Attracting positive people

[Ciergan]

So now it's come back to full circle. I'm finally done with ruminating about why I don't measure up to certain others. In truth, it's more like I don't really match. All the things I've used to worry about--toxic gossip, lying, others putting on a face--just come back to when others have a consistently negative attitude.

I really don't know why I gave that stuff a pass for so long. I was trying to constantly see the good in others. Unfortunately, that was distorted. I was trying to see the good while denying the negative. It works until the other person truly is that negative.

Looking back, I've deliberately chosen to be around negative, toxic people and I can see how that hurt me. That's been my unconscious choice, though, and I can choose otherwise from now on. It's actually rather exciting. I know the kind of people I can look out for, and they are the ones who are actively being positive.

Nothing really extraordinary or earth-shattering here, just some pieces finally falling into place conceptually. I already knew this, just didn't know how to best visualize the solution.

[BillyTheAdult]

This sounds like the kind of thing I'd like to do but subconsciously I think there is a belief that I would never have friends ever again.

I feel a lack of that kind of person in the world. I have social problems as it is from only a mildly stepped up version of this.

Plus I have that belief of being 31 living with parents, ex drug addict, no college degree, crappy job kicking in. But I'd still like high quality friends to inspire me forward.

[Ciergan]

Originally Posted by BillyTheAdult

This sounds like the kind of thing I'd like to do but subconsciously I think there is a belief that I would never have friends ever again.

I feel a lack of that kind of person in the world. I have social problems as it is from only a mildly stepped up version of this.

Plus I have that belief of being 31 living with parents, ex drug addict, no college degree, crappy job kicking in. But I'd still like high quality friends to inspire me forward.

That's why it's so important to check one's self beliefs and overall functioning. The people we surround ourselves with, consciously or not, tend to reflect our emotional awareness. Because of my own self-doubts and social fears, I tended to surround myself with superficially interesting but negative narcissists. I think now (fortunately) the ones who are more worth my time are the ones who are consciously active in being positive. I've seen a hint of these folks outside my life structures.

And that's the other thing. I'm working some part-time hours at a hospital during the day and working till midnight at a supermarket while I'm waiting for that full-time job to appear. Without that 8/9-5 schedule that most people go by, it's difficult to even meet new people, period. Looking back over the past few years, I'm amazed at how little time I actually had to socialize. It's a hole that's been just waiting to be filled.

Actually, that's not quite true. Last year I did an experiment. I decided to pursue connections in three life categories of interest: exercise, meditation, and writing.

The results were very interesting. With the exercise, I found that it was really more of a solitary activity. However, I did engage in friendly, genuine camaraderie with other gym-goers. It was cool because it didn't matter what level the others were at. I was able to have fun with mutual activities without worrying too much about other people's motives. Such people were also able to more clearly show their passion for improving themselves physically. I found more progress on my personal physical journey, but not much mileage on the social connections.

The writing club turned out to be less than rewarding. However (again), I did my best to be friendly and genuine, so this too was a success for self-expression. It was just the clique-ish nature of the group that turned me off. Furthermore, several of the members were rather emotionally unstable, often engaging in weird diatribes and behaviors that didn't seem healthy. The connection was really intellectual only, and here seemed to be the real reason why I've tended to surround myself with the same people over and over again.

What made it stand out this time was how the negative folks tended to frame the conversation on condescending terms. It didn't matter how you responded; the discussion was going to be warped into something negative. How foolish it was to assume that was my lack of social skills! Since I believe most problems should be worked on by the people who have them, I quietly decided to not come back.

So one positive experience and one negative experience. Neither truly edged forward on the social front but I did find more self-awareness. It was in the meditation/church group that I truly found some warm-hearted people who I clicked with. Duh--I know, right? But that's the thing. Although even in this group such people were a distinct minority, the people I connected with I really, obviously connected. They showed a genuine love and kindness that I haven't seen too often in people. It was conscious, active, Christ-like even. I could now tell because I could physically feel that positive connection in my chest. It was a wonderful change from the neutral anxiety and negative vibes I've felt off others.

Today was an encounter that made me remember all this. I'm grateful for the really good people I have met already and know I can meet more. It's a matter of focusing on those traits I've experienced already in myself and others.

[C33]

Ciergan, you are deluded to think a 9 to 5 schedule will make you meet people more easily.

You'll just meet more sheep living the life script, obsessed with watching TV and the latest gadget.
I work for a corporation, and people at all level have a slave mentality. They have no loyalty towards people and will talk negatively behind their back or vehicle gossip, no matter how positive they profess to be.

If you want to meet people who are interested in writing and are not the drama type, I suggest you take classes with a high price tag. It might be hard on your budget, but you want people who are serious about writing, not people who use a writing class as their therapy session.

Money sifts the wannabes from the serious. You're more likely to find people who are developing a writing career at an expensive seminar or workshop than people who are writing as a hobby.

People who are actively positive, invest money in their positive pursuits.

[butterflyeffect]

Interesting point C33, I never thought of that. Sounds fairly accurate though.

@Ciegran - great! Sounds like you are having some great revelations. Im having similiar ones. Negative people can be seriously draining.

[Ciergan]

Originally Posted by C33

Ciergan, you are deluded to think a 9 to 5 schedule will make you meet people more easily.

You'll just meet more sheep living the life script, obsessed with watching TV and the latest gadget.
I work for a corporation, and people at all level have a slave mentality. They have no loyalty towards people and will talk negatively behind their back or vehicle gossip, no matter how positive they profess to be.

If you want to meet people who are interested in writing and are not the drama type, I suggest you take classes with a high price tag. It might be hard on your budget, but you want people who are serious about writing, not people who use a writing class as their therapy session.

Money sifts the wannabes from the serious. You're more likely to find people who are developing a writing career at an expensive seminar or workshop than people who are writing as a hobby.

People who are actively positive, invest money in their positive pursuits.

Oh, certainly not within the workplace. I'm talking about having a consistent schedule and setting for once. For the past few years I've been running back and forth between states as I went to college and grad school. Because I didn't have steady roots yet (and had no money), I didn't have enough time to really meet people outside my immediate surroundings...which wasn't that great, to be honest.

After graduation, I moved back to my home state, where I'm currently working two jobs to keep a steady income. Since both are part-time, I won't know what next week's schedule will look like. Sometimes I have an evening and weekend day off, often times it's 6 pm to midnight and 11-6 on the weekends. Once I get that full-time schedule, though, I'll have more free time to do what I want...and can plan for it.

Originally Posted by C33

If you want to meet people who are interested in writing and are not the drama type, I suggest you take classes with a high price tag. It might be hard on your budget, but you want people who are serious about writing, not people who use a writing class as their therapy session.

Money sifts the wannabes from the serious. You're more likely to find people who are developing a writing career at an expensive seminar or workshop than people who are writing as a hobby.

That makes a ton of sense. I'll have to start looking into those things. Thanks.

Originally Posted by C33

People who are actively positive, invest money in their positive pursuits.

This is the huge part. Thanks for saying it in such a direct way. One of my passions is triathlon, an activity that does require some funding to do. My secret hope is that I'm able to meet such people while being able to pursue something that dynamic and exciting. If not, then I get good health and fun out of it anyway.

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

@Ciegran - great! Sounds like you are having some great revelations. Im having similiar ones. Negative people can be seriously draining.

That's good to hear. It's easy to feel only empowered as the people we're around if we limit ourselves to our immediate surroundings.