|12-17-2011, 10:49 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2006
Re-uniting with an old friend?
When I was in my 20S I had 2 sorts of friends: the normal friends and the creative friends I met in acting school or during creative projects.
The creative friends I made at that time, I still jell with, regardless of their marital or social status. All are men.
All the normal girlfriends who got married and had kids, I broke up with or they didn't stay in touch. I stayed friends with some of them,for over 20 years, but ended the friendship in the past 2 years.
I don't have any nostalgia about the period of my life between 20 and 25. I was unhappy, bulimic, obese, and most of that time I can't recall at all.
My friend N. was a muslim who lived a secret life and attracted all sort of drames.She would attract scammers, dated a married man etc... The whole time she pretended to be my roommate and be free.
After her husband died,she found herself trapped by her in- laws. She didn't call me to tell me about her situation. I discovered it when I called her mother after months of silence. I was told never to call her again, because some of my letters had been found by the family in law and the content was inappropriate - I was talking about sex like any 27 years old confiding in a gf.
A few years later, we reconnected at her initiative. She was seeing the married man she used to date a few years back, trappep,living in an apartment rented by her family in law, sneaking in the married man,putting up a front of propriety...
She told me it hurt her to see me because I was so free and my presence reminded her of freedom .She never responded to my letters or calls, so I imagined that it meant the friendship was not to be ressuscitated. Which sucked because we had a great time and I enjoyed meeting her little boy.
Since 2005,she called twice. She called me a little time after my dad had passed away:she didn't stay in touch, even to offer compassion.
I completely forgot about her and chucked her name into the bin of good memories that belong to the past, and bad friendships that can't survive in the present.
A few weeks ago, she called me out of the blue:I was very happy to hear her voice. I've been very lonely and haven't made friends in my new home city.
She said that my presence in London made her want to make her dreams of taking her kids there come true. I offered them to stay with me for one night only , but she said she had hotel plans.She gave me her date of arrival and never called me back.
I made sure to keep the days free for her and her kids. One month passed, no news. Then she left a mess saying she had broken her nose and was coming for Christmas, asking to call her ASAP to make plans to meet. She didn't apologise much but said, "you know N. and her dramas." She talks about herself in the 3rd person a lot!
I blocked her from calling, but apparently it doesn't block texting, because she texted: "We're coming next week, if you want to meet N. and her babies, please text back. ( the kids are 20 and 12 !)"
Now, I really want to make this time of year a happy time, finding some joy in reconnecting with an old friend, plus giving joy would be really good. However, I hate that type of woman that uses children like trophies and acts like I should drop everything to see her, like I don't have a life. I also don't want to be trapped by her energy of immaturity, desperation, small mindedness and scripted lifestyle.
I also am not in love with the past, and find her constant re hashing of our good old days immature. She doesn't sound like she has changed much.
I haven't replied yet. One part of me wants ask her to make herself available to meet for lunch at my convenience and ask her to respect my time.Another part of me doesn't want to see her. I just feel I have grown so much and evolved so much that she will drag me down to the past. As a feminist, I can't stand hiding who I am and my life, and don't want to have to censor myself in front of her kids or participate in her lies.
On the other hand, I would be sad to miss an opportunity to have a good time...Still don't know what feels right.
Last edited by C33; 12-17-2011 at 11:11 PM.
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