Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

anoldsmoothie · 12-21-2011, 02:51 AM

Is it my imagination or am I noticing that when dating a divorcee with kids, the guy is lucky if he ends-up 3rd in the extended family's pecking order, behind the step-kids and the step-pets.

Shouldn't that be a huge disincentive to enter into a contract when that's the reality, assuming you can pick-up on it beforehand?

I've heard some guys say that they wouldn't want a lady who doesn't put her kids first in a re-marriage. For them it's a sign that she's a good woman. And, that's OK. But to enter into a contract under those terms? I don't know about that.

What do you think?

My humble blog: Retiring Gracefully

Acting Like Godot · 12-21-2011, 08:04 AM

It could be worse. The pets could be goldfish, or snails.

ButterflyWoman · 12-21-2011, 11:39 AM

I'm not dating, nor am I divorced (well, I have been divorced, but I'm happily married now). I can say that any man who would expect me to put my children second in order to be with him is not a man I would want to be with.

anoldsmoothie · 12-21-2011, 12:26 PM

BW: Isn't that contrary to classic marriage vows and a real deal-breaker when it comes to the marital contract?

anoldsmoothie · 12-21-2011, 12:27 PM

ALD: I like the significant other deal because when you see this kind of thing developing you don't have to pay a lawyer 15K to get off the list.

garentee · 12-21-2011, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anoldsmoothie

Is it my imagination or am I noticing that when dating a divorcee with kids, the guy is lucky if he ends-up 3rd in the extended family's pecking order, behind the step-kids and the step-pets.

Shouldn't that be a huge disincentive to enter into a contract when that's the reality, assuming you can pick-up on it beforehand?

I've heard some guys say that they wouldn't want a lady who doesn't put her kids first in a re-marriage. For them it's a sign that she's a good woman. And, that's OK. But to enter into a contract under those terms? I don't know about that.

What do you think?

My humble blog: Retiring Gracefully

In my opinion a child from a previous marriage or whatever is part of the deal.. You are not just marrying the other person, you are becoming part of that childs life who was there before you came along...

Brutha · 12-21-2011, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Shouldn't that be a huge disincentive to enter into a contract when that's the reality, assuming you can pick-up on it beforehand?

Love is more than a contract.

awdye · 12-21-2011, 02:27 PM

Yup. I think that's how it works most of the time.

Of course, part of the plan of taking care of the kids could be roping in additional income through marriage. I guess it would be a balancing act to determine what's needed to keep the income flowing.

It would be a good idea to know yourself well enough to determine if you can live with being 3rd on the list and what specifically that looks like. Some things I could live with, some not.

12-21-2011, 02:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
anoldsmoothie Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Upstate New York Posts: 41	3rd on The List Is it my imagination or am I noticing that when dating a divorcee with kids, the guy is lucky if he ends-up 3rd in the extended family's pecking order, behind the step-kids and the step-pets. Shouldn't that be a huge disincentive to enter into a contract when that's the reality, assuming you can pick-up on it beforehand? I've heard some guys say that they wouldn't want a lady who doesn't put her kids first in a re-marriage. For them it's a sign that she's a good woman. And, that's OK. But to enter into a contract under those terms? I don't know about that. What do you think? My humble blog: Retiring Gracefully

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12-21-2011, 08:04 AM	#2 (permalink)
Acting Like Godot Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 9,613	It could be worse. The pets could be goldfish, or snails.

12-21-2011, 11:39 AM	#3 (permalink)
ButterflyWoman Family Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Down the infinite rabbit hole Posts: 1,575	I'm not dating, nor am I divorced (well, I have been divorced, but I'm happily married now). I can say that any man who would expect me to put my children second in order to be with him is not a man I would want to be with.

12-21-2011, 12:26 PM	#4 (permalink)
anoldsmoothie Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Upstate New York Posts: 41	BW: Isn't that contrary to classic marriage vows and a real deal-breaker when it comes to the marital contract?

12-21-2011, 12:27 PM	#5 (permalink)
anoldsmoothie Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Upstate New York Posts: 41	ALD: I like the significant other deal because when you see this kind of thing developing you don't have to pay a lawyer 15K to get off the list.

12-21-2011, 02:27 PM	#8 (permalink)
awdye Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Jacksonville, FL Posts: 183	Yup. I think that's how it works most of the time. Of course, part of the plan of taking care of the kids could be roping in additional income through marriage. I guess it would be a balancing act to determine what's needed to keep the income flowing. It would be a good idea to know yourself well enough to determine if you can live with being 3rd on the list and what specifically that looks like. Some things I could live with, some not.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums