Masochist/sexual abuse;

[meggarz]

I've had failed relationships, I gravitate towards abusive men, I had a sexually abusive father so I know the way I feel stems from my past. My problem is, I don't really see it as a problem, I don't think I'll be able to change, but sexually I enjoy it rough. I enjoy to be choked, slapped, degraded, etc. I have weird fantasies, not that I'd say them here as I don't want to offend anyone but how would I be able to have a normal relationship because of how I feel? Now I'm a single parent with an infant, I came out of a 4 year abusive relationship so of course I've put her first since having her, I won't put up with a man that could harm me or my daughter now as I have tolerated it in the past on myself. I don't know if it would be wise of me if I found a man that's like this only in the bedroom, plus I'm not even sure how I could just bring this up to a guy without scaring him off. Is this something I need to work on? Can someone have a loving relationship but in the bedroom it's not? A normal relationship?

[nothuman]

I think it's all fair game and no rules apply. Totally your call if this is what you choose to experience.
In life we may wish to experience all number of things in order for them to play out physically so as we can move beyond them. Some are socially acceptable and some are not. But that matters not one iota if you need to dramatize them.
Having said that, acceptance springs to mind. Once you accept yourself and your intent in this life it really does change the way you look at your self in terms of what you choose to pursue.
You may find that through the course of self acceptance that the need to dramatize rough sex diminishes. Maybe that need is tied up in wanting to punish yourself....who can say? Only you sweetie. All the best.

[BillyTheAdult]

I think liking it rough is really not uncommon. Plenty of normal, non-abusive guys will be fine with or even pleased that that's what you like.

[Albalida]

I think it's possible, too. It might be difficult, with the jade-colored glasses you've earned, but totally possible to keep the kinky stuff to the bedroom only. This post reminded me of this article: "How Violent Sex Helped Ease My PTSD" by Mac McClelland

See, at the end, the guy obviously still respects her. They both agreed to construct a scenario where she would fight him on this. The only thing missing in mention, regrettably, was the safe word-- a word that either person can say at any time to halt the scene, when they feel things are getting too rough. That word is the most obvious manifestation of the underlying consent, a consent that (word or no-- a good dom would still be aware in case their sub isn't saying the safe word when they should stop, say if the sub just freezes up in fear or forgets or just don't know their own limits) absolutely must always be respected. Hope this helps!

[The David]

Would the average guy feel guilty for re-enacting the role of "abusive father"? I know a lot of guys are into BDSM, but how many would be uncomfortable after finding out the reason she's into this? I would feel a little weird, but I am a little weird.

Maybe if you brought it up before talking about your past, it would turn out better. Once you've slept with a guy, it seems like fantasy is fair game. Dark secrets, maybe not so much.

I definitely know this isn't uncommon, though, and a lot of people into BDSM and rough sex were probably abused.

[ssandra]

It is possible. I am living proof

My husband is "abusive" in certain situations. And it is all good with me. Because we mutually agreed upon that, and when it is enough and I say stop, he stops.

The trick is to find someone who can respect you and love you for who you are, and still do all those wonderful nasty things with/to you