20 & Involuntarily Celibate

[fooka]

Funny how 2 out of 3 of Derek's pictures are of him close to a woman

Nothing wrong with your looks Derek. You just need to approach more girls and touch them more often.

[Lauxa]

Originally Posted by DerekB

Here's a link to a few pictures of myself for anyone who cares to see

You look similar to a guy I had a major crush on in high school.

[DerekB]

Some of you have asked if I think I’m “supposed to have lost my virginity by now”. My reply is I believe society expects me to have lost my virginity by now. Having said that, personally, I’d be thrilled just having an intimate relationship with a woman period, even without sex. But it is something I absolutely, 100% genuinely want. I'm the type of guy that would have valued this type of relationship immensely even if I'd always had one (think flowers sent just because its Tuesday and that sort of thing). I feel like I’m incomplete, like I’ve been robbed of a piece of me that was supposed to be there but isn’t. I suppose empty is the best word, I feel empty. Like I said earlier, the only reason I get out of bed in the morning is the hope that I find a better reason.

It bothers me to no end that practically everybody takes this wonderful thing that they have for granted. When I hear people complain about relationship problems, and especially when they’re complaining to me, I want to punch them right in the face. I imagine I feel much the same way a wheelchair bound person would if somebody came up to them and complained how sore their legs were after their morning run.

Rejections to me are not steppingstones on the path to success; they are brick walls that I inevitably hit every single time I set out on that path. The only times I’ve tried have ended in disaster. There is nothing to gain from being laughed at and humiliated, and I just cannot deal with that again. I am at the point where I would never ask a girl out unless I know absolutely and beyond a shadow of a doubt that she likes me and would say yes. Since there is essentially no way to know this, my prospects look rather grim.

[Brutha]

I am at the point where I would never ask a girl out unless I know absolutely and beyond a shadow of a doubt that she likes me and would say yes. Since there is essentially no way to know this, my prospects look rather grim.

An inability to ask out a girl makes things harder.
It doesn't make it impossible.

If a girl develops emotions for you and understands the fact that you have a mental block when it comes to asking her out, she might ask you.

As long as you have your emotional shields active it's however difficult for a girl to develop feelings for you.

Taking dancing lessons will remove a bunch of those shields.

I started taking dancing lessons after a girl who felt something for me invited herself over to my house. I just couldn't make any physical contact with her because I was anxious to touch her.

This experience made my realize that I have to do something. I went to dance lessons and eliminated the issue.

Last week a guy who's new to dancing judged something that I do as groping girls. I didn't know what he meant. In hindsight he probably meant that a dance move that includes leading the girl by touching her hip.
The move get's taught at normal dance lessons. It's not unreasonable when I dance it in the club. Today it's something that I don't even think about.

Before I started dancing I would however also have had a hard time touching a girl at her hip.

But it is something I absolutely, 100% genuinely want.

I don't think that's the case. You don't seem to be willing to do anything to change.

At the beginning it will be painful for you to take dance lessons. It will be outside of your comfort zone.
On the other hand it's less painful then going out and asking 50 girls for their phone number and getting rejected by all of them.

Take your pick. You can also avoid to choose. That would reveal that you aren't really motivated to do something about your problem.

If my rhetoric is a bit too blunt I'm sorry. As the forum closes down this might be my last post on your threads. I have to say everything that's to be said.