Constantly attracting people with opposite values

[butterflyeffect]

I have reccently decided that I'd like to attract a boyfriend for a close romantic relationship.

Since making that intention I have been going on more dates and meeting lots more guys but none of them have been people that I actually like romantically.

I meet alot of guys who try to buy me things, drinks, gifts or describe how wealthy they are. They go on and on about their money and how much they spoil people their with etc and I'm just bored out of my mind. I am obviously doing something to make myself attractive to those type of people. Im not sure what? I am not overly materialistic, I am more creative and scatty. I like playing with models and photoshoots, dressing up and doing various spiritual card readings. I am studying business at Uni so I find it interesting not during play time!!!

The other type of guys I am attracting seem to be young and immature. People who are passive and let me make all the decisions, don't tend to have ever had girlfriends and very sexually inexperienced and uncomfortable about their own sexuality and sex. Their actions show they like me but they verbally deny it constantly. They chase me, text me and want to hang out but tell anyone who'll listen "We're just friends". I don't like it. At all. Friends is friends, stop acting otherwise.

I am not sure how to go about attracting guys I do like. The guys I like tend to be blonde, average height and medium build, smart and good physical chemistry. I am 22 so people my age or younger. I am not interested in older guys. And above all like me and want to date me and be the leader in the relationship. I hate the passive, "You choose, whatever you want honey" thing. I'm bored of doing what I want!!! Thats too easy, I don't have to think.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

I meet alot of guys who try to buy me things, drinks, gifts or describe how wealthy they are. They go on and on about their money and how much they spoil people their with etc and I'm just bored out of my mind. I am obviously doing something to make myself attractive to those type of people. Im not sure what? I am not overly materialistic, I am more creative and scatty. I like playing with models and photoshoots, dressing up and doing various spiritual card readings. I am studying business at Uni so I find it interesting not during play time!!!

Lots of men think that this is what women want. Some women DO want this in a man, and it's what drives men to get better jobs and make more money. The men you are dating probably assume you are just like those types of women are.

I am not sure how to go about attracting guys I do like. The guys I like tend to be blonde, average height and medium build, smart and good physical chemistry. I am 22 so people my age or younger. I am not interested in older guys. And above all like me and want to date me and be the leader in the relationship. I hate the passive, "You choose, whatever you want honey" thing. I'm bored of doing what I want!!! Thats too easy, I don't have to think.

By working out what you don't want, you are getting clearer about what you do want. That's always the challenging part I think. It sounds like you are doing a good job of clarifying what you do want right here.

[butterflyeffect]

Thanks Elucidate. I never thought of it like that. I guess in general alot of my friends to have the "rich guy syndrome". So it makes sense that their trying to tick that box right away. Make it easy for me to cross them off the list too. I'm just not interested in hearing about the benifits of your bank account constantly!!!

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

Thanks Elucidate. I never thought of it like that. I guess in general alot of my friends to have the "rich guy syndrome". So it makes sense that their trying to tick that box right away. Make it easy for me to cross them off the list too. I'm just not interested in hearing about the benifits of your bank account constantly!!!

It's a good empathy exercise for how men must feel in this modern world.

[Curtis2011]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

Thanks Elucidate. I never thought of it like that. I guess in general alot of my friends to have the "rich guy syndrome". So it makes sense that their trying to tick that box right away. Make it easy for me to cross them off the list too. I'm just not interested in hearing about the benifits of your bank account constantly!!!

Lol. This immediately made me think of my good friend who is always flaunting the wealth that isn't even his but is given to him by his parents. He has very little actual inner self confidence so he relies on bragging about the money that he didn't even earn himself.

All I can say is I feel for you. I would hate to be on the receiving end of someone like that.

[butterflyeffect]

Yeah, sounds about right. I guess at least I can understand why they do it but still I end up feeling like another thing for sale!!!!!! A walking talking girl, with a price tag. Buy me enough I'll love you.

I was on a two hour plane trip by myself playing with my spiritual cards with the eight year old boy next to me. Next thing the business man next to me wants to play and then spends the remaining trip telling me about his income, single status and five star hotel. Oh and how much he spoils his dates with expensive restraunts and baubles but they are all sooo unappreciative!!!! It was a long flight....:P

Well now that I understand the general logic, I am going to be more compassionate. Still no interest in dating them though. Good time to change the conversation topic.

I have no idea why I keep attracting them though!! Any ideas?

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

Yeah, sounds about right. I guess at least I can understand why they do it but still I end up feeling like another thing for sale!!!!!! A walking talking girl, with a price tag. Buy me enough I'll love you.

I work in sensual massage...believe me, I KNOW what you mean.

[Brutha]

The other type of guys I am attracting seem to be young and immature. [...] I am 22 so people my age or younger.

Basically you are searching for a boyfriend who is 22 or younger but isn't really young.

This might be problematic. If you want someone who isn't "young" and who's a leader in your relationship it might be good to consider guys who are a bit older than you. Not necessarily people who are ten year older, but guys who are a few years older.

Next thing the business man next to me wants to play and then spends the remaining trip telling me about his income, single status and five star hotel. Oh and how much he spoils his dates with expensive restraunts and baubles but they are all sooo unappreciative!!!!

Maybe you should tell him directly that this behavior isn't cool and might the reason they are unappreciative.

[wanzulfikri]

Maybe you had activated the LOOA - Law of Opposite Attraction

Just kidding

Well, for starters how about you take the initiative to find the man you want?

[butterflyeffect]

@Brutha: I didn't think of that. I guess the persons age isn't as important as their stage in life. I want to date people who like me, are at Uni and finding themselves. Not into the career and family stage that seems to come next.

But really good point. Thank you.

@Wanzulfikri: I am taking the initative. I go out lots and Im bubbly. I always smile lots and talk to guys who I think are cute. I am not really willing to chase them though, been there done that. If you like me and its mutual great if not, fine.

[awdye]

I believe an LOA 101 rule is to spend time describing what you want. Focusing on what you don't want tends to attract just that. What you don't want.

Based on Brutha's observation and your response, I'd start looking at the guys at uni who are not there fresh out of grade school.

They're most likely the ones who aren't attracting a lot of attention in class. Seem to have their head together and getting good grades. And aren't bouncing around to social events and school clubs, as they have a life (full time job most likely) outside of school.

You may have to be the aggressive one in this. What you describe as being desirable to you is a guy who most likely doesn't have a ton of financial resources and is going back to school to pursue a better career. He may not think he has time or resources for a relationship.

[Chris_1977]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

I was on a two hour plane trip by myself playing with my spiritual cards with the eight year old boy next to me. Next thing the business man next to me wants to play and then spends the remaining trip telling me about his income, single status and five star hotel. Oh and how much he spoils his dates with expensive restraunts and baubles but they are all sooo unappreciative!!!! It was a long flight....:P

O dear.... I suddenly appreciate very much being a guy if I read this....

What about just saying something like "well, material goods are not all there is, you know...."? This will probably turn off the people that you would want to turn off. Or be perceived as an interesting remark by the persons you would want to attract.

[butterflyeffect]

Thanks Awdye, good points made. I don't want to date the guy your describing. I like the parties, the social clubs and being actively involved in Uni. My life is my friends, fitness and Uni. So the guy who is at Uni but not really involved in it isn't my thing. I have met plenty of them in my course, their nice but not there romantically.

@Chris_1977 - yeah I probably should make some sort of comment along those lines in future. I tend to be more passive aggressive. I fake smile loads and then ditch them as soon as possible and roll my eyes. Probably not the best way to communicate the message, yours sounds better.

[butterflyeffect]

Well this thread has been great. I have decided to up my standards and avoid the game playing.

I know what boundaries are right for me regarding sex and relationships and so Im going to stick to them. And let others have theirs, whatever they may be.

I have also decided to be more direct and assertive. I don't want to play the girl with a price tag role, so I won't. Simply smile and as Chris suggested say "More to life than material goods." They can take it as they will.

As for the guys playing the "maybe I like you but won't admit game" I just bowed out. From now on, Im just going to treat them as friends and ignore the rubbish or call them on it.

I realise I want the alpha male guy. Strong, dominant person who wants to be with me. But as in all things, cultivate in yourself what you seek in others. So Im going to work on being that myself - confident, self assured etc.

xxx