Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

heavenly · 12-12-2011, 11:17 PM

Hi I came here to help my positivity in my relationship.. sometimes I run out of steam and need a pick up.. my cat passed away today she was 17.. so it was a sad day. My mum an mother in law passed away this year and my dad is fighting his throat cancer.. my marriage is recovering after my affair was discovered 4 months ago of which I was ending anyway.. please be gentle with me I am trying to stay positive..my poor husband is extremely cynical about my commitment to the marriage. Not a good day shall we say..

MOD NOTE: heavenly, I have moved your post to its own thread as I don't feel you will get any help or answers leaving it buried in another thread which is about someone else's issues.

RonSouther · 12-13-2011, 12:35 AM

True deep love creates an automatic commitment that keeps you coming back for more.

Without it, then commitment is an act of repression leading to misery.

It's not a decision to be happy with the one you share a life with. It's a byproduct of a natural harmony between the two of you. If it's not there, you can't be happy and you can't decide to ignore the voids and you can't ignore others you meet that seem to fill those voids.

That much I think you've already experienced so I'm not saying anything to be believed.

Marriage is an illusion. It's just two people in the end. Affairs are an illusion too because again it's just two people. These ideas are beliefs. Marriage is a belief system that somehow taking vows can seal the hearts together. No. If the hearts are there for each other, no vows are needed because you aren't separable. If the hearts aren't there, then nothing your mouth says in the vows will carry any force in your life.

Look inside and see if you really love your husband. If you don't, begin the difficult process of unravelling this misfortune. You don't owe your ability to be joyful in life to anyone to keep them happy at your expense. You're not anyone's property. Life isn't logical and you can't decide to be happy. You can simply learn to recognize what is by nature and not fight it.

veragarcia · 12-20-2011, 05:40 AM

You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.

12-12-2011, 11:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
heavenly Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 1	Keeping Myself Positive Hi I came here to help my positivity in my relationship.. sometimes I run out of steam and need a pick up.. my cat passed away today she was 17.. so it was a sad day. My mum an mother in law passed away this year and my dad is fighting his throat cancer.. my marriage is recovering after my affair was discovered 4 months ago of which I was ending anyway.. please be gentle with me I am trying to stay positive..my poor husband is extremely cynical about my commitment to the marriage. Not a good day shall we say.. MOD NOTE: heavenly, I have moved your post to its own thread as I don't feel you will get any help or answers leaving it buried in another thread which is about someone else's issues. Last edited by heavenly; 12-12-2011 at 11:19 PM.

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12-13-2011, 12:35 AM	#2 (permalink)
RonSouther Family Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 1,400	True deep love creates an automatic commitment that keeps you coming back for more. Without it, then commitment is an act of repression leading to misery. It's not a decision to be happy with the one you share a life with. It's a byproduct of a natural harmony between the two of you. If it's not there, you can't be happy and you can't decide to ignore the voids and you can't ignore others you meet that seem to fill those voids. That much I think you've already experienced so I'm not saying anything to be believed. Marriage is an illusion. It's just two people in the end. Affairs are an illusion too because again it's just two people. These ideas are beliefs. Marriage is a belief system that somehow taking vows can seal the hearts together. No. If the hearts are there for each other, no vows are needed because you aren't separable. If the hearts aren't there, then nothing your mouth says in the vows will carry any force in your life. Look inside and see if you really love your husband. If you don't, begin the difficult process of unravelling this misfortune. You don't owe your ability to be joyful in life to anyone to keep them happy at your expense. You're not anyone's property. Life isn't logical and you can't decide to be happy. You can simply learn to recognize what is by nature and not fight it.

12-20-2011, 05:40 AM	#3 (permalink)
veragarcia Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 9	You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums