Why are nice guys more appreciated in Australia than America?

[Brendonlovesaus]

Hi. My name is Brendon and I am 17 years old. I grew up in California but my family relocated to Australia last year and everything has been a big spin. When I was in California I had trouble dating girls and a lot of my friends said that was because I was nice guy and I didn’t act rough or bad ass but when I moved to Australia (NSW) and I started meeting people I made a lot of friends that were girls and I had my first girlfriend. We have been together for 7 months and she is awesome. She says I’m kinder than other guys and I’m cute and fun to be around with. She was even discussing marriage yesterday. I’m still the same nice guy I was when I lived in California. I think I have become more confident but I didn’t have to become a bad boy to get a girlfriend. Why is it so different here?

[NoJobRob]

I'd be interested in our Australian member's replies to this. I honestly don't know if it is different there, never been there, but if it is, I would suspect that it's a cultural thing. Here in the U.S. every stupid and shallow thing is glamorized by Hollywood and the media, even though it caters to the lowest common denominator. Just look at that show "Jersey Shore". I rest my case. LOL

How is Australia? I'm considering moving there some time in the next 5 years, give or take...

[thewedge]

I imagine an Australian guy in America would likely receive lots of attention from women he otherwise would not receive in Australia; he's unique, interesting, a world traveler, and has an exotic accent. These things are attractive to women.

Would not the same be true of an American in Australia?

I haven't been to Australia, but I've been to New Zealand, and they LOVE Americans there. I got lots of attention from women there, especially when I told them I was planning to immigrate (I ultimately didn't). Now that I think about it, maybe I should go back!

[persephonevii]

As an Australian female I would say that perhaps you pick up girls here easier is because you're a foreigner. A charming American. I knew an American who came to attend my highschool when I was younger and he was quite popular with the girls. He was outgoing, charming, warm and confident. Perhaps you are like that too?

I would also theorize (though I can't say with certainty because I've never lived in America, my only exposure to your culture is through your media) that Americans are a far more competitive, 'macho' race. Australians are very laidback in comparison and while we do have a competitive streak, especially in sports, we tend to be more chilled in general. Of course, I could be wrong about America's level of competition.

I agree with NoJobRob on the seeming obsession American culture has with looking glamorous and I would also add an obsession with appearance too. Who's fat? Who's thin? A culture where looks are almost a currency could make it quite hard for some people to date/get attention from opposite. I'm not saying you're ugly OP, but it would seem that one almost has too look borderline Hollywood gorgeous to get a date out there lol.

Good looks are popular in Australia too, but to not as great an extent. Yet.

[Weena]

Originally Posted by persephonevii

we tend to be more chilled in general.

I was not born in Australia but have lived here 7 years and now have the nationality. This quoted sentence is so true. Since I can compare with Europe... Of all my female friends in Australia, I cannot think of one who is into the mean or badass type of man. I'm married to an Australian (reason why I moved here in the first place) and he's the most peaceful guy I ever met

[MessyJenny]

I’ve never been down under but I've heard from some of my MSN friends that it is a beautiful country and I would love to go there one day to see it.

Nice guy there has a different meaning that it does here. My Australian friends like nice guys because they are fun, kind hearted and exciting not boring and lacking in confidence.

I’m happy for you Brendon and maybe one day I will be there too

What are some of the things you find most different about Australia?

[Laurenaus]

when i lived in Australia i experienced dudes who wouldn't know chivalry if it socked them in the face, just more into footy and their buddies, more in your face, not very gentleman like..maybe cuz i was in Sydney and the scenes better in Melbourne? dunno but my guess is because you're a rare gem lol

[nothuman]

Hi I live in Sydney...I'd like to say that Australian women go out of their way to put Australian men on a pedestal. They really appreciate them as the kind and sensitive human beings they really are. Not a day goes by when I am not stopped in the street by random women thanking me for just being alive...............yep thats what I'd like to say

[Weena]

Originally Posted by MessyJenny

Nice guy there has a different meaning that it does here. My Australian friends like nice guys because they are fun, kind hearted and exciting not boring and lacking in confidence.

I've heard that one before from boring men "I'm too nice". I totally agree that "nice" is fun and kind hearted and exciting!

Originally Posted by Laurenaus

when i lived in Australia i experienced dudes who wouldn't know chivalry if it socked them in the face, just more into footy and their buddies, more in your face, not very gentleman like..maybe cuz i was in Sydney and the scenes better in Melbourne? dunno but my guess is because you're a rare gem lol

Sydney does not represent all of Australia

[Weena]

that said...

Originally Posted by nothuman

Hi I live in Sydney...I'd like to say that Australian women go out of their way to put Australian men on a pedestal. They really appreciate them as the kind and sensitive human beings they really are. Not a day goes by when I am not stopped in the street by random women thanking me for just being alive...............yep thats what I'd like to say

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Laurenaus

when i lived in Australia i experienced dudes who wouldn't know chivalry if it socked them in the face, just more into footy and their buddies, more in your face, not very gentleman like..maybe cuz i was in Sydney and the scenes better in Melbourne? dunno but my guess is because you're a rare gem lol

This.

I won't say anything more, but yes...finding a good one can be challenging. I've heard they exist though.

There could be lots of them...I just haven't found them yet?

I realize this is possibly a limiting belief of mine but believe me, I didn't start off thinking this, it was a belief that was formed over time, and experience. I also realize it's a vibration thing, and possibly mine has not been up to scratch lately?

I've met one or two who are good...but they're taken. I'm a whole lot more positive in my language than I used to be about Aussie guys, put it that way.

It just depends what you mean by good guys. I've met some really "nice" men, but they were so incredibly passive that they couldn't deal with situations that required a pair of balls, and would leave it up to me to do what was really their job. I know we all have our faults, but you really had to be there.

Nah, I have had one or two boyfriends who were basically good guys and one could even cook like you wouldn't believe...it's just that they weren't very bright or they were self-destructive in some way!

Alcoholism is accepted as "interesting and fun" here. If you don't get drunk a lot you are considered boring by many many people here in Melbourne.

I tend to either attract people who are nice...but who turn psycho at some point or turn all weird on me in some way. I've known a lot of eccentric people though, male and female.

That's just been my experience though. Other women have been more lucky obviously.

I've had male friends who are great, but I wouldn't necessarily want to be in a relationship with them.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by nothuman

Hi I live in Sydney...I'd like to say that Australian women go out of their way to put Australian men on a pedestal. They really appreciate them as the kind and sensitive human beings they really are. Not a day goes by when I am not stopped in the street by random women thanking me for just being alive...............yep thats what I'd like to say

*giggle*

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by thewedge

I imagine an Australian guy in America would likely receive lots of attention from women he otherwise would not receive in Australia; he's unique, interesting, a world traveler, and has an exotic accent. These things are attractive to women.

I don't know about 'exotic' accent. But yes, anyone who comes from another country is going to be viewed as interesting because they aren't like Aussie men in many ways, in the same way that any culture appreciates seeing someone who is different to what they are used to.

I haven't been to Australia, but I've been to New Zealand, and they LOVE Americans there. I got lots of attention from women there, especially when I told them I was planning to immigrate (I ultimately didn't). Now that I think about it, maybe I should go back!

In general, this hasn't been my experience in Australia. Many Australians aren't so fond of Americans...probably because America has influenced Australian culture in ways that many people would prefer wasn't the case.

I personally think there are great people from all countries, you just have to sift through a lot of crap to find them.

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by thewedge

I imagine an Australian guy in America would likely receive lots of attention from women he otherwise would not receive in Australia; he's unique, interesting, a world traveler, and has an exotic accent. These things are attractive to women.

Would not the same be true of an American in Australia?

This is pretty much what I'm thinking. I'm Australian, and while I have visited the US (some years ago now) I wouldn't have picked that there was much difference in how nice guys are treated.

I think the biggest thing would be that as an American in Australia, you're a bit more of a novelty item, so more girls take the chance to get to know YOU and therefore come to realise that you're a great guy. I guess back in the US that was less likely because you weren't an exotic item?

[Moriarty]

I'm an aussie female and agree that on both sides of the fence there's that element of intrigue with a foreigner. In saying that, that only attracts the shallow side of the female pool.

Aussies are extremely different to americans (having married one) and never the twane shall meet. A foreigner has to live here for years (and visa versa) to understand that and work with its benefits.

If said OP'er is attracting lots of females, I imagine its partially his USA'ism that makes the difference.

As for those who have suggested they've only met footy slobs then that would be because one is hanging out in those circles.

[ButterflyWoman]

I'm originally American. I've been living in Australia (with my Australian husband) since 1999. Being not a young man, I can't speak from that perspective, but I don't see all that much cultural difference between the U.S. and Australia when it comes to gender issues, to be honest.

Quite possibly, the change of location has just enabled you to feel more confident, or less restricted (the "she'll be right, mate" laid back Australian attitude is very appealing and can be quite freeing). Maybe you're just different enough that girls are more apt to notice you now, whereas in the States you were just one young man out of many. It's hard to say.

I'm glad you're having fun in Oz, though. It's a great place to live. I like it so much I became a citizen.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by ButterflyWoman

I'm originally American.

I wondered where you hailed from originally, but I guessed Europe.

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by elucidate

I wondered where you hailed from originally, but I guessed Europe.

Cat's out of the bag. (But I thought I'd mentioned it before.) And I did live in Europe for several years, in fact.

[frajilthunder]

Not really relevant, but I figured this belongs here...

[ButterflyWoman]

I thought of a suitably Australian response to the original question.

*ahem*

It's because Aussie blokes are such wankers, mate!

And I thought of a couple of "Aussie men" jokes, too.

Q: What does an Aussie bloke do after sex?
A: Rushes out to the pub to tell his mates all about it.

Q: What's an Aussie bloke's idea of foreplay?
A1: Brace yerself, sheila!
A2: You awake, love?

(Note that my Aussie bloke uses both of those punchlines sometimes to see if I'm interested. Humour works well sometimes... )

[Criseyde]

Being foreign probably gave you instant cool points.

[BillieAnn]

It is still early, you're young. Everywhere is the same. At a young age, girls like bad boys. Later, each choosing good ones!

[Weena]

Originally Posted by ButterflyWoman

Q: What's an Aussie bloke's idea of foreplay?

A2: You awake, love?

Always loved this joke

Moriarty, I also guess there is a vibe thing going on...of all the couples I have met, pretty much none were with footie slobs. I was thinking more about this topic yesterday, and thought of the women I know and their partners/husbands and it seemed all the men were quite respectful and loving to their wife/partner. Of course, I don't believe that each and every Aussie male is like that, but thinking of the people I personally know, lots of them are. Maybe there is a bit of LOA going on...

[nothuman]

Originally Posted by ButterflyWoman

I thought of a suitably Australian response to the original question.

*ahem*

It's because Aussie blokes are such wankers, mate!

And I thought of a couple of "Aussie men" jokes, too.

Q: What does an Aussie bloke do after sex?
A: Rushes out to the pub to tell his mates all about it.

Q: What's an Aussie bloke's idea of foreplay?
A1: Brace yerself, sheila!
A2: You awake, love?





(Note that my Aussie bloke uses both of those punchlines sometimes to see if I'm interested. Humour works well sometimes... )

See here Flutterby Sheila
Its snide little jokes and remarks like this that have keep the Aussie male a victim of suppression all these years. We have lost all self esteem as a result of the vicious attempts by you bludgers to keep us under thumb. I for one react with indignity to your shallow attempt at humour.
Oh can you ask Mr Flutterby how he maintains foreplay for so long ta....

[Laurenaus]

Weena have u hung out in Sydney much? I had no luck there. I would bump into girls in the bathroom at clubs and yell out "WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEN AT" and they would respond "IN MELBOURNE!!!" LOL definitely got the macho footie vibe from them.

[Weena]

Originally Posted by Laurenaus

Weena have u hung out in Sydney much?

Nope the just drove through it, the rest of Australia sees Sydney as wanker-city, pardon me for saying so. That is why I said to you that city does not represent the whole country . And yes my man is a Melbourne one, so I'll confirm the yumminess thing. I participated in a fiery thread just before so this may be the last post you see from me, before I'm a "banned" member. But I'll catch you on Facebook. xoxo

[GaryMichaels]

Hey Brendon

I live in New South Wales too and I am a nice guy but I have never had any problems with dating or women. I believe that is largely because the term ‘Nice Guy’ is used differently here as Jenny pointed out and when a woman in Australia calls a man a nice guy it is a compliment but when a woman in America says a man is a nice guy she is basically saying he is boring in a sugar coasted fashion. I can honestly say I never even knew nice guy was being used this way until I read a few forums on the net where I came across a large number of American blokes claiming they were nice and girls didn’t want them.

The majority of them were nothing but narcissists with low self esteem issues that went on for pages complaining about how much their lives sucked and how girls only wanted to be with guys that treat them like ♥♥♥♥ and cheated on them. This I know is not true as my wife dated three guys that abused her physically and she went out with them under the assumption they were decent guys very similar to Elucidate said above but they turned out to be ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. I have not met one woman that has said to me she wants to be with a guy that abuses her or cheats on her and I know a lot of women.

The problem is these men ♥♥♥♥♥ all day about how bad they have it and they don’t do a thing try to change their lives so it is basically their own fault they are stuck in this position. These men are not nice guys and my question is why do American women sugar coat this term so often when what they should be doing is telling these men their real problems before breaking up with them? If Fred is boring tell him, if Fred has no balls say him Fred, you have no balls or grow a pair Fred. It would be funny to see them complain about that on a few forums instead of the old nice guy excuse.

I met my first girlfriend when I was a baby and we were together until she passed away when I was seventeen. I’ve never had to ask a woman out because they asked me and most of the women who asked me I turned down because I didn’t find them appealing in terms of personality. I am married to a former model and there were a few times when we first started going out where she called me a really nice guy one time before she kissed me. A lot of my female friends actually say they want to be with a nice guy like me and or say their new boyfriends are nice and my wife says I am one of the rare ones.

There are a quite a few nice guys in Australia that get girlfriends because they aren’t boring or lack in confidence. The fact that I can sing, play guitar and write songs helped and I used to have a group of women that would follow me around wanting me to sing to them which got annoying after a while. Usually the blokes that say they are bad boys are what my wife calls wankers or slime buckets and none of my female friends would be caught dead with them. The other half are metrosexuals that spend all day in the gym pretending to be men but can’t even use simple things like a screwdriver or change a light bulb. I will say they are good for a laugh when they pass out drunk and somebody shaves their eyebrows off

[Moriarty]

Originally Posted by GaryMichaels

Hey Brendon

I live in New South Wales too and I am a nice guy but I have never had any problems with dating or women. I believe that is largely because the term ‘Nice Guy’ is used differently here as Jenny pointed out and when a woman in Australia calls a man a nice guy it is a compliment but when a woman in America says a man is a nice guy she is basically saying he is boring in a sugar coasted fashion. I can honestly say I never even knew nice guy was being used this way until I read a few forums on the net where I came across a large number of American blokes claiming they were nice and girls didn’t want them.

The majority of them were nothing but narcissists with low self esteem issues that went on for pages complaining about how much their lives sucked and how girls only wanted to be with guys that treat them like ♥♥♥♥ and cheated on them. This I know is not true as my wife dated three guys that abused her physically and she went out with them under the assumption they were decent guys very similar to Elucidate said above but they turned out to be ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. I have not met one woman that has said to me she wants to be with a guy that abuses her or cheats on her and I know a lot of women.

The problem is these men ♥♥♥♥♥ all day about how bad they have it and they don’t do a thing try to change their lives so it is basically their own fault they are stuck in this position. These men are not nice guys and my question is why do American women sugar coat this term so often when what they should be doing is telling these men their real problems before breaking up with them? If Fred is boring tell him, if Fred has no balls say him Fred, you have no balls or grow a pair Fred. It would be funny to see them complain about that on a few forums instead of the old nice guy excuse.

I met my first girlfriend when I was a baby and we were together until she passed away when I was seventeen. I’ve never had to ask a woman out because they asked me and most of the women who asked me I turned down because I didn’t find them appealing in terms of personality. I am married to a former model and there were a few times when we first started going out where she called me a really nice guy one time before she kissed me. A lot of my female friends actually say they want to be with a nice guy like me and or say their new boyfriends are nice and my wife says I am one of the rare ones.

There are a quite a few nice guys in Australia that get girlfriends because they aren’t boring or lack in confidence. The fact that I can sing, play guitar and write songs helped and I used to have a group of women that would follow me around wanting me to sing to them which got annoying after a while. Usually the blokes that say they are bad boys are what my wife calls wankers or slime buckets and none of my female friends would be caught dead with them. The other half are metrosexuals that spend all day in the gym pretending to be men but can’t even use simple things like a screwdriver or change a light bulb. I will say they are good for a laugh when they pass out drunk and somebody shaves their eyebrows off

Haha..onya aussie!

[GaryMichaels]

Aussies rock and so does the Rubber Duck.

[JSB]

Wow. That is one hot picture!

Originally Posted by frajilthunder

Not really relevant, but I figured this belongs here...