Difficult decisions and committment

[argonagone]

Hi guys, I'm hoping to get some unbiased advice, I'll try and keep it as short as possible.

I've been dating a girl for 2 years now and I can say its the best relationship I've ever had, we're great friends, and never argue, its like a dream come true. I am 35 and she is 36...

I recently however had a breakdown due to a lot of pressures at work/depression issues, and decided to return to my home town to be near my friends and family for a while to restore my health. Part of the reason for that breakdown was a pay-cut in my job as a University Lecturer meaning I cannot even afford to rent an apartment anymore only a flatshare which asbolutely sucks at my age... I'm seriously concerned about my financial future and thinking of moving out of the city to northern england and changing career back into electronics engineering (for the money sake) so I can restore some direction in my career...

My girlfriend has asked me to return however, asking me to move in. She wants us to build a life together and move out of the city in the next couple of years, get a house together. She's not concerned about my finances since she earns a lot herself however I know her biological clock is now ticking loudly.

I'm facing a hard choice as whether to return to my job (on the low salary) and live with her (while looking for other career opportunities) and making a go of it (get the house and kids and marriage etc.)

OR

Starting again in a new town closer to friends and family and restarting my career without the pressures.

However at my age, I do really feel I should be settling down... I do really love her and feel I won't meet someone of which I'll have such an amazing relationship with, but if it goes wrong I'll be left in the city again on a low salary and risk going through the hell again without any family/friend support.

All my friends, work, GF and even mother are getting extremely tiresome of my indecision, but everyone is biased in their view so I feel I cannot trust their advice. Wondering if anyone can help me do the right thing or help me look at this from a different perspective.

Thanks!

[RonSouther]

Live from the heart....if she's your true love, then be with her! That's a foundation you can build a life with. Jobs come and go but true love is extremely rare.

Is this quote you? Ask her if this is true for her, too? If it is, go for it!!

"When two lovers are really open to each other, when they are not afraid of each other and not hiding anything from each other, that is intimacy. When they can say each and everything without any fear that the other will be offended or hurt. . . . If the lover thinks the other will be offended, then the intimacy is ...not yet deep enough. Then it is a kind of arrangement, which can be broken by anything.

But when two lovers start feeling that there is nothing to hide and everything can be said, and the trust has come to such a depth where even if you don't say it the other is going to know, then they start becoming one."

Online Store - Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other

Then live according to this quote in order to protect your love....."Letting Go"...A Beautiful Quote and The Heart of Profound-Self-Help.com

[argonagone]

Thanks RonSouthern. I guess I'm just trying to establish if this is really love and not just cos I'm convenient (for her to have kids), any idea's of the sort of indicators to tell the difference? Cheers

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by argonagone

Thanks RonSouthern. I guess I'm just trying to establish if this is really love and not just cos I'm convenient (for her to have kids), any idea's of the sort of indicators to tell the difference? Cheers

The indicator is the quote I posted....are you relaxed and eager about opening up about anything and is she the same? This is a question of "Be-ing"....and from there, the do-ing will take care of itself.

But if you can "be" with each other, then doing will be a grind....

The test of "love" is deep relaxation with the other and a curiousity about each other. Is she a mystery you are interested in?

[frosting]

Why not compromise? Is an electronics engineering job impossible to find closer to her, while living with her? It's possible she may be willing to relocate somewhere that is a closer distance to your family/friends as mentioned she was talking about you two getting a house together in the future.

You say you never fight, sound completely in love and on top of that great friends. That kind of chemistry doesn't sound like she is settling on you as a sperm doner. It sounds like you both love each other and the relationship is worth some compromise. If you two are as good as friends as you say you should be able to share with her for lack of better way to put it your "homesick" feelings. I think she will be more understanding then you might think.

[veragarcia]

If you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just...passes you by ~ My Best Friend's Wedding