|12-09-2011, 04:17 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Lexigton, South Carolina
A Sticky Situation
My boyfriend and I have been together two months. I am an out gay man, and he is not. This tends to lead to me feeling neglected and ignored in public, even when we are together. How do I bring the subject about how I feel up to him without causing a fight?
Last edited by Taytertot; 12-09-2011 at 05:00 PM.
|12-09-2011, 07:34 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2011
for your own freedom of self-expression, i'd say a good idea might be to bring it up at a relaxed moment, and frame it with *I* statements, as opposed to even remotely coming across as accusatory. be conscious, try to be informational rather than emotional, and keep the 'hurt feelings' from creeping into your tone of voice.... something along the lines of, "i understand your situation, but i have to admit it does frustrate me when we're out together".
having said that - do keep in mind that you knew about this, and made the choice to enter into it with the guy anyway. So while it's important that you're able to freely express yourself within the relationship, and for him to understand your feelings - the onus isn't really on him to change to suit you. You can communicate your feelings, but getting it off your chest isn't necessarily going to change anything. You'll have to either accept it, and decide that public acknowledgment isn't necessarily an indication of the true private relationship between the two of you - or choose to leave the relationship.
cause that's the reality of being in a relationship with someone who's not out. It may not be OK with you that you have to deal with it, and that preference is perfectly valid. But - all you can do about that is make a choice; to be in the relationship with him as he is - or not. cause you can't change him, and (imho) nor should you attempt to. you already know ppl will come out only if & when they feel ready.
Last edited by AllTogetherNow; 12-09-2011 at 08:11 PM.
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