Too innocent relationship

[Nimue]

So here's my problem. I have a bf I'm in love with, and he seems to love me too. As a person, he's as if he's scripted out of a fairytale book. He'll kiss my hand just because he feels like it, he may leave his house after midnight just to come protect me on my way home, he can't stand it if I'm sad and'll do anything to keep me happy... you get the point.

But although we're together for a year, we never made love. At the beginning it was because of me (I had some problems which took me several months to solve). But then, although he still wouldn't take his eyes off me, he would stop before going too far with me. I can't get it... He always says some excuse, usually that he's really tired, or that he's thinking of his economical problems. I know that we've passed the "honeymoon stage" of the relationship, so if he was just getting distant I'd simply say "our relationship is fading over time". But no, he's still really sweet and caring. Why would a guy not have sex with the girl he likes? Could it be depression (he's showing signs, after the economical crisis began), or that he's afraid not to hurt me? Or maybe I'm just being too clingy at this relationship and he's just not that much into me anymore?

I'm afraid to ask him straight about it, because that's a sensitive matter for guys, and if he's growing depressed (as I suspect) I may do more harm. I mean, if it's really just because he has some problems, I can wait, but he'll feel he doesn't make me happy and leave the relationship...
Gawd...

[Agota]

I think asking him directly would be your best bet.

It's not like that would be a question out of a blue, if you have been together for a year and you're trying to have sex and he's rejecting you..

[Faceless]

In all seriousness, he may just be insecure about the size of his manhood. It's worth considering.

[Agota]

Originally Posted by Faceless

In all seriousness, he may just be insecure about the size of his manhood. It's worth considering.

How insecure you have to be about your manhood to not have sex with a woman you're dating for a year?

My guess is that there are deeper underlying issues than that..

[Faceless]

Originally Posted by Agota

How insecure you have to be about your manhood to not have sex with a woman you're dating for a year?

It's more likely than you would think.

[Agota]

Originally Posted by Faceless

It's more likely than you would think.

I'm not a guy, so I can't argue

[Nimue]

Faceless, I don't think it's worth considering (he's quite the right size for me ). It was a nice shot, though
He never had any problem like that in the beginning. It started around the time my own problems were solved. My problems were physical at first (let's say they needed a docktor to solve), but then I found out I had some minor psychological drawbacks too. I'm not sure wether this started at the short time I needed to solve these, or right after. At the meantime, the economical crisis started, which meant that he has an even harder time making money and has even less chances of following the subject he has studied at university. His profession is practically doomed here...

[Nimue]

It's not like we haven't been together at all, we sleep together quite often (although we usually meet late and wake up early because of our work). I mean, he seems to be comfortable with my body just as I am with his. That's why this situation is driving me crazy.

[Brutha]

But then, although he still wouldn't take his eyes off me, he would stop before going too far with me.

How do you react to it? Do you try to intensify the intimicy or do you think that it's his responsibility as a guy?

Are you sending enough clear enough signals that you want to have sex with him?

Without wanting to scare you:
There might be medical reasons. A person with AIDS might still want to have a girlfriend but might refuse to have sex with her because he doesn't want to transmit the disease. There also a few other sexually transmitted diseases that may be less serious than AIDS but still nothing that a man would want to risk to pass on to his girlfriend.

I'm afraid to ask him straight about it, because that's a sensitive matter for guys, and if he's growing depressed (as I suspect) I may do more harm.

I don't think so.
If you ask him: "I notice that we haven't had sex. Is there something that's brothering you about having sex with me?", I don't see how it would do harm. Don't attach any blame to it but inquire about his motivations and feelings.

If he's depressed than it will help him to talk about it.

If he's an empathic boyfriend and has a little bit of social intellience than he knows that there's an issue. He might be afraid to address it directly.
If you address it in a way where you make him feel safe, it will make him feel better because he doesn't have to deal with an unsaid conflict.

[BillyTheAdult]

Originally Posted by Faceless

In all seriousness, he may just be insecure about the size of his manhood. It's worth considering.

I would say possibly but maybe instead a lack of experience causing fear of incompetency as well.