I think I might be a lesbian

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by Criseyde

Gotta run, I'll make this super quick. Everyone here gets it anyway. I could have had any drug I wanted at age 15. The people who do want, get.

The thing about drinking is the fraternity culture here. 18 year olds get to college and want to enjoy their newfound "freedom" by getting smashed. But the 18 year olds can't buy their own alcohol, so the fraternities conveniently hold keggers every weekend. A lot of them are date rape central. Some frats won't even let guys in who aren't brothers (or who don't come with several girls) (or girls who aren't dressed "well" enough!), because the point of the party is to get a room full of drunk "hot" girls. The brothers control the alcohol and some of them also have other drugs like GHB.

This isn't every fraternity but almost every university with a Greek culture to speak of has a terribly sketchy one or two that operate(s) the way I've described.

Yeah... this was exactly the theory behind the lowering of the drinking age here. To cultivate a more civilised drinking culture like they have in Europe, where teenagers can have a glass of wine with their parents, instead of the 'get smashed and go crazy' binge-drinking culture we had as soon as everyone got out of high school.

Unfortunately all that happened was that the lower end of young binge-drinking got lower. Instead of kids starting to get completely wasted at 18 when their 20-year-old friends could get their hands on alcohol, now it's 14, 15 and 16-year-olds getting out of their minds. Part of the problem is that there are 18-year-olds in high school, so it's not just college kids who have easy access to alcohol through older friends. The demographic reach is much wider. Now kids are accustomed to binge-drinking from their mid-teens. Alcohol is available to every university student in student bars. It has done absolutely nothing to curb the binging culture and associated date rape/straight out rape/violent crime, in fact it is now worse.

It was a great idea in theory; in practice, a total disaster.

[Agota]

I also tend to agree with Billy that many women in our age bracket (I'm 22) only get involved with total douche bags and don't notice decent guys. Many girls never grow out of "chasing bad boys who treat you like ♥♥♥♥" stage

Anyway, I suggest you to try to question the validity of judging the whole group from the behavior of the members of that group you meet in certain situations. Let's say, imagine, if you are white and you live in some ghetto where all black people are either drugs dealers, pimps or prostitutes, what impression you'd have about black people? However, would the assumption that all black people are criminals be correct? Obviously not. The same way, if you only go to places that attract guys that are total morons, you will get an impression that all of them are morons, but that assumption will be generally incorrect.

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by Agota

I think that you're not a lesbian if you're physically attracted to men. Are you physically attracted to women? If yes, that would make you a bisexual, which is what most women are.

I certainly would hesitate to call "most" women bisexual. I think there are a lot of women with bisexual leanings, but I wouldn't say it's "most" women, and I wouldn't directly call a lot of those who have some attraction to women "bisexual" either, because it's not 50/50.

And back to the OP...

You are clearly not a lesbian from the way you described yourself. If you were a lesbian you'd be attracted to women and not men. The fact that you're sexually attracted to men means you're pretty straight .

This doesn't mean you can't pursue some sort of relationship with a woman. Unless you're sexually attracted to women, I doubt you'll really want a sexual relationship with a woman though. Perhaps look into finding an asexual partner, as you suggested, because there are quite a few asexual people around who do drift into romantic relationships, some of whom have sex (to please their partners generally) and some who find other asexuals to have relationships with (or enter sexually open relationships that allows their partner to have other sexual partners).

There are a lot of options, but I would suggest you don't write men off entirely. I think you've been around a lot of the wrong type of guy, I really do. I have met some guys who adore women and remain steadfastly attached to their female partner, to the point where they barely even look at other women. They never refer to women using demeaning language, or approach them only for sex, either.

As Le Roi said, I think you have a lot of limiting beliefs surrounding men. I do understand where you're coming from here, because depending on the circles you mix in, you can end up seeing so many guys who are just awful jerks, that you end up thinking all men are the same, or the ones who aren't are just so few and far between you're never going to meet one!

I think maybe your age could be a factor too. I think in younger circles more guys act like jerks to fit in with their peer group . I also think most decent guys are quite hesitant to approach really attractive women, because they're afraid of being turned down or humiliated. I would say that you probably project an air that would keep most guys away too, because of your attitude towards them. Given this, you're probably only approached by overconfident jerks who are out for one thing only, rather than nice guys who could be potential relationship material.

I think you need to consider alternate places to meet guys. If you're meeting guys in clubs and bars, you're more likely to meet guys who just want to pick up a hot girl for sex. If you meet guys who are interested in volunteer work, or environmental groups, or various other types of hobby groups, you may meet a different sort of man.

[Agota]

You're right on bisexual women, Votoshka. I got this impression in my late teens and never analysed it. I gave it a thought now and I'm wrong. My bad

[JSB]

Originally Posted by MightySunTzu

I believe the correlation with womanizing here is more about being a douche than having a strong libido. You can have a high sex drive and still have good character... since regardless of how exciting sex is to a man he still has a choice in how integrously he will conduct himself.

Yes, you are right about character. I wasn't mentioning this to excuse the dishonest behavior, just to point out the source of the drive. There are many men who don't have to suffer a moral dilemma simply because they are not driven to cheat, and others may have an exceptionally high libido but consciously decide to stay faithful.

[BillyTheAdult]

Originally Posted by Agota

You're right on bisexual women, Votoshka. I got this impression in my late teens and never analysed it. I gave it a thought now and I'm wrong. My bad

I agree about the most women are bi thing. I've heard this assertion made many times before and I always thought it was bs. On a mostly unrelated note I think this whole idea that humans were never meant to be monogamous and committed relationships don't work is also bs.

I have thought about making a thread to this extent before and was never quite sure how to phrase it to convey my idea correctly (and this is to the open forum as the OP seems to have disappeared) I think big part of the reason I would not approach a woman in public is not so much the fear of humiliation but more that it seems pointless. It's like there is not the fear that she will bring me down, but more the knowledge that there will be a refusal to come up with me. Not just this thread, but numerous threads as of late really highlight the idea (I don't want to say fact) that many if not most women have, to varying degrees, a deep seated fear and distrust of men in general and often tend to take it out on whoever makes an attempt to become close with them. I am merely acting in accordance with the context of the situation which is, many women are too apprehensive about men to really ever be open to one.

There are many examples of this but any one stated by itself will just sound silly. Thing is though the more I work out my own issues, the more I see this clearly. My coworkers who are all female (except one, 2 guys including me and 14 girls) make fun of me for being more attracted to smart women who physically look like real people instead of the mtv type. They think I'm weird because I think words like ♥♥♥♥♥ are demeaning but I still have to accept the stigma of being a man (from many not all) and being "bad" for having sexual desire.

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by Indiana

Yeah... this was exactly the theory behind the lowering of the drinking age here. To cultivate a more civilised drinking culture like they have in Europe, where teenagers can have a glass of wine with their parents, instead of the 'get smashed and go crazy' binge-drinking culture we had as soon as everyone got out of high school.

Unfortunately all that happened was that the lower end of young binge-drinking got lower. Instead of kids starting to get completely wasted at 18 when their 20-year-old friends could get their hands on alcohol, now it's 14, 15 and 16-year-olds getting out of their minds. Part of the problem is that there are 18-year-olds in high school, so it's not just college kids who have easy access to alcohol through older friends. The demographic reach is much wider. Now kids are accustomed to binge-drinking from their mid-teens. Alcohol is available to every university student in student bars. It has done absolutely nothing to curb the binging culture and associated date rape/straight out rape/violent crime, in fact it is now worse.

It was a great idea in theory; in practice, a total disaster.

Really? I thought fraternity culture was a particularly American thing.

Perhaps once the binge drinking culture is established, it's really hard to shake.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by BillyTheAdult

I have thought about making a thread to this extent before and was never quite sure how to phrase it to convey my idea correctly (and this is to the open forum as the OP seems to have disappeared) I think big part of the reason I would not approach a woman in public is not so much the fear of humiliation but more that it seems pointless. It's like there is not the fear that she will bring me down, but more the knowledge that there will be a refusal to come up with me. Not just this thread, but numerous threads as of late really highlight the idea (I don't want to say fact) that many if not most women have, to varying degrees, a deep seated fear and distrust of men in general and often tend to take it out on whoever makes an attempt to become close with them. I am merely acting in accordance with the context of the situation which is, many women are too apprehensive about men to really ever be open to one.

Given that the majority of women in the world have, at one time, been either raped viciously, or sexually assaulted to a less violent degree, is it really any wonder they have a deep mistrust of men?

Of course it's not fair for the guys that actually are decent and won't be given a chance because the last several guys were absolute douches that caused so much damage to the girl she has shut herself off to anyone else. It's not easy to work past neg experiences from the past and see someone for who they are without being tainted by past unfortunate experiences.

I think it's fair to say that most people, men and women have had several relationships by the time they are 25, and that once they have experienced the amount of pain and damage that can come from destructive relationships, they are less likely to enter into another one for a long time.

This society seems to be full of near reclusive singles who are no longer willing to take a risk with love as it seems to always end up a disaster.

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by Criseyde

Really? I thought fraternity culture was a particularly American thing.

Perhaps once the binge drinking culture is established, it's really hard to shake.

Well we don't have fraternity culture in Australia, but the binge drinking culture still certainly applies! It's just in pubs/bars/clubs/parties etc. etc. Uni students getting drunk on a regular basis occurs everywhere.

What I found funny going to the US was people of 20 acting like 17 year olds (in Australia where the drinking age is 18) and making fake ID's and stuff to get alcohol. It was weird for me as I was a few months shy of 21 when I was in the US and suddenly I was underage, which was weird given that I was 2.5 years past the legal age, and was kind of "over" the regular partying etc.

I reached the conclusion that a drinking age of 21 really doesn't help much, as older people of 19 or 20 just seem to act in a less mature fashion (if that makes sense) because they haven't had legal access to alcohol.

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by votoshka

Well we don't have fraternity culture in Australia, but the binge drinking culture still certainly applies! It's just in pubs/bars/clubs/parties etc. etc. Uni students getting drunk on a regular basis occurs everywhere.

Well, I think the frat culture is a special case. There's nothing good about 19-22 year old boys basically controlling the access of 18 year old girls to alcohol. I DO still think things would improve if girls could get it themselves -- I don't think anybody who hasn't seen it really understands what it's like. I went to two of those and then decided not to go any more because it was truly stressful and scary, and I was going in groups with friends (for the record, I did start going to bars when I turned 21, and I never felt that way about the bars). All you had to do was set your drink down. I heard of so many girls getting drugged and just 'disappearing' for the night, especially first years. Their friends would search for them all over and eventually give up -- trying to find someone in one of those places is truly a needle-in-a-haystack undertaking, and I'm sure they would drunkenly rationalize it as "she must have gotten tired and gone home herself." It would either be that or call the police, and nobody is going to call the police at a party like that, because most everyone there was underage and they'd all be arrested if the police showed up.

AND, the PJ they served was hellaciously strong. I remember being a sloppy mess after one cup of it. I wasn't expecting that at all, naive little me.

They aren't all like that, but enough are...

[GaryMichaels]

It sounds like you might be bi curious and if you are there is nothing wrong with that. I have friends that are lesbians and bisexuals and it’s definitely not uncommon. If you really think you are a lesbian though my advice would be to experiment with a woman. My wife thought she might have been one for a while but after trying she quickly discovered she wasn’t and got freaked out.

[SkylightMT]

Originally Posted by RonSouther

With two women, the opposites are not there and you won't hit the peak of life with a woman as you can with a man.

You mean men like this one, right?

Being bisexual, my perspective is the exact opposite. I can connect more fully with another woman than with another man. There are experiences I share with women that a man can never experience, and men have experiences that we as women can never experience. Those differences, plus culturally-learned differences, result in a limited ability to fully connect, in my opinion.

You can hit the "peak" of life with the right person. Gender doesn't really matter much as far as that goes.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by JSB

Part of it is maturity and part of it is testosterone levels. (Ever wonder why so many successful politicians and pwerful men are serial womanizers who cheat on their wives? The same thing that drives them to dominance, acheivement and success also gives them very strong libidos.)
.

Or women are easily attracted by their success and power.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Jillfisher

Although I have been showered with gifts from men, I understand that the only reason they want me is for my looks. I know that for a fact because I am often exposed to their rants and ridicule of “ugly” women (aka. Average/not perfect barbies).

You haven't been meeting men. Just hanging out with juvenile, immature, adolescent males.

Those acquaintances of yours are somewhat older versions of the boys in the playground who make fun of Tom's big nose or Jill's fat arse or Dick's name.

[rawxstasy]

Originally Posted by BillyTheAdult

many if not most women have, to varying degrees, a deep seated fear and distrust of men in general and often tend to take it out on whoever makes an attempt to become close with them. I am merely acting in accordance with the context of the situation which is, many women are too apprehensive about men to really ever be open to one.

Women do have their guard up for the most part. Most women on a daily basis have to put with men checking them out, possibly being approached and we don't know if you are a potential rapist or serial killer.

Depending on where I am, if some random guy just came up to me and started talking to me, I'd have my guard up. Probably a better way to meet women is by joining up with a group - whatever hobbies interest you. Book club, hiking etc. I know I would be more open to connecting with a guy who had an interest in common with me.

All the time, I also see men who appear to have "given up" on women which is sad. Keep trying- you will meet someone.

My .02