I feel that if I can just think faster....

[quiethumir]

This has been an issue for me my whole life. It got better after i got a healthier level of self esteem, but sometimes I'm not responsive to some of what other people say.

I've always debated in my head that if I'm just a slow thinker, or is my self-confidence just not good enough, or do i just need more social experience. I've improved my self-confidence since last year, my social interactions improved, but it's not where I want it to be. Sometimes I don't come up with witty responses, I accept that, but at the same time I want to be more witty, and funny. I just want to be more outgoing. I'm not saying that I hate myself right now, I just want to get more results and enjoyment out of life. I can say that I'm happy right now, but I want to improve the quality of my life.

I'm thinking about seeing a psychologist to test me on my cognitive ability and language ability. Language is another thing that I want to improve. I want to be able to express myself without stumbling over my words.

So the thing that I want to get down to is are all these "issues" merely caused by limiting beliefs, or is there really something going on in my brain. Who do I talk to to determine that? If I talk to a coach who specializes in spirituality and mind and potential, he might not be able to assess my cognitive ability. If I talk to a psychologist, he might not be able to assess about my deeply rooted limiting beliefs.

Does anyone have any insights on which direction I can take. Thanks

[Eduard E]

I'm gonna take an educated guess here and say that you only lack in cognitive or verbal skills during social interactions because of anxiety. Anxiety shuts part of your brain down. If you feel calm and centered, you'd be amazed how smart, witty and funny you truly are.

[Lynn 007]

Hi Quiethumir

at the same time I want to be more witty, and funny

.

Personally I would save my money and not spend it on a psychologist (no offense to the profession) but I would use that money and take an improv class.

I'm not sure where you're writing from but Second City has great classes; along with local theatre groups or community colleges Look up comedy improv or theatresports in your area.

Being forced into an environment where you need to think on your feet will improve this skill and also give you a chance to meet new people who are trying to improve the same thing.

Have fun.

[The Cloud]

I'd say that even if you have a cognitive limitation, your self-imposed limitations are likely much greater. It's tempting to believe you have some disorder that sets you apart from most of the other people that suck at the same things you suck at, but self-diagnosis like that tend to be both inaccurate and unhelpful.

[quiethumir]

Originally Posted by Eduard E

I'm gonna take an educated guess here and say that you only lack in cognitive or verbal skills during social interactions because of anxiety. Anxiety shuts part of your brain down. If you feel calm and centered, you'd be amazed how smart, witty and funny you truly are.

Thanks, Eduard. I hope it's just anxiety. Less stuff to work on.

Originally Posted by Lynn 007

Hi Quiethumir

.

Personally I would save my money and not spend it on a psychologist (no offense to the profession) but I would use that money and take an improv class.

I'm not sure where you're writing from but Second City has great classes; along with local theatre groups or community colleges Look up comedy improv or theatresports in your area.

Being forced into an environment where you need to think on your feet will improve this skill and also give you a chance to meet new people who are trying to improve the same thing.


Have fun.

Thanks for the suggestion Lynn. I'm sure that will help.

Originally Posted by The Cloud

I'd say that even if you have a cognitive limitation, your self-imposed limitations are likely much greater. It's tempting to believe you have some disorder that sets you apart from most of the other people that suck at the same things you suck at, but self-diagnosis like that tend to be both inaccurate and unhelpful.

What did you mean by this, Cloud?

[wstein]

Inner silence (or inner stillness) allow one to respond much faster, all that mind chatter slows your mind down.

As to your actual situation, try waiting for the moment rather than trying to ‘make’ yourself witty and funny. A lot of humor is timing.

[Brutha]

So the thing that I want to get down to is are all these "issues" merely caused by limiting beliefs, or is there really something going on in my brain. Who do I talk to to determine that?

That's a very very bad goal.
You goal should be to improve your social abilities instead of finding better excuses.

Go to an improv class. Attend it weekly for 1-2 years and you solve your problem of coming up with things on the fly.
Yes, it's hard work.

[kat]

Originally Posted by quiethumir

This has been an issue for me my whole life. It got better after i got a healthier level of self esteem, but sometimes I'm not responsive to some of what other people say.

I've always debated in my head that if I'm just a slow thinker, or is my self-confidence just not good enough, or do i just need more social experience. I've improved my self-confidence since last year, my social interactions improved, but it's not where I want it to be. Sometimes I don't come up with witty responses, I accept that, but at the same time I want to be more witty, and funny. I just want to be more outgoing. I'm not saying that I hate myself right now, I just want to get more results and enjoyment out of life. I can say that I'm happy right now, but I want to improve the quality of my life.

I'm thinking about seeing a psychologist to test me on my cognitive ability and language ability. Language is another thing that I want to improve. I want to be able to express myself without stumbling over my words.

So the thing that I want to get down to is are all these "issues" merely caused by limiting beliefs, or is there really something going on in my brain. Who do I talk to to determine that? If I talk to a coach who specializes in spirituality and mind and potential, he might not be able to assess my cognitive ability. If I talk to a psychologist, he might not be able to assess about my deeply rooted limiting beliefs.

Does anyone have any insights on which direction I can take. Thanks

Look at your own post. You write clear, eloquent, correct English. It's blindingly obvious that you have above-average cognitive and language ability.

I second the suggestions that you spend a while on improv. Get out, have new experiences, and build up your confidence, self-esteem, and interaction skills through that. And chill out - no one is always responsive and witty.

Some people are 'quicker' with jokes/responses in social situations than others. If it's something you value, work on it (improv is a good idea); if it's something you don't care about much in others, well, plenty of people are quite popular while rarely having a witticism on the tip of their tongues.

[cheesedip1]

I think my problem is, (I'm very intelligent) sometimes I need help putting what's in my mind, into words. Trying to explain exactly what im thinking.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by quiethumir

What did you mean by this, Cloud?

There are TONS of people out there that aren't as funny, confident, articulate, or outgoing as they want to be. It's really common for people in that state who have tried repeatedly to resolve their issues with lackluster results to begin to believe there must be something actually wrong with them preventing success.

I've been there myself, and I've seen other people with nothing really wrong with them go there. It's really tempting to chalk it up to a disorder in order to have a tangible reason for failure, when in reality your failure is probably because you set yourself up to fail with what you're trying to achieve and the way you're trying to achieve it.

When you set the wrong kind of goals, you can't help but fail, especially if you're not clear on the real reasons behind your goals and the real methods behind your means. In all likelihood, your greatest barrier is lack of clarity rather than improper brain chemistry.

[bunnyman]

Originally Posted by Lynn 007

I would use that money and take an improv class.

+1

And it's fun, too!

Funny thing is, one problem people can have in improv is talking too fast. They want to show off how quick and funny they are, so the stage ends up being a group of people talking at each other, interrupting, and not listening to each other.

Slowing down and listening is a good thing.

[anxiousdre]

Originally Posted by Eduard E

Anxiety shuts part of your brain down. If you feel calm and centered, you'd be amazed how smart, witty and funny you truly are.

The story of my life.

I'm done lying to myself, how do I fix this? I want to start living and stop worrying.

I can't force myself to be calm and centered because then I shift my focus from being anxious to trying to consciously stop it by being aware of it. How do I just live in the moment?

I'm rarely calm and centered around other people, I feel too internalized. Stuck in my head, thinking, analyzing, worrying all the damn time.

Call it a mild form of social anxiety, whatever, this needs to stop it's hurting my life, holding me back.

[reekah]

Originally Posted by quiethumir

This has been an issue for me my whole life. It got better after i got a healthier level of self esteem, but sometimes I'm not responsive to some of what other people say.

I've always debated in my head that if I'm just a slow thinker, or is my self-confidence just not good enough, or do i just need more social experience. I've improved my self-confidence since last year, my social interactions improved, but it's not where I want it to be. Sometimes I don't come up with witty responses, I accept that, but at the same time I want to be more witty, and funny. I just want to be more outgoing. I'm not saying that I hate myself right now, I just want to get more results and enjoyment out of life. I can say that I'm happy right now, but I want to improve the quality of my life.

I'm thinking about seeing a psychologist to test me on my cognitive ability and language ability. Language is another thing that I want to improve. I want to be able to express myself without stumbling over my words.

So the thing that I want to get down to is are all these "issues" merely caused by limiting beliefs, or is there really something going on in my brain. Who do I talk to to determine that? If I talk to a coach who specializes in spirituality and mind and potential, he might not be able to assess my cognitive ability. If I talk to a psychologist, he might not be able to assess about my deeply rooted limiting beliefs.

Does anyone have any insights on which direction I can take. Thanks

Accept it as is.

[anxiousdre]

Originally Posted by reekah

Accept it as is.

Wrong. Don't accept it.

Listen, quiethumir, you're problem seems to stem from a minor form of anxiety. I am almost certain that your language and cognitive abilities far exceed the minimum requirements needed to have positive social interactions.

Sounds like your over analyzing/overthinking what your problem is and trying to find the wrong solution to your problem. Don't waste your money on spiritual coaches or psychologists, you have the tools within you to achieve what you want. I guarantee you.

Increase your comfort level so that it will eventually encompass the things you seek to accomplish. This means facing your fears. You're mind is cluttered with anxious and unnecessary thoughts which is why you feel like you're a slow thinker which is in turn hurting your self-confidence.

You want to stop stumbling over your words when expressing yourself? Start expressing yourself on a daily basis at every given opportunity. You want to be more outgoing? Start talking to strangers every opportunity you get. Do something that scares you every single day. It will seem like a daunting task at first, but with time it will become second nature and before you know it, you will be a confident outgoing individual who can accurately and articulately express his thoughts to others.

[JDuff]

Hey. I think being witty or funny involves two things. Firstly, it involves a background, i.e. reading jokes, making jokes, trying them out on people, watching comedies and comedians, all that kinda stuff.
Secondly, it just takes picking the right moment to say them. If you are saying them for the benefit of other people, so they gain enjoyment, then maybe you will not feel quite as anxious or self-conscious.

What you seem to describe is the classic Sartrean idea of being reduced to an object. I tend to feel self-conscious when I imagine myself as an object in the mind of another person. Tricks to get out of this mindset involve thinking that you are acting for another person's benefit, or focusing on the attributes of others rather than yourself. There is not a lot worse than imagining being another person looking at you, and possibly finding something negative. For me, the key is to solely have the best interests of the other individuals at heart. That way, I have always done my best.

[quiethumir]

Originally Posted by anxiousdre

Wrong. Don't accept it.

Listen, quiethumir, you're problem seems to stem from a minor form of anxiety. I am almost certain that your language and cognitive abilities far exceed the minimum requirements needed to have positive social interactions.

Sounds like your over analyzing/overthinking what your problem is and trying to find the wrong solution to your problem. Don't waste your money on spiritual coaches or psychologists, you have the tools within you to achieve what you want. I guarantee you.

Increase your comfort level so that it will eventually encompass the things you seek to accomplish. This means facing your fears. You're mind is cluttered with anxious and unnecessary thoughts which is why you feel like you're a slow thinker which is in turn hurting your self-confidence.

You want to stop stumbling over your words when expressing yourself? Start expressing yourself on a daily basis at every given opportunity. You want to be more outgoing? Start talking to strangers every opportunity you get. Do something that scares you every single day. It will seem like a daunting task at first, but with time it will become second nature and before you know it, you will be a confident outgoing individual who can accurately and articulately express his thoughts to others.

Thanks so much for this. I feel this will help me if I take action =D

Thanks guys for all the suggestions. Brutha, Cloud, kat, bunnyman, anxiousdre and Jduff. I appreciate it a lot