My girlfriend died about 2 years ago, and I’m still a mess over it.?

[Brettbouncer]

I still cry every day because of it. It’s horrible to say, but the pain wasn’t this bad when my father died. And I think it’s getting worse, not better. I don’t even know what kind of ‘help’ I’m asking for. I just feel so isolated and stupid, like no one can understand the effects this is having on me… or that they even notice. When I’m alone it’s a lot worse… too much time to think about it all. Now it’s affecting my work since I’ve been working from home recently. They might be understanding, who knows, but I couldn’t bring it up anyway and will just make up some other excuse. I also can’t bring myself to seek ‘professional’ help like a therapist or something. I’m not sure if it would help anyway and I don’t think I’d like talking to a stranger about it. I don’t really know what I’m asking for. I’m lost. I'm thinking about killing myself so I can be with her again. We were meant to be together forever and without her I'm nothing.

Most of my friends have abandoned me. I miss hear so much it tears at my insides and I don’t think there is a point of going on without her......I would only cause more pain to other people. I am 23 and if I were to go on that would mean so many more years of my life without her and I just don't think I can do it.I don't know what else to do to make the pain go away.

[auburn]

Hello Brettbouncer,

My boyfriend died over a year ago so, I feel for you. A few months before he passed, I told him I didn't know how or if I wanted to go on without him (we knew he was dying). He told me: ''You have a beautiful life. You will live your life. You have to because I cannot live and I would like to.''

Every time I thought about dying, I remembered my boyfriend's words. You were given a life to live it to the end. The near-dead and the dead want us to live. We all go to the same place in the end, I mean, to infinity and beyond. But while we're here, we have to do our best because we don't know how the story of our life ends. Your story is only beginning.

You know, getting to talk to someone about this is really helpful. Friends can't do it, they can't bear to see someone mourning over a long period. Talking to a stranger helps. After a while, the stranger is not a stranger anymore. It can be a psy or it can be a volunteer/therapist at a bereavement charity. When you talk about your feelings to someone who is not in your circle of friends, you free up some energy for something else in your life and for friends to come back to you. You move forward. The therapist can give you suggestions on how to free up space in yourself. It's specific to each person and there is not one recipe to do it.

When you say you cannot go on after 2 years and you cry every day, it means you need to express something about your loss and to come full circle. One thing I learned is that everybody's reaction to loss is different but if you were wounded by abandonment before in your life, it makes it harder to move forward.

It's difficult to do at first and you may feel like things will go backward sometimes but when you free up some space inside of you for your life, you will start to see beautiful things happening inside and around you, like magical things that just pop from seemingly nowhere.

[The Cloud]

Let me ask you this; are you willing to get over your girlfriend's death?

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Brettbouncer

We were meant to be together forever and without her I'm nothing.

Do you realize that this belief is extremely common with people who are co-dependant?

Is it really true that without her you are nothing? She is gone...are you really nothing right now...because if you were, you wouldn't even be able to express this thought...you'd be really nothing. You're not nothing...you're human...that's something.

Perhaps you may consider researching co-dependency on the net? I'm quite sure you would learn a few things, and maybe even decide to stick around and heal this side of you so you can have more healthy relationships in the future, where you can live without the person, and be secure in the knowledge that a partner can add something wonderful to your life, but you are still perfectly capable of having the same amount of contentment and success on your own...being a complete person in your own right!

Most of my friends have abandoned me. I miss hear so much it tears at my insides and I don’t think there is a point of going on without her......I would only cause more pain to other people. I am 23 and if I were to go on that would mean so many more years of my life without her and I just don't think I can do it.I don't know what else to do to make the pain go away.

Sorry to hear this.

Your friends may not know how to cope with you and how you are still grieving her after 2 years. I don't think it's something anyone can expect you to overcome in a time frame of their deciding, so it's ok to take as long as you need to grieve and feel into the pain so you can move past it!

[GaryMichaels]

I’m sorry to hear about your girlfriend mate.

I lost my first girlfriend when I was seventeen so I can relate. It’s not easy losing somebody you love and a lot of people around you won’t be able to understand how you are feeling but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. My old girlfriend and I were best friends from the day I was born and when I lost her it felt like I lost a part of myself. I tried to kill myself a few times and I did a bunch of other stupid things until I realised that was not the way she would have wanted me to live my life.

If your girlfriend truly loved you she would not want you to kill yourself nor would she want you to spend the rest of your life mourning over her death. She would want you to move on and be happy with yourself or possibly another partner somewhere down the road. I know this might sound hard to believe but trust me when I say it gets better with time. I am currently engaged to a woman I have been with for nearly seven years and when I look back at when I lost my first girlfriend I honestly never thought I could love another person as much as I loved her but I do.

I’m not suggesting you should start dating again because judging from your post that would not be the best thing for you right now. I had enormous difficulty when I tried dating again and I turned a few women down that asked me out because they were nothing like my first girlfriend. What you need is a good friend or possibly a psychiatrist if you don’t have anyone. One of most important things I learned from my Fiancée is you can’t keep your feelings locked inside or they will eat you up. You joining this forum shows that you want to talk about it and that is a step in the right direction.

You have to be strong and don’t go searching for answers at the bottom of a bottle because they are not there.

[Moriarty]

It's called grief. There's no time limit on how each of us handles grief. Ive been there to and after 4yrs, am now feeling human again, even though I moved on into a new relationship a few yrs ago. Its been a struggle...grief does that!

When you love someone that deeply...when your so close to another..when you plan your life around that one you love...when you lose that dream, then your world collapses into an abyss. You need time to climb out of that dark place again..to feel sane...to feel you have good reason to keep living.

I DO suggest you find yourself a grief counsellor to talk to. Even if its only to vent your pent-up feelings. Its extremely important that you get that support right now and theres no shame or hard work in that. I know you are going to feel a whole lot better for having someone to listen to your feelings. If you dont, then your grief will eventually turn into chronic depression and thats a whole new ball-game.

Even though it will hurt to start to see life in a new and better way....even though you feel frozen and not able to move forward...even though its all just too hard to deal with right now...its well worth the effort. Once you take that first step to seeing life from fresh eyes and heart, the healing process will begin.