or the t.v.

[Scott]

I'm living by myself for the first time this year.

Pros:
-You have absolute control over everything.
-You can walk around naked, sing to the Backstreet Boys at the top of your lungs, and everything else you've always wanted to do but feared embarrassment.
-Few or no worries about having to be quiet - an absolute must if you're trying polyphasic sleep.

Cons:
-You have absolute responsibility over everything.
-Bills!
-If you're not an introvert, it can get very lonely very quickly.


But on the whole, I love it and wouldn't trade it for any other situation (except maybe a bigger kitchen ). And I think you'll love it, too.

[Guinevere]

what Scott said, though I'm an introvert, and had no problem whatsoever in talking to no one but cashiers for three months in a row.
The only bad thing for me was getting sick: there's no one to cook or to get to the door to get your medicine.

But I must add: it's the GREATEST exercise in self-discovery. You really find out what you like and dislike, and you can't hold anyone else responsible for your choices. LIke it or hate it, I think it's a very good experience.

[Mark Lapierre]

I lived by myself for three months around two years ago and I've been living by myself again for the last three months. I'd been lucky enough to have great housemates when I wasn't living on my own, but I do tend towards solitude.

Living on my own, but participating in various activities during the week and catching up with friends on the weekend gives me the perfect balance between solitude and companionship. I get plenty of time to myself (which I love), but enough time with friends (which I also love) to stop me from feeling lonely.

Pros:
- Absolute freedom
- No interruptions by lonely/inquisitive housemates when you're trying to focus on something.
- When you get too hot when you're doing yoga no-one will complain if you strip down.
- No-one to tease you about that person you brought home who in the morning reveals that your beer googles need replacing.

Cons:
- If you don't own much furniture because your housemates always provided it your apartment looks quite bare until you furnish it appropriately.
- No-one else is going to do something about the mold behind the kitchen sink.
- If your real estate agent isn't close by and still open you're going to be in trouble if you lock yourself out.

-----
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window?
The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out.
Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.
--Jack Handy Deep Thoughts

[maryelyn]

bottom line...
it depends entirely on how much you enjoy your own company.

[jpfieber]

Yea, really depends on your personality. I had a live-in girlfriend for two years, but other than that I've lived alone for about 15 years. I sometimes miss having someone there to share the moment with, but all in all, being free to do what I want when I want is pretty darn nice. For example, if I want to try going vegetarian for a month, it's much easier on my own, then if I normally live and eat with someone every day. If I want to save a few dollars by turning down the thermostat, who's gonna complain? Get a pet to keep you company and all is good.

[Gautam]

WHOA! These are some amazing responses from all you guys!! Now you got me all excited to move out right away (and the sooner the better!!). But the things that weary me now are:

-I have absolutely no property (no TV, no fridge, no stove, no computer etc.) to start off with, heck, I have to go down to the malls and buy myself a matress to lay it on the floor to sleep on when I move out.

-I have just 2 friends! T-W-O! Both of them are not the types who'd drop in and say 'hi' sometimes. And I've lived on their earnings long enough now (3 months!)

-The city where I'm staying is depressing. It's a work in progress, it used to be a small town 10 years ago and then when New Delhi got overloaded, they started building scyscrapers here. Now we have the Hilton, Microsoft, Nokia etc. towers and all but its still a small town for the folks who live here.

The above setbacks are like small little hurdles that I'd like to overcome one step at a time. They add to the excitement.

*Yesterday I saw this pathetic piece-of-junk of an apartment and the price they quoted for it scared the bejesus out of me! They wanted INR 5500, and my pay when I start working would be INR 11000. That's half my paycheck right there!

Anyway, the one question I really like to ask all of you "solo-livers" (reference to any human organ not intended) is: WHY DO YOU HANG AROUND IN YOUR UNDERWEAR AT HOME WHEN YOU CAN BE TOTALLY NAKED??

[jpfieber]

LOL, well Gautam, we're all being 'politically correct'. "Walking around in our underwear" is the acceptable way of telling you we're all naked . Some of us aren't as young as we used to be, so subjecting everyone to the idea of us being naked might be a bit harsh (don't even dare think about what I'm wearing/not wearing as I type this ). Therefore, please assume we are all wearing, at a minimum, underwear. You may wear/not wear whatever you choose, but unless you're in a Yahoo chatroom, you must still at least claim to be wearing underwear. Sorry, forum rules...

[Erki]

If the city/town you're living in is depressing, why not move to another city? Or leave the whole country? I would do that, and most probably will in not too distant future.

@jpfieber: I do wear my underpants at the moment but on my head. No pics sorry.

[awu]

If you don't have a choice, or you don't know anyone you want to live with - then go ahead and live by yourself.

But if there is someone compatible, don't live alone. Compatible means someone who is a good complement to your personality and living style. You can always have privacy by retreating to your own room when necessary, and a truly compatible person would never bring in noisy guests in the middle of the night when you're trying to sleep.

If you meet someone (or a group of people) who is compatible, then move in together and give it a shot. Should it not work out, it's generally quite easy to move out by yourself, in fact it's probably the easiest living arrangement to make. The potential gains from living with people on the same frequency as you are, however, huge.

[Guinevere]

I understand you have a job there, but if you have no other responsibilities and/or ties, and as you don't have much stuff it won't be a hassle to move, it could be a great opportunity to make a fresh start in a place you really like.

[free2be]

Living alone is wonderful.

After living with my parents, I lived alone for the first part of my adult life and I enjoyed it.

Then I got married, and for the next 15+ years lived with another, then with children. What a difference. While I enjoyed that part of my life as well at first (having a partner to do things with, etc.), gradually over the years it got bad. I ended the relationship (with my partner, not my kids ) after realizing that I had very little of "me" left. My choices and day-to-day activities were pretty much not my own. Leaving the relationship allowed me to regain that part that makes me "me".

Now I live alone, and the peace I have is beyond words. Being able to make my own choices, without another judging me is wonderful. Being able to express myself, without being told I'm wrong or having it "explained" to me correctly, almost makes me cry. Knowing that when I clean up, it will stay clean until I leave something out is very empowering.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not anti-marriage or anti-partner. But, there are some very definate sometimes subtle things that you have when you live alone, that you don't realize are there until they're gone. Alternatively, if you've never lived with someone else, you never fully appreciate the freedom you have when you live by yourself.

For me, I don't know if I'll ever live with anyone else again. It would take alot of trust for me to risk putting myself out there again.

The best thing I can tell you is to enjoy the freedom that you are going to have. Use the time to discover yourself, then if you choose to live with others later, you'll have a good solid place from which to compare both.

[Dating Specialist]

Staying alone can be great and not so heavenly at the same time.

I stayed alone when I was working in Hong Kong for 1 year 3 months. That was my first and last. Asians usually live with their parents before they get married.

All in all, that period was enjoyable. I experienced loads of freedom, not just in doing what I want to do, but also in the control you have to make any decisions you want.

-I have absolutely no property (no TV, no fridge, no stove, no computer etc.) to start off with, heck, I have to go down to the malls and buy myself a matress to lay it on the floor to sleep on when I move out.

Don't worry about these, you'll have lots of satisfaction getting your house filled piece by piece. I moved into a completely empty apartment, save for the fridge and washing machine!

I still remember my first piece of furniture was my bed (Thank God!). I survived 3 months without a TV set which I thought would kill me at first as I was literally a TV addict. But hey, I realised I didn't miss TV as much as I thought I would after busying myself with other errands around the house I needed to do.

Because of that, I got a chance to pursue another hobby of mine - reading!

Enjoy your solitude. You'll gain lots from this experience.

Maybe the one con I can think of is the presence of "unwanted guests" around? Well at least for me ha! Oh, there's the flickering bulb that needs changing too! And the housework! ha ;p

[Trina]

I have never lived completely alone, but when I first got married and my husband was in the Army he was gone for months at a time all the time so I was always alone. I loved it. We literally started out with an air mattress, a 13 inch TV, a pillow, a blanket, and a computer. He had a few uniforms and some ratty civilian clothes, and I had a few pairs of pants and some shirts. Only what I could fit in one suitcase. We built our apartment up piece by piece, slowly. I didn't mind the lack of "things" because I had freedom. It did get lonely occassionally, and that's when I would call up a friend and go out for coffee or go down to the bookstore and read and just be around people. But, usually I just enjoyed it, fuzzy local TV and computer on the floor and all. You do get the whole scary bumps in the night thing, but as you get used to your apartment that goes away.

Good luck on the new adventure!!

[headphones]

As far as my relationship to other people is concerned, I found that there were aspects of my personality that had only persisted because I needed to justify myself and appear consistent in other people's eyes. To give a stupid example, I had gotten into a rut of being a film snob, and after living alone I found that I like popcorn movies for what they are and I like arty movies for what they are and I don't feel so tense about what my dvd choices reflect about me.

As far as my relationship to stuff and to the environment is concerned, it's a closed system and responsibilities can't be avoided... the dirty dishes in the sink are caused by my actions and will only get clean by further action on my part; the electricity consumed and the waste generated by my apartment is entirely my environmental footprint and can't be attributed to vague ideas of communal consumption or background consumption or something.

[ludlow]

In my experience living alone is GOOD for your social life. It forces you to make plans with your friends, or, if you need to expand your social circle, to work on that.

When I shared a place, it was just too easy to kick back with a beer and watch TV with the people I shared with. The two problems with that were a) that it wasn't a very fulfilling activity and b) that they were just people I happened to be sharing with.

You can be lonely in a shared apartment and un-lonely living on your own. Personally I socialize way more now I live alone, and in a much richer way I think.

[ncos]

I completely agree that living alone is good for your social life. I lived alone for two years and really enjoyed the freedom that everyone's been talking about. But it also forces you to keep yourself occupied. I got involved with a two volunteer organizations, which kept me busy, and made those two years a lot of fun. I also met lots of cool people doing that. I'm forced to have a roommate now but I'm excited to have a place of my own again next year. I think the key is to make a conscious effort to stay busy - if you're bored it's your own fault.

[songwriter]

Well, the fear I have that stops me to live alone is that I think that I would get very isolated. No-one to talk to, or even no-one to see.

[Andrew Brunelle]

Living alone has its goods and bads, but being able to have complete control over your life is amazing and I live alone for most of the day, anyway, so I do things I would be too timid to do if there were others in the house. Eventually, once I get a job that pays well enough, or have enough money to live somewhere nice, I'll get my own place...for real.

[Gautam]

hey guys!
i've moved into my new place last sunday! the rent is too high but i don't mind it at the present moment so its all good! i was pretty nervous when the evening fell the first time and i felt weird living all alone but i think i'm getting the hang of it now!

thanks!

[Guinevere]

Hope you enjoy your freedom and this opportunity.